This Stops Today

by Gwen Carr

  Making that possible gave our group more structure than it had before, and I realized that as each month passed we were becoming more comfortable with each other and stronger and more effective as a group. That cohesion and those experiences helped us form a stronger and more productive bond. I don’t know whether that was Hillary’s intent, but maybe it was because she’s a smart woman.

  We left the campaign trail and the election, not victorious, but with a definite feeling that we were a strong force, especially collectively. The power of a group of mothers was undeniable. I felt energized and comforted that even though our candidate hadn’t won the presidency, many positive things came out of the campaign, one of them being a stronger Mothers of the Movement group.

  I wasn’t sure where we would take the group in the future because we no longer had the campaign trail to hold us together. I just hoped the bonds we had formed would continue and that we would unite when it made sense. The group is unique in that it isn’t formal or structured. It’s almost like when a group of mothers comes together to help each other with babysitting and running errands. We were essentially doing the same thing with the movement. We were pooling our collective experiences and using them so that we could all benefit. Of course, the only benefit we all wanted was to see justice served for our children and to see real change, particularly when it came to the way Blacks were treated by anyone in a law enforcement capacity.

  With the new year, I had hopes the Mothers would come together when we could, but I also knew I had to continue along my own path. I still had work to do, and the new administration meant new challenges. I had learned so much from being so involved in politics, and I decided that I would find as many opportunities as I could to get involved and make sure the new administration did not take us back to the dark, scary times before the Civil Rights Act. That might sound kind of dramatic and alarmist, but with all the hate speech flying around, I was not taking anything for granted.

  This was the first time I was being proactive in what I called my unplanned activism. I wanted to build on that last year’s efforts and the huge exposure that we had. I needed to find ways to keep my face out in the public eye so that I could keep Eric’s name in people’s mouths. I wanted them saying “Eric Garner” because that kept him in the consciousness. I wanted him to be as real and present for them as he was for me every day. I never let his memory fade, and I hoped that I could make sure others didn’t forget, either. My mission was awareness, and it started on January 14, 2017.

  That day, I joined Al Sharpton, the National Action Network, and many others for a rally at West Potomac Park in Washington, DC. We were there to celebrate and honor the eighty-eighth anniversary of the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. All across the country there were observances and community service events. In DC, there was a parade and peace walk that is a tradition, and there were also tributes, speeches, and church services.

  When you are involved in raising public awareness, the weather is not always your friend, and you cannot always count on a beautiful day for an event. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. I don’t know whether it’s Murphy’s law or what, but a lot of activists I know have talked about times when they planned a beautiful event down to the last detail only to be faced with challenging weather.

  That day in Washington was cold and rainy, but as I stood in front of the monument of the inspirational Dr. King, I didn’t care about a little rain. It was very easy to allow roadblocks to slow me down, but I wasn’t about to give in to that. Reverend Al Sharpton spoke at the event and did not disappoint. I am learning in this journey to celebrate the strengths of others and allow those to shine, just as they did for me. They allowed me to do things in the manner that worked for me, and I did the same for them. I will never be the passionate speaker that Reverend Sharpton is, but I will continue on my own journey in my own way.

  His speech was called “We Shall Not Be Moved,” and a rally followed. Reverend Sharpton and the National Action Network team are very good about getting everyone fired up, and that day was no exception. I heard chants like “We will not be moved” and “No justice, no peace.”

  This rally was a bit different because hiding just below the surface of our enthusiasm and reverence for Dr. King was the horrible reality of the incoming team. Many of the speakers, including Congressman John Lewis, spoke about not attending the next week’s inauguration, and they encouraged the Democratic representatives to stand up to the incoming administration’s policies of divisiveness. There was also talk about working to oppose the incoming attorney general, the one who would replace Loretta Lynch. It was Senator Jeff Sessions, whom I hadn’t heard a lot about before, but what I learned that day had me worried that Eric’s case would never get a fair shot with him in office.

  It was good to reconnect with Sybrina Fulton after the crazy campaign ride we had been on the previous year. Each time we got together, we compared notes and talked about things we were working on, our successes and challenges, and the hopes we clung to. Though I share a special bond with each of them, I am not best friends with any of the mothers. We all lead our own lives and do things the way we see fit. I respect what they do, and it feels good to reconnect with them because they are the only ones who truly know what it’s like.

  My other family members understand, don’t get me wrong about that. However, our shared connection as mothers whose children were murdered is something that is so unique it really helps to speak to another person like Sybrina. Also, her tragedy occurred in 2012, so she has been working for reform a little longer than I have and she’s always ready to share anything she has learned. As mothers, that’s what we all try to do.

