This Stops Today

by Gwen Carr

  In Deepest and Loving Memories of

  My Mom and Dad

  ALTHOUGH YOU ARE NOT PHYSICALLY HERE with me, I can feel your presence. I know you are in the midst of all I do. I can hear your voices when I’m in a crowd and more often in the midnight hour when I’m all alone and the wind echoes those sounds I remember as a child.

  I can see the legacy you left behind for me to continue. I see in all my surroundings, my children, your children, your grands, my grands, our great-grands, and all the family that you strove to keep together because you said that family is, first and foremost, the most important thing to consider. Mom, oftentimes I remember how good it was to come home and smell the wonderful dishes you were preparing for our dinner. It was no question as to what it would taste like, and if by some chance you had to go on some errand that day, Dad would pick up the slack. You were a good cook too.

  I don’t remember any hungry days. There was always food, even though we did not have a lot of money. We had stability—we weren’t always moving from place to place—thank you for that. You both were my rock. I can’t say I love one more than the other because you both were always there. With certain problems I would come to you, Mom, but there were other times I would confide in you, Dad. It was always good to have parents to go to, parents who were always around.

  You always reminded my younger sisters and brothers that I was the oldest and they should respect me and listen to what I was saying to them. Although you know your daughter, my sister, Sharon, had a mind of her own and thought things should only be done her way, I loved her dearly anyway. In spite of her ways, I miss her so very much, as I do my brother Joe. I am praying that you are all together embracing one another and sharing the love we all had when we were all here together.

  Well, dear Daddy and Mom, I have had quite a full plate these last four years. I know you know by now that I lost Eric in such a brutal and senseless way that it almost took me out. I needed you both to be here with me, as you were when your grandson Emery was murdered. I needed your arms to comfort me. I needed your words of wisdom, Dad. You always knew what to say. I needed you both to lean on, so I would not fall. I needed you, Mom, to take a tissue to wipe my tears. I needed you, Dad, to read the book of Matthew from the Bible, as you always did when I needed a word.

  “Where are you two?” I cried. Then the answer came from God up above: “They are with me, my child, as I am with you and have always been there. I am your all, so fear not—even though you cannot see them, their love, compassion, and strength is covering you, and with the goodness, grace, and mercy of my son, Jesus Christ, you will conquer because he is your conqueror. Your parents, they live and love through you.”

  So now, with that being said, I know that I can continue to fight the good fight. I will continue to do what I know you would be doing with me. I will continue to build on the strong foundation that you left behind. I will continue to pursue justice and try to change laws so Eric’s death won’t be in vain. Because of parents like you, there are people like me. I would not change a thing about you. I know they say nobody’s perfect, but through my eyes you are. I think you were the greatest parents in the universe, and you were mine.

  I love you both dearly. You are always going to be in my heart.

  Acknowledgments

  FIRST AND FOREMOST, I WANT TO acknowledge my creator, who has enabled me to be and stay strong throughout this challenging journey, who has shown me that all things are possible and how to make a way out of no way.

  I would definitely like to thank my family, who was always there steadfastly with me through it all, not just this tragedy but also many other tear-jerking moments.

  Thank you to my daughter, Ellisha, who has always wanted to protect and defend me, and whom I love dearly. Thanks also to my sister Marilyn, who always helped me with the kids when they were young, and now I have to help her. That’s what family does. Love you, my sister. My brother James, who was a mama’s boy and now a sister’s boy, love ya. And Marvin, thank you for always checking on big sis and calling me every holiday.

  Special thanks to my sister, my friend, Niecie, for always being with me from the beginning of our lives for all the joy, tears, and sorrow. We went through it together and are still standing. Her kids—Damon, Dion, and Desiree—are also awesome.

  My thanks to Nadine “Nadia” Fischer, who is my publicist as well as a friend who has guided me on this journey and protected my interests. Thank you for always being concerned about my well-being, my comfort, and my state of mind. You are forever ready to assist whenever you can, and it is my pleasure to have you in my life.

  Thank you, Mothers of the Movement—Sybrina, Lucy, Maria, Geneva, and Cleo—for the time we spent together and for the bond we formed. Although we didn’t get the results we hoped for, we are not quitters—we are go-getters.

  A special thanks to my cousin Mike Garner, president of 100 Black Men and a transit employee who will come to my aid whenever asked with no hesitation, always assuring me that he is only a phone call away.

  Thanks to my very special cousin Brenda Hereford, who has been in my life always; thanks for being on my side and by my side whether you thought I was wrong or right. We never had anything but love for each other.

  Thank you, Aunt Catherine—at the time I write this, you are ninety-four years old and my only living aunt. I thank you for all the time we have had together (and there is still more to come), your wisdom, your grace, and your spookiness. I know of very, very few ninety-four-year-olds who can still wear five-inch heels, cook, clean, and lay their own carpet. I want to be just like you when I grow up.

  Thank you to my niece, Angie, and my cousin, Roslyn, for always being by my side and keeping me informed.

