"Wow," He whistled appreciatively, "This looks fantastic, Nicole. You didn't have to go to so much trouble."
"It was no trouble," I responded.
Sean poured each of us a glass of wine as we both sat. The table was a small, round, two person table, so we weren't that far apart even though we sat on opposite sides. I nervously twisted my hands in my lap before cutting into the lasagna and serving each of us a piece. Butterflies took over my stomach. I wondered if I'd be able to eat anything. I didn't know why I was so nervous all of a sudden.
It was that kiss. It had been so intense and unexpected. I didn't know what had come over me. Maybe I'd just been caught up in the moment and the music? What would happen after dinner? I wondered. Would we practice more? Would more practice lead to more kisses? Where would those kisses lead? The thought paralyzed me for a moment.
"Nicole? Are you okay?" Sean's hand covered mine on the table.
"Yes." I smiled and removed my hand from beneath his. I liked Sean's company, but right now, I wanted to strangle the life out of Toni for putting me in this situation. She knew I didn't know how to deal with anything like this.
"Oh my God, Nicole, this is fantastic," Sean said, swallowing a forkful of food.
"Really?"
"Yes," he put more food in his mouth.
"Cooking is a hobby of mine. I took a few classes at the local community college a couple of years ago," I said, taking a bite of my creation.
"Mmm…a woman who can sing like you do and cook like this," he shook his head, "you're going to make some man very happy someday."
I laughed and the nervous tension left my body. "I don’t know much about relationships, but I'm pretty sure that it takes more than a good singing voice and culinary skills to make it work."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
From the tone of his voice and the sparkle in his eyes, I knew he was teasing me, but I went along with it, enjoying the ease of the conversation.
"Trust, communication, respect, love," I replied.
Sean set his fork on his plate and took a sip of his wine. I watched him lick his lips and my face ignited with warmth. What was this effect he had on me? "How many men have you been with, Nicole?"
I swallowed hard. "What do you mean by been with?"
"You know, dated, seriously, not casually."
I sighed, hoping my relief wasn't too evident. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my past sexual experiences, or lack thereof. "Including you?" I asked before I had a chance to stop myself.
He slowly smiled and relaxed in his chair, draping his arm over the back of it. "I don't know. Are we dating?"
Oh crap! I blushed and took a sip of wine. How was I supposed to answer that? If I said yes, would he be freaked out? I mean, we'd only been out together a total of three times, including right now. But, if I said no would he think I wasn't interested? Even though I wasn't sure I wanted a full-blown relationship right now, I didn't want to blow this, either. I cleared my throat. "Well, isn't that what we've been doing?"
Sean shook his head and I swore my heart shattered to the floor. I was too mortified to speak, so I just sat there and started at him. Finally, he said, "There's a difference between going on dates with someone and dating them."
"There is?" Honestly, it sounded like the same thing to me.
"Yes. Going on a date with someone means the two of you go out somewhere and do something. If you have fun then maybe you do it again. Dating, however, implies exclusivity."
"Oh." No wonder I'd avoided this for so long. It was all so confusing. I realized I was going to have to swallow my pride and ask Toni for some dating advice. Or at the very least, ask her to explain it all to me. "So, you want to know how many men I've been exclusive with."
"Yes."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "I’m just curious."
"Three," I said, averting my gaze down to my plate. I heard Sean's chair creak, and I snuck a glance at him. He'd leaned forward and folded his arms on the table. He caught me looking at him, and he reached across the table and took one of my hands into both of his, rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles before bringing it to his mouth and kissing it.
"Am I included in that number?" he asked.
I mentally groaned. Why did he have to ask me things like that? I had no idea what to say. If I was honest and told him no then that might hurt his feelings. But, I didn't want to lie to him, either. So, I did the only think I could think of. I did what Toni would have done. "Do you want to be?" I asked.
He hesitated for a long moment before he answered. "When you're ready; then yes, I want to be."
Holy crap! Sean actually wanted to date me? Like seriously, exclusively date me? How did that happen?