  I found myself back in Washington a week later for the Women’s March on Washington. The Martin Luther King event had a great turnout, but this event was the hugest gathering that I’d ever seen. I found out after that it was the largest single-day demonstration in U.S. history. It was said that there were marches not only in Washington, DC, but also in more than 650 other cities across the country. Supposedly there were also marches in hundreds of other countries. In Washington, DC, alone, more than five hundred thousand women and their supporters were estimated to have taken to the streets.

  Naturally there were many politicians and celebrities, but the people who impressed me the most were the everyday women and others who took time to attend. They left their families and traveled by plane, car, train, and bus to get to the march and let the new president know that they were not going to be silent. I thought it was kind of funny that he complained about his small inauguration, because if he wanted a lot of people in the streets of Washington, he sure got them that day.

  Some people felt a certain way because they didn’t see this kind of turnout at their events. There were complaints that some of the more focused Black Lives Matter events got much less attendance and usually less press. I didn’t focus on that too much because I know that you cannot taunt or guilt people into attending anything. It has to be something they want to do from their heart. The focus needs to be on creating within them a desire to get involved. I understand that is not easy to do, but it’s really the only way.

  I saw this as a positive step toward folks getting on their feet in the name of activism. I’d learned from the National Action Network team that if people show up and have a positive experience, it helps to show them that they can do it and that they can make a difference. So that’s what I hoped for with that event. It was also encouraging because it was organized by and for women. That gave me some real hope because that’s what we had been doing for the last year, touring and campaigning as mothers and women. Several of the Mothers of the Movement attended to show our support, including Sybrina, Lucy McBath, Maria Hamilton, and me.

  I’m not saying we were groundbreakers or anything like that, but it did feel good and validating to see that other women were showing up and getting active just as we had been doing for Hillary. I would like to say that maybe we played a small part in
that, but I’m sure it was primarily because of Hillary and the fact that the reality of the first female president was not to be in 2017. Regardless of the motivation, it was very exciting to witness and be a part of history.

  It made me think back to when I had just started. I had no idea what I was doing. I was just propelled by my grief. Ben and I were stricken and trying to come to terms with our son’s death. I channeled my energy into activism. Ben did things a little differently. He joined me on the marches and any of the big events where I needed him, but he also put his handyman skills to good use. I met him way back when I was living in government housing and he was a window installer, so he had always been good at construction and repairs.

  At first, people created an informal shrine at the site of Eric’s murder, leaving flowers and candles and signs and posters on the sidewalk beside the Bay Beauty Supply store. Graffiti artists painted signs nearby referencing “I can’t breathe” and other tributes to his memory. So Ben built a makeshift memorial to place on the sidewalk. It’s made of thick plastic on all sides so people can see inside, and it has a hinged lid with a lock on it. Ben visits the site and puts any flowers, candles, and other things that people leave inside the box. That way they are out of the elements but also on display for anyone who wants to visit. There’s a wreath above it and a poster that includes the words “No indictment, no conviction, no justice.”

  Someone destroyed it about a week after he built it, but Ben cleaned up the mess and built another one. He said he will keep building them as long as necessary because Eric deserves that. I’m sure it’s not legal to have it on the sidewalk, but no one has defaced it since then. So I guess maybe us older folks are a little more active and involved than we realized we were.

  When I left that women’s march, I took away from it the images of all the powerful, determined women I had seen, and the dedication in their faces just helped to fuel my mission even more. Having witnessed people of all ages and races brave the cold and discomfort, it helped me realize that women really can make a difference, something I would have never thought possible even just a few years ago. It felt good not only to witness change but also, in my own way, to be a part of it.

  The main thing that I took away, and that I think a lot of others did as well, was the positivity and sense of hopefulness that it helped to instill in me. An important aspect of activism is making sure people can sustain their drive and enthusiasm. It’s one of those things that, no matter how committed someone appears to be, if they don’t feel it, they can’t effectively convey it to others. If you’re in it for the wrong reasons, hoping to meet important people or hang with celebrities or further your career, people can sense that.

  I’ve watched people come and go, and the ones who last are those who truly have it inside them. It’s something that’s not easy to explain or describe, but I know it when I see it. Time flies, but at this point I guess I’ve been doing this for more than four years, so I’ve picked up on things along the way. I’ve seen very sincere folks join the cause only to realize that it isn’t right for them. They may not have intentionally gotten involved in something they didn’t wholeheartedly believe in, but along the way it becomes obvious when someone’s heart is just not in it and that’s really where it counts. It has to be part of your heart and soul and spirit. If you’re in it for other reasons, it’s great that you showed up, but it’s just not going to work.

  For some people who want to be involved in a movement, it’s about finding the right fit. Just because you see someone out there making a statement and you support them or find their cause to be a noble one, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s for you. Often there is a trial-and-error aspect where folks need to get in there and try it on for size. If it doesn’t work for you, believe me, there are many other important causes that can use help.

