Be My Reason

by Samantha Christy

  I lean over to place a gentle kiss on his tattoo when I feel his other hand running up my spine, leaving a line of sparks tracing up my body. I quickly pull away from his arm.

  “Morning, beautiful.” He leans up to kiss me, shaking his head because he caught me staring. Again.

  “Morning yourself.” I smile down at him, guiltily wrinkling my nose.

  “What is it, baby?” he asks, taking a piece of my hair and twisting it in his fingers.

  “I was wondering about your tattoo,” I say sheepishly. “When you got it, did you . . . um . . . did you want to die?”

  He takes a deep breath and lets it out while his eyes burn into mine. His hand comes up to run through his already messy morning hair and he bites down on his lip in contemplation. “No, Brooklyn. I didn’t want to die.” He turns us so that he is spooning me from behind. He is running his hand up and down my arm. “I was not in a very good place. I had just lost baseball and of course I had found out my marriage was a farce. Add all that to what happened with my mom and I was majorly screwed up.”

  He kisses my hair before he continues. “I never should have married her. In the beginning, when we first met, she seemed to be the perfect girl. She liked what I liked. She went out of her way to make me happy. She was full of kindness and compassion. All of that changed in the months after we got married. It was all an act to reel me in. Hell, I didn’t even know that she didn’t want kids until after we were married.”

  He wants kids? So many questions are running through my head but I try to remain still and quiet as this seems to be the best tack to take when he is in the mood to share information.

  “My mom . . . she also went out of her way to make me happy. On the outside, she was the perfect mother. It was all an act as well.” I can feel him shake his head and sigh into my back. “Fucked up by two women. Apparently that is why I went rogue.”

  I decide to chime in on his revelations. “You have quite the rare insight into yourself.”

  “I should,” he admits. “I pay a goddamn fortune to my shrink.”

  Oh, this is news. On the one hand, it surprises me that Nate would see a therapist. He seems like the kind of guy who would never go to another person with his problems. But then again, I’m relieved to know that he did. I wonder if that is why he stopped sleeping around. It explains why he seems so different than he was a few years ago in Raleigh. He doesn’t have as much anger in his eyes.

  “Surprised?” he asks me.

  I nod my head. “How long have you been seeing a therapist?”

  “On and off for a couple of years. I knew after you came to Raleigh that I had to do something to get my head straight.” He laughs silently. “The thing is, I went to try to get you out of my head, but all it did was make me want you more.”

  “Why?” I stretch a look over my shoulder at him.

  “Because once I got Claudia out of my system, and out of my mind, I realized that there couldn’t be anyone else for me but you. No matter how much I tried to find someone else, I couldn’t. And my shrink wouldn’t let me break my promise not to contact you. You know what they say about absence, right?” He kisses my forehead.

  “Well, I guess I need to meet him and thank him,” I tease.

  “I already have.” He laughs. “Thanked him, I mean. I called him last week and told him the news.”

  “Oh? And what did he say?”

  “The usual. Do you make me happy? How do I feel about it? You know, shrink crap.” He sighs. “Then he went off on me about my mom again.”

  “Why would he do that?” I ask.

  His body tenses up behind me. “Because she still lives here and he thinks I should see her.”

  I whip my body around and sit up. “She lives here . . . in Savannah?”

  He nods his head. “She still sends me birthday and Christmas cards every year and the return address is here in Savannah.”

  “What does she say? In the cards she sends you.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  “I don’t know.” He looks down at his hands. “I throw them away without reading them.”

  “Don’t you think she might be trying to apologize to you? To let you know she still loves you?” I ask.

  “Of course that is what they say.” He moves away from me, looking pissed. “My sister eats that stuff up, but I don’t. I don’t want to ever talk to that woman again.”

  “But she is still your mom. No matter what she did, I’m sure she still loves you,” I plead with him.

  “Don’t go there, Brooklyn,” he warns me. “I already have my sister and my shrink on my back. I don’t need you there, too.”

  I decide to drop it, not wanting to ruin what we shared last night by having an argument this morning. I scoot myself over to him and straddle his hips. “Okay, how about if I’m on your front then?” I tease.

  I see the tension drain from his face as he stares at my naked body. “God, I love you.” He runs his hands up my rib cage to my breasts and puts one in each hand, studying them with his head cocked to the side. Then he frowns and gets a bitter look on his face. “I hate the fact that Ryan has seen your tits.”

  I smile sweetly and put my hands on top of his. “What does it matter, babe? They belong to you now,” I say, hoping the use of the endearment will pull him out of his funk.

  He smiles half-heartedly. “I know what you’re doing . . . babe.” He winks at me and runs his fingers over my nipples, making me shudder as shock waves dance through my body.

  “And I love what you’re doing.” I watch him play with my breasts like a kid plays with a favorite toy.

  “Tell me about your business relationship with him.” His look is all serious and hardened.

  Okay, so no morning sex then. My goddess within frowns.

  I explain to him that I needed an investor to build my business. That, with the funds Ryan invested, I was able to purchase a second industrial oven, a catering van and hire additional help. I say that we’ve been able to expand our offerings at the bakery and take on larger catering jobs. I tell him that Ryan doesn’t have any creative control over the business, that he only has a say in the business end and that I still retain over half of the overall business in my name.

