Act Like You Love Me (An Accidentally in Love Novel) (Entangled: Bliss)

by Madsen, Cindi

  All he could see when he tried to picture his future was Brynn’s face. And when he forced that image away, he saw himself sitting alone, lonely in the way he’d been before he met her but hadn’t even realized he was.

  But it was too late—they’d made too big a mess of things, and he was minutes away from boarding a plane. He had a script to write. A meeting with a producer to take. Maybe one day he’d get up the courage to invite Brynn to visit. Once he got some space and figured out a way to talk to her without falling apart, he’d at least call and tell her that he did forgive her for lying to him. That she was a beautiful, kind person, and the guy who ended up with her was going to be one lucky bastard.

  That thought sent burning jealousy through his veins. He didn’t want to think of the hypothetical lucky bastard making Brynn laugh, putting his arms around her. Kissing her. Building a life with her.

  Sawyer closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain control. He glanced toward the corridor that would take him through security and onto a plane that’d fly him back to his old life. To his tiny, empty apartment equipped with a big TV. That was all he had to look forward to. A TV screen to keep him company.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  But if I stayed…

  He pictured Brynn sitting next to him on a big couch in the living room of the lake house. He could see hints of furniture around them with little knickknacks he never would’ve picked out himself. He could hear her singing in the shower as he stood in the bathroom, shaving at the sink. If he stretched his mind far enough, he could even see himself and Brynn at the lake with a couple of kids running around. Learning to fish. Calling him Dad.

  He waited for the suffocating sensation that climbed up his body like vines, trying to choke him out, whenever he thought of a life with only one person.

  It didn’t come.

  He even thought of a future that included taking care of Brynn if something happened to her or she got sick. He’d bring her food. He’d carry her from room to room.

  He’d do anything for her.

  But then he saw himself on the couch, Brynn the one with dark circles under her eyes as she brought him food. Helped him down the hall. All her bubbly energy gone, drained from taking care of him. He saw himself as his dad had been at the very end: completely helpless.

  It felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out.

  He reminded himself that the doctors had told him it was unlikely he’d have the same disease. Unlikely. Not impossible. And he couldn’t do that to Brynn. It’d kill him to break her spirit like that. Mom might not regret it after being married to Dad for so long, but if Dad could’ve spared her the pain altogether, Sawyer had a feeling he would’ve done it. He’d practically said as much one afternoon when they were watching movies together.

  “Look at me, son,” he’d said. “Here I lie, as helpless as a baby. I’m not a partner to your mother anymore, I’m a burden. I wish I could’ve spared her all this…” Dad had put his hand over Sawyer’s, his frail fingers barely able to squeeze. “I wish I could’ve spared you both. But man, you guys made it worth it. It might’ve been shorter than most, but I’ve had a good life.”

  A hand touched his arm. “Sawyer? Are you okay?”

  He blinked at the wetness threatening to form in his eyes and then looked down at his mom. He tried to open his mouth to answer but had to clear his throat first. “I think I better go through security, just in case it takes longer than usual.”

  Mom nodded. “Okay. Be careful, and thanks for everything.” She hugged him tightly and placed another peach-lipstick kiss on his cheek—the same spot he’d had to clean off at the restaurant earlier. She started to pull back, but then clamped her hand onto his arm. “I can’t let you go before telling you one last thing…”

  Sawyer automatically tensed, sure she was making a final Hail-Mary-Pass attempt to get him to stay.

  “When I was in that fishing shop and that beautiful girl was helping me,” Mom said, “I told her I had an amazing son; I was trying to get her to go meet you at the coffee shop.”

  “Mom, I told you I don’t want to talk a—”

  “You let me finish, Sawyer Nathaniel Raines.” She hadn’t used all three of his names since high school, and it surprised him enough to snap his mouth closed. “She said she was dating someone, and when I pushed, she told me she loved him. Said it with such passion and conviction I knew there was no talking her out of it.”

