The Rift

by Skn Hammerstone

  “And where are you in these dreams?” he questioned.

  “I don’t know. It’s beside a city that’s burning,” ok. I was sick of answering his questions now.

  “Let’s talk about your suicide attempt,” it always came back to that. “Why did you do that?”

  “I don’t remember,” I would think that he would have realized this by now. All I knew was that it had to have been awful and I was glad that I didn’t remember it.

  “Do you remember anything about what happened?” Everyone wanted to know that.

  “No,” I stated.

  “What else don’t you remember?” And it seemed that this guy could get even more unintelligent.

  “If I can’t remember it, I can’t really tell you what it is,” this could be one of the reasons I didn’t like him.

  “Is your amnesia affecting your daily life?”

  “Not really,” I told him.

  “Alright,” he wrote a few notes down, “I believe you are suffering from post-traumatic stress. The good news is that it isn’t permanent. You should be back to normal in a few weeks.” So I went for no reason at all. Just so he could tell me that it would go away in a few weeks. I shouldn’t have bothered coming.

  27

  The Rift

  8

  “Rachael!” I turned as I walked towards the cafeteria to see Jesse and slowed down so he could catch up. “Where were you this morning?”

  “I had an appointment,” I answered.

  “With who?”

  “The psychiatrist,” I didn’t mention how useless that appointment had truly been.

  “About?” he questioned.

  “He wanted to know if I remembered what happened,” it was a half-truth. He had asked that at one point.

  “Do you?” another question.

  “I’m having trouble remembering anything before last week,” nothing was coming back to me. I didn’t remember my life before this and I didn’t know what happened after I jumped into that river or why I had even done it. I didn’t know the name of my elementary school and I had yet to recall my own middle name or even my father’s name or where that father happened to be.

  “What do you want to know? I can try to help,” Jesse tried.

  “I don’t know. I don’t even know what it is that I’m supposed to remember,” I admitted. It was frustrating. I didn’t know what I was doing right, I didn’t know what I was doing wrong, and I didn’t know what I could do to change any of it.

  “You’re doing fine,” we walked into the cafeteria, “No one can expect any more out of you than you are already giving.”

  “Do you know why I did it?” Part of me wanted to know and part of me didn’t but I knew that until I did know, I wouldn’t be able to remember anything else.

  “Yes,” he said carefully.

  “Can you tell me?” We sat down at a table.

  “I think that is something you need to find out on your own,” Jesse decided. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. “Hey,” he must have noticed the disappointed part as he put his hand over mine for several seconds. “Keep your head up. It hasn’t been that long. You can do this.” That gesture and the phrase that accompanied it seemed familiar but I couldn’t quite place it. Maybe it was just déjà vu but something inside of my head clicked into place. It just wasn’t enough to remember anything with.

  “I would be more confident if I hadn’t done this to myself.” I glanced towards the lunch line and immediately noticed someone I had never seen before watching me. Maybe I had seen them before but just like everything else, my brain had the memory blocked. He was a medium sized guy with messy, black hair and almost cat-like eyes. A strange looking burn was partially hidden in the collar of his shirt.

  “Do I know him?” It felt strange to have to ask that question. Jesse turned to look at the guy.

  “Nnnnooooo,” he drew out his answer as he turned back.

  “Then why is he staring at us?” I asked. Jesse looked over at him again, shrugging his shoulders.

  “If he comes over, I’ll ask him. Don’t worry about it. I’ve got you,” he told me, seeming to be not too concerned about it. Seeming was the key word, though. Under the surface there was something about this guy that put Jesse on edge as well. He continued to watch us but he never came over. There was just something about him that was extremely unsettling.

  31

  The Rift

  9

  I walked down the school hallway later in the day. Unless I was with Jesse I usually walked alone. Nicholas had left me alone that day and I wondered if Jesse had anything to do with it. A lot of things about him were starting to seem familiar. I knew enough about him to know and feel that he would do anything for me. He also knew more about me at this point than I did. I stopped at my locker an opened it. The order of my classes and what books I needed was taped to the inside of the door, courtesy of Jesse.

  Apparently there were some things he would help me remember but the more important things he would ignore. According to his list I was in history next and I needed my history textbook today. That was a first. The past few days I had been back I hadn’t needed it. Just the copy of War and Peace. I took out the history textbook and shut the locker, but in doing so I lost my grip on the textbook.

  It fell onto the floor, spilling papers in all directions. I sighed as I began to gather all of them. Most were old notes from Jesse. It seems that we had spent a lot of class time making fun of the other students but of course we couldn’t have passed notes about anything important. Most of them weren’t from history class though and there weren’t any in my other books. Why was this book important? I opened the textbook and began to page through it. It fell open to a page with several old photographs tucked inside.

  One was a much younger version of my mother with a soldier. The next was of two children, a girl with black hair and a boy a few years older also with black hair. The last photo, and the only one with anything written on it, was of me several years before and what looked like an older version of the boy in the other picture. He was tall and vaguely familiar in the same way that some of the things Jesse said were familiar. He was dressed in a Navy uniform. Written on the back was “Avery and Rachael before deployment.”

