by Maggie Mundy
“You’ll be okay, Beth. The doctor says this is the right thing.” His words did nothing to allay the fear on her face.
“I’m so scared, Greg. The other two were fine. It wasn’t like this.” She reached up and touched his face. “I’m sorry. I think I might lose our baby.” Tears were streaming down her face as she trembled with the pain.
“I’m scared too, but it’s gonna be fine. Trust me.” He knew she had no reason to, but she nodded. Then she was gone. Sara came and stood beside him.
“It won’t be long. They said we could go to the family room and have a coffee. I need to go outside and phone Pete. We’re not allowed to use our mobile phones in here.” She hesitated for a moment before she turned away. “Listen, I don’t like what you did to Beth, getting her pregnant and pushing off, but you were decent to her tonight.” With that, she walked off.
Greg needed a whiskey. He had a small bottle in the truck. When he made it back to the waiting room, Sara had made the coffees.
“Black and two sugars. Beth said it’s about the only thing she knows about you.” Sara huffed.
Greg laughed. Twelve years without a woman makes you think they’re all special, but he had been lucky enough to hit the jackpot in Gawler that night with Beth. He offered Sara a splash of whiskey to go in her coffee.
“I don’t think we’re meant to drink on the premises, but this has been a hell of a day to say the least.” Sara put her head back and let out a long breath as if to let go of some of the tension.
Silence.
“Brisbane won, then again I don’t think you were into the footy, were you?” she asked.
“Not a bit. Don’t get everyone’s fascination. Bunch of overpaid guys kicking a ball ’round, as far as I’m concerned. Like cricket, though,” he said and sipped his coffee.
“She has two other kids. Did she tell you that?”
He took a deep breath before he answered. “Yes, and that she’s a widow. We did talk, as well as have sex, you know.” Damn, he should hold his tongue. This situation wasn’t Sara’s fault, and pulling an attitude with her was not going to help.
“But you took advantage of her when she was feeling vulnerable.”
That was an accusation if ever he had heard one.
He sat forward and regarded her face to face. “I didn’t take advantage of anybody. Do you think I’d be staying, and that she would want me to, if I’d forced her?” He couldn’t handle this conversation. It pushed too many buttons. Maybe he should go.
“No. I’m sorry … I wasn’t inferring that. I’m not sure why you’re staying, to tell you the truth.” Sara took another mouthful of her coffee.
He knew. “I just want to see my kid.”
“A kid you didn’t know existed until a few hours ago.”
Why was he staying? He didn’t want anyone to think he could give them something emotionally, not even his child. If Sara knew about his time inside, she wouldn’t want him anywhere near Beth. He was feeling emotions. Things like guilt and regret, and he didn’t do emotions. It was easier to forget it. If he left now, he wouldn’t have a memory of a kid he would have to get over later. A memory of someone who expected something he could never give.
A nurse came in and asked him to fill out paperwork, and this time he didn’t refuse. What was the point? It was not their problem. He wrote his name down next to the word “father”. It had to be the strangest thing he had ever done. He handed the clipboard to Sara.
“You’d better fill out the rest. I’ve a feeling you know a lot more than I do.”
“Barnes, well, at long last we have a surname! I can’t believe she slept with you and didn’t get your last name. She did mention you were called Greg.”
Sara carried on writing details, and then picked her coffee up again.
He smiled as he thought back. “She didn’t give me hers either, and trust me, we didn’t sleep much.”
Sara choked on her coffee. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Maybe it’s the whiskey. Want another one? I know I do.”
Sara nodded.
An hour went by as they sat there waiting and sipping on their drinks and talking about Beth. Everything he heard her friend say made him want to stay. He would ignore the compulsion, though, as it would lead nowhere. That wasn’t true. It would lead to more crap and pain than they thought possible.
The door to the room opened and the nurse walked in. For one moment, his stomach flipped, and he thought he would throw up. He had dealt with violence, and threats to his life, and loneliness inside jail, but this was affecting him more.
