Radioactive

by Maya Shepherd

  Nobody could tell me how long it would take for him to regain consciousness. Maybe he’s already awake, or maybe it will take hours. They will check on him in the morning. Then they will test his brain activity, it’s possible that during the surgery something went wrong and could have caused brain damage. That would be the worst thing to happen, so I try not to think about it.

  I know there is a chance I could see him. I knew it in the second they told me I was forbidden from staying with him. It is risky though, as I have to have confidence in a certain person: A566. His offer is the reason Finn is still alive. I’m afraid of what kind of favor he will ask of me. I’m afraid of what the other Legion commanders will do when they realize what Finn means to me. He’s my weakness. Maybe they already know. Maybe they will use Finn to pressure me somehow.

  Although I feel uncomfortable, I have to take the risk. I open my door and step out into the dimly lit hallway. I quietly walk down the hall. I read the nameplates on each door looking for A566’s room. Fortunately the names are of each Legion commander is affixed to each door; otherwise I would have no chance of finding him.

  I find his room down the hall. Strangely, I’m glad that he lives as far as possible from me.

  Shyly I knock on his door. I wait uneasily, but nothing happens. Maybe he is asleep? Just when I prepare to knock again, the door slides open. A566 stands before me in his white Legion commander suit.

  “I was wondering when you would come,” he says triumphantly.

  I do not know exactly what he means, “Can you take me to the sickbay? I would like to see him.”

  “Of course, I’m always there for you. You know that, right?” He replies with a grin and steps out into the hallway. His words are friendly and he could not be more helpful to me, yet I cannot shake the feeling that there is something wrong with him.

  Together we walk down the hallway and enter the elevator. I know soon I will be able to use the elevator by myself, but I cannot wait, I need to see Finn.

  Although the elevator car is big enough for thirty people, A566 turns around right in front of me when the doors close. I can feel his breath on my face again.

  “Would you please keep this a secret?” I ask him.

  He begins to grin again. “Of course, I would also have problems if it came out that I was taking you to the sickbay.”

  “Thanks a lot for this; I do not know what I would have done without you.”

  “Watch yourself, and remember, you owe me. But it’s best if it’s our little secret.”

  The elevator doors open and I step out into the atrium. I quickly take a deep breath, because every time A566 is near me, I tend to hold my breath.

  To the right of the elevator are the doors to the sickbay. A566 only needs to put his thumb on the scanner and the doors open as if by magic. Hastily, we walk down the hallway and too late it occurs to me that at night Clyde stands guard over Zoe. I only remember because we practically run into him. Confused, he looks up to me, but I try to act as if nothing has happened. A566 will not learn about my friendship with him.

  Clyde looks at us as we walk past. A566 continues walking down the hallway but soon stops in front of a door.

  It opens.

  Once I see Finn, every other thought is forgotten. He is still tied up, but this time his bonds are only on his hands and legs. He wears a brown two-piece outfit, which the male inhabitants of the safety zone use as pajamas. His beautiful, honey-blond hair is gone, shaved off, so that his bald head glistens in the cold illumination.

  Finn’s eyes are closed and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Even in sleep he is ready for a fight.

  Carefully, I sit down on the edge of the bed and caress his cheek. Was it the right decision to take his memory away? Should I have let him die? I was too selfish. I cannot let him go. Not yet. Our love has only just begun.

  How naturally I slide my hand into his. His hands are rough and covered with calluses, a sure sign of his hard work. At least these are here. Maybe his hands will help him remember. I could sit here forever just looking at him. I can completely ignore A566. But suddenly something stirs in Finn’s face. His eyelids flicker slightly and his hand twitches for a brief moment. He’s coming around.

  I look at his strained face. When he opens his eyes, he takes a startled breath. His eyes were always blue, but now are dyed in the typical light blue of the Legion. They lack the wild speckles that made him seem so alive, but now that the color is different, all life seems to have gone out of them. They are almost as rigid as the eyes of a dead man. I’m trying to control myself for his sake. Affectionately I rub my hand over his hairless head. “Finn,” I whisper. “You’re finally back with me.”

  His eyes meet mine. He is confused. Gently he asks, “Do I know you?”

  This was to be expected. I smile at him bravely and say, “I’m Cleo. You may not remember me, but you will soon, I will help you.”

  A slight smile twitches at his lips. “Cleo,” he whispers. “What a beautiful name.”

  “It means ‘like the sun’.”

  Suddenly the door opens and A350 stands in the room trembling with anger.

  “What are you doing here?” She says angrily.

  “I had to see him,” I try to defend myself, but at the same time I keep my voice calm so as not to frighten Finn, but his eyes are dilated anxiously.

  “I forbade you from coming here,” A350 grumbles relentlessly. “Come with me immediately!”

  “But he’s just woken up! We cannot leave him alone now,” I implore to her, but she shows no understanding.

  “I’ll call a doctor who will ensure that he continues to sleep until the morning.”

  She grabs me roughly by the arm and pulls me out of the room.