  Who was Avery? I felt like I had stumbled upon something I shouldn’t have seen. It was dated two years ago. What had happened to this Avery and who was the solider with my mother? Was it my father? I didn’t know. I had avoided looking around my room to spark memories but I didn’t think I could avoid that anymore. I had to know. I put all of the notes and pictures back in the book and stood up. I hadn’t been standing for more than 5 seconds, alone in the hallway, when an agonizing, shooting pain went through my shoulder.

  I let out a slight scream and turned around, my hand going to my shoulder. The boy who had been watching me in the cafeteria now stood behind where I had just been. His eyes were glowing red and blood dripped from his less-than-human teeth. My blood was dripping from his teeth. I may have been able to write off the smoking desk under Nicholas’ hand as nothing but I couldn’t ignore this. He had bitten me! A strange, crazed smile spread on his features.

  “What is wrong with you?” I gripped my shoulder tightly, unsure as to whether I should run or retaliate.

  “There is nothing wrong with me,” his voice came out as a low growl, “However there are quite a few things wrong with you.” He made a lunge towards me and I stepped back but I didn’t have to. Jesse suddenly appeared and grabbed the back of his jacket, slamming him against the lockers.

  “What the hell do you think you are doing?” Jesse demanded.

  “What I was born to do,” the guy hissed back.

  “I don’t care what you were born to do. If you do anything like this again, you will have me to answer to,” he threatened.

  “You wouldn’t risk that,” my attacker didn’t sound so sure.

  “You don’t know what I’d do.” Something was truly wrong. I rem
embered enough to know that normal people didn’t bite other people and say they were born to do it and other normal people like Jesse didn’t find it normal. Farther down the hallway, behind Jesse, Nicholas stood like an overseer to some common job.

  35

  The Rift

  10

  “Do you understand?” Joshua asked. The pain continued to burn in my arm and leg.

  “Yes,” I just wanted it to stop. He let go and stood up straight again. Why did I keep ending up here? Each time I was in the exact same place as if no time had passed at all. I was beginning to doubt my knowledge of what was real and what was not. But if this was real, how had I gotten here?

  “Where am I?” I asked.

  “I already told you. You are outside the City of Chaos,” he sounded more confused than irritated.

  “Where is the City of Chaos?” I was afraid of angering him, and afraid of what he would do to me, but I needed to know.

  “You don’t need to know everything,” he stated.

  “I want to know,” I told him.

  “You want to know?” it seemed like an entirely new idea to him. “I’m afraid that you will have to figure it out on your own.

  “How did I get here?”

  “I brought you here. There is no other way in or out,” he said, “I have told you that before as well.”

  “Why?” I was growing tired of his game. I wanted it to be over. He could just take what he wanted from me and leave me alone.

  “Why what? Why do I keep you here? Why did I pay for you? Why haven’t I killed you?” He was angry. This wasn’t what I wanted.

  “Why are you so cruel to me? What have I done to deserve this?” A hidden part of myself was rising inside of me. It was a part of me that wanted to fight back because it knew I deserved better than this.

  “Choose your words carefully before I do something you would regret,” he snapped. I didn’t say anything now. I had no doubt that if I did, he would kill me.

  “You have no idea who I am or what I am capable of doing. You don’t know what I gave for you or what I am still giving. Don’t take me for some murderous being that only has it in his heart to hurt and kill. I am much more than that and much more than you understand. You think I am cruel, but that is because you don’t know me and you should. I have known you for a long time and I have been disappointed in you and your actions for the last time. If I have to physically force you down the right path, I will. I am done being gentle with you.”

  11

  The routineness of my days of recovery was altered by the next day being a Saturday. I didn’t know what I normally did on these days but I knew what I was going to do. I needed to find out where the City of Chaos was, if it even existed in this reality that seemed to not exist in the other. I also needed to find out who Avery was. At least one of those answers should have been in my own room. I had received several calls from Jesse but I needed this day to find things out on my own.

  I had been almost afraid to find out what was in this room but if it didn’t really exist, did it really matter? I moved over to the dresser and, taking a deep breath, opened the first drawer. The only thing in it was a laptop. It was as good a place to start as any. Actually it was probably the best place to start. I took it out and sat down on the edge of the bed before opening it. It was already logged in, which was probably a good thing since there would be no way I would remember a password.

  It was set on the main screen. In the background, behind all of the icons, was a picture of me and Avery; the same picture that had been in the history book. I clicked on the internet icon and it went to a homepage for a social networking site. My profile picture was of me and Jesse in some kind of crazy pose in what looked like a movie theater. I looked happy then with no reasons to want to die. I quickly noted that my relationship status was single. There better not have been a boyfriend I wasn’t aware of.

