It was his birthday and I had just finished giving him his present. I wore a white lacy bra and panties that day and when I walked into his office and shut the door and locked it, he looked up from his paperwork and smiled. I slipped off the scrubs and walked over to him as he sat back in his chair and pulled me to him. He had just had me, taken me on his desk and I was walking out of his office when a beautiful blonde woman came up with two handsome young men and they were talking amongst themselves. I remember being taken with her smile and I watched her talk to the young men. They were just as smitten with her as she was with them. She was holding a box wrapped in silver wrapping paper with a black bow tied around it. The young men, they looked exactly like Davis. The younger of the two, his eyes, they twinkled silver, like Davis. I knew then. I knew even as I tried to rationalize as to who they were. But I knew. I felt myself die. My heart, it hurt to the point I couldn’t breathe. Then she looked up at me and smiled. It took a few moments, but then she knew too.
I watched as her son's closed ranks on her. She swayed and leaned into the oldest of the two young men. No one said a word until Davis opened his office door, startling us.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss. “Linc and Rocky,” he smiled at them. “What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”
Still no one spoke. My eyes started to tear but I pulled it together and took a deep breath. This was when I saw a side of Davis I didn’t know existed.
“Ms. Rowe, this is Lina, Rocky and Lincoln, my wife and sons. Ms. Rowe is one of our nurses here. She was updating me on a patient and was just leaving." He looked at me dismissively. “Have a nice day, Ms. Rowe.” he said as he opened the door and ushered them into his office.
Lina Jennings, his beautiful wife, gave me a sad smile. She was hurt but I think she felt more bad for me. I saw no hate. I think I saw solidarity. Her sons refused to look at me. Both had their hands on their mom’s shoulders and arms.
“It was nice to meet you, Ms. Rowe.” She extended her hand. When I took hers in mine, my body jolted. It was so warm and soft but her grip was firm. She squeezed my hand. It was a silent gesture between her and I. I remember I held on longer than I should have. She was passing me her strength. I didn’t know at that very moment why. Later that day when Davis showed up at my home, I found out.
That day, he came in and when I yelled at him to leave, he hit me. I couldn’t believe it. Then it got worse. He told me again and again that if I ever tried to leave him, he’d kill me.
During the next year, the only reason I stayed with him was my Aunt Louise, I owed her after she took me and cared for me after my parents died in a car wreck when I was younger. I loved helping people, caring for people. Giving them hope. I loved my town and I didn’t want to leave my home too. I still argued with Davis and I still got hit. One night when I decided to go on living my life, I went out on a date with a paramedic I had met in the hospital cafeteria. When I got home, he beat me so bad I missed work for a week.
After I healed, my aunt talked me into running. I didn’t know where I was going. I just drove and the first night I stopped in Baton Rouge and checked into a run down motel. In the middle of the night, I woke to a knock on the door. I froze. It was him and I knew it. He'd found me. I never knew how and never asked because the second he stepped in the room, he slapped me. The beating I took for running was a hundred times worse. The next day, I rode home with him after he arranged for my car to be delivered by a local garage. There were other times I did call the police; but they did nothing to him. Witnesses...always asking for witnesses. It was my word against his. He could have confessed but had enough connections he would never be charged.
I made a choice to wait it out. Surely, he would tire of me. He’d never left his wife so why did he want me. I hoped he’d find another woman, leave me alone. I just wanted to be free and find to true love. I just wanted to be someone’s one and only.
Then the day came I received the best and worse news of my life, I was pregnant. I don’t know how. I used birth control. Now, later, knowing what I know, he had to have tampered with my pills.
He showed up at my home the day I took the test. He acted so happy. Over the next few months, he became the doting boyfriend and it made me sick to watch. The happy expectant father but refused to allow me to openly say to anyone he was the father. Saying it would hurt his reputation and chances to move up the ladder. He always made promises of “one day.” Of course, he never left his wife and sons. Later, he told me Lina Jennings had taken ill and was having problems walking. During my pregnancy, her condition deteriorated to the point she was in a wheelchair. I used that, saying she needed him. I tried to push him away, telling him to go and stay with them, that I’d be fine. I didn’t want him. I could never come to terms with being with him anyway. How could I ever live with a man who could hurt me, hurt his wife and sons?