"So," Sean said before I had a chance to respond. "What would you like to do for the rest of the evening? Do you want to practice some more?"
"If you're up for it that would be great. We have a big show in two days, and I really need to get that piece down." I stood with the intent of gathering our dishes and taking them to the sink. But as Sean got up from the table, he stumbled. I rushed to him and put my arm around his waist to steady him. "Are you okay?" I asked as I helped him to the couch.
"I'm fine." Sean sat and looked away from me, mumbling something I couldn't quite understand, but I'm pretty sure I heard the words fuck and shit. He was clearly frustrated and embarrassed. I wanted to do something to calm him, to make him understand that I wasn't judging him. But I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say, so, I leaned over and kissed him. Yes, it was impetuous, and probably stupid, but it worked to soothe him. It also worked to release a level of passion in him that I'd never felt before – from him or any man. My one spontaneous kiss led to another and another and another until we were lost in one long, unending kiss that left me breathless and mindless. I never wanted it to end.
Sean's lips left mine and he trailed hot, firm kisses across my jaw, around my neck, and down my throat. Instead of stopping him, I put my head back to give him greater access. It felt so good to have his arms around me, holding me, and his mouth on my increasingly hot flesh. I groaned softly when he nibbled on that sensitive spot right behind my ear.
"I want you, Nicole," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. "I've wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you."
No one had ever said anything like that to me before. I liked hearing Sean say stuff like that to me. It made me feel special; loved and wanted. I don't ever remember feeling that way with any of the other guys I'd dated. "Sean," I said his name as more of a whimper than a whisper as I speared my fingers into his hair and brought him to me for another kiss.
Before I could comprehend what was happening, Sean had his hands up my shirt, lifting it until I finally pulled away from his kiss so that he could remove it over my head. Then he unhooked my bra and removed that, tossing it onto the floor. The cool air in the apartment hit me, and my body erupted in goose bumps. I shivered involuntarily and crossed my arms over my chest in a feeble attempt to cover myself and warm up.
He gently removed my arms from my chest. "Don't hide yourself, Nicole," he whispered, bringing his lips down to my chest and licking that spot between my breasts. "You're too beautiful to hide."
It was in that moment that I knew: tonight I was going to give myself to this man, to my brave, brown-eyed soldier. And I'd do it without hesitation or regret. I shivered again. Only this time I wasn't sure if it was from the cold air or Sean's kisses.
"Cold?" he asked as he dragged his mouth up to mine and kissed me again.
"Yeah," I murmured.
"I'll warm you up." His fingers worked the buttons on his shirt.
I reached out and helped him, surprising both of us. I was not a forward, take charge kind of woman, but Sean brought that out in me. When I'd unclasped the last button, I guided his shirt from his shoulders then his arms. I tossed it to the floor with my clothes.
Sean took my hand and placed it on his bare chest, which was smooth a
nd perfectly sculpted. "It's okay to touch."
I was amazed at how in tune he was with me and my uncertainties. It's like he knew I was terrified of what was happening, of where things were going between us. But he didn't judge or tease or act superior in any way. He took his time, and he was oh so gentle, too. Hesitantly, I ran my trembling hand down his chest then back up before putting both of my hands on him, tracing his muscles and hard abs. My sudden boldness must've been all the encouragement he needed because he reached for my jeans and undid the button then the zipper. My heart raced as I stood and wiggled out of them, letting them pool around my feet before stepping out of them and kicking them to the side. I stood before Sean in only my panties. His gaze raked over my body like he was trying to memorize every inch of me, and I blushed from the intensity of it. No man had ever seen me like this before. It was exciting and unsettling.
"Come here." Sean patted the sofa.
I sat beside him and he kissed me again. First on the mouth, then my jaw and chin, across my collarbone, and down toward my breasts. It felt incredible and I didn't want him to stop. As he kissed my exposed skin, I ran my hands up and down his biceps, over his shoulders, and down his back. I felt him tremble beneath my touch and I smiled, liking that I had that effect on him.