  I see the cogs working in his head as he processes the information I’m telling him. “So he controls when, where and how but not the what?”

  “I guess if you look at it that way. But it’s more detailed than that. He can’t close the bakery in the current location, if that is what you are asking. Emma owns the building and I lease directly from her. Our contract states that he can’t mess with my location. But he does have the authority to dictate other major business decisions should they arise.”

  “Hmmm.” He narrows his eyes at me and I realize that he still has his hands firmly on my breasts as if claiming them from Ryan.

  A knock on the bedroom door followed by a shriek of, “Girls’ Day!” brings our discussion to an end.

  “But I’m not done yet.” Nate kisses my breasts and then trails a line up my jaw to the sensitive place behind my ear. Then he whispers in my ear, “I’ll never be done with you.”

  My heart goes all gooey and soft hearing his words and feeling his hot breath brush over my ear. I want nothing more than to stay in bed and worship his body. Let him worship my body. I want to feel him inside me every minute of every day. I’m no longer a complete person without him. When I get up from this bed, part of me will stay with him and I can’t reclaim that bit of me until we are together again. I now understand what it means when people refer to their ‘other half’. He is, in fact, a part of me and I am a part of him. We fit together like a perfect puzzle that we can only solve together.

  “Are you okay?” He looks at with me concern as he wipes a tear that has fallen down my cheek.

  “I’m more than okay. I love you.” I lean down to kiss him.

  When we part, he simply says, “Me too, baby. Me too.”

  Chapter Twenty-three<
br />
  We are in Graham’s SUV, driving over to the River Street Seafood Fest on the other side of Savannah. I am so excited that I can share this little piece of the city with Nate. Although I know he is still worried that he might run into someone from high school. He is very quiet in the car, just staring out the window. I reach over and squeeze his hand and he gives me a small smile before turning away.

  I’m looking at the back of his messy-yet-perfect hair as I think about what Emma said yesterday.

  “Lyn, you know I’ve wanted the two of you together for years. But watch it with him. I think he has a huge issue with jealousy. Maybe it stems from his ex-wife cheating on him. He looked like he wanted to tackle Ryan every time the man was simply talking to you. And when Ryan put his arm around you to give you a hug, I thought Nate might have a freaking conniption.”

  She went on to remind me that he landed in urgent care after punching a guy who was talking to me at a bar. Well, that’s not exactly how it happened. The guy swung at Nate first. I assured her that Nate is fine and that he is only being territorial about our new relationship. The fact is, I do think he is a bit jealous of Ryan because of our business relationship. I would probably be jealous, too, if Nate had a gorgeous female partner.

  I scoot over so that I’m pressed up against Nate and I whisper in his ear, “Thank you so much for coming along.” I kiss his neck and lick his earlobe. “I will definitely show you my appreciation later.”

  I see the reflection of his slow smile in the car window. He turns towards me and pulls my face to his, our lips almost touching and he breathes into my mouth, “You better watch it or I might take you in the back of Graham’s SUV.” Then he pulls me into a kiss that has way too much tongue for public decency.

  “I heard that. Get a room before you ruin my custom upholstery.” Graham shakes his head laughing.

  “We’re here!” Emma squeals while bouncing in her seat.

  We exit the car and are bombarded with the sights, sounds and smells of the festival. People are everywhere, laughing, eating, drinking and dancing in the streets that are closed off with barricades. Tent stations are set up for each food vendor and the smell of seafood grilling and frying floats in the air.

  An hour into our afternoon, the sky turns dark and many patrons head for their vehicles. We, however, are troopers and are going to try to wait it out. As it starts raining, we all cram together under the small vendor tents. Bodies are mashing together all wet from rain and sweaty from heat. The music is still blaring over the huge speakers and I wonder how long it will be before they shut the whole festival down.

  Then I hear it—the song that played on the radio in Nate’s truck so long ago, right after I lost my virginity. Right before he left me. The Nickelback song, ‘Someday’, that had me refusing to listen to their songs for the past ten years.

  Nate stiffens behind me. He knows the significance of the song. He told me so after Raleigh. “Brooklyn . . .” he whispers in my ear. Then he grabs my hand, pulling me out into the rain in the middle of the abandoned street. We are getting soaked from head to toe.

  I look at him like he is crazy. I try to resist him pulling me. “Nate, what are you doing?” I yell over the sound of the music and the rain.

  “I’m dancing with my girlfriend!” he shouts, smiling at me while rivets of rain pour off his head. “I recall another time in the rain with you that didn’t work out so well. So I thought we could make a better memory for you.” He twirls me around him. “Plus, I really like Nickelback,” he says, winking at me.

  So while everyone else is huddling together under the tents, Nate and I are dancing in the rain. We dance to the entire song, our bodies pressed together, moving as one, never losing eye contact. We must look like idiots. But I don’t care. Right now, in this minute, it is only Nate and me. I am floored by the unexpected romanticism of this. How he keeps managing to reach into my chest and grab more pieces of my heart simply amazes me. This man, who longs to remain anonymous in this city, has publicly and quite conspicuously danced in front of half the population just to give me a good memory. I think tears are running down my face, but the rain masks them. I am overwhelmed by my love for this man.

