by Maggie Mundy
“I’d been out of prison a week when we met. I’d served twelve years for killing someone. It’s all going to come out anyway, and I think you should hear it from me. It was my uncle, and I ran him down.”
Greg’s face had taken on the blank mask. Beth couldn’t think. It was as if someone had put her brain on hold. Or like watching a movie and the screen froze. This wasn’t happening. She knew he had secrets, but not this. Other people you read about in the paper know murderers, not people like her. She had invited a killer into her home. She didn’t know him at all, and the fact he knew how Jeff had died and had said nothing ... how could he?
“So, if Mrs. Goldberg hadn’t been attacked, you would’ve kept on lying?” She peered at him, not wanting to know.
“This life was so normal, so good. I never expected much of a life after jail, but then I randomly met you and nine months later everything changed. I knew it wouldn’t last, but I wanted it for as long as it would. I’m so sorry, Beth. You’re a wonderful person, and I wanted to be wanted by you. I was selfish, but you have to believe I’d never hurt any of you. I killed someone long ago because I thought it was right. I did the time. I’ve never hurt anyone since.”
She was a fool, but she believed he wasn’t a bad man. If he would open up and tell her why he did it, then she would let him stay.
“I’ll go and get some of my stuff and leave. I can come back tomorrow for the rest.” Greg stood and headed off down the corridor.
“Shut up and get back here,” she called. He wasn’t going to get away with it that easily. She needed to know.
Beth took another swig of her drink. She had actually believed she was falling in love with him. The kids got on with him and everything had been rolling along. How had she lived with him and not seen anything? She wanted to feel angry, but just felt numb.
****
Greg walked back into the lounge and was ready for her to say anything. He wouldn’t argue, or fight, all he wanted was to see Josh. That wasn’t all he wanted, he wanted her, but that would never happen. He’d been right the first night he had met her. He wasn’t and never would be good enough.
Beth’s empty glass was on the floor. Her eyes were blank and staring ahead and her hand kept moving as if it was holding a pen.
Fuck. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Jeff was back again. Her dead husband’s ghost chose some great moments to make an appearance. Beth let out a sound as if in pain. Greg ran to the phone and got a pen and pad of paper. Beth still didn’t focus on him but started writing.
She’s yours now, you can’t just walk away. You can’t leave. He wants just her and he will get rid of my children as well as Josh to have her.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, Jeff, she knows about me. She knows I’m a killer and wants me out.” Shit, he was actually talking to her as if Jeff was there. Now he was losing his mind as well. She started writing again.
I’m in her head. She loves you. Tell her why you did it and she’ll understand.
“Well, fuck that one, mate. I thought I loved her too, but she loves something that doesn’t exist. The Greg who lived with her is an illusion. The real one’s a murderer.”
“Greg, you’re back.” Keri walked in the room, yawning. “What’s going on?
Greg looked at Beth, who had gone pale and was now shaking.
“Are you two fighting?” Keri walked toward her mum.
“No. We’re just a bit uptight with everything that’s happened,” Beth said.
“I’m going to make some hot chocolate. Do you want some?” Keri asked.
Beth nodded, so did Greg. It was more to get Keri out of the room. He put his car keys on the table and sat next to Beth. He didn’t know whether to touch her, now she knew the truth about him. He needn’t have worried, as she grabbed his hand and took a deep breath.
“I’ve just read what I wrote.” Beth started to cry.
Greg sat there not knowing what to do as she leaned against him and wept. Placing his arms around her he sighed, wondering why her dead husband would want to keep them together. They would need to talk about the shit Jeff had spouted, but for now he would play happy family in front of Keri. The kids would find out soon enough.
****
Beth wrote notes for both of the kids’ schools so the teachers knew they might be upset about the break-in. She hadn’t said anything to them about Greg yet. Now they were gone to school, she needed to sort out what would happen next. Her face was blotchy from crying. Greg rubbed his neck. It ached from sleeping those couple of hours in one of the lounge room chairs. As he walked back in from his pick-up, Beth put the jug on. Josh bounced away, absorbed in the brightly colored toys above his head.
“To say we need to talk is an understatement,” Beth said.
Beth placed their coffees on coasters on either side of the dining room table.
“You want to go first?” she asked.
“No.” Greg stared into his coffee.
“Okay, then I will. I always thought I was a bit crazy after Jeff died. Not just the grief, but because I believed he talked to me. I even went to see a psychiatrist about it. He told me it was normal for people to imagine things like that. I wasn’t imagining, though. Jeff would tell me things before they happened, and other stuff that would later be proved true. I heard his voice in my head as if he was sitting talking to me. I would even smell his aftershave sometimes. If I was mad, then it was a type of madness that helped me cope.”
Greg said nothing, but sat listening.
“You have to give me something here. I’m still finding it hard to accept you could have done what you did and not told me sooner.”
Greg shook his head. “So, you’re sitting in a pizzeria in Gawler with a stranger. He tells you he was a week out from doing time for murder. You reckon you’d have said, come back to my room and let’s have some fun?” He was snapping and being unfair. This wasn’t her fault.