  My thanks also go out to Reverend Al Sharpton and the National Action Network (NAN) family for all the support. He has been the one who has been with me from day one after my son Eric was murdered and has continued to keep the fire burning as we look for answers to bring about justice. Even when we bump into a brick wall, the struggle continues.

  Thank you, Reverend Daughtry and Mrs. Daughtry, for your many acts of kindness and always being willing to lend a helping hand whenever called upon.

  Thank you, Bishop Kareem Evans, for being a family member, friend, and someone I can always call on and depend upon. You will always be in my heart.

  Thank you, Bishop Brown, for always reaching out, for caring and sharing, and for being the humble person that you are.

  Thanks, Cynthia Davis, for all that you have done and continue to do to try to make this world a better place for us to live, and for your endless devotion.

  Thank you, my Christian Love family, who have always loved and supported me. Special thanks to Mother Tea, who always comes to my aid, and all the ministers and members who are always there for me. I will always cherish the late, great, irreplaceable Reverend Ron for supporting my journey. Long live his legacy.

  Thank you, Minister Kirsten John Foy, for all you do inside and outside the ministry, for always standing with me and standing up for me at rallies and press conferences, and for just being a friend. You are truly loved by me as well as my family.

  Thank you, Pastor Bartley and Lady Bartley, for everything, for being there, for treating us like family, and for your many encouraging words when I need you. You always come through. I love your family, and also your church family.

  Thank you, Reverend Shelia Evans-Tranumn, my childhood friend. You have been there for me whenever I call, and even when I don’t call on you, you are always ready to help in any way you can.

  Thank you, Reverend McColl, for your dedication and strength.

  Thank you, Reverend Fletcher and Allisha Fletcher, for your support. You two are awesome.

  I want to thank all the ministers, clergy, priests, rabbis, and pastors who reached out after my son’s death. Your kindness and warmth made a difference.

  Thank you, Ramsey Orta, for bringing about this awareness. Thank you for your cour
age. Because of the eye of your camera, the world’s eyes were opened. You are the most important factor in this movement. Eternally grateful.

  Thank you, Hillary, for all you’ve shown me as a person. Even though you were not elected, you are still my candidate, and I would do it all again if you asked. I appreciate all the lessons learned, all the hard work that went into what you were striving for, and when you lost the election, so did I. Nevertheless, we must push forward.

  Thank you, Beyoncé, for reaching out to me and other mothers. I am so grateful to have known you. It was a joy to work with you and be a part of your greatest production, Lemonade. Thank you for your strength and personality.

  Thank you, Dominique and Ashley Sharpton, for your love and support.

  Thank you to all New York mothers and families for working with me, helping me, and always being ready to join in the fight for justice.

  Thank you, Justice Committee, Lorda and Yul-San, for all your work and willingness to always support.

  Thanks so much, Marion Gray-Hopkins, for always helping to bring the mothers from your area together for this cause.

  Thank you, brother-in-law Larry Adams, for all you do for always answering the call and for your readiness to step up to the plate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

  Thanks to my longtime friends (golden girls) Herb, Niecie, Gwen, Vi-Mae, Delores Marion, Katie—many things we have been through together, helping when we needed confiding in each other and being there for one another. I appreciate you all.

  Thank you, Evelina, my sweet lil’ niece, for being who you are. Just stay that way and don’t ever change.

  Thank you to my niece, Stephanie, for all you do and for just being there if and when I need you.

  Thank you, Mandi. You have been there, and I know you will always be there.

  Thank you, Wanda and Queen Brown. We make an awesome trio. You ladies know how to hold a sister down.

  Thanks to Professor Norma Bowe, her daughter Becca, and the “Be the Change” group for the times they have remembered me and my son in every way and were always willing to help out and do what they could.

  Thank you, Samaria, for being so giving of yourself. You are a trooper.

  Thanks to all of my North Carolina family, who never fail to call or ask what I need them to do or they would just show up.

  Fay, Cookie, Doris, Jimmie Gina, Sharon, Sylvia, Gwen, Sam, and the many others—love every last one of you.

  Thank you to my many grandchildren and great-grands, from far and near, for bringing me so much joy. You are the seed of my seed; you will be the ones who succeed in life. So take hold; never give in to negativity; push forward; grace this world with greatness, positivity, and awareness; and add a little more light to your already bright futures.

  Thank you, Reverend Johnnie Green, for your wisdom and knowledge and for just being such a down-to-earth human being. It’s a pleasure to know you.

  Thank you, Kathy Sharpton, for your kindness. Your bright smile lights up a room.

  Thank you, Jimmie Gardner, for your continuous support and just being you.

  Thanks to my cousin Mat and her daughter, Nekal, for being there for me always.

  I want to say thanks to my nieces and nephews, Nettie, Missy, Keisha, Punkin, and Qunicy, for always being respectful and loving.

  Thanks to my cousin Jeanie and her children, Tonya, Pamala, Priscilla, Lil Bit, and Troy, for their love, understanding, and always being there for me.