She smiled. That was a good sign, he thought. “Everything is fine. Would you like to come and see your son, Mr. Barnes?”
A boy. Well fuck, he had a son. It was just as well, as he would make an asshole of a dad trying to protect his daughter from guys like him. The nurse told him to put on a gown and took him to the recovery ward. Beth lay on her bed and was so pale. Her eyes were closed, but he bent down and kissed her forehead. He reckoned even if they knew, no one would stop him at a time like this. He whispered to her. “Thank you, Beth. You’ve given me more than I deserve.”
She opened her eyes for a second and managed a weak smile and then closed them again.
A nurse in blue scrubs walked toward him holding a small bundle. Greg’s hands shook as he went to take his baby. His baby boy was perfect, with blond hair so white Greg could see the skin of his head beneath. The baby’s eyes were blue, just like his. The little scamp’s hands reached up, stretching as he let out a whimper. Greg couldn’t breathe. It was overwhelming, and he didn’t understand it. How could this be happening in his life? He would wake up in a minute and realize it was all a dream, and he was still in jail.
He handed the baby over to Sara and wiped his eyes. Doctor Roberts came over. His attitude broke through Greg’s feelings, with its cool detachment. He was getting the bare facts.
“The pediatrician says your baby is fine, but Beth has lost a fair amount of blood.” He talked on, something about other problems, but Greg didn’t understand. “I’ll be back to see her in the morning.”
Greg took his son back from Sara. He just wanted to sit with him. How the hell could something so wonderful be a part of him? How could something so precious come from something so soiled? Greg marveled at each perfect finger and the tiny fingernails. Sara came over and stood next to him, her eyes watering as she gazed down at his son.
“They say they’re taking Beth to the ward in a minute, and Pete’s on his way here with Keri and David to see their new brother.
She peered anywhere but at him, and he knew he wasn’t going to like what was coming next. “We haven’t said anything to them about you and well, we thought Beth should break the news.”
“You want me to go.” Why did it not surprise him? Life sends you a gift with one hand and then takes it away with the other.
“I think it’s for the best, don’t you?” She looked him in the face, and he couldn’t disagree with her.
“Yeah, sure.” Greg handed Sara his son. It was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. Harder than all the shit he had put up with as a kid. He went over to Beth and took her hand in his. She turned to look at him with a glazed expression from the drugs.
“I’ll come and see you tomorrow.” He bent and kissed her forehead, but he wanted to kiss her lips and reassure her he wouldn’t run away and leave her with his kid on her own. He couldn’t promise anything except for cash, and it was better to keep it that way. She probably wouldn’t want it anyway.
Greg sat in his car and watched Pete pull up. A young boy of about twelve jumped out of the car and ran over to the hospital entrance. A girl of about sixteen got out of the back seat. She was dressed in dark clothes, and her long hair covered her face. If her brother had been keen, she appeared the total opposite. Pete glanced over, but kept walking. Greg didn’t care what these people thought about him. He had a son.
Chapter Seven
>
Beth took Josh from the nurse and popped him on the breast. At least some things were easier when you had experience. With Keri, she felt useless but persevered, and was glad she had. The feeling of holding a baby in your arms while feeding was exhilarating, but she didn’t blame anyone who didn’t want to or couldn’t.
Her head felt groggy and moving was painful, but she would get there. Nothing in life ever quite turned out like she thought it would.
The nurse came and took Josh back to the nursery. Beth leant against the pillows and was just drifting off when there was a knock on the door. Her breath quickened at the thought it might be Greg. This was ridiculous––she was acting like a schoolgirl. It had to be the hormones.
Greg stood there by the door with a massive bunch of flowers and a large teddy bear. She hoped he had ordered it from her shop. The poor man was half in and half out of the room, as if unsure what to do next. She couldn’t keep the smile from her face.
