by Mia Villano
“Your word is safe with me, Victoria.”
She acted nervously, and her eyes looked like they had been crying when I made eye contact with her. I had never noticed she had green eyes. I had never noticed she had a habit of biting the inside of her mouth when she was getting worried. She took a big gulp of her wine and started talking.
“I’m married. I don’t know if you knew that or not. Twenty-eight years with the same dick and it has been a pleasant marriage most of the time. I’ve never once cheated on him. I have no time for that kind of behavior, nor do I care to put myself through that. I have endured his cheating ways and tolerated it for too long. He knew he could do it, and I wouldn’t say anything because of who I was. I didn’t want any of that to get out and make me look weak. It could ruin me if anyone found out my husband cheats on me.”
She swallowed a big gulp of wine again and patted her hair. I could see this was uncomfortable for her to talk about herself. I did not want to interrupt her as she continued to tell me about her life.
“Last week I caught him, with our Guatemalan maid. It was pathetic walking in on him, sweating all over her while he humped her scrawny ass. I should have never hired her, but she came cheap. I never realized cheap meant whore, as well. I nearly shot her. I went insane and fired my entire staff since I think they are related in some way. If they speak of this, they will be ruined too, so I’m sure no one is talking, if they don’t want to be deported. I kicked out my husband, and he is staying at our house on the Cape. I don’t know what to do, and I need advice from one woman to another. What would you do if you were in my situation?”
I was shocked that she was telling me this. I needed a huge vat of wine to get through this inquisition, and all I had was water. This was the first time we had ever talked about anything other than work for longer than two minutes. I was amazed she thought I was trustworthy enough to spring this on me. I wanted to hide. I had no idea what she was fishing for or what kind of information I could give her to make her feel happy. I mean, really. What if I said the wrong thing and she got pissed off at me? Good God. This was too much stress. I was speechless, but she was waiting for an answer that I was afraid to give her. I took a huge gulp of water, said one quick prayer, went for it.
“Well, do you love him? That should be what you are asking yourself first. I mean, can you live without him enough to let him go?”
She looked at me, and I could tell she was thinking. I didn’t think she ever thought about love or feelings outside of the courtroom. I watched as she bit her lip and rolled her cloth napkin into a cylinder tube.
“I do love him, yes. I have loved him forever, and I don’t know what it would be like to stop loving him or not having him in my life. I don’t want to lose him, not now. I have too much time invested in him. I don’t think any other man could tolerate me. I will certainly not lose him to a nasty whore. We have a child together. Although he is grown, I still don’t want this to affect him,” she said. I was once again shocked she had a child.
“Well then you need to get your marriage fixed. It sounds as if it has been broken for a long time now. Do you go to any therapy or consider going?” The waiter kept coming by and filling up our water glasses, and she stopped talking. She gave him a mean glance for interrupting her.
“I see a shrink, but he doesn’t. He has asked several times for us to go, but I have refused. I just didn’t want anyone to know that I have a soft side and my husband brings that out in me.” Who knew anyone human could make Victoria emotional?
“You need to fight for him and get him to a therapist with you and see why he cheats. It might be something simple that can be fixed and never happen again.” I tried to eat my salad in between my marriage counseling to a woman I never talked with seriously before. She nodded her head and started eating her steak as we sat in silence for a few moments.
“You are making sense, Prudence. I guess I can try one more time and see what happens. I don’t want to seem weak to him.”
Thank God, she wasn’t choking me yet for what I told her. She listened to me.
“I don’t think you will look weak. He wants to know you love him, and maybe that’s what’s wrong.”
The place filled up with more people on their lunch hour, and Victoria got uncomfortable. I could tell she wanted to go. I’m sure she didn’t want anyone in there that might know her or see her in an emotional state.
“Victoria, I think you want to make it work, but you don’t want to give in. You are not accustomed to giving in, and the idea scares you. For the love of this man, you should show him you love him. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and give him what he needs. He is just reaching out to you and doing this seems to be the way he can get your attention,” I continued on a role.
She didn’t speak, but continued to eat and nod her head in agreement.
“Thank you. You helped me today giving me another perspective on how a woman should act. I appreciate it. If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate. You are doing a magnificent job, Prudence. I can’t believe you thought I was going to fire you. You need to have more confidence in yourself before you go out in that courtroom against intimidating criminals. If you don’t think it, just fake it and eventually you will have it. That is how I started. You remind me of myself. I see great things in your future. Have faith in yourself,” she said, looking me in the eye.
Victoria shocked me once again with the compliment and advice.
“Thank you, Victoria. I owe it to you. You are a wonderful teacher and great role model. I hope I’m just as half as ruthless as you are. Anytime you need to talk, just let tell me. Please understand that what you told me today will not leave this restaurant,” I said.
“Again, thank you Prudence. This little girl talk has helped, and I will over ponder this over the weekend. Shall we get back and see what kind of disaster that Thomas has the office in while we are gone?” She asked downing her glass of wine in one last gulp.
“Yes, I’m swamped with work this week.” I wiped my mouth and got up to leave.