  The music stops. I think they shut it all down, but I don’t care because Nate is kissing me in the rain. He is kissing me like I wanted him to that night in Raleigh. He is kissing me like it is our first and last kiss all wrapped into one. I’m lost in the sensation of his lips. It is the wettest, hottest, sexiest kiss I’ve ever experienced. I think we tell each other more with this one kiss than we did with our declarations of love the other night.

  I jump at the sound of thunder. But as we pull apart, I realize it is not thunder, but applause. Everyone under the tents has eyes on us and they are all clapping and cheering. I look over and see Emma and Graham both shaking their heads at us while joining the applause.

  Nate takes a bow. I hit him on the back of his very wet head which makes the crowd stop cheering and start laughing. He grabs my hand and motions for Graham and Emma to follow us and we all make a run for the car.

  Back at the apartment, I’m grateful that Graham and Emma went to visit with her parents because we didn’t even make it up the stairs without shedding some clothing. There is a trail of wet shorts, shirts and undergarments leading up the stairs and into our bedroom. Nate picks me up and my legs are wrapped around him as I feel his erection growing larger. We bump into random furniture trying to make our way to the bed when he gives up and sets me down on the dresser.

  “I have to taste you.” He stares into me, his blue eyes almost black with desire. “Now.” He spreads my legs apart slowly, his hands burning my skin everywhere he touches me.

  “Yes.” It is the only word I’m capable of saying. I’m still reeling from our dance in the rain. Still high from the incredible kiss that we shared in front of hundreds of people. Still shaking from the intensity of my feelings for him.

  He lowers to his knees and wraps my legs around his shoulders. I can’t pull my eyes away from him. I watch as he kisses my belly and teases my thighs. I’m burning with desire. I want to push his mouth where my body is begging for it to be. I don’t because I know that the anticipation will only heighten my sensation when he finally touches me there.

  His eyes look up to find me watching him. A slow smile spreads across his face. “Watch me make you come, Brooklyn.”

  I can’t help momentarily closing my eyes. That is the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. I look down at him as he finds my clit, rolling his tongue over it in circles. The sight of him pleasuring me is pushing me higher and faster than ever before. I reach out to grab the sides of the dresser, sending everything on top of it flying to the floor as I lash out. “God, Nate . . . yes!”

  He pushes a finger into my slick opening, and then adds another, crooking them upwards to find that spot that turns my body into liquid heat. Flashes of light cloud my vision as my insides tremble and quiver. Nate sucks my clit into his mouth and then flicks it with his tongue sending me crashing over the edge, pulsating around his fingers, my thighs squeezing his head as he draws every last wave out of me.

  He lifts me off the dresser, my body still trembling with aftershocks, and he places me on the bed. “You are so incredibly hot when you come.” He kisses around my neck, up to my ear and back to my lips. I can taste myself on him. It is strangely erotic. It reminds me of where he’s been and I suddenly feel the need to return the favor.

  I push him down on the bed and train my eyes on his hardness, absentmindedly licking my lips. I can see him smile. He knows what I’m about to do. His cock jumps in anticipation. I lean over and lick the head, swirling my tongue around the under, more sensitive side of his erection drawing out a deep, appreciative moan. I take his length into my mouth, running my hand up and down the base of him at the same time. My other hand reaches down to cup and stroke his balls.

  The next thing I know, I’m thrown onto my back and Nate is driving into me. “Jes
us . . . you were going to unman me before I could bury myself in you.”

  It is a heady feeling knowing that my mouth on him affects him just as much as when he has his mouth on me. He sets a steady pace and I lift my hips to meet him stroke for stroke. I’m slowly building again. But I want Nate to experience the earth-shattering pleasure that he gives me. “Nate, I want to be on top,” I whisper in his ear.

  “Yes,” he murmurs as he flips us around, staying inside me the entire time.

  I lean over him, dangling my breasts close to his face. He reaches out to grab them as I plant a slow, sensuous kiss on his lips. He works his tongue into my mouth and I suck on it, just as I was sucking on his manhood moments ago. He moans a hot breath into my mouth.

  I push myself up and arch my back, causing his length to sink deep inside me. He reaches down and puts his thumb on my clit, rubbing circles and sending pulses of shock waves through my body. I lock eyes with him and reach my hands up to caress my breasts. His eyes grow wild with desire as his hips buck and shift under me. I pinch and tug at my nipples, extracting moans from each of us.

  “Ahhhhhhhh,” he draws out. “I’m gonna come, baby.” He stills momentarily, grabbing my hips and holding me hard against him, all while reciting my name along with garbled declarations of love over and over. His voice pushes me over the edge and sensation overwhelms me as desire detonates inside my body and I explode around him.

  I collapse onto his chest and we breathe each other in as we come down from our release. I can’t move. I can’t think. I am thoroughly obliterated. I have lost all sense of reality outside of what we are, right here, right now.

  “Holy crap,” he murmurs into my hair. And we both dissolve into a fit of laughter.