by Maggie Mundy
“That will be my washing machine not coping with repeated loads of nappies. I swear, it’s on its last legs.” Beth walked away to go see to the noisy machine.
Greg peeked around as he sipped his coffee. The house was small and the furniture had seen better days, but it was clean and tidy. He liked it. Years of keeping your cell just so had made him annoyed with mess. He didn’t let the other roommates where he lived anywhere near his room. He didn’t like people touching him, or his things.
Sara coughed. Greg glanced across and could see from her tightened lips she wasn’t happy. What now?
“I’m not going to beat around the bush with you. You were good on the night Josh was born, but don’t think you can swan in here now and mess up Beth’s life even more, just because you want to be around him.”
Greg didn’t have time to react before Beth walked back in. She took Josh from Sara and sat down. She undid her blouse and started breastfeeding. He sat there staring into his coffee and tried to blend into the background while they talked about Beth’s shop. Sara got up, washed her mug out, and grabbed her bag.
“You’re sure you’ll be all right if I go?”
Greg noticed her glance his way, but it was beyond him what she actually thought he would do. He wouldn’t hurt Beth or Josh. In fact, if anyone tried to hurt them he would make them pay. He would go back inside to protect them.
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’ll sort something out with the shop.”
“Don’t get up, I can show myself out.” Sara kissed the top of Beth’s head and gave him one last grumpy glance as she headed for the door.
He watched as Beth changed Josh to the other breast.
“You know, it’s a bit disconcerting, you staring at me like that when I’m flashing my boobs.”
“Sorry.” Greg stared at the floor.
“He’s a hungry baby. The nurse said he put on a kilo in the past three weeks.”
Greg felt proud, which was foolish as he had nothing to do with it. He glanced up again. Her breasts were bigger, though still as beautiful as he remembered them. Looking at them that night, they had been a blessing to a starved man. He shouldn’t be thinking this, what kind of guy was he to be peering at her while she fed his kid?
“I’ve a copy of the birth certificate for you. His second name is Gregory. It’s on the table in the dining room if you want to have a look. I’ll get your copy.”
Greg walked across and picked up the piece of paper, the final proof. His kid’s name: Joshua Gregory Miller. It would have been good if the last name was Barnes, but Greg had no intention of tying himself down to marriage no matter what the inducements. What kind of dad would he make? He wanted to be part of Josh’s life, but as soon as she found out about his past, Beth would take out a restraining order against him.
Beth placed Josh against her shoulder and gently rubbed his back. He burped, a surprisingly loud noise for such a small thing, and Greg smiled.
“Now I know he’s mine,” Greg chuckled.
“Did you ever doubt that?” Beth appeared saddened at his comment.
“No, I didn’t mean...” Greg ran his hands through his hair. Shit, he was going to have to be careful what he said.
“It’s okay, I know you didn’t. Look, I’m just hormones, tears one minute and happiness the next, so ignore me. Do you want to change him?” she said, as she stood up.
“I’d like that, if you’ll show me how.”
He followed her to her bedroom, which was crowded with a cot in one corner and a change table next to it. Josh was small but perfect in every way. Beth patiently showed Greg what to do, cleaning and powdering, then replacing Josh’s nappy. Greg’s hands were way too big for the job, and Beth giggled at his attempt. This was too cozy by half, and too tempting to a man like him.
“Make sure you support his head as you pick him up.”
Greg’s hands were big and rough on the baby, but Josh never whimpered. He was tough like his old man, but Greg would make sure if he could Josh would never need to be that tough. Greg sat on the end of the bed with Josh in his arms, and Beth sat next to him.
“He looks like you––I’m glad he didn’t get my red hair. My skin burns so easily. I have to plaster myself in sunscreen in summer. My other kids have their father’s olive skin and tan easily. Must be my Irish heritage.”
