by Maggie Mundy
Beth noticed Trudy looking at Josh again.
“Do you want to hold him?”
“I can’t wait. I was so glad when he said you were bringing him here today.”
Trudy took Josh in her arms and hugged and cooed at him as if catching up for lost opportunities.
“I can’t believe you kept me away from this gorgeous one all this time. Of course, it’s amazing how lovely he is, with a dad like you. Beth, you must come up to Gawler with Greg when he’s better and meet my kids.”
Greg stiffened.
“Phil wouldn’t like me there, Trudy, and you know it. This doesn’t change anything,” Greg said.
“I’ll deal with him.” Trudy picked Josh up and sniffed his bottom. “I think it’s time you went back to Mummy. She can deal with you, pretty boy. Look, I have to be going, Greg. I’ll call.”
Trudy hugged her and left the room like a whirlwind.
Greg looked at his knees as Josh gurgled on her lap. She thought the night she found out about his criminal record would change the way she thought about him, but this was different. This was the real Greg. The one from before everything, and it wasn’t the surgery affecting him. It was the past and the present joining, and she could see the tension mixed with fear on his face. The situation and all of them were pushing him where he didn’t want to go. People had tried to make her face her grief after Jeff, and she would get angry, so she understood.
“I need to go back to bed,” Greg said.
They walked slowly back to his room as she held Josh on one side and supported Greg on the other. The nurse saw them and rushed across.
“That’s all right, I’ll get him back to bed. You look after the little one.”
Beth was glad he didn’t want to speak after seeing his sister, because she didn’t know what to say.
Three days later and the doctors said he could come home. He still wasn’t talking much and she had been tempted to call Trudy, but it felt as if she was betraying him. He sat in the front of the car heading home, but didn’t speak.
They could start anew with no lies, but it didn’t feel like that. It felt like gloom approaching. She was maybe just being silly, maybe he was still recuperating. His face was taut and tense. How was she going to walk the tightrope of getting him to accept what they were now? The past would make no difference to what she thought of him, no matter what happened she had to convince him to stay for good.
****
Pulling up in the driveway next to his pick-up was strange. Since that day in the hospital with Trudy, he reckoned Beth thought she knew him better.
She didn’t. No one did, and that was the way it should stay. He didn’t want any of them to know. When they did, they would look at him differently. They would pity him and he couldn’t stand that. He could cope with people’s hate more than their pity.
The kids were good when they came in from school. It was as if he had never been away. By nine o’clock, he was tired. Walking into the bedroom, he sat on the bed he had shared with Beth for months. He felt he shouldn’t be there, but was too tired to do anything about it. Beth brought Josh in and put him down in his cot. Getting into bed, she snuggled up to him. Drifting off to sleep with Beth cradled in his arms was a feeling he thought he’d lost forever.
This feels so good.
Not here and not now, you bastard. Get out of my head. With that, Greg felt Jeff’s presence withdraw. He wished he could press his buzzer as he had done in hospital those first few days. Jeff would disappear with the injection of painkillers.
Chapter Seventeen
Greg found he accepted the voice breaking into his thoughts every now and then –– it wasn’t as though he could do anything to stop it, anyway. Beth believed in all this ‘life after death’ mumbo jumbo, but he liked dealing with facts. It freaked him out enough when she did the whole “Jeff’s talking through me” thing.
If Jeff was trying to communicate with him, then Greg needed to talk to someone. He had to see the surgeon today, as it was three weeks since the surgery. He felt fine, apart from the dead man in his head. Should he tell the doctor? It could be hallucinations or something worse. Maybe there was some permanent brain damage. Greg laughed, thinking Trudy would say it was too late for that. The booze and the fights had accomplished that years ago.
Beth got the kids organized for school while he fed Josh. Most of the food dribbled down the bib or was blown out in bubbles. Greg’s appointment wasn’t until two and Beth said she would take him. Hopefully after today, he would get the all-clear to drive again.
