by Maggie Mundy
He wanted to stay, but oblivion pulled him away. Next time he was in a corridor and the lights were passing by overhead. Beth was there again.
“Greg, fight it and come back to me.”
She loved him and he could die knowing that fact. Even knowing everything about him, even with his being a killer, she still wanted him.
She loved me first, a voice echoed in his mind as he drifted into darkness.
****
Beth sat beside David as one of the doctors examined his lip and eye. She kept jumping every time someone came in as if there might be news. It had been over an hour since the doctors took Greg to the operating room. Beth hugged Josh as she walked out of the cubicle in Accident and Emergency with David, and she wanted to get back upstairs to the ward as soon as she could.
That wasn’t going to happen any time soon. The nurse said there were two policemen who wanted to talk to David.
They were shown to a room and the door shut firmly behind them. Over and over the cops kept asking how David got his injuries, and making him repeat the story of his fight in school. It was as if they would catch him out in some way and find Greg had hit him. Why didn’t they just ring the other kid and find out he was telling the truth. Beth told them about Josh, and why Greg had moved out. If they wanted to think she was a fool for being with Greg, then so be it. He had lied about his past, but had never hurt any of them physically, and she wanted it known.
Walking back to the ward, she knew she would hear more from the police, but they were only looking out for her family. She sighed looking at Josh. Her family needed better than this. She had brought it upon them. David had been near her when she had told Greg she loved him. After hearing what happened at school, she saw how selfish she had become. Greg never said he loved her. All she had was Jeff’s spirit telling her it was so.
The doctor in Intensive Care said Greg was out of surgery and it went well. He would be sedated overnight, so they should go home and get some rest.
****
Keri and Tyler were sitting at the table doing homework when she and David walked in. Keri came over and gave her a hug.
“How is he?”
“They said he should be fine, but we’ll know more tomorrow.”
David had taken himself off to his room. Beth popped Josh down in his cot and made David hot chocolate and took it to him.
“How’re you doing?” He seemed scared as he huddled down in his bed.
“Are they going to lock me up like they did Greg? I don’t want to go to prison.”
She put his drink down and saw his bottom lip was trembled. “No, when Greg wakes up they’ll ask him what happened. He feels bad enough about not telling us about his past. I don’t think he’d want to take it further. I’m just sorry my being with him caused you trouble.”
“Even before Dad died, Peter used to pick on me. He’s a dickhead.”
“Language.”
“But he is. When Greg moved in, he told me not to let people push me around. I’m sorry I hit him. He’s not going to die, is he?”
“No, darling. He might be sick for a bit, and he may need us to help him get better. Now go to sleep. I’ll call the school tomorrow so you can have the day off, okay?” Beth stood up to leave the room.
“Mum, he said he told you about being in prison.”
“Yes, he did, and I should’ve told you both then, but he thought he’d be able to leave and you wouldn’t need to know. He just couldn’t move away while the police were still investigating the attack on Mrs. Goldberg.” She sat back down on the bed.
“Why did he kill someone?” David picked up his hot chocolate and started drinking.
“I don’t know, but I know he would never hurt any of us.” Beth leaned down and kissed David on the cheek. She walked down the corridor.
Keri kissed Tyler good-bye at the front door and went back to the kitchen. Beth went and put the kettle on, but she didn’t want a drink. Instead, glancing at the phone she decided to ring the hospital. He was comfortable, so at least nothing had changed.
“So, how is he?”
“Stable.”
“And David?” she asked, sitting on the far side of the breakfast bar.
“He thinks he’s going to end up inside like Greg. Which is insane, as all the questions the police asked were about whether Greg hurt him, and caused him to attack him? I don’t believe Greg will press charges.” Beth massaged her temples to rid herself of the ache. It didn’t work.
“Mum, that’s mad; Greg loves him like his own––haven’t you watched them with the whole wood bashing thing? It’s crazy, but I reckon David doesn’t remember Dad as much as I do, and wanted someone to fill the space.”
“I’m sorry I put you both through this.” Beth looked at her daughter, hoping she would forgive her for the mess.
“Shut up, Mum. You went through it too. I hate to admit it, but you started smiling when Greg came into your life. No one can replace Dad with me, but I was okay because you were happy. Plus, Greg seemed to make you go easier on Tyler.” Keri laughed.
“He never lied to me. He just didn’t tell me the details. I failed you all by letting a murderer into our home.” The tears welled in her eyes as she sat down at the dining table.
Keri sat next to her. “Listen, Mum. When I was in year six, Abby caused me hell at school. She was a skinny and all the boys liked her. I stole one of my teacher’s USBs. I knew it had Abby’s presentation for parent’s night on it, and I deleted the main copy. I watched her cry on parent night, but didn’t care.” Keri grabbed her hand and squeezed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were a mess and so were we. Dad had just died. All I am saying is, it was only a teacher’s USB––not a life, but I thought it was worth it. I wanted her to feel pain because I was in pain. She got over it, but I never got Dad back. You need to know why he did it, Mum. It’s all just crap otherwise.”
“I asked him about why he did it when I found out. He made it clear he’d never tell me or anyone.”