She was talking fast, and he reckoned he was making her nervous. He didn’t want to. She was right, though: Josh did look like him. This kid might have been a mistake, but it was one he was glad he had made. Greg glanced around her room. On the dressing table was a wedding photo of a young Beth with a dark-haired man. He assumed it had to be Jeff.
Someone might as well have chucked a bucket of iced water on him. What the hell was he doing in this man’s house? Sitting on his bed with his widow. His life didn’t include happy families. People didn’t talk about what his life included. It was one of those subjects that made them feel uncomfortable. Greg couldn’t see how he would fit in here, but in the last three weeks he had worked out that he didn’t want to give up Josh, and holding him again reinforced the concept.
Beth went and picked up the photo frame. “I was eighteen, and we had an unplanned pregnancy. Seems to be a repeating pattern, doesn’t it? You think I’d learn. We were high school sweethearts and going to marry anyway. It just all happened sooner than we thought.” Beth sighed as she put the picture back.
Josh squirmed in Greg’s arms. Life had been crap up until now. For once, just maybe he could make a difference. A good difference in people lives, despite what Sara might think.
“Beth, I want to be part of his life. I was listening to what you said to Sara about the shop. I only have another week’s work booked here, then some time off ’til the next house is ready to start work on. Maybe I could look after him ’til your parents get back.” There was uncertainty in her eyes as she frowned, and he couldn’t blame her.
“I know you’re his dad, Greg, but I don’t know you. I’ve my other kids to think of, and you’re a stranger coming into our home.”
Greg peered down at Josh. He didn’t tell people stuff, but he wanted this kid.
“It’s a fair point. I’m thirty-three years old. I’ve one sister who lives in Tanunda, up around Gawler. She’s married, two kids. I grew up in the country. My Mum, she lives in Unley, she’s a Councilor no less. We don’t talk. Dad died twelve years ago. I’m a carpenter and you know my living arrangements. I’ve never been married, and as far as I know Josh is my only kid.” Greg took Josh’s finger in his hand and waved it about. Was that going to be enough to satisfy Beth? He sure as hell didn’t want to say any more.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t expecting you to tell me stuff. Okay, I’m thirty-five and have two brothers. One is married with two kids in Victoria. The other is working at Roxby Downs, making lots of money down the mines. Mum and Dad are alive of course, and off to join the gray army going around Australia. I’ve three kids. Josh obviously, Keri who’s sixteen, and David who’s twelve. I run the local florist shop and apart from Jeff, you’re the only other man I have slept with, or to put it bluntly, had sex with.” She took a deep breath and stared at Josh.
Greg smiled, knowing he was the only other man she had slept with. He had no right to smile. If she was going to give herself to another man after Jeff, he was absolutely sure he wouldn’t have been Jeff’s choice. She bent down and kissed Josh. Her hands were shaking. The only calm one out of the three of them here was blowing bubbles. Greg realized he couldn’t walk away from this. From his son.
“Will you let me help?” The longer she took to answer, the more he was certain she would say no. There was a lump in his throat that would not go away no matter how much he swallowed. His world seemed to stop while he waited for her to speak.
“I’ve thought about this, and my answer is yes. Josh is your son, and I think it’s great you want to be part of his life––and God knows, I need all the help I can get. I didn’t expect to s
ee you again, and I had sorted my life out accordingly, but it doesn’t mean I’m not glad that things turned out differently. I’m rambling again, aren’t I?”
“Yes, I’ve noticed it on occasions before.” Damn, this was not the time to bring that night up. He couldn’t mess this up.
“You can look after him for a day or so as a trial, but you come here. I’m not having Josh going to a bachelor house, and I need to talk to my kids first.”
“Fair enough. Look, anything you want is fine with me. I want you, and Josh, and your kids to be safe and happy with me being around. Will you let me know about money? I’d like to pay my share.”
“If you look after Josh, you won’t be earning.”
“Money isn’t a problem. I want things to be right by you and your family. If I can make life good for you, that’s good for Josh––but I don’t want to upset your other kids.”