He still wore the beanies Beth had bought him and was getting used to the look. His hair was growing back. Beth said she loved the feel as she rubbed her hand over his scalp. Even the simple action made him want her physically, so much. He knew she would’ve been keen and dropped enough hints. But something held him back from losing himself in her body. If Jeff was inside his head, he wasn’t sure he wanted him along for the ride. Two minds in one body making love to her didn’t work for him.
The appointment went well and Greg said nothing about Jeff. The doctor would have thought him a nut job if he did. Now he could drive, and he knew where he would go tomorrow. Beth wouldn’t like it, but she didn’t need to find out.
****
The next day, Josh was strapped in and they were ready to go––so why was he still sitting here in the car, in the driveway?
Where the hell do you think you’re going, you idiot?
Jeff’s voice in his head gave him the impetus to get riled up and turn the ignition key. He didn’t know if Christine would be able to do some exorcism crap, but he needed something. He couldn’t go on living like this. Josh fell asleep, as he always did in the car. His son was a petrolhead, no surprise. In years to come, the cars would keep the little guy awake as they both sat at the Clipsal 500 yelling for Ford. He would take David this year, if Beth would let him.
At Grand Junction Road, Josh woke up and the cab filled with the aroma of his nappy. There was a Macca’s up ahead, and Greg decided he would stop there. Josh laughed and played with the car keys as Greg changed him. Nothing should smell this bad, but it did. Back in the pick-up, he watched Josh gulp down the milk Beth had expressed. Greg had the box of teething biscuits ready, and Josh grabbed the amber-colored oblong stick with gusto. Greg finished his burger and set off again.
He had been sitting for half an hour at their destination, and Josh was becoming restless. “It’s all right, kiddo, I need to make a decision, I know. We’re going.” Greg turned the ignition on. Someone banged on the car window, causing him to jump. “What the hell?”
“You want to see me.”
A woman stood outside the car, and he had to assume it was Christine. He rolled down the car window.
“It’s Greg, isn’t it? We spoke on the phone. I’ve just put the kettle on. Why don’t you bring your baby in and have a break... I mean it’s a long drive, and you must both be exhausted.”
He took Josh out of his safety seat and followed her back inside. Now Greg was here, it all seemed like a bad idea. Greg sat down with Josh on his lap. This was a mistake. She was going to come out with, “I see dead people” at any moment. A tight knot formed in Greg’s stomach, and he wanted to run. The pain at his temple throbbed. He didn’t know if it was Jeff, or just the stress of driving again post-injury.
She placed his coffee down. “Can I give him a cuddle? He’s such a cutie,” she asked, as she stretched out her arms.
“Sure.” Greg handed Josh over and sipped on his drink.
“I’m glad Beth moved on. You know, she hasn’t been to see me for a good eighteen months. Things didn’t go well the last time she came,” Christine said as she bounced Josh on her knee.
“The night I met her she talked about you. Said she’d been to see you.” Damn, he didn’t know what to say.
“What can I do for you, then? You understand I can’t tell you anything about what passed between Beth and me. It would be breaking her trust.”
This was going to sound crazy but he might as well get on with it or leave.
“Jeff’s in my head,” he blurted out. It was a relief to say the words out loud.
“And you’d like me to talk to him?”
Shit, she actually believed him.
“No, I want you to get rid of him!” He hadn’t meant to raise his voice and regretted it as Josh started to whimper.
“Jeff stopped talking to me after that day. I thought he’d passed over. I’m really surprised he’s still here. I also think you misunderstand my abilities,” Christine said, looking up.
“He talked to me through Beth a couple of times. I thought it was all bullshit. Thought she was messing with me––except stuff came out she couldn’t have known.” Greg watched Josh play with the beaded necklace Christine wore. She seemed so calm, and didn’t react to what he had said with any surprise.
“He may have contact with other spirits that may have told him things about you. It’s always possible.”
