Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  Dante glanced at the door as Beth called out again. Jesus, that woman never gave in. “Ash’s girlfriend is mad at me.”

  Tiana exhaled loudly.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have mentioned her. And Ash is only with her cos you left him.”

  “I didn’t have a choice.”

  “Don’t gimme that bull,” Dante said, suddenly angry at her excuse. “You did have a choice, and you broke him when you walked out with his son.”

  Tiana stifled a sob, then the phone went silent.

  Dante swore under his breath. Why couldn’t he fucking control himself? He could go from being perfectly polite to biting someone’s head off in a second. He didn’t mean to, shit just flew out of his mouth before he could think.

  “I’m sorry, T,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just really strung out.”

  She sniffled. “I can’t talk right now.”

  “No, no, please don’t hang up on me; I didn’t ring to upset you.”

  “I know.”

  “So, you’ll forgive me?”

  “Nuthin’ to forgive when it’s the truth.”

  “Oh, sweetness, don’t cry,” Dante said, feeling like utter dog turd.

  She breathed out, the sound shaky. “Don’t worry ’bout it.”

  “I s’pose you won’t want me coming over now?”

  “You wanna come over?”

  “Yeah, I’d love to see Angelo. I bought him those rugby cards he likes,” Dante said, the last part a lie, although he fully intended on picking them up on the way.

  She went silent again.

  “Please, T, I really needa get outta the house, Beth is driving me insane.”

  “Okay, you can come over,” she answered way too fast, his mention of Beth no doubt the motivating factor.

  Relieved, Dante stood up. “Cheers, I’ll see ya in thirty minutes, and tell Angelo his Uncle Dumbte’s coming.”

  Tiana laughed softly, the sound making Dante feel a bit better. “You shouldn’t encourage him,” she said. “He’s not three anymore, he can say your name properly now.”

  “But I think it’s adorable.”

  “Yeah, it is, Dante,” she accentuated his name.

  “Okay, Tiana, see ya soon.” Smiling, he pocketed the phone, then grabbed his leather jacket and headed for the door, hoping that the silence meant Beth had left. He opened it, and looked down. Beth was sitting on the floor, wearing her colourful kimono. Her face was flushed, and she looked like she’d been crying.

  She scrambled to her feet. “Are ya gonna tell Ash?”

  “How many times do I hafta tell ya I won’t? Why the hell would I wanna hurt him? I feel like scum as it is.”

  She raised a hand to her forehead. “I’m sorry too; I didn’t mean for things to happen.”

  His gaze lowered to her breasts as the kimono parted from the movement. He closed his eyes. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I shouldn’t have touched you.”

  “Dante ...” Her hand brushed his arm.

  Jesus, he couldn’t do this. Opening his eyes, he moved her aside, and strode through the passage. He didn’t want to be near her—to be tempted. He pulled out his phone and scrolled down to find the number of a taxi.

  Footsteps followed him. “Dante, where are ya goin’?”

  He opened the front door, and reeled off his address to the lady on the other end of the line, then hung up.

  “Can’t we talk some more?” Beth grabbed his arm.

  Dante pulled free. “There’s nuthin’ to talk about. I already said I’d keep my mouth shut. What more do ya want from me?”

  “I wanted to know how you ... feel.” She looked almost hopeful, like she really cared. His gaze followed her hand as she brushed her long, straight black hair away from her beauti— Shit, he had to stop looking at her like that.

  “What do you care how I feel?” he said. “You made it doubly clear that you don’t give a shit ’bout me. And you’re forgetting that I’m just a slut.”

  “I didn’t mean that—”

  “But you’re still treating me like one. Maybe you should stuff some cash down my pants, cos all I am to you is a fuckin’ whore, your dirty li’l secret.”

  She looked like he’d slapped her. “That’s a horrid thing to say.”

  But it’s true. Dante glanced at the road, hoping the taxi would turn up quick. Beth continued talking. He blocked her out, not interested in her panicked babbling. After a few minutes, the taxi finally arrived. He jumped down the steps and headed for it.

  “Dante, please!”

  He ignored her. There was nothing he could say that would make things right, but there was one thing he could do, and that was to never touch her again—no matter how much he wanted to.