Beth bit her thumbnail. Shit, he didn’t want to cause her worry. He should go. Who the hell did he think he was, having any right being here?
“I talked to Keri and David, and they know you were at the delivery. I think Keri might shoot you with a poison dart, and David won’t come off the computer long enough to talk about it. They’ve said they think it’s okay if you see Josh once in a while.”
She glanced away and back again as if she were hesitating about what to say next.
“From where I stand, I want it to be clear any money or help just gives you access to Josh. This is hard enough for my kids to understand without us becoming––oh heck, now I feel awkward, I’m sorry.”
It was probably for the best. He believed in one-night stands for a good reason. All that didn’t matter now, because baby Josh was asleep in his arms. Greg stood and placed him down in the cot. Turning around, he bumped into Beth. She jumped, but didn’t move away. His hands came up and felt so comfortable wrapped around her waist. He should say something, but all he wanted to do was kiss her. She was so close: those lips, that mouth. Damn it, he could feel himself getting hard. She would feel it too. Those eyes, there was too much need there. They both wanted too much and it brought him back to reality, but she was the first to pull away.
“I’m sorry––I’m a bit twitchy at the moment. No sleep does that to you,” Beth blurted. “Come down to the kitchen, and we’ll work something out.” Greg looked back at Josh. He was reluctant to leave. When she had bumped into him, he was instantly aware how she good she smelt. Good enough to wrap his arms around and forget about the rest of the world. He had made her forget her world once before, and now he had Josh because of it. He wouldn’t let her down.
****
Beth watched from the front steps as Greg drove his pick-up down the road, and Keri and David walked up the street. As soon as her son was in the front door, David threw down his bag and headed for the computer in the family room. Keri walked in the kitchen as Beth put on the kettle.
“Coffee?”
“Yeah, sure––was that him?”
“Yes. That was Josh’s father, Greg.”
“He looked pretty hot, Mum. I’m impressed. Now he’s seen Josh, he’s not coming back, is he?” Keri stood with her arms folded, ready for an argument. Beth explained what was going to happen. Keri exploded and stormed off to her room. David came in with his usual “whatever”, which was his comment to avoid any discussion. They had held it together as a family so well since Jeff’s death. Josh was automatically invited into the group, but where did Greg fit in? She knew it wasn’t fair on the kids, but she wanted him to fit in somehow.
She had no illusions of love. It had just been a night of sex, and Josh didn’t change that fact. What annoyed her was the way she’d reacted earlier. She could have jumped on him on the bed right there and then. She didn’t fool herself. The night of sex with him had brought Josh, a flabby abdomen, sore boobs, and bags under her eyes. He wouldn’t be giving her a second glance. She wasn’t sure why she cared what he thought, but she did.
Chapter Eight
Will hoped this clairvoyant, Miranda, would be able to help. She said she had been successful on many occasions at enabling someone to have close contact with their lost loved ones. It was all Christine’s fault. Ever since that day he had visited her, he felt something was different: As if there were thoughts in his mind he was meant to understand, but clarity was just out of his reach.
He was having trouble sleeping and found himself constantly plagued by nightmares. What had Christine done to him? Last night, he had woken up screaming. In the dream, he had hanged himself. It felt so real, he could hardly breathe as he lay awake in bed with the sweat cooling on his skin.
Will’s hand instinctively went up and touched his neck again. For now, he hoped his visitor would be able to help as he went and answered the doorbell.
Miranda appeared ordinary, with fuzzy gray hair and gray clothes that looked as if they had seen better days. She gave the appearance of being more suited to the Country Woman’s Association than to contacting people from beyond the grave. He’d tried other mediums, but they hadn’t helped. He observed they were middle-aged women, mostly. Though there had been one man in his forties. Will had gotten the impression it had been a different kind of contact that particular medium wanted.