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have slept with you. I can understand you not telling me then, so you might get lucky, but not all the months of pretense since. When you came back into my life to be with Josh, you could have said something.”
“Come on, Beth. You would never have let me near any of your family, not even my own son. To lie was the only way I was going to stay near him. If I could turn back time, I’d do it again.”
“Regardless of our feelings?” Her hands were in fists.
“Yes.”
Stalemate.
“So, this is all about Josh? You lied to us all so you could play at being Daddy?”
“Listen, I know you think what Jeff made you write was true. The truth is, the kid’s mine and that’s all, I don’t love anybody. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what love means.”
He glared at her with eyes that were locked off. That stated it loud and clear. He didn’t even love Josh. If she was the only one who cared, then she would be the one to take care of them all and he could go.
Don’t let him go, Beth. Someone wants to hurt you.
Beth knew she had said the words, but the voice didn’t sound like hers. It was deep and raspy.
It was Jeff, in her head again, and her coffee was spilt across the table.
Greg was next to her taking her in his arms. Her whole body shook and her breath came in gasps. He held her face cupped in his hands.
“It’s okay, I’m here.”
Greg’s blank expression was gone and replaced with one of concern. They were too close and she could smell him, and touch him, and his lips were close, lips she had grown used to. Then his lips were on hers. Despite everything she knew about him. The main thing she knew was they wanted each other too much. There was too much desperation there to ignore. She needed to stop this and think about her kids: he was an ex-criminal, a killer. They pulled apart.
“I won’t lie after everything, but Jeff said if you told me why you did what you did, I would understand and let you stay.” Greg let go of her.
“You’ll be wait
ing a long time. Apart from a dead man who can see inside my head, I’m not talking.” Greg stood with the expressionless look back.
“So where do we go from here?” Beth asked.
“If it’s the condition of me staying, then I leave.” His knuckles were white as they clenched the chair in front of him.
“I love you. I know Jeff was right about that. I think if I didn’t, the police would be here escorting you away. If Pete hadn’t believed you last night after what he had found out, he would never have left you to stay the night. If this had happened a week after you had moved in, I would have said it was lust, but not now––the Greg I know, he isn’t some killer.”
He laughed and shook his head.
“But I am, Beth, and I would do it all again, and go to prison again. If he were in front of me right now, I would take his life without a moment’s hesitation. I paid for my crime, but I don’t regret it.”
Beth could see nothing in Greg’s eyes but cold, hard hatred. It was a place she had never been despite all her pain, and it was a place she didn’t want to go. What could happen to a person to make them like that?
“So, you believe what you did was right?”
“No. Killing someone isn’t right, and I caused a lot of people pain. I live with that all the time. I just did what I did, and it was wrong. The case never went to trial, I pleaded guilty. I’m not telling you about my past, so don’t bother asking. Whatever you say goes. I’ll walk out of here and not bother you again.”
“What about the other things Jeff said? Your pick-up, with graffiti on it.”
“No one is threatening you, Beth. They just wanted me gone. Don’t start imagining things. The police are at the end of the phone, and next door was just a random thing. She disturbed a burglar, I’d guess. I’ll be at the local caravan park ’til the cops say I can move on. I’ll sort out how I can help out with money for Josh. It’s all I can offer.”
Their neighbor lay in hospital unconscious, and he talked about it so casually. Beth glanced around her home at all the familiar things, and then at Greg.
“What do I tell the kids when they find out, which they will? It’s going to hurt them.”
“Whatever you want, Beth, just trust me: your life is easier without me in it. At least Josh is young enough he won’t remember me.”
“It might be easier, Greg, but would I want it?”
“You should. You can’t think straight with me here, and neither can I. I’ll come back in a month or so. The cops have already stipulated I don’t move far. Serve your time and be free is definitely an illusion.”
“I don’t get any of this.”
“If you wanted to keep me in your life, you soon would. By knowing me, you’d be tainted. No more the florist who is so nice, but that shop is the one with the woman involved with a killer. You work hard and have a business, but with me around, there isn’t one.”
“You’re going, then?”
“Yes, just leave my stuff out front and I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”
He turned and walked out the door. She wanted to believe there was regret in his eyes, but there only seemed to be a sense of resignation and loneliness she couldn’t ease no matter what she said.
Chapter Sixteen
Greg locked the pick-up and walked to the cabin as he had each day for the past two weeks. The new contractor had taken on building eight houses, but only had the time and manpower to build five. He would let him know he was moving on soon. His workmates were the usual assortment: They expected him down the pub later. He would drink with them and think of Beth, like a fool hankering after something he could never have.
It seemed the police had a likely candidate for the burglary, so they wouldn’t keep pestering him. Greg sighed as he stared at the picture of Beth and Josh on the coffee table, such a beautiful smile on her face. The last time he saw her she looked so sad, and he had been the cause of it.
Before he went to jail his life had been shit, but inside had not been much better. You learnt how to cope in there, but it didn’t equate to living. You had to feel to be alive, and he spent years keeping those feeling pushed down. He picked up a picture of Josh. The kid he never thought he would have and said words he knew his son would never hear.