The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life. I remember looking at her blonde hair and when her eyes opened, they sparkled silver like her father’s, like her brothers. My beautiful, Callie. My beautiful, perfect, Callie. She was the happiest little girl and had the most magnificent laugh. Whenever she giggled, her little button nose would crinkle and out would pop the biggest dimples. She was my life. I took her everywhere with me. People never asked who the father was. I guess in these days and times they made their own assumptions. It didn’t matter because we were happy. Whenever Davis came around, I made sure to not upset him. I never wanted her to see him angry. I never wanted to taint her joy. She loved her Daddy too. Sometimes when I would watch them together, I would think that maybe he had a heart but then I would remember and I knew this was all the lie.
The next few months, Davis continued being the doting dad. He came by, spent the night, ate with us and played with her. As she got older, on rare occasion we even took her to the park but stayed off in a secluded area so no one would see us. He brought her gifts and clothes and gave me money. I put the money aside for her. I didn’t want it. To me, it was tainted but one day, it might mean something to her.
I sat back and watched the ticking time bomb that was Davis. I trusted not one thing he was doing, but he had yet to show his cards. He told us over and over how much he really wanted us to be a family, but he couldn’t leave Lina, not now.
Soon, I became sick too. I didn’t know what was going on. I was always healthy and active except for the occasional cold or flu. Davis came around less and less and I had to leave Callie with my Aunt Louise more and more. It broke my heart. My pain was horrible. Aunt Louise begged me to go to the doctor and I did, time after time. All they would give me was pain medication. They told me they couldn’t find anything wrong. Suggested a physiatrist; that I having somatic pain or just trying to get pain medication. I knew something was wrong. With both Lina Jennings and myself becoming so terribly ill, I suspected Davis was somehow behind it but I didn’t know how. Then I remembered my birth control pills and how he tampered with them. The times he brought me dinner or if I was sick, brought me medication. He did something, I was positive. I had to find a way to prove it.
One fateful afternoon I went looking to get proof on my own. I wanted answers before I said anything, but all the while still praying I was wrong. That my daughter’s father was not this evil.
I rode up the service elevator and waited around the corner for an opening. It came sooner than I expected. Davis walked out of his office and called over to a nurse that he had meetings and wouldn’t be back for the rest of the day. He disappeared down the hallway and I made my way to his office.
Once in, I rummaged through the papers on his desk and his file cabinet. I had just opened his bottom desk drawer and saw a locked metal box when I heard voices. Davis’ voice and two other men. They were coming back to his office. One I recognized but couldn’t place, and one that had a slight Spanish accent. I closed the drawer and ran into his private bathroom and hid in the shower stall. The conversation that took place w
as so shocking that when it was over, I fell against the wall and slid down. So much so that when Davis came in and found me and carried me to the sofa in his office, I didn’t react.
That day I found out he and others were nothing more than drug manufacturers and dealers. He and others were trying to create a new drug but they were not chemists working in a lab. They were testing their drugs for pain with high addictive’s on unknowing humans, using trial by error. I was a lab rat, Lina Jennings was a lab rat, his sons were lab rats as well as many, many others. They were experimenting on us. That day, when he found me, he threatened to take Callie from me, he threatened to hurt her and my Aunt Louise if I ever spoke about what I heard; but if I kept my mouth shut, he’d leave Callie, me and my Aunt alone. He took me that day and I couldn’t even fight. Six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again. I ran and hid, but I was too sick to take Callie with me and that shattered my heart.
Nine months later, after living in pain and hiding, only sneaking back into town for quick visits with Callie after random phone calls from throw away phones, I found myself in labor and walking into the hospital’s emergency room. After a short labor, my darling son was born but he was very sick. He was taken away for tests and I laid there, legs still in stirrups, looking at the door that my son just left through when Davis walked in. I don’t know how he knew I was there but I was learning he had connections everywhere.