Greg didn’t like where this was going. “That’s not acceptable. There are things I don’t want people to know. If you ask me, the dead should stay silent for a reason,” he answered as he fisted his hands.
“Can I ask you something, Greg? Is this something new for you, or have you always been in contact with the other side?” What kind of crazy-assed question was that? Then again, here he was, telling her a dead man was having a chat with him.
“I had an accident recently, and when I came around, I could hear him.” Greg took off his beanie and saw Christine shake her head as she peered at the scar. “I thought it was the drugs at first. They were pumping lots of painkillers into me. The problem is, he’s still here. He keeps rambling on about Beth being in trouble and insisting that someone’s after her.”
What are you doing here? Jeff said in his head. Christine’s expression changed to one of concentration as she peered at him closely.
“He’s here, isn’t he?” Christine asked.
Greg nodded. Christine got up and went to the other room and came back with a baby bouncer. Josh settled down and giggled as he sucked on an ear of a fluffy rabbit she gave him.
Christine sat opposite Greg, and before he could stop her, she grabbed his hands. Half an hour she sat like that, just staring. If she was having a conversation with Jeff, he couldn’t hear it. His cell phone started ringing. Christine let go. Greg’s stomach turned as he peeked down at the number. It was Beth. She’d kill him if she knew where he was.
“Hi,” Greg said.
“Where are you? I called in at home, and you weren’t there. You didn’t say you were going anywhere.”
He could hear the worry in her voice as she spoke too fast. “I thought I’d take Josh over to see Trudy.”
“That’s a long way, Greg. I don’t think you should push yourself so soon. Please be careful, and let me know when you’re on your way back.”
“I will.”
“Tell that little man of ours I love him, and the big one’s not too bad either.”
“Got to go, see you later.” Greg hated to cut her off, but it was better than lying to her. He wanted Beth and a new life, and he didn’t want Jeff around. He turned back to Christine. “So, can you get rid of him?”
“Beth’s in trouble as far as Jeff’s concerned. He’s talked with another spirit who says he knows someone he left behind who wants Beth. Jeff doesn’t know who the person was, and says they’ve passed over so he can’t find out. Jeff won’t leave you while he thinks Beth or the kids might get hurt.”
“This is shit. He’s making it up because I’m sleeping with his wife.”
“He says you’re not having sex with her because of him. Is that true?” She raised an eyebrow as she waited for his answer.
“What the fuck?” Greg yelled.
Josh jumped and dropped the rabbit and started to cry. Greg picked it up and gave it back.
“Mind your language,” Christine replied, and for a moment it was like listening to his Nan again. Why couldn’t Nan be talking in his head, instead of Beth’s dead husband? He could cope better with that.
“Sorry.” Greg looked at the floor. He needed Christine, and cussing wasn’t going to help.
“He’s right, though. If you didn’t believe he was in your head then you’d be there with her now and not in my kitchen.”
“I was never the sort to play happy family, and now I’ve got one it comes with a ghost in my head. I need you to tell me what to do, because I don’t have a clue, but I know I can’t go on like this.”
“Jeff won’t go until he thinks his family’s safe, but he accepts he told Beth to move on and has no right to interfere. You only have to tell him to go if you want to be alone with Beth.”
“If I were Jeff, I would want me dead rather than with my woman, so you understand I find that hard to believe.” He did see Beth as his, and would fight anyone off who wanted to touch her––but he couldn’t fight Jeff.
“He’s dead, Greg. He just wants to make sure they’re safe before he goes over. His family is his unfinished business.” She reached out her hand but he pulled his away.
“This solves nothing.” Greg sighed and thought about leaving but before he could stand, Christine stopped him by touching his arm.
“There is someone else who wants to talk to you before you go.”
Greg stared at her hand and she let go. “Who?”
“Your father,” Christine said, and smiled.
She obviously thought this was good news. Little did she know. “Bullshit, and even if I believed you, we’ve nothing to say to each other.” His comment didn’t stop her going on.