  ***

  After stopping off to buy a bundle of cards for Angelo, Dante glanced back at Sylvia Park shopping centre from the backseat of the taxi. A Hoyts cinema, the yellow PAK’nSAVE supermarket and numerous other shops made up the largest mall in New Zealand, along with a massive car park lining the front.

  Lower to middle class houses flashed by as the taxi headed along Mt. Wellington highway, the neighbourhood a step up from his. The music on the radio came to an end, soon followed by the twelve o’clock news: “There has been a prison riot at...”

  The mention of Chaz’s prison caught Dante’s attention. “Turn it up.”

  The taxi driver did as instructed.

  “Two deaths have been confirmed, while four other prisoners have been admitted to Middleton hospital, one critically injured. Police and hospital staff have assured the public that the prisoners are being heavily guarded and are not a threat to public safety. The riot was believed to have started after an eighteen-year-old male attacked a fellow inmate. The youth is amongst the dead.” The reporter cut to another story.

  “You can turn it down now,” Dante said, wondering whether Chaz had been injured—or killed. He pulled out his phone, checking if he had any texts or calls relating to it. Instead, numerous messages from Beth cluttered his in-box. Dante deleted them, then re-pocketed the phone as the taxi turned onto Tiana’s street. He pointed to her house. “Number 8 with the large trees out front.”

  The taxi driver pulled over to the kerb. Dante paid the man then got out. Several houses along the road were well looked after, the two-storey brick one across from Tiana’s the nicest, while a few others only required a slap of paint and a clean to turn the street into a picture of middle-class suburbia.

  Dante entered Tiana’s property. Custard apple trees shaded the front of the wooden bungalow, while a banana tree framed the far corner. He jumped up the steps and knocked on the door. A young voice squealed inside, then a few seconds later the door pulled open. Angelo peered up at Dante with food smeared across his face. With an unruly mop of black hair and dark eyes, his nine-year-old nephew was a mini-Ash, just darker, Angelo’s Tongan and Māori blood overpowering his Croatian heritage.

  “Uncle Dumbte!” His nephew ploughed into him, trying to tackle Dante’s legs out from under him.

  Dante steadied himself on the doorframe then grabbed Angelo, lifting him upside down.

  Angelo reached for the ground, squealing, “Lemme down, lemme down!”

  Laughing, Dante turned him around and placed Angelo gently onto his feet.

  “Where are my cards?” Angelo hollered. The kid was loud, always talking at top volume. The only time he was quiet was when he was asked a question, then the li’l blighter wouldn’t say a word, usually ignoring the person—like his father often did.

  Dante pulled the cards out of his jacket as Tiana rounded the corner. Angelo snatched them from Dante and took off down the passage, pushing past his mother, who snapped at him to say thank you.

  “Thank you!” Angelo yelled, disappearing around the corner.

  Tiana shook her head. “He’s a li’l ratbag that boy.”

  “At least I got a thank you this time,” Dante said. “I usually only get a grunt.”r />
  Tiana smiled. She had flour dusting her caramel-coloured cheeks and some on her apron. Like Beth, she was tall, but other than that, the two looked nothing alike. Instead of being slim, Tiana was voluptuous, and had thick, wavy brown hair and almond-shaped eyes. When Ash had started dating her in high school, his brother had nicknamed her his “Polynesian princess.” And she was a beauty, although she didn’t realise it, unlike Beth, who knew she was hot.

  “What do ya want to drink?” Tiana asked. “Juice, coffee or tea?”

  “Juice will do,” he said, although he was aching for something stronger. He wanted to get blotto, so he didn’t have to think about Beth—or Chaz. Jesus, what else could go wrong today?

  He followed Tiana into the lounge and settled himself on the floral couch, while she went to get his drink. Angelo was sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring at SpongeBob on the telly with his rugby cards spread out in front of him.

  “You wanna go outside and play rugby?” Dante asked.

  Angelo didn’t answer.

  “It doesn’t hafta be rugby, it can be anything you want.”

  “Shut up, SpongeBob’s on,” Angelo said, without taking his eyes off the screen.