“He won’t live very long. Leave the hospital now before they start asking questions. If you don’t, I’ll come for Callie. If you talk, I’ll kill her.” He walked up to the edge of my bed and grabbed my face in a tight grip. “If you ever talk about anything, I will do to her what I did to you.” He pushed my face away. “Go back to your house, get some things and go back into hiding, Sasha.” He truly was a man with no soul.
I broke down into sobs. My son won’t live? What have I done? I didn’t even get to hold him. My God, I didn’t even see him. After the nurse came back, I was moved to a room. I was told my son was in very ill in the NICU. As soon as the nurse brought in my belongings, I got up from the bed and slipped back on the maternity clothes I came in just hours ago and walked down to the nursery. There he was, my son.
My beautiful son, hair blonde like his sister, tubes running out of his head and ankle and cords hooked up to his little chest and back. He was sleeping soundly. I watched him for a while and then made my way to the fire exit and took the stairs down to the car garage. I walked out of the hospital with little soul left. I had to stop Davis. I had to fix what he broke. I would have my vengeance and he would never touch Callie.
After hiding away in a cheap hotel for a couple of days and allowing myself to heal some, I walked into the local gun shop and bought a gun. The law wouldn’t allow me to buy bullets that day so I would have to wait. Later, I went to a small private doctor’s office that accepted cash payments. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I went in and after getting checked and a prescription for pain medication, I went to the pharmacy to fill it. As I sat waiting, I planned. I would wait, give him time to settle, then I was coming for him.
Three nights later, I sat in the motel room watching the news when I bolted up in bed. My mouth dropped open when I heard what the news reporter said. “Local prominent doctor, Dr. Davis Jennings, was found murdered in his home this morning. Police are saying it appears he knew his attacker as there was no forced entry. Investigations are underway.” For the first time in years, I smiled.
I could go back to Callie and my son. I could have my life now. Finally, I felt free.
The next day I went to the hospital to see my son. I was in pain, my body hurting so bad that I could hardly walk but I wanted to hold him.
When I got to the nursery, I stood and looked through the window, tears filling my eyes, my heart warmed and broken at the same time.
There was a beautiful woman, with long dark hair and a stunning face, and she was holding my son, rocking him. Her lips were moving, I couldn’t hear what she was saying but I knew, I knew she was praying. She was praying for my son and as she prayed, I prayed with her. I walked out of the hospital, I knew he was better off with her than me. My body was deteriorating. I don’t know what Davis gave me but my body was failing. I could feel it; I was dying.
Later that day, I went to see Callie but she was gone. My Aunt Louise was in tears and frantic. She said a man, a Hubert Doss, a judge she’d seen in the newspapers and on TV was looking for me and threatening to hurt Callie if she didn’t tell him where I was. In a panic, she called family services to come get Callie. She was hysterical, begging for forgiveness. Saying she was a weak, old woman and couldn’t protect her and hadn’t a clue to where I was. She didn’t know what to do so she thought turning her over, they would protect her until I came back. After calming her down, I went and bought bullets and went back to my motel room.
That night, I realized, even if Davis was dead, others knew Callie was his and that I possibly knew things. She would never be safe. She would always be a weapon one way or another if they knew she was Davis’ daughter.
The next afternoon, I decided to to see my son one last time before I followed through with what I knew I had to do. I walked into the hospital and up to the nursery window but my son was gone. In the room, I saw a nurse I went to nursing school with, Jenny. When she saw me, she smiled. She came to join me in the hallway.
Before she could talk I asked in panic, “Where is the baby boy?” I asked, my eyes darting around the nursery. “Is he out for tests? Did he leave?” Her face filled with compassion as she realized who I was asking about; who I was. “Where is he?” I yelled. “Where is my son?”