  They stared at each other for a moment, his mom obviously wanting to make sure it sank in, at the same time that he was doing his best not to.

  “’Bye, Ma.”

  He glanced out the front glass doors of the airport, where he could still see a hint of North Carolina in the distance.

  ’Bye, Brynn.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Three weeks had passed since Brynn had stood on this very stage, playing Cecily, a girl who believed in romance and wrote herself love letters from Earnest.

  And Sawyer had sat right where the current director was—Brynn still felt hollow inside whenever she thought of Sawyer Raines. Only it was the kind of hollow that accentuated the emptiness, making everything from her neck to her stomach radiate pain.

  Even when he was gone, he managed to ruin the place she always used to escape reality.

  She delivered her monologue from Kiss Me Kate and then exited the stage. Usually she’d stick around and hear the other actors audition. Wave at familiar faces. Wish them luck.

  Lately, she thought that luck was crap. It certainly hadn’t done her any favors.

  Anyway, she had an engagement party to get to. Brynn still couldn’t believe Paul had asked Carly to marry him. When he’d mentioned he was thinking about it at the beginning of the week, Brynn tried to hint that it was a little fast—for the record, it was a lot fast—and that he might want to give it another couple of months to make sure it was right.

  Things between them had been chilly since. But he’d proposed and Carly had said yes. Yay for love. Or something like that.

  Brynn pulled her car up to her parents’, forced her lips into a smile, and walked through the front door. The house was filled with people, several she didn’t even recognize. When she spotted Dani and Wes in the crowd, she made a beeline for them.

  She hugged Dani, and went ahead and hugged Wes, too.

  “How you holding up?” Dani asked.

  “I could use a drink. A strong one.”

  “On it,” Wes said. Brynn was going to tell him that she could get it, but he was already pushing through the crowd of people.

  There was a big banner hanging on the archway that said Congrats! Brynn could just make out her brother and his new fiancée standing underneath it. She waited for the contact love-high. But she got nothing.

  Dani leaned her hip on the wall next to Brynn. “So, this isn’t a setup, I swear, but turns out Paul knows Connor, and he happens to be here right now.”

  It took Brynn a few seconds to realize who that even was. “The cop?”

  Dani nodded, then surreptitiously pointed to a tall, muscled guy with dark hair. “So? What do you think?”

  Brynn was pretty sure her eyebrows were as high as they could go. “I think I said that I don’t go for jocks, and that guy looks like he eats jocks for breakfast.”

  Dani laughed. “Well, I can still introduce you…see if you hit it off?”

  Brynn thought about it for a second. “Seriously, he’s so handsome and ripped it’s almost hard to look directly at him, much less figure out something to say.” Brynn turned to face Dani, the familiar ache between her ribs deepening. “But really, my heart’s just not in it.”

  “I understand,” Dani said. “Plus, the more I’m around him, the more I think he’s a bit of a player, anyway. Probably not a good thing for you.” One of her dark eyebrows quirked up. “Unless…you want a hot rebound guy to make you forget everything for a little while?”

  It was one of those things that sounded good in theory, but Brynn knew
she could never go through with it. The truth was, she wasn’t even tempted. She was pretty sure Sawyer had ruined her for other men forever.

  Before she even answered, Dani put her hand on Brynn’s shoulder. “Someday you’ll be ready to move on, and we’ll find someone perfect for you when you are.”

  Brynn nodded like that was a possibility. Wes came back with drinks and Brynn wasted no time starting on hers. Wes wrapped his arms around Dani and brushed his stubbled face across her neck, making her laugh.

  Still no love-high. The butterflies were obviously dead now. Not even dormant. Sawyer had plucked off their wings and tossed them aside, just like he had her. Brynn stared into her glass. “I think I’m too dramatically depressed to be here.” She took a large swig of the fruity drink, thinking it wasn’t nearly strong enough, whatever it was. Then Brynn noticed Paul and Carly circling the room, giant grins on their faces, and decided she should go say hi to the newly engaged couple.

