“He really helps you,” his father said in wonder.
“Yes. He reminds me of the present. He can sense when I’m troubled and only wants to help me. I’ve had him a month and yet it seems like we’ve been together forever.”
“You always were a dog lover.”
How would you know? You were gone half my childhood. But he couldn’t voice that. For some reason his dad was sitting by him and something was different. “That’s not it. I’m learning various calming techniques from my therapist. Shep is one of the tools I use. I don’t want to be debilitated with these panic attacks, afraid to do things because I’m scared I’ll have a flashback. I want my life back.”
When his dad didn’t say anything, Jake turned toward him. His father’s head hung down, his eyes closed. He clenched his hands then flexed them, over and over.
“Dad?”
“I never wanted you to go through what I did. I’ve never been wounded, except in here.” He tapped his temple. “I was sent to Vietnam at the end—not long before we pulled out.”
“I never knew that.”
“Because I never talk about it. I was so young, right out of West Point. I thought I knew what to expect in a war situation.” He shook his head. “I had no idea what was in store for me. It was brutal, and I was never the same. I had nightmares and flashbacks for years.” When he looked into Jake’s face, his eyes glistened. “Not many for the past fifteen years. I thank God for that every day.”
“You never said anything. You always seemed so together, in control.”
“Because I worked hard to present that facade, especially at home, around others. I had to climb the ranks to general like my father before me. I’d been groomed for that all my life. You think I was tough on you. My father was the toughest man I’ve ever known. You were never to show any weakness around him. It wasn’t acceptable.”
Jake felt the shudder snake down his dad’s body—a man who was always together. Just like his own father.
“I thought my reaction to what I’d seen meant I was cowardly, not whole, so I didn’t let anyone know. I never talked it over with anyone. I wanted to but then that would have marked me as a weak man.”
Jake thought about his own journey to this point. The feelings of being weak, not whole. The denial that anything emotional was wrong with him. Then he met Emma and things changed. He couldn’t deny it any longer, but he still felt weak, not whole.
“When I saw you after your return, you never said anything about what was really going on other than with your leg injury. I wish you had.”
“How could I when I knew I wasn’t doing what you wanted me to do?” Jake’s hard stare bore into his father. “You should know since you never told anyone.”
“But you had the courage to. You’re getting help. I didn’t and the price I paid was isolating myself from my family and friends. I pushed you and your mother away. I…” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I failed you and her.”
Jake never thought he would hear his dad admit he failed at something. For the first time he didn’t seem larger than life, untouchable. Using the bedpost, Jake pulled himself to his feet then offered his dad a hand. “I don’t know about you, but I doubt I’ll get any more sleep tonight. Want to put on a pot of coffee and talk?”
His eyes softened as his dad grasped his hand and rose. “Sounds like a good plan.”
Maybe we can repair our relationship—actually build one. Jake had enough to deal with. He didn’t want to continue pushing his father away.
Chapter Twelve
“Now tell me why Josh isn’t helping you with this?” Jake followed Emma with a grocery cart while the sound of Christmas music filled the store.
Emma grinned. “Because I thought it was about time you went grocery shopping and I needed someone to push the second cart.” She paused and tilted her head. “Don’t you just love the sound of Christmas music? I could listen to it all year long.” She leaned toward him and lowered her voice. “Don’t tell anyone but I do listen to it. Usually around April and August I need to for a week or so.”
Jake laid his palm over her forehead. “You really have it bad.”
“Yep, I love what Christmas stands for. Hope.” During the next weeks she wanted to share that with him.
Jake scanned the aisle, crammed with other shoppers. “Why does everyone wait till the last minute to get food for Thanksgiving? Look at all the people here.”
“It’s like Christmas shopping at the last minute. A habit. I shop right up to the last minute for Christmas.”
“I didn’t take you for someone who would wait like this.”
“Are you kidding? This is my second trip. I came yesterday, but my menu keeps growing. I figured you could take leftovers home with you tomorrow. Besides, I thought you could get your own groceries, too.”
His eyebrow hiked. “You did?”
Jake pulled up right behind her as she searched the shelves for the spices she needed. The smile on his face caused her pulse to pick up speed. He could do that so easily to her—make her react to his presence. She was falling for him yet trying not to. If he knew he’d run the other way because he had so much to handle right now in his life. A girlfriend wasn’t something he needed.
Emma waved her hand toward his cart. “You haven’t chosen much for yourself.”
“Dog food.”
“For yourself to eat.”
“I thought you were going to send home leftovers with me tomorrow.”
“I am but you still need other things to eat.”
He tossed a container of salt into his cart. “There.”
“I hope that isn’t all.”
“I’ll get a few other items,” he said with a chuckle.
Emma moved to the next aisle, not as crowded as the last one. “You’ll be bringing Marcella with you tomorrow morning?”
“Yes. Anything else I can do?”
“Nope.”
Someone bumped into Jake’s back. He stiffened and pivoted, stepping back. His chest rose and fell with a deep breath, then another.
The young mom with two small kids murmured, “Sorry” and rushed past him.