“I Googled the case, but there wasn’t much because it didn’t go to trial. You have to wonder why, though? There must have been some bad stuff going on that caused him to do it. I reckon he would never have hurt any of us. In fact, he came over all protective.”
Beth smiled at Keri and got a weird look with a raised eyebrow for an answer. “Anyway, when did you grow up so much?”
“Mum, don’t get heavy with me. Look, I like Tyler, and you like Greg. Talk to him and if he doesn’t give you a good reason, then drop him.”
Beth had a feeling it wasn’t going to be so simple. Her life never was.
****
Tyler drove Beth to get Greg’s pick-up. If Tyler’s family were concerned, no one had mentioned it. Maybe they hoped he would eventually drop Keri because of everything. If he did, he wasn’t worth her. The trailer park owners were glad to be rid of anything connected with Greg. Beth gave them her number to deal with any damages accrued.
She wasn’t surprised Greg never said anything about his past. The looks she got since people knew they were involved made her understand his reticence. Tyler went home, and Beth just wanted to sit in the pick-up out the front of her house and cry. She either had to stand by him or move away from him for good. It was simple.
She ran her fingers along his dashboard. It was invading his space, but she needed to understand him more. She opened the glove box and said sorry in a whisper. CDs were stacked and she didn’t know the names of half of the bands. Putting on one CD, it sounded like someone swearing but she couldn’t work anything out. Then the next one, it was Three Days Grace. The song was about trust and letting people down when they needed you most. It wasn’t something she could listen to, so she turned it off. A piece of folded up paper fell on the floor. Her hand reached out to shove it back where she found it, but her curiosity got the better of her.
Beth,
I’m sorry I fucked everything up. You’re the first time in my
life I want to be somewhere. Trouble is, it’s not real. You’re something else and you don’t even know it. You make me mad, and sad, and sometimes I think you’re as crazy as I am. This is so stupid. I played you all at my only chance for a life. I finally loved someone after all this time and thought it would be so easy. I’m just a stupid ass. In my life nothing’s ever easy. I love you, Beth, and that’s why I have to let you go. You deserved better.
Greg
Beth didn’t care what had gone before. It was painful for both of them at the moment. He loved her, and it would be enough for her to stand by him ’til he was ready to talk.
****
Three days later, the doctors eventually reduced his medication enough for them to talk. Greg would drift in and out of sleep and smile when she squeezed his hand, but anything more was too much of an effort. She had to take David to see a social worker after school and dreaded the inquisition to come about what happened at the trailer park. She went to the nurse’s station and asked if it was okay for her to visit. The nurse let her in to see him. Greg’s head was still bandaged, but he looked less pale and managed a slight grin. Beth sat down and took his hand, trying to keep the tears back.
“You look better today.”
“Funny, ’cause I still feel like shit,” he replied, giving a crooked smile.
“I’ve sorted everything out at the trailer park and your pick-up is at my place.” He gave her his best what the hell look. She would take control while he couldn’t do anything about it. “And speaking of my place, you’re coming back to live with us when you’re better.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“We all want you there, even David. He’s too scared to visit and thinks the police are going to lock him up. I think he’s going to come and ask advice on how to cope in jail. The police will probably come and talk to you soon.” Greg looked concerned as he screwed up his face.
“I’ll set them straight about what happened. He’s a good kid.” Greg closed his eyes.
She would leave him to rest. “I’d better go.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just so tired.”
“It’s okay, I need to do things, but before I go I want to give you something.” Beth leaned over and kissed him on the lips. When she pulled away he stared at her confused with a frown.
“Missed those lips of yours. I’ll try and get David to visit later.”
She left before he could say anything. Making decisions while he couldn’t argue was the only way it would work. She knew him well enough to see how stubborn he was. They both were.
****
Greg watched Beth leave his room with a smile on her face. The pain in his head was getting worse, and he needed the nurse. As she injected some pain relief into his drip, he laughed.
“What’s so funny?” the nurse asked.
“She kissed me.”
“Guess she must like you then, because you still look pretty rough to me.” She shook her head as she walked away.
Shivering, he watched the skin on his arm raise up in goose bumps. As he breathed out the air became cloudy as if he were outside in the cold. He could hear someone calling his name. It must be the drugs.
Don’t you ignore me, you bastard, when you’ve been messing with my wife.
This was definitely the drugs.
It would be good for you if it was, but it’s not the drugs. Yes, it’s me, Jeff. Stop messing with my family and look after them like I asked you to. Your kid and mine are going to be dead if you can’t get this right. Wanting Beth is a powerful thing, and I think we both agree on that.
This was some weird shit. He now knew why he’d never taken drugs. Getting pissed on whiskey was easy in comparison. Sleep and oblivion beckoned. When he opened his eyes, Beth was there again, holding his hand. He loved this woman. The thought was there before he had time to think about it. Was that a dream earlier, or were these his thoughts or Jeff’s?
They’re yours.
“Are you all right, Greg? You’re really pale. Should I get the nurse?”
Shaking his head, Greg suddenly felt more awake than he had in days. What the hell? Jeff was talking to him.
Surprising, what near death experiences will do to you.
