ASHFORD (Gray Wolf Security #5)

by Glenna Sinclair

  “But it does. It does.”

  “No, Mina.” He pushed me back enough so that he could lift my chin and look me in the eye. “It doesn’t matter. Your past, my past. None of it matters anymore.”

  “I would never betray you.”

  “I know.”

  “I was just afraid you’d kick us out. And then I thought you might look at me differently, and I couldn’t stand that idea.”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  He kissed the tip of my nose. I moved into him, buried my face against his shoulder. He groaned, and I realized there was a bandage there.

  “Are you hurt?”

  “Just a scratch.”

  I pulled back and really looked at him. I tugged at the corner of his hospital gown—he was wearing a hospital gown! How did I miss that?—and found not only the rest of the bloodstained bandage, but bruises blossoming against his ribs. I ran my fingers over them, and he groaned before pulling my hand away.

  “Not here, babe. I don’t think either one of us is really up for the consequences.”

  I smiled, and pain burst through my skull. I’d nearly forgotten about the blows I’d taken from Dimitri. Ash brushed his fingers over them, almost as if he was trying to wipe them away.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Is it over?”

  “It’s over. There’s nothing left of the Bazarov Cartel, at least, not enough to pull it back together again. That nightmare is gone.”

  I kissed him lightly and curled back up in his arms. “How long do we have to be here?”

  “Just until tomorrow.”

  “Good.”

  The door burst open, and Kirkland peeked his head inside. He smiled, turning and calling to someone behind him.

  “They’re awake!”

  Suddenly the room was full of people. David and Ricki. Joss and Carrington. Kirkland and Mabel. Donovan and Kate. Even Emily in a wheel chair, a big, thick bandage on her head.

  “Hey, lovebirds!”

  I sat up a little as David approached the bed.

  “You did good, Mina,” he said, leaning close to kiss my cheek.

  “Yeah. If you ever want to join the team,” Joss said.

  “Anyone who can take a punch like you is welcome,” Kirkland added.

  “You handled those explosives pretty well, too. I couldn’t have done it better myself.”

  I couldn’t help the smile that burst onto my face. That was the most any of them had said to me in all the time I’d been at the compound. Except for Joss. But what really made me smile was the fact that Kate had Ford in her arms.

  “He’s a doll,” she said, setting him in my arms. “If you ever need a babysitter…”

  Ford smiled up at me, as though he knew I was his mother and I’d come back for him. I touched his cheek, tears filling my eyes so that I almost couldn’t see him.

  “I love you,” I whispered, kissing his forehead a dozen times, over and over, almost unable to pull myself away.

  I’d done it for him. Now he would never have to worry about his father hurting him. He’d never have to live in fear. He would always be safe.

  I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant all that.

  Ash sat up and wrapped his arms around us, brushing his finger against the baby’s cheek.

  “Hey, little man,” he said softly. “I told you I’d bring her back to you.”

  “So, Emily,” David said, “you’re suddenly an expert on four wheels?”

  “I’m not so bad,” she said.

  “I should go home and get my chair, see just how good you really are.”

  “Go for it, big boy!”

  Everyone laughed. I looked up and saw the way they were all looking at one another. My heart swelled, as Joss winked at me and David touched my hand. They’d welcomed me into their lives. I was finally a part of this family they’d built around themselves. I’d never known a family quite like theirs. I don’t think I would ever know another one. They were as unique as they were common. A family of friends and lovers who came together not because they were connected by blood and not because they had to. They came together because they needed each other and they wanted what they could only find in each other. It was beautiful.

  ***

  I woke in the middle of the night. I’d had a nightmare. I laid still so that I wouldn’t wake Ash. He was supposed to be in his own bed, according to the nurses. They’d chastised him every time they came into the room to check our vitals, but I saw the envious glances they shot in my direction. I couldn’t blame them. I might have felt the same way if I’d been them.

  I slipped out of bed and pulled a bathrobe around my shoulders. I’d been thinking about my mother a lot lately. It wasn’t just what I’d gone through with Dimitri or having Ford. Or maybe it was. Maybe I was just a little girl deep inside who still needed her mother.

  I’d wanted her to come to Los Angeles with me. I’d begged her.

  “But what would your father do without me?”

  “Maybe it’s time for him to figure that out.”

  “He needs me. He’s never had to take care of himself. He went from his mother’s home to mine. There’s always been someone to take care of him.”

  “But, Momma, he hurts you.”

  “He doesn’t mean to.”

  “Is that what you tell yourself when you see the bruises in the mirror?”

  She touched my face, a sad look in her eyes. “When you make a commitment to a man, you have to stick to it, love.”

  I wanted to tell myself that she was wrong. I wanted to believe that she was mentally ill, that he’d brainwashed her or something. But I knew now that life was much more complicated than I ever understood.

  As a child, I thought all fathers beat their wives. When I realized that some families were different, that love didn’t always hurt, I hated my father. I hated what he did to us, hated him for the shame that he dumped on us. And I thought my mom was weak for not leaving him. I wanted to save her and, even then, she wouldn’t leave him.