We had a hard time weaving in and out of the many people that came in for lunch. Everyone had to speak to her as she tried to get out quickly. When we got near the door, waiting for her car, I saw Alex and Jade. My salad started coming up in my throat. I had not seen him since that night, five months ago. Alex stood there looking as good as ever. He was clean-shaven, and his wavy hair looked shorter. I noticed he had a tan and so did she. He was with Jade and my heart broke as I saw them holding hands. His hands that I missed were touching her and not me. She looked directly at me and so did he at the same time. I didn’t know what to do.
I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t move fast enough. My legs quit working, and I froze, just standing there staring at them both. My heart sank as she got closer to him and rubbed his arm, smirking at me. She showed me he belonged to her, and I needed to back off.
“Hello Victoria, It is nice to see you here. Hello Prudence.” Alex let go of Jades hand and kissed us both on the cheek as cool as he could be. I didn’t want him to touch me because I knew his smell, and his lips would start up those feeling again. The smell of his expensive leathery cologne and wine could take me back to that night he walked out on me, or the night of the party. I tried with all my strength not to start crying. It shouldn’t have been such a big surprise to see him with Jade. In the back of my mind, I figured he was. I had seen pictures of them together, yet I didn’t want to believe it. Now, it stared me in the face. I couldn’t make eye contact with him, yet I needed to. I needed to see those chocolate molten eyes that penetrated my whole being for so long.
“Why, hello Senator Conrad. It’s nice to see you again. I’m having lunch with your campaign manager and one my best associates. She is one tough lawyer that I’m grooming to be my protégé.”
“What? Yes, yes, she ran a great campaign for me. How are you, Prudence?” Jade rolled her eyes and looked away. Alex held my gaze with those stunning d
ark eyes of his, revealing everything, letting me see he still wanted me. He looked so gorgeous with his Gucci suit and sunglasses on his head. The same suit he wore on election night when I was in his arms. It was so hard to stand there and see the man I loved with another woman. I knew he could not love her
“I’m great. Thank you for asking,” I said, trying not to let my heartbreak show in my voice.
“You must do one hell of a job if Victoria is bragging about you,” he said. I’m sure just to be polite. Jade was looking at herself in a compact, checking on her mammoth lips, and applying more lipstick.
“Thank you, I’m learning so much from her,” I said, as I was transfixed on his gorgeous face and smiled. He kept looking at me when he began to speak to Victoria again.
“Victoria, I will get with you next week on the Singer bill. I want to ask you a few things before we take it to the floor,” he said. He tried to look away, but I caught him looking at my lips and my chest while he was talking. I’m so glad I looked amazing with my hair half up and in my new Chanel blazer paired with a knee length skirt and my nude heels. I had on a sheer white blouse, so my bra was noticeable underneath. That caught his eye.
“That will be excellent, Senator. Just have Sue call my office, and we can arrange that. Hello Jade,” she said. That witch stood there, half dressed in the latest designer dress and heels. She looked like she had her lips made even bigger, and she was tanned like a piece of worn leather. I for the life of me did not know what he saw in that plastic, fake woman.
She didn’t speak, just nodded her head. It seemed that it took too much effort for her to speak. I’m sure it did with those huge lips weighing down her mouth. What a classy woman that can’t speak or carry on a conversation. I’m sure all she is good for is servicing him with those enormous lips. The idea of her on him, made me want to throw up my salad again. She couldn’t love him like I could. Even though I was sure it was happening, I had to block it out of my mind.
Thank God, someone wanted to speak to Alex just then, so we excused ourselves and walked out. I needed to get some air before I suffocated. My blazer was soaking wet from perspiration, and my head pounded. I sensed one of my old panic attacks I had when I was a kid, working its way on me. I had not had one since I moved in with Beulah, but I sensed one building up.
We made it outside the restaurant, and Victoria talked as the valet went to retrieve her Porsche.
“I hate that bitch he is with. I, for the life of me, don’t know what he sees in her. She’s a glorified whore. I wonder if she knows orange is out for skin color?” she laughed.
If I hadn’t been so upset, that comment might have made me laugh. I didn’t want her to see how upset I was, so I tried to keep the talking to a minimum.
“I agree with you on that, Victoria,” I said, as I tried to keep the tears from coming into my eyes.
“I don’t know how he thinks this looks for his career. Having something like that, he’s dragging around is nothing but a hindrance. I’m going to talk to him when we meet. I hope he listens to me. Alex and I go far back. I mentored him as well when he attended law school, and I helped convince him to run for Senate.”
I was too distraught to answer her. I was trying to keep it together and act like it didn’t bother me. It did, though. It killed me to see him with her. He told me they were through when he was with me that night. He was either lying, or they had rekindled their love since then.
After our lunch and so-called “girls talk” I got back to my cubicle, and I wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, so I just started working again. Thomas, of course, wanted to know why I was lunching with the “Snake Lady,” and as soon as he saw me, hurried into my cubicle.
“That’s none of your business, Thomas. We had to discuss a client, and she wanted to do it over lunch. By the way, guess who I ran into while we walked out of the Blue Basil?”
I tried to distract him with other gossip so he would forget about me being at lunch with Victoria.