“Sorry, kid, not too much reason for me to stay now. I’ll just mess up your lives your mum will look after you. She’s a good woman. Way too good for me.”
He went outside and sat down with his coffee.
As far as trailer parks go, this was one of the best, being next to a national park. He sat outside at night and watched the possums. One would even come down and eat from his hand. He’d heard a male koala’s grunting for a mate at night and sympathized. It had been wonderful having Beth in his bed every night. She always wanted him as much as he wanted her. Her need was based on honesty. His needs had no right to be fulfilled.
He walked back inside and investigated the fridge for the remains of last night’s Indian curry. As he ate, he found himself chuckling. The last time they ate takeaway, Beth spent most of the night breaking wind and cringing in embarrassment. His wind was worse and they both stank out the bedroom. He wanted that feeling of just being who you are back, but it wasn’t coming because it was all a lie.
Someone banged on the door. Unless it was the cops, he couldn’t see who would be hammering so hard. He opened the door to find David standing there. Before Greg could say anything, David started thumping him on the chest. Greg grabbed the young boy’s arms.
“Whoa, stop! David. What the hell’s going on?” The boy had a decent black eye starting to swell and a cut lip. From the look of his grazed knuckles, he probably wasn’t the only one with injuries. “If I let go of your arms, do you promise not to be stupid?”
David nodded, but his fists were still clenched.
“Sit down while I get some ice for your eye and something to clean up your lip.”
David sat there quietly while Greg cleaned him up. He didn’t squirm though the eyes watered a bit. He hadn’t seen the kids since he’d left.
“Does Mum know you’re here?” David shook his head. “You going to tell me what’s going on before I phone her?” A nod, this time.
“It’s this moron Peter Faulkner in school. All day he’d been going at me saying Mum was a whore. I said I’d meet him after school. He said Mum was screwing a murderer. We fought ’til I got him on the ground and kept punching him. Then Jake pulled me off. Peter’s girl, Tracey, started yelling at me. You’re weird! It’s true, you know, just look in the paper. Mum told me. She shoved this at me.”
David pulled a screwed-up piece of paper from his pocket and thrust it at Greg. It had been cut out of the local free paper. It read:
Police now believe they have the person who was behind the recent burglary and horrendous bashing of an elderly resident in Blackhill. It would appear the young man they are questioning was looking for money or goods to feed his drug addiction. The police had been previously questioning Greg Barnes, who lived next door to the elderly lady, as he had only last year been released after serving twelve years for murder.
The article went on, but Greg didn’t need to read any more.
“Listen, I told your mum about my criminal record the night the old lady got hurt. I moved out to avoid this.” Any adoration David might have had for him in the past was gone as he glared at him with a frown across his face.
“I hate you. I wish Mum had never met you. I thought you made her happy, but you’re just a big fat liar,” David yelled, as his lips split open again and a rivulet of blood ran down his chin.
He had nothing to say to the kid. It was true. “I’ll phone your mum.” Greg walked outside, leaving David sitting and scowling.
“Hi, Beth.”
“Greg.” All she said was his name, but hearing her voice made him want her again.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but David turned up here at the caravan park. He had a fight in school. There’s stuff about me in the paper, and some kid br
ought it in to school.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
He didn’t want to go back inside. What could he say? Nothing could put things right. He would let him stew for a few minutes while he took the rubbish across to the bin.
As he walked back toward the cabin, he heard a loud crash from inside. Opening the door to the unit, he saw the coffee table thrown across the room and broken into pieces. A mug flew against another wall, and the saucepan flew past Greg’s head. It made contact with the window, causing it to shatter behind him. The site owners would be here if he didn’t stop this. Greg ran at David and pulled him to the floor before the young boy hurled the kettle across the room.
Trapping him in his arms, Greg held David’s back to his chest ignoring the thrashing feet.
“Let me go, you dickhead.”
Greg held on tight as he thrashed, he knew it would stop. He had enough experience to know physical rage wears itself out.
“I thought you were like my dad, but you’re just a crook. You hurt Mum, and I hate you.”
That was fair enough. Greg held on, not letting David go. The kid was right. All he brought them was more pain. He’d messed with them because he wanted it. He wanted what they had, what Jeff had lived with.
He let go. David turned on him, pounding away at his chest. Greg never let anyone hurt him, but didn’t stop David’s attack. He deserved every thump.
“I wish you’d die and Dad could come back.”
Greg glanced up and saw Beth walk in the door, confusion showing on her face as she surveyed the situation. She yelled out, but it was too late, as Greg saw the broken table leg come toward his head.
Sirens, he could hear them, but to open his eyes caused too much pain. It went dark again. This time when he came to, someone shone a light in his eyes. They were talking to Beth. Something about blood clots. Who was next of kin? He heard her mention his mother. Beth looked toward him and smiled. Where were they? All he could see was blue curtains and white walls. A machine beeped beside him. Was that his? His head hurt so much he thought it would explode.
“You’re going to be okay, Greg, do you hear me? I’m not going to lose another man I love.”