“Get the fuck out of my head!” Greg didn’t even realize he’d spoken out loud ’til he saw Beth’s face.
“What do you mean, Greg?” Beth grasped his hand.
“Nothing, it’s just the pain.”
“Look, maybe it’s not such a good time for David to visit.”
I’d love to see him.
Greg heard the words and couldn’t deny the crazy voice in his head a chance to see his son. Josh had Greg’s heart from the first time he’d seen him, and if Jeff wanted to be with his kid, he could understand. He just hoped once the two of them did their deep and meaningful, he would be able to get his mind back for himself.
David stood at the door of the room. Greg raised his hand and gestured for him to come in.
David stood next to the bed and wouldn’t look him in the face.
“I’m sorry, Greg,” David said, as he stared at his mum.
“I know you are, kid, and I’m sorry too, for not telling you the truth.”
Beth smiled at them both and sat down and started to talk about Keri. He wanted to keep listening, but he was so tired, he just wanted to sleep. He would need all his energy to tell this man in his head who was in control, and he couldn’t do that right now. This is shit: I finally get someone to love, and she’s haunted by her dead husband.
David’s lip and eye were healing. He wondered what he looked like himself, and didn’t fancy looking in a mirror any time soon. He knew they’d shaved his hair off, and there would be a scar on his head.
“So, how’s the other kid looking?” Greg asked.
“’Bout the same, but he doesn’t bother me anymore,” David said, smiling. “If I see him having a go at the other kids, I tell him to get lost.”
Greg was struggling to keep his eyes open, but he smiled.
“We’d better go.” Beth got up and kissed him on the cheek. “The nurse said they’ll take your bandages off tomorrow. When they were prepping you for surgery, they had to shave half your head, and I told them to take the lot off. I’ll buy you some beanies, baldy.”
“I needed a haircut, anyway.” He smiled as sleep beckoned again. He couldn’t hear Jeff’s thoughts anymore and hoped he was gone.
****
It was Sunday, and Beth could spend all day at the hospital, and Greg would be able to see Josh. Greg seemed so much better, and the doctor thought he would be home soon. The scar looked awful, but he wore a black beanie most of the time. The skin on his scalp was so sensitive, she had to find one made of lamb’s wool. She told him he was a big softie, which didn’t go down too well but made her laugh.
As she walked into his side room with Josh in her arms, she found his bed empty. The nurse said he was in the visitor’s room at the end of the corridor. Beth hesitated outside the room. Apart from the guys across from Pete’s she didn’t know any of Greg’s friends or family. She could hear laughter and a woman’s voice. She hadn’t known about his past and his time inside. Maybe she didn’t know about the other women who had been in his life either. Her heart sank but she opened the door anyway. It was better to know than to guess and let her mind run wild.
“Beth.” Greg went to stand, but wobbled as he got out of the chair and sat down. The woman jumped up to grab his arm. “I’m fine, just got up a bit fast,” he replied as he smiled at the woman.
Beth was at his side and then they all sat back down. Greg took her hand in his and Beth noticed the gaze of the other woman as she glanced down in surprise. There was silence apart from Josh blowing bubbles. Beth looked to Greg.
“Beth. This is my sister, Trudy.”
A knock came to the door before anyone could say anything else. It was one of the nurses.
“Doctor Cummings is doing his round and will want to see you.”
<
br /> The nurse came over and helped him up. Beth wanted to go with him. Now she had someone here who knew something about him, she was scared.
As the door closed Beth didn’t know what to say, but it seemed Trudy didn’t have the same problem.
“I always said it would take a knock to the head to bring him to his senses.” Trudy laughed and broke the tension in the air.
“I’d like to say he’s talked about you, but he hasn’t said anything.” Beth bit her bottom lip.
“He is a stubborn bugger. He wouldn’t let me come and visit either, even when I heard I’d become an auntie. Well, you and I are going to have to fill in the gaps, and stuff him. He can’t have it all his own way.”
Beth liked Trudy right away. She could see she was going to be another reason for wanting Greg in her life. Something else she noticed: Trudy couldn’t take her eyes off of Josh.
“I suppose he left when you found out what he’d done?”
Beth nodded.
“He’s not a bad man, Beth, but I can’t say anything about what happened. To be honest none of us in the family knows why he did what he did for sure. I’m sorry you’ve been drawn into the Barnes family mess. I thought at one point he would open up to me about our uncle’s death, but then our aunt committed suicide, and he closed up for good.”
“I’ll stand by him. He’ll tell me what I need to know when he’s ready.” She was crazy, but she had said it out loud and she would.
“You won’t believe it, but he told me about your first night together. Of course, at the time, he had no idea he was going to be a dad. He would have probably left the country in fright.”
Beth could feel her face go hot with embarrassment as Greg walked in the room.
“Whatever she’s telling you, Beth, it’s all lies.” He laughed and shook his head at his sister as he sat down.
“I’d like to say it was lies, Greg, but Josh is the proof what you told her was true.” Beth could feel the blush coming to her face as the heat wafted over her.
“Shit, Trudy––you can’t keep your mouth shut, can you?”
They all burst out laughing.