“Sasha, I’m sorry, honey. He passed away two days ago.” Tears spilled down her cheeks.
I dropped to my knees and cried. Davis told me he wouldn’t live but that beautiful woman prayed. I prayed. Did God not hear us?!
“Sasha, he was so sick, honey. So, so sick.” She sank to the floor next to me. She didn’t ask me about drugs, she knew in her heart I would never do that. She knew the real Sasha.
“Where is he, Jenny?” I looked up at her, barely seeing her through my haze of tears.
“Oh, Sasha, the family, they took him. They thought you abandoned him. He didn’t even have a name. They named him, begged the judge to let them adopt him even after he passed. You didn’t fill out the paperwork, but people recognized you. Looked for you but you vanished. They're having a funeral for him the the day after tomorrow, Sasha. I’m so sorry.” She pulled me to my feet and wiped away my tears.
“Who are they, Jenny?” I beg but she doesn’t say anything. I watch as her eyes search my face. She knows she’s crossing a line if she tells me. Finally, she relents. “The McGinty’s. Brock and Paige McGinty adopted him. They named him Cole Jaxson McGinty.” My body jerks with a sob. What a beautiful strong name. “They’re holding a service for him out at the Church of Christ in Kerr County. Some of us are going. Sasha, I’m so sorry.” She pulls me into a hug and holds me until my sobs subside.
I make the drive to Kerr County and stand back in the back of the church that is overflowing with people and stare at my son, forever sleeping in the smallest most beautiful coffin I’ve ever seen. The altar is filled with toys and the church with blue balloons. I feel my face wet with tears, but I’m cold and numb. The preacher says such beautiful words, yet I feel nothing but deep pain. As everyone starts to file out, I stand staring at my son, wishing with everything I had that I'd gotten to hold him just once. Jenny spots me at the same time I spot her. She starts to walk over, but I give a tight head shake, silently begging her to stay away. She nods, looks down and walks away. I don’t want anyone to know who I am or why I’m here. One day, they’ll all know.
After the service, I follow the congregation as they make their way to a tiny cemetery. I watch as my son is carefully carried and placed next to his grave. There are so many people here. I stand just outside the metal gates and watch as a man walks up holding a guitar. He pulls the
strap over his shoulder and when he starts to strum, everyone goes silent. The song is perfect. My baby son’s life was too short and filled with pain. I listen as everyone joins in softly singing the chorus of Go Rest High On That Mountain.
I know I shouldn’t, but after, I follow the cars to a beautiful plantation style home. Food and gifts are brought in; all for a little girl. Near the porch, my eyes roam over the endless mountain of dolls and clothes. A man walks up with a red tricycle with ribbons hanging from the handlebars and it has a tiny horn and basket on the front. I already know, but it’s confirmed when I hear the man say, this is for Callie and hands it to the lady collecting items on the porch. I hope she likes it, he says. All I can think is, she’ll love it. I stare at the bike, my vision blurry with tears. He sees me, and he walks over. He pulls me to him in a side hug and then wipes my tears with his thumb.
“Aw, darlin’, don’t cry. It’s just a bike.” I wipe away more tears and then pull him into a hug and hold on. I know I startle him but he hugs me back. This total stranger showing me kindness. This is who my Callie will be with.
Before I let him go. I whisper in his ear, “No, it’s not just a bike, it’s a beautiful bike and it’s everything.” I let him go and get in my car.
Days later, after doing research to get some information on Judge Hubert Doss, I go back to the doctor for more pain medication and get it filled. I drive to Judge Doss’ home and sit outside. He’s not home so I wait until I see him pull into the driveway, get out of his car and walk inside. He’s actually a handsome man, with salt and pepper hair. He’s tall but not thin. How could someone like him be filled with so much be so evil. But none of that matters now. Time is up for both of us. I need to find out who else knows about Callie. I get out of my car and ring the doorbell. When it opens and he sees me he gives a satisfied grin. “I knew you’d come, follow me. We need to talk.” he says.
Love Is Forever Blue Page 18