  Thanks to my cousins Larry, Estel, and Levonne for always keeping in touch and for caring.

  Thank you, Mae Catherine and Ann, just for being you. You are the greatest cousins a person could have.

  Thank you, Councilwoman Debbie Rose, for always answering my call and never being too busy to listen.

  Thank you, Congresswomen Maxine Waters, for supporting me as well as several other mothers, and for being so caring and comforting.

  Thank you, my MTA family, for having my back and being so considerate during my time of grief—all of you guys were great.

  Thank you, cousin Valerie, for all your love, for caring, and sharing. Love you so much.

  Thank you so much, Congressman Hakeem Jeffries, for your goodness, fairness, and being so easy to talk with. I admire you as a legislator and also as a person.

  Thank you, Congresswoman Yvette Clark, for being a friend as well as a go-to person when I needed to get results. You are an awesome human being.

  Thank you, Reverend Curtis, for your pleasant and humble demeanor, for always being ready to listen and knowing just the right thing to say.

  Thanks to Eugene Lucas and his wife, Robin, who live in Los Angeles. You always open your home to me when I’m in town. I grew up on the same street as Eugene’s father, and they treat me like family.

  Thank you, LaDavia. You are one of the sweetest people I know, always ready and willing to help no matter what the circumstance.

  Thank you, Tish James, for your support.

  Thank you, Detective Rios, you have been a blessing in my life and one of the nicest people I know.

  Thank you, Gov. A. Cuomo, for publicly acknowledging me and all the New York families who worked to get the executive order for the special prosecutor that is now an important piece that may soon be law.

  Thank you to my cousin Lolly and his wife Sharon for being the people they are and the parents they are.

  My niece, Stephanie Skinner, who is always here to do whatever it takes to get me through whatever it is.

  My niece, Kim, I always loved you and cared about your well-being.

  My niece, Lil Ma, you are my most strong-minded and opinionated niece, and I love you for that.

  Brooklyn borough president Eric Adams, thank you for your support in helping me fight for a great cause.

  Council members Charles and Inez Barron, thanks for always being there when called upon.

  Thank you, Mr. Mickens, for always checking on me.

  Thank you, Reverend Curtis, for caring and your wonderful words of encouragement.

  Thank you, Mrs. Louise Gallman, for being there through the years. You are my mom and dad’s oldest friend, and I love you very much.

  Thank you, Rachael Noerdlinger, for being a friend and a person with such courageous strength.

  To my Florida family—Cynthia, all her children, Greg’s children, Curtis, Lorenzo, and their children—thank you all for always sharing and showing me so much love.

  I want to say thank you to the late, great Melvin Cauley and to his wife, Sol. Until his death a year ago, he was always checking to see if I was OK. We have been friends since we were kids. I miss you, Melvin.

  Thanks, Kim Nesbitt, funeral director in Elizabeth, New Jersey, for helping and supporting me since I’ve known you. You are a very giving person.

  Thank you, Councilman Robert Cornegy Jr., for being there for me and my family and for always answering the call.

  Thanks to Lenny Green and his sidekick, Donna Hayes, for their concern and kindness.

  Thank you, Jumaane Williams, for always standing up for what is right and with me.

  Also, thanks to Felicia D. Henderson and Sara Finney, writer and creator of The Quad.

  Special thank you to my literary agent, Diane Nine, and to Jon Sisk at Rowman & Littlefield for helping me through this process.

  Finally, thank you to my collaborator, Dave Smitherman, who helped me tell my story.

  For anyone I haven’t thanked individually, I thank you all; you’ve been a blessing in my life.

  About the Author

  AS THE MATRIARCH OF ONE OF Staten Island’s largest African American families, Gwen Carr has earned nationwide recognition as the mother of the late Eric Garner, who was murdered by New York police in July 2014. Because the incident was captured on a cell phone video and posted online, his death has played an integral part in raising awareness about the issue of police brutality in the United States, particularly for the Black community.

  Gwen Carr’s story began
in South Brooklyn, where she lived most of her life and raised her family. A longtime employee of both the United States Postal Service and New York City’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority, she had planned to retire before the tragedy occurred. Now Mrs. Carr has become an activist, determined to hold the city accountable for the shocking treatment of her son. With three children, fifteen grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren, she represents the voice of several generations, all of whom have suffered greatly from the loss of their beloved Eric.

  To assist with the healing of others, the nonprofit organization the Garner Way Foundation was established. Within the foundation, Mrs. Carr facilitates the program This Stops Today, which provides ongoing support and education to the ever-increasing victims of violence and to the families suffering from tragedy and loss. The name of the program comes from her own son’s words. Immediately before his death, Eric Garner said to the police, “This stops today,” to express his frustration with their constant profiling and harassment.

  As the legal proceedings continue in the case of her son, Gwen Carr’s maternal sensibilities will not allow a moment’s pause in the fight for justice, and she will forever remain stridently dedicated to the cause. Learn more about her mission at www.ThisStopsToday.com.