  “Brynn!” Carly threw her arms around Brynn with such force she nearly tipped over. “Can you believe it?”

  “I’m so happy for you.” Brynn glanced at her brother. “Both of you.”

  One of Carly’s family members came over, so Brynn and Paul scooted off to the side. “I meant what I said about being happy for you,” Brynn said. “It just took me by surprise.”

  “I know. And I know you’re still hurting from your breakup.” Paul met her eyes, his expression serious. “I thought I was helping, giving you that advice about holding back. But I think I just screwed you up.”

  “Oh, I managed to do that all by myself.”

  “Still. I feel bad. I know a thing or two about bad breakups, and you do get over it eventually. You’ll find someone else. Trust me.”

  That seemed to be the popular opinion tonight, but she still didn’t believe it. Tears were rising, threatening to make an appearance. She didn’t know if she would find someone else. Right now, she didn’t even know if she wanted to. How could she risk her heart again if it could get beat up this badly?

  Deep down, though, she knew he was right. Someday, she might be ready to move on.

  Just not today.

  Probably not for a long time.

  …

  Sawyer slung his laptop bag over his shoulder. He’d just sent his new script to his agent. He’d practically rewritten it all in the past few weeks, but it was the best thing he’d ever written, if he did say so himself.

  Considering all he could see when he wrote the female love interest was Brynn, it was as addicting as it was torturous to work on. Tomorrow, he was meeting again with the producers Zoey had set him up with. Really, he felt like the job was his, all he had to do was say yes. But did he want to write for television? It was a different format, but he knew he could do it if he threw himself into it.

  His ringing phone interrupted his thoughts. He studied the unfamiliar number and then decided to answer. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Sawyer, it’s Patricia. I called to tell you about the multiple offers we’ve gotten on the house.”

  He wasn’t sure why the realtor was talking to him about it. “You need to call my mom. She’s the one who’s going to decide.”

  “I did, but she told me to try you.”

  Sawyer sighed. Why would she do that? He knew the answer, of course. She thought he’d change his mind. He thought of the house he’d put so much work into and grown to love. Of Brynn watching movies with him on the floor. Painting the kitchen.

  He almost wanted to keep it as a souvenir of their time together. One hell of a huge, expensive souvenir.

  When Patricia told him more about the offers, his jaw almost hit the filthy sidewalk. “Well, obviously let’s go with the highest bid.”

  “Escrow would be sixty days on that one. The other one is a little less, but we can close in thirty. Something to think about.”

  Sawyer glanced up in time to see he’d somehow ended up right next to a theater. This area of town was filled with them, so that wasn’t a shock. The poster advertising The Importance of Being Earnest was, though. And the fact that Brynn was staring at him from the poster.

  His heart gave a couple fast thuds and he stood there, frozen. On closer look, though, it wasn’t Brynn at all. Just another actress with dark hair.

  “Mr. Raines? Do you want to accept their offer?”

  …

  Brynn was seconds from freedom when Mom called her name.

  “Leaving already?” Mom asked, in that tone that meant you really shouldn’t be. It’d been three hours. Most of the guests had come and gone. Only the family members and closest friends remained, most sloppy drunk by now.

  Brynn dropped her hand from the doorknob and cursed under her breath. “I need to get home.”

  “Are you not sleeping well? You look tired.”

  Brynn ran a hand through her hair. Why did people think they sounded considerate when they said you looked tired? Really it was just another way of saying you look like hell. But when Brynn turned around, she could see the genuine concern on Mom’s face.

  “I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk,” Mom said.

  Other family members, both theirs and Carly’s, were the only people left, but it’d be easier to have a real talk away from everyone. “Outside on the porch?”

  Mom glanced at her living room, and Brynn knew she was going to say she needed to host. But then she smiled. “Sure.”