“She took you to the Blue Basil. A glass of water in there is ten dollars. Is it as nice as everyone says it is?” He looked at himself in the window and fixed his hair. He was so into his looks, it made me smile.
“It’s all right, but when we walked out, Alex was there with the slut.”
“Shut up. What happened?” he asked. He turned around quick and sat on my desk. He loved this kind of thing, so he was fully attentive.
I told him about her titanic sized lips and that he kissed me on the cheek and nothing else. I told him how she got close to him and smirked at me when I walked by. I kept my composure and fought back the tears. I tried to sound like it didn’t mean a thing.
“She is a skank, honey. I’m sorry; nothing like that is going to help his political career. He’s just using her for those lips- oh crap I’m sorry, I should not have said that to you,” he grimaced.
Victoria walked by us and cleared her throat. I knew that was her way of reminding me to keep my mouth shut and to get my fluttering friend back to work.
I had a hard time concentrating on my work when I could still feel the burn of his lips on my cheek. The smell of him now was strong again in my mind. I kept touching my cheek thinking about his sensuous, Elvis-lips, and how supple they felt. It was a good thing I had two other meetings that day because they helped keep my mind off him.
Later as I finished up for the day, I checked my phone and saw a text from Alex. It made my face flush seeing his number flash on my cell phone.
Chapter Eight
I was tempted to delete it unread, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t do that. I had to read it.
For what it’s worth, it was good seeing u. U look amazing. A
I hesitated to respond back to him, but I wanted to see what he had to say.
I see Jade is back.
She’s not u.
And I will never be her, will I?
I miss you.
That was all I got back from him. I didn’t know if I should text back or what. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. He missed me and yet he couldn’t have me. I heard that before and I was tired of it.
Did I need to answer? Would anything change if I did? I just let it go.
***
Beulah got in on the plan to rid my mind of Alex Conrad. She found herself taking me out to lunch as much as possible and conducting matchmaking sessions in her spare time.
“Doesn’t anyone other than Alex interest you, Prudence?” asked my grandmother one day while we had lunch. We were at our favorite spot that we had been going to since I moved in with her, The Cherry Blossom Diner. My grandmother was the belle of the ball in that place, and she loved it. Everyone knew her, loved her, and had to talk to her. The place was the typical greasy diner but had the best food and coffee in Virginia. We sat in a vinyl booth with paper napkins and a plastic menu along with senators, congressmen, and their families.
“No, I don’t want to see anyone. I will stay single the rest of my life and get cats. I don’t care anymore. It will be you, me, and Toby forever,” I said over my large glass of water. This dating talk with my grandmother got me extra thirsty as I asked the waiter for another glass. She pushed men down my throat all the time, and I wanted no part of it.
“That is pure nonsense, Prudence. I can get anyone of these young men, or older men, if you prefer, to go out with you. Pick one. Toby is taken and not going to move in with us,” she said, swirling her fork around the room. I pushed the food around my plate, not having an appetite again since I ran into Alex.
“How about that hot little number sitting behind me? He is Senator Fishburn’s son. He goes to Harvard. Isn’t he dreamy? I can get you a date in a second. Just say the word,” she said, acting serious. She began to annoy me with this matchmaker side-job she had.
“No,” I said, not even looking at Senator Fishburn’s son. I couldn’t have cared less.
“You are, acting like a child, Prudence. You have to get out and live. Prudence y
ou’re almost twenty-five and act as if you’re twelve or worse yet, eighty.”
“If I can’t have whom I want, I don’t want anyone,” I said, as I got angrier with her by the minute, and I never get angry with my grandmother. This seemed to be the topic of discussion.
“Remember that song, ‘If you can’t be with the one you want. love the one you’re with,” said Beulah.
“I hate that song.”
“You’re impossible. I don’t understand, Prudence; he is not the only man in the world.”
“He is to me,” I wanted to cry. Just the thought of him brought the waterworks, and I tried to be less emotional.
“Remember, he is older than you are. It is cute now being whisked off by the older senator, but when you are fifty, he will be pushing seventy and wearing diapers. You will be in your prime and have to push around an old senile buzzard.” She smiled,
I didn’t listen to a word she said.
Beulah was not giving up and trucked in a steady stream of eligible men for me to choose from, though I had no interest in them at all. Beulah’s for Sunday dinner seemed more like a dating service. Of course, I heard the excuses, “He’s an old friend in town!”, or “I thought he might like to meet you!” It was so aggravating when I would go to Beulah’s, and every Sunday there would be a different man to sit by me. I got so tired of it I started bringing Thomas with me to confuse them.
Eventually, I did become interested in one-but not one of the men my grandmother had picked. Trevor Nash was gorgeous, but he wasn’t Alex. In fact, he looked the total opposite of him, and I thought it might be good for me. Trevor had blond hair, blue eyes and was short. He worked out a lot, and it showed in his muscular, fit body. Trevor was more my age, a lawyer as well, and on the outside, seemed to have it together. He and I worked out at the same gym and I had noticed him a few times. He kept walking by me while I was in my kickboxing class, and waited for me when I walked out one night.