Then I felt his mouth close around my nipple and I let out a startled cry. Sean stopped for a moment, looking up at me under his lashes as if waiting for permission to continue. I closed my eyes and arched into him. He resumed the onslaught of slow, heated kisses and my entire body tingled. It was as if my body was a match and his mouth the spark that it needed to ignite. I was awash in sensations I didn't know existed.
"Lie back," Sean said, gently pushing on my shoulders.
I was now lying on my back on the sofa. Sean leaned over me, and started from the beginning again with my mouth and worked his way down. His fingers traced the path of his kisses. I couldn't stop trembling.
"Your skin is so soft," he whispered, his tongue circling my belly button. "So beautiful."
I reached for him, wanting him to kiss me on the mouth again, but he got on the floor instead, kneeling beside the couch. His gaze once again devoured me and I swore my entire body erupted in flames. Was a single look supposed to have that effect? It didn't seem possible. If I hadn't just experienced it, I never would've believed it. "Sean," I whimpered as his hand slid between my legs, his thumb grazing the apex of my thighs. My eyes were closed because I was too shy to watch him touch me, but I felt him sigh and then grunt with frustration as he adjusted his body. Forcing my eyelids open, I glanced at him. His face was contorted into a grimace. "Sean? Are you all right?"
"Yeah." He forced a smile then shook his head. "No, this leg is killing me."
"Oh, well, that's okay. We don't have to…I mean, I understand if…" I averted my gaze so that he couldn't see my disappointment. I wanted nothing more than to be intimate with Sean, but not at the expense of his comfort. I started to sit up, and he put his hand on my chest to stop me.
"I just have to switch positions," he said. It was clear that he wanted this as much as I did and that made me feel better.
I waited patiently for him to get up, unsure if I should offer to help. I didn't want to just lay here and watch him struggle, but I didn't want to offend him by helping either. After meeting Sean, I'd done some research and from what I gathered, there were three things I needed to do for him: be patient, be understanding, and be willing to openly communicate with him. I shouldn't coddle him, but I should be available should he ask for help. Well, he wasn't asking for help right now, so I simply waited. A moment later, Sean brought his body over mine, lying on top of me. His partial left leg and prosthesis was fully on the couch while his right leg was near the edge. Even in this position, he still appeared to be uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything. My legs were spread to accommodate him and his erection, which, even through his jeans, I could tell was massive. Not that I had any basis for comparison, but holy hell he sure did feel big.
His arms were bent and resting on either side of my head, his lips worked against mine, his tongue dueled with mine in an erotic dance of desire. Then he shifted his body, and he winced. "Ow."
"Sean, please don't hurt yourself," I said with a shaky voice.
He dropped his forehead to mine and sighed. "I'm sorry, Nicole."
"Hey," I said, taking his face into mine. "Don't be sorry. It's okay."
"Maybe if I take this thing off…"
A glimmer of hope burned in my chest. Maybe this could still happen. "Yeah, okay, if you think it'll help."
"You don't mind?" He looked genuinely surprised.
"No, of course not," I shook my head.
Using the back of the couch and the arm rest, he climbed off me and sat upright at the opposite end of the sofa. I sat up, too, then quickly stood. I extended my hand to him and he looked at me with confusion. "Let's go into the bedroom."
His jaw dropped. "Seriously?"
I nodded, "Yes, it might help. You know, be more comfortable for both of us."
"Nicole…are you sure you want to do this?"
"I want nothing more than to be with you, Sean."
That was all he needed to hear. Sean smiled and took my hand. I led him into my bedroom and closed the door. He sat on the bed and began to remove his prosthesis while I pulled down the covers and waited for him. My heart raced as I watched the muscles in his back and shoulders ripple with each move he made. I wanted to feel his touch again, to kiss him and have him whisper things to me. I'd never felt this way before, never have I wanted a man to love me as desperately as I wanted Sean to.