Jake watched her for a moment, blinked then focused on Emma.
“Okay?”
“Sure. I have to expect that in a crowded store the day before Thanksgiving. Just don’t make me fight over the last turkey.”
She laughed. “I’ve got the turkey and the ingredients for the dressing already. Now all I need is everything else.”
“I’m sure my stepmom has their dinner already cooked or at least what she can do ahead of time. Priscilla is one organized woman. Like my dad. That’s probably why they get along so well. Did I tell you Dad asked me to come for Thanksgiving when we talked this past weekend?”
“What did you say?”
“I’m not ready to deal with that yet—not us being together but flying on a plane. Giving control to another—the pilot.”
“Haven’t you figured it out yet? We don’t really have control. God does.” She smiled at him.
In the fresh vegetable and fruit section with more room, he pushed his cart next to hers. “Right now I get through best when I feel I have some control, some say in what happens. I know the Lord is in control of the universe, but I’m just one of billions. I doubt He’s much interested in my day-to-day life.”
“Why not? You’re His son and He loves you.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
Jake frowned. “Of course.”
But the way he looked and spoke made her doubt it. She changed tactics before Jake decided to cut their trip short. “So how’s it going with your father since he was here Veterans Day?” They had talked several times, but Jake hadn’t said a lot about the visit.
“Awkward at first but this last call was better. It’s been thirty years one way and it isn’t going to change overnight, but at least now I have hope it’ll improve. Just knowing he dealt with issues after Vietnam gives us a place to s
tart.”
“I’m so glad for you. A person with PTSD needs all the support he can get.” Emma gathered up some sweet potatoes, then moved on to the celery and onions.
“Is that what you’re doing for me? Because of Ben?”
Emma swept around, his look trapping her. “That’s the way it started.”
He took a step toward her. “And now?”
“We’re friends. I’m doing it because of that.”
“Anything else?” His earnestness charged the air.
It was as if no one else were in the grocery store. The intensity emitting from him enticed her closer. “Well, there’s what you did for Josh. He’s getting to be his old self thanks to your assistance. Oh, and the times you helped me to change that tire and to clean up the trash on the porch.” She stared at him—couldn’t look away.
“Why, Jake Tanner, it’s so good to see you out and about,” Marcella said, coming up and almost planting herself between them. “I’ll be ready at ten tomorrow morning.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be there to escort you.”
Marcella waved her hand in front of her face as though the temperature in the store had soared. “Escort. I like that. See you then. Don’t forget we need to discuss those self-defense classes for me and some of my friends.” She returned to her cart. “I’m bringing the cinnamon rolls to hold everyone over until dinner is served. See you, Emma, Jake.”
Emma watched the older lady wheel her basket of food around the corner before glancing at Jake. The humor in his eyes infected her, and she burst out laughing.
“I think Marcella Kime has a crush on you.”
*
Thanksgiving Day Jake lounged in his chair at the dining room table with seven squeezed around it. Right across from him sat Emma, who had jumped up more times than he could count. This dinner had been a big deal to her—and absolutely delicious from her crunchy sweet potato casserole, moist cornbread stuffing with mushrooms and corn, lemon and herb slow-roasted turkey to his favorite— artichokes au gratin.
Ben patted his stomach. “I think I have some room for dessert. What is it?”
“I thought we’d have pumpkin ice cream.” Emma pressed her lips together.
Ben’s eyebrows slashed down. “What! Pumpkin and ice cream don’t go together.”
She chuckled, the sound light and sweet. “No, we’re having something a little bit more traditional—white chocolate pumpkin cheesecake topped with shaved almonds.”
“What happened to the pecan pie you have every year?” Robert, Emma’s father, asked.
“I made that, too. Just for you, Dad.”
“Can we have a slice of both of them?” Josh glanced from his granddad to his mom. “I’m still hungry.”
“Probably because you didn’t eat everything on your plate.” Emma rose and gathered the plates near her.
“’Cause I was saving room for the dessert. Like Jake.”
Emma started for the kitchen. “But he ate his dinner.”
Jake stood, picking up the rest of the plates. “I’ll help you.”
“Jake, make sure my pieces are big. I’m a growing boy,” Josh said as Jake left the room.
He couldn’t remember having such a nice Thanksgiving—informal, full of laughter and relaxation. “What do you think of going to the park after we eat and working off some of this wonderful food?”
Emma took the cheesecake out of the refrigerator. “Doing what?”
“It’s time for Josh to work on his batting. He’s got throwing down pretty good. Batting isn’t something we should do in your yard. We need more space. Ben, Robert and I were talking before dinner about doing something so we don’t all end up falling asleep in your living room.”
She swept around to face him. “You guys can help Mom and me with cleaning up.”
Jake trapped her against the counter, his arms on either side of her. “Today’s gorgeous for this time of year. Let’s play in the park then I’ll come back and help you clean up. There’s no rule that says it has to be done right after we eat.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “What about the leftover food?”
“We’ll take care of it before we leave.”
“We? You and I?”