As Miranda walked past him into the house, Will glanced across to Beth’s house. He clenched his fists as he watched a man leaving. He didn’t know him––and he knew most of her friends. It didn’t matter, as he would look after Beth. Seven years of karate gives you confidence. There was a cough behind him. He was forgetting his guest. Will guided Miranda to the living room, indicating where she should sit at the table. He would wipe everything down after she left.
Will sighed. It appeared Miranda would be like most of the others? A waste of time and money. Not that money mattered as his parents had left plenty. Only his brother wasn’t here anymore to share it. Damn it, but Christine was the only other medium who showed any talent, and he wasn’t going to go back to her––not that she would let him. He was sure Steve had come through to her the day she refused to say anything. She kept twittering on about some other spirit trying to come through. He had wanted to hit the smug bitch, but then her husband arrived.
“So, Steve was your younger brother?” Miranda asked.
“Yes, I already mentioned that!” Will decided he was paying enough cash not to hide the irritation in his voice.
“Yes, you did, it is just that what I’m getting is so different from you. I’ve dealt with siblings before, but this doesn’t feel like you at all. I feel as though there is a spirit here with you already, not one waiting to come through.”
“So, what are you saying? That you can’t do this?”
“No, of course not––hold my hands and we’ll talk with him.” Miranda placed her hands on the table palm up.
Will cringed as he put his hands in her clammy palms. He should have made her wash her hands. It was a mistake he would not make again. She parted her lips and breathed out, and he could see her breath in clouds as if it were a cold winter’s day. Will couldn’t keep the smile from his face as the color of her eyes changed to blue. The same intense blue both he and Steve shared.
“Will, why do you want to talk to me?” Miranda’s voice mimicked Steve’s.
“It’s you. I’ve been trying to get through to you for so long.” Will’s eyes were watering, now the moment had come.
“It’s taken me a while to get this crap on the other side together.”
“Are Mum and Dad there?” Will didn’t want to talk to them.
“No, they went straight over. No unfinished business as far as they were concerned.”
“I was there for you, Steve. You believe that, don’t you?”
“I wanted someone else, Will. You stopped that.”
“I did what I thought was for the best, but I was wrong and would give anything to have you back,” Will said, as Miranda tightened her grip and grinned.
“I’ll be here for you.” Miranda’s voice had
changed yet again to become high-pitched, and her eyes were brown. She started to shake and her grip tightened as a painful shock ran up his arms.
****
Miranda shook his hand at the front door. Had he paid her? He couldn’t remember. All he could recall was the shock going up his arms. They still ached, and just lifting his hand to shake Miranda’s was an effort.
Walking back into the lounge, everything was in its place. The chairs were pushed under the oak dining table, and the black leather couch was as before with cushions where he had placed them.
He was tired and alone and needed to sleep. Steve had talked to him and would again. Will went to his brother’s room and lay down on the bed. He kept the room closed and everything as it was the day Steve died. If he could just talk to Steve when he needed, and if he could just have Beth to himself, then he would be fine. If he could only get rid of her children and take her somewhere safe for a time so he could convince her.
He breathed in deeply to try and get some of the scent of his dead brother, but it was gone. Steve had never been strong, and after Mum and Dad had died he stayed home letting Will take control. As long as Will kept the heroin coming, then Steve had coped. They had worked from home. He gave his brother everything he needed.
Will would always regret letting Steve go to evening classes. It was there he had met that woman. Steve was going to leave to be with her, and Will knew there was only one thing he could do. He injected him and held him as he died. The police never guessed––after all, he was just another user who overdosed. The bitch even had the cheek to turn up at the funeral. It was her fault Steve was dead, and if Will knew where she lived, he would have killed her too.
Lying on his brother’s bed, he could feel another presence in his mind and it didn’t feel like Steve. He remembered a high-pitched voice and brown eyes. He remembered those comforting words. They said they would provide him with what he needed.