  Another important thing to remember is that protests and speeches and marches are not the only ways to get involved. There are so many other aspects that I sure didn’t know about at first, either. When I got involved with the National Action Network, and for me doing that was not something I was sure about at the time, I learned so much about what it takes to get things done. There’s being on the front lines the way me and the other mothers are, but there are other areas that are just as important, if not more so. Things like lobbying politicians and helping with research also help to support change.

  I’m not an expert on all of that. I can only speak on what has worked for me and advise others to get in touch with an organization like NAN or something similar. The unfortunate reality is that there are so many organizations because there are so many causes and there is so much need. While that can be overwhelming to think about, I choose to look on the positive side. That means there are many ways that people can get involved in something that is special to them and close to their heart.

  After I got back to New York, I had already been in two large demonstrations in Washington, DC, and the year had just started. I huddled up with Nadia and shared with her that I was still not satisfied. I wanted to do more. Seeing those folks come out in the cold gave me the strength to keep pushing on. Without Hillary’s campaign to fill my calendar, I could find other things that worked for me, and Nadia could help. She was very motivated as well, and she also realized that without a presidential campaign, I had to shift my focus, and if I didn’t handle it right, it could sideline my momentum.

  That’s one of the things I haven’t talked about—having some great people to help you is always a good thing. That’s not really necessary at the beginning, and if I’d had that early on, I’m not sure it would have been beneficial because I was still processing things. I wasn’t in the frame of mind where I could think about the future. As far as I was concerned, my future was killed that day on Bay Street.

  Time has an amazing way of allowing us to deal with our memories and keep moving on. I’m not exactly sure when I reached that point, but it was very gradual. My one-step-at-a-time method allowed me to process my feelings while still doing some work on Eric’s behalf. At first I think I was still a bit dazed, but slowly, gradually, that pain and hopelessness morphed and changed inside me. It was almost like giving birth again. The idea of activism took hold slowly. I kept feeding it with each new event I attended or march I walked in or speech I gave.

  I don’t think it was until the Dr. King March and the Women’s March following right after that I realized there were many opportunities beyond the political realm. There were many other ways I could stay involved and stay visible. I would keep Eric’s name and image in the public eye for as long as I was able, and Nadia would help me do that with her ideas and her contacts. However, I don’t think anyone expected what was to come next. I know I sure didn’t.

  It was the last day of a very busy month, January 31, 2017. I was back in New York, and I joined my friends from NAN, including minister Kirsten John Foy and Al Sharpton’s daughter Ashley, who was director of a youth group. We were at Trump Tower in Manhattan protesting the recent Supreme Court nomination of a man named Judge Neil Gorsuch to fill the vacancy left when Antonin Scalia died last year (and the Republicans had refused to allow the Obama nominee to fill the seat, instead delaying the nomination until they were in power and could make their own choice). Folks were also marching in Brooklyn and other sections of New York, and in other cities, to protest the nomination.

  This was a much more targeted protest than I had been involved with in the past. Previously I was more involved with marches and town halls and speaking on panels. Protesting political decisions was new for me, but I was willing to try it and see what happened. I had the support of the Network, and I knew that having recognizable faces would help generate attention, and it sure did.

  I ended up being led away from there with my hands behind my back in plastic restraints as the police took me down the street, one on each arm. Others were arrested as well, and we were taken to the police station and charged with civil disobedience. At least I think that was
the official charge. It was strange to be led down the street in restraints, but I wasn’t scared or intimidated. I knew it was important to raise awareness, and I also understood the risks. Being recognizable, I realized that if anyone were arrested, it would be me, and I was right about that.

  NAN sent out a statement that read, “In an act of civil disobedience and in the tradition of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Eric Garner’s mom and others were arrested tonight in front of Trump Tower over President Trump’s Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch.”

  Some of my family members were especially concerned, but I told them not to worry about me. Ellisha couldn’t believe her mother, the grandmother of her children, was on the news with cuffs on. I realized that they would want to make a display of it and take my picture, which they did. It was on the front page of a lot of papers and websites. It’s still feels a little surreal that I can type “Gwen Carr arrested” in a web browser and my image pops up.

  I guess that’s what we get for blocking traffic on Fifth Avenue. Oh, I left that part out, didn’t I? Sometimes to get attention and a reaction, we have to cause a little disruption, so we were out there messing up that crazy Manhattan traffic. That’s a tip that I can share with you: Messing up how folks get around always gets a lot of attention. People don’t like when their routine is impacted, and it always gets a reaction.

  Nadia wasn’t too happy that I had gotten arrested. She knew what I was going to do, and she advised me to be careful, but she was shocked that it turned out like it had. I suppose no publicist likes to wake up to a news alert about their client being arrested. She made her peace with it, though, because she had another idea. She proposed that I write a book about my experiences. That way I could share my story and how I handled Eric’s murder. It was her thought that other people would get a better sense of what I had been going through and what I’d dealt with over the past few years.