“Yep. I may not cook well, but I can wrap food in foil and put it in containers. So what do you say?” He inched closer, her scent of lavender mingling with the lingering aromas of the dishes.
“You’re not going to expect me to chase the ball, are you?”
“No, we have Ben and your dad as well as Shep and Butch.”
“We have a leash law in Cimarron City.”
“Then you and your mom can hold their leashes and cheer.”
She cocked her head. “What’s this really about?”
He shouldn’t have gotten so near her. All he could do was stare at her lips with their hint of red lipstick.
“Jake?”
He averted his gaze for a few seconds. “Josh mentioned he used to enjoy playing in the park but hasn’t for a while, even when a group of his friends were doing something. I think it’s because of what Liam and his buddies did.”
“They’ve been behaving lately.”
“Yes, but when he thinks of the park he thinks of what happened there last. I don’t want him to be afraid and stay away because of that fear.”
She lifted her hand and stroked it down his jawline. “You’ve been so good for Josh. Yes, we’ll go. I didn’t realize he was avoiding the park with his friends. They used to play there a lot. I don’t want what happened with Liam to taint those memories.”
“Hey, you two, what’s taking so long? We’re starved!” Ben yelled from the dining room.
“We’re coming. I think there’s some turkey and dressing left. Munch on that.” Emma turned toward the counter. “We’ll do the park after dinner but on one condition. You’ll join us this evening to decorate my Christmas tree. We always do it on Thanksgiving. Okay?”
“You drive a hard bargain, but I’ll help clean up and decorate your tree.”
He and Emma worked as a team getting the desserts and clearing the rest of the dishes from the table while her mom, Nancy, sliced and served the pie and cheesecake.
Before returning to the dining room to eat his helping, Jake captured Emma’s hand and tugged her to him. “Have I told you how wonderful the meal was?”
She cuddled against him. “Yes, while you were eating, but I don’t mind hearing it again.”
“Well, it was. Thanks for inviting me to share your Thanksgiving. I had a frozen turkey dinner in my freezer for the occasion. I’m glad I didn’t have to eat it today.” In eight weeks this woman had changed the direction he was going and given him hope. His arms surrounded her and pressed her against him, and the feel of her in his embrace soothed his soul.
“Since you came this morning, you’ve been in a cheerful mood. Should I thank Marcella? Her cinnamon rolls?”
He smiled. “It was all you and the fact that I finished a big project for my doctorate. And one other small detail. I didn’t have a nightmare last night for the first time in months.”
“It was all those groceries you brought into my house yesterday. It wore you out.”
“Before I know it—” he clasped her hand, enjoying touching her “—you’ll be having me running laps around the park with you.”
“Nope. You never have to worry about that. I don’t jog or run. Maybe walk.”
When they reentered the dining room, the pecan pie and cheesecake were gone except for one thin slice of each.
Emma placed her hand on her hip. “Did you all forget the cook hasn’t had her dessert yet?”
“Neither has her assistant,” Jake added with a laugh.
Robert looked up from eating. “You have to be quick in this family to get the goodies.” Then he went back to finishing his pie.
Marcella took her last bite, pushed her plate away and patted her stomach. “That was the best cheesecake.”
Jake’s stomach rumbled.
Nancy scooted her chair back and walked toward the foyer. When she came back, she held two plates, laden with large pieces of both desserts. “Do you really think we would do that to the cook and her assistant? Although that is a dubious title for a certain person.” Emma’s mom looked at Jake and gave him his dessert with a smile. “Weren’t you in the living room with Robert, Ben and Josh watching the game?”
“I helped yesterday with the shopping.” He snatched his plate and took his seat. “That qualifies.”
Ben snorted while Marcella snickered.
As Jake dug into the cheesecake, he relished the moment. Thank You, Lord, for showing me what it can be like. My family was never like this.
*
Emma stood on the sidelines of an impromptu baseball game at the park’s ball field with Jake as the pitcher while Ben played catcher and the outfielders were Craig’s dad and Sandy. Emma’s dad, Kim and Nancy positioned themselves at the bases. Josh, Carson and Craig each took a turn at bat.
“Josh is loving all this attention,” Marcella said as she grasped Buttons’s leash while Emma held Butch’s and Shep’s.
“All three boys are going to try out for baseball this spring. Craig played last year. Between his and Jake’s help, Josh has been really improving in the past month.”
“I still haven’t gotten Jake to agree to teach a self-defense class at church, but I think I’m wearing him down, especially since he’s started attending the Sunday service. That’s what he did when he visited his grandma.” Marcella turned her attention to Emma. “When he first came back here, I knew he was home, but when I went over to his house, he didn’t answer the door. Finally, one day I caught him while the teen was delivering his groceries to him and barreled my way into his house. Normally I wouldn’t have done that, but his grandma was my best friend. I owed her that much.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“He was in a bad place. At that time, he was still using crutches. I know he’s dealing with more than his leg but that’s none of my business. I’m just glad you’re part of his life now. He needs someone to make him care again.”
Love Inspired December 2013 - Bundle 2 of 2: Cozy ChristmasHer Holiday HeroJingle Bell Romance Page 36