  They settled onto the porch swing, and for a moment, they simply sat, enjoying the quiet.

  “It’s funny,” Mom said. “Most people are stressed at the thought of a wedding. But I’m actually excited because it’ll give me something to do.”

  Brynn stopped swinging and tucked her leg up, trying to figure out how to respond to that. Before she could, Mom waved a hand through the air. “I know I call too much, and I come into the store more than I need to. I’ve probably been driving you and your brother mad. I’ve just been…bored. I thought I’d retire from the shop and do all the things I never had time to do before. Then I did a bunch of them and found that I hadn’t missed out on much.”

  “Why don’t you go fishing with Dad, then?” It scared Brynn to put it out there, but after fishing with Dad, she’d wanted to ask, and now seemed as good a time as any to face the truth head on. She hoped.

  “It’s just that… He and I are together. All. Day. Long. I know that sounds horrible—I should want to spend that much time with him, right? We used to work together every day, and I loved that. But we were busy with customers and running numbers and orders, and…well…life. Now we say everything we’ve got to say, and by the end of the day, we don’t have anything new to talk about. If I let him go fishing alone, and I do something else, we can come together and talk again.”

  Brynn took a moment to let that sink in. “I guess I thought that once you found the one, you’d want to spend every waking second together.”

  “Maybe some couples can handle that. But I think it’s good to have hobbies separate from each other. You want to find a guy who likes a lot of things you do, but also likes a few of the things you don’t.”

  Brynn thought of Sawyer and his action movies. And when she remembered how they’d both been in high school—they couldn’t have been more different.

  She really needed to stop thinking about him, though.

  “Are you hurting over whatever happened between you and Judith Raines’s son?”

  Brynn jerked her head up.

  “It’s written all over your face.” Mom swept Brynn’s hair behind her ear. “I’ve tried not to push, but I’m worried about you.”

  For the second time that night, Brynn was fighting tears. “I thought he was the one. But he didn’t want me.”

  Mom pulled her into a hug. “Well, what an idiot.”

  Brynn laughed. “It was me, too. I screwed up. I thought I had to hide who I was to be good enough for him.”

  “I used to worry about you,” Mom said. “That you had your head in the clouds too much.
But you’re a strong girl. And now I think more people should have their heads in the clouds. Don’t ever change, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “And once you’re ready, I know a cute dentist.”

  Brynn couldn’t help but laugh. Apparently Mom wasn’t going to change, either. “Let’s set up a weekly girls’ night. Dancing, or we can go to Charlotte and see what trouble we can get ourselves into? Something crazy enough to give you a few stories to tell Dad.”

  Mom smiled. “I’d love that. And just so you know, your dad wants to get you out on the water again. Maybe you can indulge him sometimes, too.”

  “I will if you will.”

  “Deal,” Mom said.

  Dad poked his head out the door. “There you two are. I can’t find the extra bottles of wine.”

  Mom stood. “I’ll come help you find them.”

  Dad extended his hand and Mom took it.

  Then it happened. A tiny spark of hope lit inside Brynn that all wasn’t lost. When you loved someone, you worked at it. Fought for it.

  Maybe she hadn’t fought hard enough for Sawyer. And if it took her going all the way to New York to get him to give her another chance, she was going to do it.

  Chapter Twenty

  Brynn thought she’d feel better once she got out on the water. After she’d shot death glares at a customer for asking her to take all the lures down so he could see them better, Paul decided she needed the rest of the day off before she strangled someone. He’d given her the spare key to Dad’s boat and pointed toward the lake. Suddenly all that water looked like the perfect escape.

  So she’d driven the boat out until the buildings along the shore were tiny squares and the breeze was whipping her hair around her face. She’d even baited a pole and set it up, though she was staring through it more than at it.

  While at least she felt less like inflicting bodily harm, irritation was still coursing through her veins. Maybe it was the looming dark clouds overhead, or maybe it was the way time had slowed to a slug crawl.