  Then I found myself struggling, living on the couch at a friend’s—a woman I met at the first job I got waiting tables at a diner—willing to do just about anything to pull myself out of the gutter. And then the stripping, allowing men to look at me as though I were an object rather than a human being.

  When Dimitri turned his eye on me, I thought I’d finally found what I’d always wanted. I’d found a man who would treat me right. A man who would give me all I deserved while I sat at home and raised a dozen babies. Even after he hit me the first time, I justified it in my mind even though I should have known better.

  I should have known better. I should have gotten out.

  And I should have told Ash the truth from the beginning.

  All these should haves and could haves would haunt me for the rest of my life. Just like the look on Dimitri’s face when I shot him.

  I had his blood on my hands. Literally. I took another human being’s life. The father of my child. A man who maybe grew up as I did, who didn’t know any better than to behave as he did.

  What was in store for my child? Could I break the cycle?

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Ash said, slipping out of bed to come sit with me. “Are you okay?”

  I moved into his arms and pressed my face against his chest.

  “Does it ever end?”

  “What, babe?”

  “The violence. The pain and the hurt and all the things that seem to follow me around.”

  “I don’t know.”

  It wasn’t the answer I wanted, but it was better than platitudes.

  “It’s hard to break the cycle of violence,” he said after a while. “A parent beats and neglects a child, and that child grows up to be just as cruel to his kids because he doesn’t know any other way. And then that child…it just keeps going until someone recognizes the pattern and breaks it.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “Being aware that there is a pattern is the first step.”<
br />
  “I don’t want to hurt Ford.”

  “Oh, babe, that’s not going to happen.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because I see you with him. I’ve never seen a mother more patient than you.” He ran his hand slowly down my back. “I don’t know what the future’s going to bring, Mina. But I know I love you. I know you love me. I know we both adore Ford. With that much love going around, how could anything bad happen?”

  I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in. Then I pulled away and looked at him.

  “You love me?”

  “Of course,” he said, pressing his lips to mine. “I think I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you.”

  I kissed him back.

  How could anything bad happen with that much love going around?

  It was a good question, one I would never quit pondering.

  Chapter 41

  Ash

  Rose was sitting up in her hospital bed when I walked into the room. Her eye lit up when she saw me.

  “Hey!”

  “Looks like you’ve had a few visitors,” I said, gesturing to the many vases of flowers and teddy bears scattered around the room.

  “Kirkland brought the roses. Donovan the carnations. And Joss brought the teddy bears.”

  “What did David bring?”

  She gestured to a box of chocolates. “I’m not sure they’ll let me have solid food yet, but his heart was in the right place.”

  I held up my hands. “I’m afraid I’m empty handed.”

  “No. You brought the most important thing. You.”

  I smiled, as I bent to kiss her forehead. “We miss you at the compound.”

  “I hope so. If you didn’t, I would wonder if you really wanted me there.”

  “We need you there.” I settled in a chair beside the bed and took her hand. “How are you?”

  She shrugged. “They say I can leave in a couple of days.”

  “Good. We have one of the guest rooms set up for you. David’s already claimed the first shift, promising to bring you eggs and bacon and fresh squeezed orange juice. And Kirkland wants to make jambalaya for you.”

  She groaned. “Don’t let him make it too spicy.”

  “I’ll tell him, but you know Kirkland.”

  “I do. That’s why I said that.”

  We talked a little more, mostly about mundane things. Then, in the middle of a sentence, she asked, “Tell me about Mina.”

  My eyebrows rose. “What about her?”

  “You’re in love with her.”

  “I am.”

  “What do you plan to do about it?”

  “I don’t know, Mother. What do you think I should do?” I asked, teasing. Sort of.

  “You should make that girl an honest woman.”

  I smiled. “Don’t you think it’s a little early for that?”

  “Do you love her?”

  “I do.”

  “Do you want to be a father to that child?”

  “I do.”

  “Then make it right.”

  “Yes, Mother.”

  She slapped my hand. “Quit being impertinent.”

  I laughed, but it was a laugh that was a little weak on amusement. My heart hurt when I looked at her. I brushed my finger against the bruises on her face.

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head. “It’s okay.”

  “We made them pay.”

  “I know. I saw it on the news.”

  It had dominated the news for several days. Three cops were killed and four injured while serving a warrant on a home that was later revealed to belong to the Bazarov Cartel. The people of Los Angeles were characteristically unmoved by the whole thing. And there were no questions, not even when it was revealed that operatives from Gray Wolf Security had been on the premises at the time of the incident.

  “I told you not to do that.”

  “They had Mina.”

  She nodded. “Then you did the right thing. But the next time I tell you not to do something…”

  I smiled. “Yes, Mother.”

  She patted my face lightly. “You’re a good man, Ashford Grayson.”

  ***

  Six Weeks Later

  I lay in bed, my laptop on as I tried to catch up on paperwork I’d been putting off for far too long. Mina came into the room, her delicate nightgown swaying around her hips in a way that made me want to forget paperwork.