  “Don’t be rude, Angelo,” Tiana growled as she entered the lounge. She placed Dante’s drink on the coffee table, then picked up the remote and switched off the program.

  “No!” Angelo scrambled for the TV.

  “Your uncle came to visit you, not SpongeBob. And you don’t tell adults to shut up.”

  “I needa watch it!” Angelo squealed, turning it back on.

  “Don’t worry, T,” Dante said. “It’s alright, I don’t mind.”

  Tiana gave the back of Angelo’s head a scowl. “He needs to learn some manners.” She sat down next to Dante, looking like she was aching to turn the TV off again.

  Dante patted her leg. “Chill, boys are naturally rude, there’d be sumpthin’ wrong with him if he wuzn’t.”

  “My brother wasn’t rude when he was little.”

  “Then he sure made up for it as a teenager.”

  She smiled, reminding Dante of Ash’s love-struck description of her, ‘Brighter than the sun and lovelier than the moon.’ His brother never said things like that anymore—and definitely not to Beth.

  Tiana’s expression saddened, a cloud of emotion smothering her sunny smile. “Why didja go to the hearing?” she said.

  “I thought I could handle it. Not one of my brightest ideas. Still, it wuz lucky I did, cos Sledge turned up.”

  “Good Lord, does he know what happened to Ash?”

  “Yes.”

  “How’d he take it?”

  “Shocked, angry, disgusted with Chaz.”

  “Has he talked to Ash about it?”

  “No, they stay well clear of each other now. Remember I told ja Ash kicked Sledge out a few months back?”

  “Yeah, you mentioned they had an argument.”

  “An argument?” Dante shook his head. “I must’ve been tripping that day, cos that’s the understatement of the century. Sledge and his mate attacked one of Ash’s friends, so Ash took it upon himself to enact justice. I had to pull him offa Sledge, cos he wouldn’t stop bashing him.”

  Tiana’s eyes went wide. “Angelo, go outside and play.”

  “But, I wanna watch SpongeBob!”

  “Out. Now!”

  Angelo pulled a face at his mother, then ran out the backdoor, yelling that she was mean to him.

  Tiana refocused on Dante. “I can’t believe either of them did that, but Ash... I thought of all people he would know better, especially after how your dad used to beat him up.”

  Dante sighed. “My dad wuz ill when he hurt Ash, but he did try to make up for it, and he’s not such a bad guy now, he just needs help at times.”

  “Still, it doesn’t excuse what he did to Ash, nor what Ash did to Sledge. Sledge is just a kid.”

  “No, he’s not. Sledge is a big bugger, even taller than me and Ash now.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I guess he doesn’t visit you guys.”

  “I haven’t seen him since we moved out of Claydon.”

  Dante shook his head, disgusted with Sledge. “I’ll have a word with him, cos that’s not on. And don’t mention anything to Ash either, cos he feels bad enough over what happened. He tried to make up for it, begged his mate not to press charges against Sledge, which at least kept the bugger outta prison.”

  “Not like I see Ash anyway, so it won’t be a problem.”

  Dante frowned. “Only cos you take off with Angelo every time he comes to visit. You shouldn’t do that, Ash has a right to see his son.”

  Tiana ran a hand over her face, looking like she wanted to cry.

  Dante squeezed her knee. “You shouldn’t run, it hurts him, and he misses Angelo like crazy, and you too. You do know he still loves you, don’t you?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

  “It’s true, he does.”

  “If he did he wouldn’t be with Beth.”

  “He’s only with her cos you left him. And he’d drop her in a second for you.”

  “Doubt it, he let her move in.”

  “Cos she pestered him, and she isn’t right for him; she doesn’t love him like you do.”

  Tiana shook her head again. “It doesn’t matter what I feel, I can’t live in that house anymore. I hafta do what’s right for Angelo, and that’s to be away from what your family does.”

  “What your family does. You’re part of the family whether you like it or not.”

  “No, I’m not, cos I don’t get a say. And if Ash left the business—like I asked him to, we wouldn’t be having this discussion now.”

  “You know he tried to, but the boss has got him by the short and curlies. If he doesn’t work for Craven that bastard will send out his thugs to take Angelo.”

