Our Red Hot Romance Is Leaving Me Blue

by Dixie Cash

  As for the talk she wants to have, if I know women—and let’s face it, I’m one of the better versions the good Lord released—she’s already made up her mind and she’s planning to let you in on her little secret. All the expatiation on your part will do no good. (That little thesaurus thing-a-ma-jig comes in handy.) I’ll share with you what my granny once embroidered on a pillow for me: “If you love someone set them free. If they come back to you it was meant to be. If they don’t, at least you’ve got this damned pillow to hold on to at night.”

  In other words, counselor, she has submitted her case and the court is no longer in session.

  Edwina Perkins-Martin,

  Barrister of the Heart

  Dear Edwina,

  My husband wants me to go to a fortune-teller with him. He said it would be fun and if we know what to expect, it might help us plan for the future. The problem is I know what to expect and that’s a baby in about seven months. And it ain’t his. He had a vasectomy four years ago after our youngest was born.

  Should I break the news to him now or wait and let the fortune-teller do it?

  Yours truly,

  Expecting Something To Happen

  Dear Expecting,

  I foretell that something will definitely happen. Girlfriend, you’ve got more problems then poor ol’ General George Custer at the battle of the Little Bighorn. When he said to his Crow scout, Don’t Hear Too Good, “Tell me if you see any Indians,” he had no idea.

  I’d tell him the truth, hon. The sooner the better. A baby on the way is mild compared to the problems he’s really got. I wouldn’t make it worse by letting a stranger drop the news on him.

  Hoping for the best, but predicting the worst,

  Edwina “Wouldn’t Be in Your

  Shoes for Nothin’” Martin

  Dear Domestic Equalizers,

  Ladies, I might want to hire you but I need to know if you are a listed member with the BBB?

  Thank you for your response,

  Cautious Concerned Consumer

  Dear CCC,

  If it makes you feel better, I’m happy to report that my partner and I are members of the BBB as well as the NRA, the DAR and soon the AARP. We also are qualified for DART (for the uninformed, that’s Daughters of the Republic of Texas). My husband is a retired Navy SEAL and my partner’s husband is employed by the DPS.

  We’re lifetime members of the One-A-Day Vitamin club, Little Meals on Little Wheels, the Just Say No Acceptance League and we give generously to Jerry’s Kids. Debbie Sue still has her library card; however, mine was revoked due to an unfortunate incident in the Adult Reading section. I’ve got one punch left to receive a free Happy Meal and Debbie Sue and I both stand behind the USA!

  Hope we get your business PDQ,

  EP-M

  Ms. Perkins-Martin,

  Please settle an argument between my husband and me. He says I think I’m always right. I say he’s wrong. I’m just occasionally misinformed, which makes me right. There’s no such thing as a person being always right except in my case, because I am always right.

  What do you think? I’m right, right? I don’t see how any rational person could think otherwise. So I’m right. I’m going to tell him he was wrong and I’m right. You do agree? I’m right. Right?

  Thank you for proving my point,

  Needing Validation

  Dear Needing Something Beyond Validation,

  There is no shame in being wrong. I’ve tested the idea many, many times and I’m still alive and well.

  There is, however, something wrong with being crazy as a loon and trying to pass yourself off as sane. We normal people have no way of knowing when you’re coming and it really screws up our day, if only for a minute.

  So here’s something you can do that is really, really RIGHT. Tell people up front, “Hi, I’m totally nuts, do you agree?” You’ll get the validation you need every single time.

  No need to thank me, because I’m right,

  Edwina

  The following poem by the beloved Joyce Kilmer is not about a haunted house, but it could be. Dixie thinks it’s reminiscent of the sadness that lived inside the home Justin and Rachel shared.

  The House with Nobody in it

  by Joyce Kilmer

  Whenever I walk to Suffern along the Erie track

  I go by a poor old farmhouse with its shingles broken and black.

  I suppose I’ve passed it a hundred times, but I always stop for a minute

  And look at the house, the tragic house, the house with nobody in it.

  I never have seen a haunted house, but I hear there are such things;

  That they hold the talk of spirits, their mirth and sorrowings.

  I know this house isn’t haunted, and I wish it were, I do;

  For it wouldn’t be so lonely if it had a ghost or two.

  This house on the road to Suffern needs a dozen panes of glass,

  And somebody ought to weed the walk and take a scythe to the grass.

  It needs new paint and shingles, and the vines should be trimmed and tied;

  But what it needs the most of all is some people living inside.

  If I had a lot of money and all my debts were paid

  I’d put a gang of men to work with brush and saw and spade.

  I’d buy that place and fix it up the way it used to be

  And I’d find some people who wanted a home and give it to them free.

  Now, a new house standing empty, with staring window and door,

  Looks idle, perhaps, and foolish, like a hat on its block in the store.

  But there’s nothing mournful about it; it cannot be sad and lone

  For the lack of something within it that it has never known.

  But a house that has done what a house should do, a house that has sheltered life,

  That has put its loving wooden arms around a man and his wife,

  A house that has echoed a baby’s laugh and held up his stumbling feet,

  Is the saddest sight, when it’s left alone, that ever your eyes could meet.

  So whenever I go to Suffern along the Erie track

  I never go by the empty house without stopping and looking back,

  Yet it hurts me to look at the crumbling roof and the shutters fallen apart,

  For I can’t help thinking the poor old house is a house with a broken heart.

  About the Author

  DIXIE CASH is Pam Cumbie and her sister, Jeffery McClanahan. They grew up in rural West Texas among “real life fictional characters” and 100 percent real cowboys and cowgirls. Some were relatives and some weren’t. Pam has always had a zany sense of humor and Jeffery has always had a dry wit. Surrounded by country-western music, when they can stop laughing long enough, they work together creating hilarity on paper. Both live in Texas—Pam in the Fort Worth/Dallas Metroplex and Jeffery in a small town near Fort Worth.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

  Also by Dixie Cash

  CURING THE BLUES WITH A NEW PAIR OF SHOES

  DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND MY SHOES

  I GAVE YOU MY HEART, BUT YOU SOLD IT ONLINE

  MY HEART MAY BE BROKEN, BUT MY HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT

  SINCE YOU’RE LEAVING ANYWAY, TAKE OUT THE TRASH

  Credits

  Cover design by Amanda Kain

  Cover photograph by Kirstie Tweed/Solus Photography/Veer

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  OUR RED HOT ROMANCE IS LEAVING ME BLUE. Copyright © 2010 by Dixie Cash. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen.
No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  FIRST AVON PAPERBACK EDITION PUBLISHED 2010.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Cash, Dixie.

  Our red hot romance is leaving me blue / Dixie Cash.—1st ed.

  p. cm.—(Domestic equalizers; 6)

  ISBN 978-0-06-143439-6 (pbk.)

  1. Chick lit. I. Title.

  PS3603.A864O87 2010

  813'.6—dc22 2010002660

  EPub Edition © May 2010 ISBN: 978-0-06-200869-5

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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