  “Is he asleep?”

  She nodded. “Out like a light. If only it was that easy every night.”

  “He’s a good kid.”

  “Yes, but he’s beginning to think sleep is a punishment. I have no idea why, but it’s such a struggle to get him to go down every night.”

  “He just doesn’t want to miss anything.”

  “Yes, well, there are a few things Mommy would rather not miss out on either.”

  She crawled onto the bed, moving over my body as she leaned in for a kiss. I buried my fingers in her hair and tugged her closer, shoving the laptop aside as I turned into her. She sighed, returning my kiss as if she’d been waiting for it all day.

  Maybe she had.

  “Do you think he likes his new nursery?”

  She smiled. “He’s only four months old, Ash. He doesn’t care where we put him down to sleep.”

  We’d spent two weeks painting and fixing up the guest room for Ford. It was a baseball theme with a mural on one wall and a baseball print sheet in his crib. It’d been my idea, and it came out twice as good as I thought it would.

  “The next one can be ballerinas.”

  “What makes you think the next one will be a girl? What makes you think there’ll be a next one?”

  “There’s always a next one.”

  She laughed even as I moved in for another kiss. She groaned, the sound vibrating against my lips. I tugged her close, sliding my hand over her upper thigh. I loved the way her body molded itself against mine whenever we lay like this; I loved the way she fit against me. I was pretty sure I would never stop wanting her, wanting to feel her like this.

  I pulled back so that I could look at her face. She had a new scar above her right eye, but I thought it made her look even more beautiful than before. I kissed it, and she turned her head, still self-conscious about it.

  “You’re beautiful,” I said.

  “I’m damaged.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “I don’t mind your damage.”

  “And I don’t mind yours.”

  I buried my face against her throat, kissing her neck before moving my way down. She sighed as I tugged at the top of her nightie, pulling it aside so that I could play with the perfect nub of her nipple. She ran her hands over my hair, a sigh slipping from between her lips.

  “Do you ever get tired of my touch?”

  She brushed her fingers over my face. “How could I when it always feels like the first time?”

  I groaned again, kissing her deeply, sliding inside of her mouth in a preview of the pleasures that would come next. Then I began to work my way down her body again. I left the nightgown in place, running my hands over its silky material, nibbling at her nipples and her ribs, touching her everywhere I knew would drive her out of her mind. And then I nibbled some more, finding new places. There were always new places, places that made her cry out, the sound that I loved so desperately. I dreamed about it, thought about it when I should be working. I couldn’t get enough of her. I knew I would never get enough.

  She lifted her hips as I gripped her panties, tugging them away from her hips. And then I was nibbling at her inner thighs, teasing her with little puffs of breath against the most delicate places. When I spread her lips open, she rotated her hips again, begging me to come inside, begging me to give her the pleasure that she knew was coming.

  I ran my tongue along her lips, brushing against her clit. Again she rotated her hips, trying to get me to touch her more. And then I slipped my fingers inside of her and she wa
s gone, gripping the sheets beneath her, writhing against me as if she was already losing control.

  I loved the way she moved, loved the sounds that came out of her mouth.

  But this time she didn’t just lay still. She sat up and tugged me close to her, kissing me before I could do anything more. Then she was taking control, shoving me back against the mattress. She kissed her way down my chest, hesitating over the bright red scar that was the graze of a bullet I took during our fight with the Bazarov Cartel. She always hesitated there, always touched that spot, as though she was trying to make it all better.

  Then she moved down my body, peppering my chest with kisses, running her tongue around the outer rim of my navel. Then she was lower, tugging at my shorts, pulling my cock out to greet the world. She didn’t often touch me. I never asked, afraid that it would rip a scab off of an old wound, but I suspected it had something to do with her life before she came here. So when she did touch me, it was a rare treat.

  She stroked my cock, moving her hand slowly along the length of me even as she continued to pepper my belly with kisses. She moved lower and I…I tried not to get my hopes up. But when she took my head into her mouth, I thought I might jump off the bed in joy.

  I didn’t…and it was so good! I wanted her. I couldn’t breathe, I wanted her so badly. But I let her explore, let her tongue dance around my glans, let her hot mouth slide down my shaft, and cried out when she relaxed her throat and took more of me than she should have been capable of.

  Heaven. It was absolute heaven.

  I buried my fingers in her hair, encouraging her. She made these little humming sounds that vibrated through my length, driving me even closer to the edge of that cliff. She was enjoying herself. I saw her reach down and touch her clit, saw her trying to keep up with me. Mutual pleasure. There was nothing better.

  Except…

  I finally couldn’t take any more. I tugged at her arms, pulling her up onto my lap. We kissed for a long moment, and then I pulled at her hips, pulling her up onto to me. My cock slid inside of her, and it was as if a bomb went off in my nervous system. I couldn’t believe how incredible it felt each and every time. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, moving my thighs just enough to encourage her to move quickly, to take my cock as deep inside of her as she could.