“He said he’s sorry, and he’s waited all these years to go over because he needed to let you know that. He was wrong to ignore what happened with your uncle. He says he doesn’t expect forgiveness.”
“Good, because he isn’t getting any. Not now or ever.” This wasn’t the way today was meant to go. She was meant to have told Jeff to get lost, and yet he was still stuck with him, and now Dad was making an appearance. Like his life couldn’t get any more fucked up.
“He’s going. He just wanted to tell you he loves you.”
She looked to Greg to give some answer back to the spirit, but Greg didn’t have one. He needed to get away and left Christine with a hefty donation for her charity. As he drove away, he came to the conclusion people should stay dead and stop interfering with those left behind. First though, he needed to talk to Trudy.
****
Trudy in a bad mood wasn’t a good look, and never had been. She looked like steam was going to blow out her ears. She leaned across the kitchen table toward him, and he was glad the piece of furniture was between them.
“If you are going to use me as an alibi in future, it might be a good idea to let me know beforehand. I don’t like being put in a situation like that.”
Greg didn’t say anything. The kids came home from school and were cool about him being there. They thought it was great to meet an uncle from out of nowhere. His nephew liked the pick-up and his niece loved Josh. He was the flavor of the month with the kids. Their father wouldn’t be too pleased when he got home, though. It was another reason for Trudy to be pissed off.
“Was Beth mad when you spoke to her?” he asked.
“Confused and freaked out would be more accurate. She’s the first decent thing that’s happened to you. What are you doing risking it all by being stupid and lying to her?”
“I’m just doing what I usually do. Which is to fuck everything up, I guess?” He wanted a drink, but he had to drive home, plus he had his son with him. Alcohol wasn’t going to help anything. He decided not to say anything to Trudy about Dad, Christine, or the fact he had a dead man in his head. A smell permeated the room and Trudy picked up Josh from the bouncer and handed him over.
****
It was dark when he pulled in the driveway. Who was scarier, Beth or Trudy? It was a toss-up. He could beat any bloke up who threate
ned him, but these women weren’t to be messed with. God help him if they ever got together and ganged up on him.
Beth at least waited until the kids went to bed, including Josh. Sitting at the far end of the couch with arms folded, she glared at him.
“So, do you want to tell me why you went to see Christine? You said you didn’t believe all that stuff.”
Would she believe him? He had found it difficult enough believing her, and now the shoe was on the other foot. He had to try.
“Okay, Beth, the reason I went is because I can hear a voice in my head. Your son hits me in the head, and I start to hear your dead husband. I’m fucked up, anyway, but this is new, even for me. I need a drink.” Greg stood up and headed toward the kitchen.
“That’s not such a good idea after your operation,” Beth called out.
“Your dead husband’s in my head. I don’t give a damn what the doctor said.” He walked back in to see her staring at him intently.
“Is Jeff really talking to you?”
“Yes.” Greg hated the longing he could see in her eyes. He wanted her to want him like that. What would it take?
“Can I talk to him?”
“I don’t know, Beth. This is mad.” He poured two whiskeys.
Let me speak to her.
“He wants to talk.” Greg sighed. He couldn’t live like this.
He looked to the clock and an hour had passed. During that time, he could see Beth sit there listening and then she grabbed his hand. The words were jumbled, just snippets here and there. Then he got his head back. He sat looking at her and didn’t know where to go from here. His heart pounded, and he couldn’t catch his breath.
“Greg, I’m here with you now,” Beth said.
“Just us?” Greg asked as Beth moved across the couch and cuddled up to him. Was that her answer? Because it didn’t say anything ... he pushed her away and stood up. He didn’t want her if it meant sharing.
“Beth, what the hell is going on here? What did he say? I don’t remember any of it, and it’s doing my head in!”
“He’s gone. He understands what I had with him was the past. He accepts you’re here now. I told him I love you.”