  Tiana screwed up her face. Dante put an arm around her shoulders and pulled him in close, giving her head a kiss. “Don’t cry, sis.”

  Tiana wiped her eyes. “I miss him.”

  “I know you do, which is why I don’t understand why you two can’t sort out a compromise.”

  “He has Beth.”

  “I told you my opinions on her.”

  “If he left her, then...” she sighed. “It doesn’t matter; it’s better this way.”

  “No, it’s not. You love Ash, he loves you, and poor Beth is caught in the middle. He’s making her miserable. Sometimes I don’t even think he likes her, just lets her hang around.”

  “Why do you care ’bout how she feels? She’s horrible to you. She’s a horrible person all round.”

  “No, she’s not, she’s lonely. I see it. I know what it looks like,” feels like. “You should see her face when Ash ignores her. She asks him a question and it’s like she hasn’t even spoken. I don’t think he does it intentionally, it’s just... He gets too wrapped up in his thoughts and he doesn’t see what’s around him sometimes, or how it hurts people. I thought he wuz having hearing problems to start with, but it’s just him, he’s off in his own world. Please, T, go see him. Stop this now, it’s not just you and Ash hurting here, it’s Beth,” and me “as well.”

  “I...” She breathed out. “Just gimme some time to think ’bout it. It hurts seein’ him. All I want...” She shook her head, her face pained. “I hafta think ’bout what’s best for Angelo.”

  “Which is for you and Ash to get back together.”

  She dropped her gaze again. “We’ll see.”

  Dante nodded. Although it was a small concession, he felt like he’d made a breakthrough.

  “Where’s Ash now?” Tiana asked.

  “At work.”

  She glanced up, her expression wishful. “Do ya think Craven will ever let you two quit the business?”

  “Dunno. Plus, if he did, I’m not sure I could give it up. Unlike Ash, I only know how to deal. That’s pretty pathetic, which is ironic, considering how I went mad at Beth earl
ier. Guess she’s right, I am pathetic.”

  “No, you’re not!”

  “Others have said it too.”

  “Well, they’re wrong.”

  “No, they’re not; you’re just way too nice to admit it.”

  “No, Dante. They. Are. Wrong. And what about your family? They don’t think you’re like that at all, they love you. Sledge even idolises you.”

  He shrugged.

  “Don’t shrug at me, it’s true, and don’t let those horrible people get you down. Ignore them and prove them wrong.”

  “I should’ve had a teacher like you when I wuz a kid. Your students are lucky.”

  “I love teaching. You should find sumpthin’ you love to do too.”

  He smiled. “I have; I love drugs and they make me feel real good.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Sumpthin’ legal.” She cut him off before he could reply. “And don’t you dare mention sex.”

  He laughed. “You know me far too well. Anyway, what does legal mean?”

  “Don’t be a smart-alec, Dante. You must like sumpthin’ other than drugs and sex.”

  “I like to rap and sing.”

  “Yeah, you’ve got a lovely voice.”

  “But, it can’t pay the bills. Drugs do.”

  “Yeah, but at the expense of both yours and other people’s health. And I’m always worrying ’bout you two, especially with those Joneses. I hope you’re not dealing to them anymore.”

  “I stay well clear of that family,” he said, knowing it wasn’t wise to mention where Ash was right now. “So, there’s nuthin’ to worry about. Nuthin’ at all.”

  6

  Ash

  The Jones’s place looked like a crack house, run down with windows taped up and graffiti defacing the broken fence. On the overgrown lawn, two small children played inside a beat-up car, their squeals of joy at odds with the environment. Across the road, a stereo blasted rap music, while a dog barked further down.

  Ash tucked his gun into his pants, and got out of Dante’s car, his mind still on Chaz’s parole hearing. If Chaz got out he’d deal with the situation, regardless of whether it landed him in prison, but he didn’t know how to deal with Sledge, to make things right with his bro. And now Sledge knew about the rape, he wasn’t sure if he could face him again, because he couldn’t stand it if the kid looked at him with disgust, mixed in with the fear and hate Ash already knew Sledge harboured against him.