  “You go back to your room,” she says to A566. He shrugs his shoulders, grinning, and strolls indifferently back to the elevator. A350 pushes me along after him. I have never seen her so angry before. I thought she was my friend. Can she not understand why I had to do it? Had she not done the same for me?

  Once we reach my room, she orders me to open the door. Instead of entering with me, she stops in front of it. “I’m going to call D560. She will now stay overnight with you and will alert me if you try to leave your room. Are we clear?”

  I’m not used to her talking to me in such a commanding tone and can only nod mutely.

  “You put everything on the line and this is your way of thanking me?” She continues. I have always committed myself to you, and then you bare your indecent behavior in front of everyone. Do you really want to risk your classification for a man who cannot even remember you?”

  I quickly shake my head. “How do you know he doesn’t remember anything? You said it yourself that this is the first time this operation was performed on a human.”

  Her eyes narrowed to slits, “He would be better to remember nothing.”

  With that, she leaves and I am alone again. I understood what she said. If it should turn out the surgery did not work, they will kill him.

  A few minutes later, someone knocks on my door. I do not need to look at the small screen in order to know D560 is on the other side. I open the door for her and try not to let my bad mood and concerns about Finn manifest. D560 is already always afraid, no need to make her problem worse. Even though I do not say anything, she notices immediately that something is wrong. I do not know how much A350 told her, but I’m sure it’s not normal for someone to stand watch over a Legion commander.

  “You look sad,” she says and I’m impressed with how well she knows human emotions as they are banned here. Hesitantly I look to her. It’s funny now that our roles are reversed. Otherwise it is always her who seems sad and desperate. Every time I talk to her I want her to tell me her fears, but she remains closed like a door for which there is no key. Maybe I should take the first step and prove that I trust her. Because I do. Since the first day I met her, I feel connected to her. It’s a feeling that I can’t explain any more than my dislike of A5
66.

  Sighing, I let myself fall on my bed. “I’ll tell you, but you must not talk about it with anyone. Do you promise?”

  My requirement seems to frighten her and she acts more thoughtfully than before, but then she sits down next to me and nods.

  “I promise.”

  “Yesterday, one of the outcasts threw stones at the Legion commander section and was captured.”

  “I saw the window cracks,” she confirmed to me.

  “I know the outcast,” I confess to her, but hesitated to proceed. “He’s a friend of mine, a very good one.”

  I eagerly look into her face, but it does not show any emotion. Neither disgust nor understanding. D560 just listened intently. Maybe that’s exactly what I need: A listener that does not judge.

  “I had to decide whether he should die or be forced to have his memory erased. I opted for the second option and went to see him, even though it was forbidden.”

  “And? Did it work? Did he forget you?”

  I nod sadly. “He was somehow happy to see me, but he did not even know who I was.”

  D560 looks toward me sympathetically. “I’m sorry for you.”

  I feel tears rise in my eyes. “He would hate me if he knew what I did to him. I would rather he died than to have him live here.”

  My words seem to move something in D560 because suddenly her gaze is suddenly rigid. “I envy him.”

  I do not understand. How can someone be envied who cannot even remember who he is? “Why?”

  “I would do anything to be able to forget.” As she speaks, she does not look at me, but stares mesmerized at some point in the distance.

  “What do you want to forget?”

  She closes her eyes and looks at me. Tears conceal her view, just like mine. “I’m not allowed to talk about it.”

  Now she has my full attention. “Who forbade you?”

  She shrugs her shoulders sadly. “Who do you think?”

  “A Legion commander?”

  She nods.

  “But I am also a Legion commander. I allow you to tell me. I could help.”

  “How could you help?”

  “I could change it, I could do something without telling the others,” I try to encourage her, but she does not believe me.

  “I know you’re not really a full Legion commander yet, you do not even have permission to open all the doors, right?”

  I admit to that, she is right. “No, not yet.”

  Confused, she frowns. “Then how did you get to the sickbay?”

  I am aware she is trying to distract me from the real issue, but I cannot avoid it. I do not want her to lose her confidence.

  “A566 helped me.”

  Her expression instantly petrified. “You should not accept help from him.”

  “Why not?” She knows more about him than I do?

  “He’s not the person you think he is.” She speaks in riddles. What does this mean? Before I can ask her, she gets up and signals me that she will not answer anymore questions.

  “You should sleep now. There will certainly be a conference and you will need all your strength to defend him tomorrow.”

  She pulls back my blanket as though I were a small child. Nevertheless, I obediently climb into bed and she tucks me in. Her care reminds me of Florence. The thought of the rebels is comforting, so I feel a little closer to Finn.

  D560 turns to leave. I grab her arm gently. Immediately she winces, as if I had burned her. Slowly I let go of her arm. “I’m sorry; I did not mean to scare you. Will you not stay? This bed is big enough for both of us.”

  “No, I cannot,” she replies, intimidated and runs her hand over the place on her arm I touched.

  “It’s okay, I allow you to,” I assure her. I can see hesitation in her face, but I’m relieved when she actually lays on the edge of the other half of the bed. She curls up like Dumbo, Iris’ little desert fox. It’s almost like she’s protecting me, but from what?