  Nicholas also had a page that had been updated several times a day until a few weeks before. After that there were no updates. His pictures and updates were nothing like the Nicholas who had spoken to me at school. On this page he actually seemed like the football jock he was supposed to be, surrounded by cheap-looking cheerleaders. Jesse’s page was filled with a bunch of quotes from dead, famous people like Benjamin Franklin or Edgar Allan Poe. His profile picture was similar to mine, although not in a theater. Only one of the quotes caught my eye.

  “You never forget the people who have died because nothing can ever replace them,” source: me. It was from less than a month ago. Who had died? I went back as far as I could on my page but it didn’t say. Something was seriously wrong. Everyone was purposely making sure that I didn’t remember. There was something about me or around me that had left everyone scarred.

  I went to the computer’s library next. The most viewed was a video. I hesitantly clicked on it. It was a video of Avery sitting in front of the camera of the laptop.

  “Hey Rachael. Before I leave for the Navy, there are some things you should know. I know mom never wanted to talk about him, but you should know that Dad was a war hero. He gave his life to save his men. You meant a lot to him and he wouldn’t have left on purpose. He would be very proud of you, just like I am. That’s why I am serving in this war. To keep you safe. You’re my little sister and I don’t ever want anything to happen to you. Not if I can help it. You will always have me. I know you and mom don’t get along but she’s doing her best. Give her a chance.”

  “She didn’t want Dad to leave either but he had to. There are a lot of things in this world that you don’t know; things that I can’t tell you. There are things that would hurt you if I let them. But I won’t. You and mom are all I have. My sister and my mother will always be safe as long as I am around to protect them. Semper fidelis sis.”

  “Semper fidelis,” Avery told me, his hands on my shoulders, dressed in his uniform and ready to leave. “It means always faithful and it means I’m going to come back to you.”

  “Why do you have to leave?” I asked, “If you leave, you’ll never come back. Just like Dad.”

  “I’m not Dad, Rachael. I’ll always come back.”

  Tears began to gather in my eyes as I pushed the laptop away. How had I forgotten Avery? How could I have forgotten my own brother?

  “Let him go Rachael,” Mom said. “He has to leave now.” She stayed away from me like she was afraid.

  “How can you let him go?” I demanded to know. “What if he doesn’t come back to us?”

  “I will come back. I’m not going to leave you. You’re my whole world.”

  I ran down the stairs. I had to find her. How could she let me forget him? Why hadn’t she told me?

  “What are you doing?” I questioned. Every picture of Avery was in a pile in her arms.

  “He’s gone. He’s not coming back!” she clutched them to her chest.

  “He said he would always come back to us!” I shouted. “You can’t do that! You can’t hide him just because he isn’t here!”

  “How could you?” I asked her. She dropped the plate in her hands and it shattered on the floor. “How could you not tell me I had a brother? How could you let me forget him?”

  “He’s never coming back! He’s gone just like your father!”

  “No! He can’t be! He promised!” I tried to take the pictures from her but she wouldn’t let me.

  “I didn’t think you would remember,” she winced at my discovery.

  “You didn’t think I would remember my own brother? The brother who only wanted to protect his family?”

  “You shouldn’t have let him leave! I told you not to!” it was all her fault that Avery was dead.

  “I was trying to protect you!” she defended herself.

  “No! You wanted me to forget him just like you made all of us forget dad!”

  “I was trying to do what was best! I’m still trying! Did you ever think it was hard on me to see my son and my husband die and to watch my only daughter, my only remaining c
hild, slowly die from the inside out?”

  “It’s because of you, not me that he died!” my mom shouted after me as I ran out of the house and straight into Jesse’s arms, knowing he was now the only true family I had left. My father and my brother were dead and not only did my mother not care, she blamed me. Jesse would always accept me no matter what I had done.

  “You just didn’t care! You never did!” I ran out of the house. I couldn’t even think straight enough to know where I was going. I ran into the woods as my feet took their own path, guiding me step after step through the overgrown trees. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore and then fell to my knees in front of a gravestone.

  “In loving memory of Avery Douglas Taylor. First a son and a brother. Then a US Navy Marine. Semper fidelis.” I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing as I sank lower to the ground until I was curled up on my side. His date of death was only a month ago. This was the reason I had wanted to die.

  I didn’t know how long I had been there before he came. He didn’t say anything because there was nothing to say. He knelt down beside me and pulled me against him. There was something so comforting and familiar about this whole situation. Hiding from the world in his arms, his steady heartbeat in my ear, the warmth of his body, the gentle strokes of his thumb wiping away my tears, the soft touch of his lips against my forehead.

  It was familiar because it had happened before many times. It was comforting because it was Jesse. Jesse, who had never left me and never hurt me. Jesse who only wanted the best for me. Jesse who cared about me. Any doubts I had that this was real were gone. I could never be so attached to a fabrication of my own imagination. The world that wasn’t real was the one with Joshua. The one where I didn’t have any attachments. If Jesse wasn’t real then I didn’t care what happened in the other place. Joshua could kill me if he wanted to. It wouldn’t make a difference to me. Jesse was my family and that was something Joshua could never be.