“I hope these are okay. I thought I should get him something.” Greg placed the flowers and teddy on the bedside locker and peered about the room.
“Josh is in the nursery,” she said. “The nurses wanted me to get some rest, so they’re taking care of him.” She paused, hoping he would sit and stay.
“Josh. It’s a good name,” Greg said, with a grin on his face.
“It’s what I wanted if it was a boy. I hope that’s okay. I should’ve asked you last night.” The statement made Beth realize how insane this whole situation was. Life would be simpler if Greg left, but she didn’t want him to.
“No, it’s your call.” Greg sat on the chair next to the bed. “I’m only here by chance, we both know that. I’ve a job down at Robe for the next three weeks, so that will give you time to work out how I can help. Just say if you need money or anything. I want to make things easier for you and Josh, if I can.”
Beth wanted to say, “I need a man to be in my life. I need Jeff back, because I don’t know you.” But instead she said, “I don’t need anything at the moment, but thank you for offering. You’re right, though. We should spend some time thinking about what we want for Josh. And I have to sort things out with my other two children.”
“Have you told them about me being here?”
“Yes. They’re not ready to meet you, and I won’t push it.” She would like Greg in her life, but she was going to protect her kids, no matter what.
“That’s fair enough.” Greg sat on the end of the bed. He started tapping his hands on his thighs and bouncing his left knee.
Beth laid her head back against the pillow: she was too weak to cope with uncomfortable situations, and wanted to sleep. Last night in the heat of the delivery, she thought they were close, but now it was all gone. It was just awkward. A knock came to the door and the nurse popped her head in.
“The doctor will be here in a minute.”
Greg stood up, eager to leave or so Beth thought, then he leaned forward and embraced her. She hadn’t expected the close contact. Beth put her arms around him, and for one moment he nestled his head into her hair. God only knew what she must look like, but she needed this hug. He moved away and put his hands in his pockets.
“I’ll pop to the nursery to see Josh, and I’ll see you in a few weeks, then. Sara’s got my number if you need me.”
With that he was gone, and Beth decided she would just sleep, because her brain couldn’t handle what was happening. At this moment, she could find it too easy to want Greg in her life, but she didn’t know him … he was too tempting, and she didn’t know him at all.
****
The doctor visited and said he wanted her to stay in hospital for at least four days, and she wasn’t going to argue with him. Pete and Sara were looking after the kids, and Mum and Dad were in their element going back and forth between the shop and spoiling their grandchildren.
Beth just couldn’t get over how exhausted she was. With the other two, she’d had quick labors and been up the next day. They weren’t kidding when they said a Caesarian was like major surgery. She was sore and had to hold onto her tummy whenever she wanted to cough. Just as well that Greg wasn’t here to see her looking like this. She still wasn’t sure why she cared, but she did.
Bringing Josh home had been the best day. Sara and Pete cooed over him, and Mum was constantly having to fight them to get a cuddle. She realized she was an incredibly lucky person to be surrounded by so much love. There was just one other person she wished could have been there. But she didn’t relish the discussions that would come with him.
That was two and half weeks ago, and she reckoned she was doing well since. Her wound was healing and didn’t kill her every time she got up out of a chair. To be honest, the only thing or rather person who annoyed her was Will. He had been around every day in the last couple of weeks since she’d come home, and although he was trying to be helpful, it was wearing her down. Mum didn’t like him, and Beth didn’t have the strength to cope with the two of them making steely eyes at each other.
Josh would wake up again soon for another feed, plus Sara said she would call in. Mum and Dad were making it clear that three weeks full-time in the shop was more than they wanted, and she couldn’t blame them. They had planned their trip to Queensland with friends over a year ago, and they were due to set off next week. If someone had said to her a year ago she would have another baby, she would have said they were mad. Who was mad now, she wondered?