  The next morning I feel rested, already my first thought is of Finn. Maybe it was a mistake to visit him right after his surgery. A350’s anger must have frightened him. What goes through someone’s mind when they wake up and cannot remember anything yet are strapped to a bed in a cell with no windows? If I could change places with him, I would do it immediately.

  I look to my right and see D560. At first I am frightened; I had completely forgotten she was there. Even now she hardly moves. She is in the same position as she was when she fell asleep. She looks almost like a fetus. One might almost think she was dead, but the slight rise and fall of her chest reveals she is alive. She looks so weak and fragile next to me that I would like to caress her bald head.

  Suddenly there is a knock at the door and D560 scares awake and sits up as though she had been there all along as a guard, instead of asleep in my bed.

  Through my fingerprint, I let A350 enter. She has calmed down a bit, but her attitude toward me is still as cold as the night before.

  “A special conference has been called. Let’s go.”

  So early? Did something happen of which I know nothing? “I have not had breakfast yet,” I reply spontaneously to find out what time it is. Judging from the view out of the window, it seems we would have already had lunch by now. How long did I sleep?

  “You missed breakfast. You’ll have to make it up later.”

  I clearly feel that she’s still mad at me and feel bad about it. I do not regret going to see Finn. If I had it to do over again, I would still go see him. I just wish that A350 could understand me. In order to not antagonize her any more, I obediently follow her to the conference hall. The others are already gathered, as well as the head doctor and chief fighters.

  A489 rises to begin his report: “Greetings. Before we get to talk about the unpleasant events of the past day, unfortunately I have some bad news from the Eastern Legion. They too suffered an attack by rebels. It seems a band of Northern rebels teamed up with the Eastern rebels. The rebels’ force was estimated at a hundred people, more than we ever could have imagined. In the attack, a water tank was damaged beyond repair. The Eastern Legion has stabilized thanks to the assistance of the Central Legion.”

  Outraged, the other Legion commanders shake their heads over this news. Although there were representatives of the Eastern rebels at the black market, I cannot remember any of them. They seemed very cautious. I am surprised they ventured along with the North and instigated such an attack. How long will it take before they attack us in the West?

  One of the top fighters hesitates as he hears A489’s words and looks in my direction. Was there something I wasn’t supposed to know? Was there another rebel attack here? Was someone killed this time?

  “There have been no incidents to report within the safety and protection zones,” the fighter says evasively. “However, we made a sighting outside of the protection zone.”

  A489 intervenes immediately, “I understand. A further explanation will not be necessary.”

  Confused, I look around at the other commanders. What are they hiding from me? What did they see outside the protection zone? I thought nothing could survive out there because of the radioactivity. I carefully look at A350, will she tell me the truth? But her gaze is locked past me. I know she does not want to respond. She used to be honest with me, but why not now? Did she lose faith in me because I went to see Finn last night? Did I disappoint her that much?

  Now the doctor spoke. The room lights darkened as a three dimensional image of Finn’s cell displayed in the center of the room. He is on his bed staring upward fixedly, but the shackles are gone.

  “After I studied him, I could not detect any infringement in his brain functions. He acts slightly disoriented, which is probably due to his memory loss.”

  Did they examine him without me? Injured, I stare at A350, but she does not even shrug. They knew how important it was for me to be there.

  “Why did you examine him without me?” I hiss at her angrily.

  Without looking
at me, she says, “You are now prohibited from having any contact with him.”

  “You cannot do that!” I reply and ball of my fists to hold back the tears.

  “It’s for your own good! Yours and his.” She seems completely emotionless, but at the same time she does not dare look at me. I hate her at this moment.

  “How do you know what is best for him or me? Do you know him more than I do?” It’s hard for me to control my voice, and I notice too late that all other conversations are silent and everyone is watching us.

  A350 noticed it before me. The look she throws at me now is cutting and cold as ice. “I know what’s good for him. He is an outcast. If it were up to me, we would be scattering his ashes in the trash disposal.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat and feel like I have been slapped. How can she be so cruel? I thought she was my friend.

  A489 clears his throat loudly. “Shall we proceed? A518, do you think you’ll manage to keep your mouth shut or would you rather leave the hall?”

  I stare at him in anger and look around the hall. Nobody cares about my pain. On the contrary, they seem rather annoyed by me and my interruption. The whole issue is just one point on their agenda that needs to be ticked off. My heart contracts. How can they be so callous? Perhaps the rebels were right and there really is no cure for them? For most of them anyway. My eyes catch A566. He winks at me. Should he turn out to be my only friend? For a moment I forget D560’s warning and am grateful for his gesture.

  The doctor continues, “I think it’s unnecessary to continue holding him in the sickbay. He should be incorporated into the daily routine as soon as possible.”

  “Do you have a recommendation for classification?”

  “He never enjoyed education lessons or combat training, so he could really only receive a helper classification. And even that would be difficult since our processes are completely alien to him.”

  “He could clean. Anyone can do that,” A566 says with a wide grin. The way he says it, it’s almost as though he feels Finn has no value or is just plain stupid.