A moment later, Sean was beside me, his hands coursing up and down the length of my body while his lips molded to mine. I noticed he'd removed the rest of his clothes. I looked down and was mesmerized by all his naked glory. He was absolutely gorgeous in my eyes, and I couldn't believe how lucky I was that he was here with me, that he wanted me.
It felt like he spent hours exploring my body with his hands and mouth, but in reality it was just moments. The pleasure was exquisite and I never wanted it to end. He climbed on top of me and I spread my legs wide open, being extremely careful to stay away from his left leg as much as possible. Not because it grossed me out or anything, but because I was terrified of hurting him. He put his hands on either side of my head, and I felt him enter me. My fingernails dug into the hard flesh of his biceps, and I cried out. "Ahhh!" I knew it was going to hurt, but I wasn't prepared for just how much. It felt like I was being ripped in half.
"Shit," he groaned. Sean's face contorted into a grimace as if it hurt him more than it hurt me.
After a few moments, once my body adjusted to his, it started to feel good, really good. I moved beneath him, lifting my hips to meet his. The only sounds were those of our rapid heartbeats, our ragged breaths, and our moans of pleasure.
Sean brought his lips to mine and kissed me with the same pace that he made love to me: slow and tender. "So good," he whispered.
"Yeah," I moaned my agreement. His pace increased, and the room started to spin. I was dizzy, and I felt nauseous. What the hell was happening? It took me a moment, but then I realized. I was having an orgasm. Holy mother of…my body jerked against Sean's, pushing up with a frenzied need to be closer to him. "Oh God," I screamed. "Sean!" I thought I heard him whisper something in my ear, but I couldn't be sure because I was awash in a myriad of glorious sensations that I wanted to last forever. His mouth came down over mine hard, kissing me, swallowing my moans and cries of pleasure.
"Yes," he hissed as his body jerked several times then stiffened. A second later he relaxed, and so did I. He buried his face in my neck, and I lazily stroked his sweat-dampened hair. I felt him shudder when I touched the back of his neck, and I smiled. It was so much better than I could've imagined.
CHAPTER 10
Sean McKenzie
I was having trouble catching my breath. The feel of Nicole's fingers caressing my neck didn't help. I kn
ew I had to move. I had to look at her and talk to her. But I just couldn't find the strength despite the shaking in my arms. I'm sure it had everything to do with the fact that we'd just made love and my upper body strength wasn't anywhere near where it should be yet and nothing to do with the fact she'd lied to me. God, how could I have not known? It was so glaringly obvious to me in that moment but then it was too late. I knew it the moment I'd entered her. It surprised the hell out of me, but at that point it was too late to go back, and truth be told, I didn't want to.
"Nicole?" I whispered, kissing the crook of her neck.
"Yeah?"
The sound of her sultry voice made my gut clench. I adjusted my weight into my arms, smoothed the hair from her forehead, and gazed down at her. The sight of her rocked me to my core. She'd always been beautiful in my eyes, but right now with her disheveled hair pooled around her head, her flushed cheeks, and that hazy, satisfied look in her eyes, she looked like a goddess. I kissed her softly. "Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin?" As selfish as it was, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't over the moon thrilled with the fact she'd just given something to me she'd never given to another man. Still, I should've been told.
She attempted to look away, but I held her head so she had to look at me. "I don't know," she whispered with trembling lips.
"You should have told me."
"Why? Would it have made a difference?"
"Yes."
"If you had known, you wouldn't have…I mean, we…this wouldn't have happened?" She looked like she was ready to cry.
"Oh, it still would've happened," I assured her. "But, it would've been different. I would've made it more special for you."
"How?"
"I don't know." I sighed as I eased out of her and rolled onto my back. I immediately missed the warmth and safety of her body, and I wanted to be inside of her again. Hell, I wanted to stay there forever. To me, Nicole was home. She's where I belonged. I scooted into a sitting position so my back was against the headboard and dropped my head into my hands.
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