A six-week holiday sounded wonderful. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been away. The thought of lying on a beach with the warm sun on you was tempting. Maybe she could ask Greg for a holiday. No, that was not a good idea. She didn’t want to be beholden to him. It would complicate things. Will was tapping his fingers on the breakfast bar again, and it annoyed her. She rubbed her temple as she felt a headache about to start.
“Sara’s coming over soon … I need to talk to her about something, and I think she might feel a bit awkward if you were here. Would you mind?” Beth hoped he would take the hint. He kept going on about a key again, and she couldn’t cope with the discussion again. Before Josh had been born she’d found him helpful, but now she found him suffocating with his attention.
“Of course. I’m expecting someone this afternoon. Another medium. She came highly recommended. I don’t want to give up trying to contact Steve, just because Christine couldn’t do it. You think I’m right, don’t you?”
Beth could kick herself for saying he should try and contact his brother through Christine. From that moment, he became obsessed with the idea. He kept talking about all these unusual people he met. There was probably someone else coming around this afternoon ready to rid him of a few hundred dollars. He was only in his late twenties and not bad looking, in a nerdish sort of way. He should go out and have some fun instead of hanging around a tired new mum. “I think you should do what you think is right for you. I found Christine helped me with the grief to begin with. We all find our own way.”
“I’ll go, then.” Will stood, but hesitated before turning away. She almost had the feeling he was going to come across and hug her, but she must have been wrong. He was just trying to be friendly. She had just never seen him that way.
As she shut the front door, she thought about how she had coped with her grief with Greg. His face flashed into her mind and her heart skipped a beat. He had been wonderful in the delivery room, but then a few words and a hug in the morning, and he was gone. She’d been a soft touch to let him be at the delivery, but then again, she had been a soft touch eight months earlier too. He would be around later, and she didn’t have a clue how she was going to take it. The other day when he’d phoned, her stomach clenched and she felt her color rise, and all he did was ask to come over. She’d gone breathless and could hardly get her words out.
The doorbell rang. It would be Sara … and now Josh was crying. Would it have killed him to sleep for another fifteen minutes? This had all been so much easier when she was younger and had someone to share the
load with.
****
Greg tapped on the dashboard, then ran his hands through his hair. He needed to get out of his car sooner or later. He had to do something or he would turn around and drive and not come back. Sara and Pete suspected he would do a runner, but he had a son. Someone in Beth’s house was a part of him. He wouldn’t let them deny him that, surely? He just didn’t have a clue what she expected of him. The last three weeks being away and knowing Josh was back here had made Greg realize this was a gift. His son was a way to get back, to start over, to become someone again.
The house seemed nice. A tidy, three-bedroom home situated in a neat suburb. Just your everyday home and family … but this one wasn’t his. He pushed the doorbell. His hands were shaking and his heart raced at the thought of seeing Beth and Josh again. What if she told him to go? Changing his mind, he went to turn away, when the door opened. If he left now, he wouldn’t have to deal with the rejection.
“Greg.”
It was Beth’s voice. It was mellow and drew him in now as it did the first time he met her. She looked tired and pale and there were dark circles under her eyes, but she still smiled at him. He’d heard her yell obscenities for several hours in labor. He had also heard her scream and groan with pleasure.
“Can I come in?”
“Yes, of course. Sara’s here. Josh is in the kitchen with her.”
He followed her into the kitchen and Sara sat there and glared at him. He was pretty sure it meant he should have stayed away. He had gotten on with Sara so well, the night of the delivery. Then again, she was looking out for Beth, which made him like her more. He wanted to hold Josh. Gazing at him in Sara’s arms, he experienced the same overwhelming sensation he had the first time he saw him. Disbelief. He couldn’t keep the smile from his face and his heart ached.
Beth handed him a coffee. “Black, two sugars.” Greg winked, and Beth blushed. He enjoyed making her blush, but he needed to keep this as a business arrangement. A strange whirring sound came from down the hallway.