Who Am I?

by Beth Hoyer

  Chapter Three

  The male woke up with a start opening eyes, he would later to learn were entirely black colored while lying on a one person bed in a room with tan brown walls. He could see the room was narrow and thin with one full arm length from the bed’s longest sides. He got up from the bed and stood up shaking his head then rubbed a hand on his head through his black wavy hair that fell just below his shoulders. He went to the bed to sit and frowned as a dream of himself wearing odd clothing that made him think it was strange on his form flashed in his mind. The clothes he saw was foreign showing slipper shoes on his feet, tights, a top that was long sleeve and some vest dress covered his form. He grimaced as he saw some sneering look was on his face while seated on an animal. He figured out from memory was a horse with others behind him wearing identical clothes some having faces bared. He saw that they were all males like him some with facial hair and seated on horses while some were standing. The male grimaced of the memory from him self’s facial expression that bothered him. He recalled himself dismounted along with ten other men and started walking on a grass fields his facial appearance changing from sneering to glare. The male frowned thinking of the dream unsure of who he was fully in his mind. He recalled to himself dreaming repeatedly of a female, he realized was a female who was wearing some flowing dress with a facial appearance of pleading like she was begging. She had twin colored hair like he did he realized now as he laid in the room freed from the wasting he did after passing out unconscious in there to dream.

  She spoke as always the same comment “You’ll remember who you are. You will acknowledge me.”

  The male sensed rage running through him with confusion hitting him seeing in his mind a king he recalled was the male with a crown on his head. He recalled himself appearing to be younger but still his sized height. He was still wearing the strange clothing meeting the male who was introduced as a King named Lance Richard and bowing in front of him. He recalled an older blonde female he remembering saw as his Mother.

  She told him not in the King’s presence, but in private “This is the man your to kill so remember that.”

  The male remembered the memory with rage running through him as the female repeatedly kept telling him over time like brainwashing him. He not as someone waking up in this castle but as someone else that he was to kill a man named Lance Richard and take his place as King. The male recalled waking up hearing the robed figures arguing within his mind giving off noises and sounding of arguing to him.

  The figures he saw via recognition he blurt “High Council” ending their argument.

  The figures he figured were named High Council blared at him “Your name is Nikolai.” He found that they mysteriously refused to explain why they had him named Nikolai despite his efforts to ask “Nikolai what’s with the name?”

  Nikolai found himself accepting the name as the figures the High Council got him into his familiar room and ignored him by leaving him onto the bed and leaving the room. Nikolai got up from the bed and went to the foot of it to kneel. He felt his rage running through him as he recalled another dream he had while he was out unconscious. He saw a familiar black haired female giving birth to a baby, a male and denied nursing it by the familiar blonde female. He saw as his Mother raiser who took him away. Nikolai felt his rage cooling from him as he got himself calmer. He shut his eyes and felt himself too tensed to mediate and opened his eyes to stare at the bed’s foot. He remembered himself waking up in some castle he knew where he was but wasn’t sure where it was located. He was having no memory of how he got to there but his back feeling sore indicating of pain to him. Nikolai exhaled air through his mouth and breathed through his nose as he lied down on the bed eyes staring at the ceiling. He felt a headache of a memory come to his mind and allowed it through. He recalled himself as a youngster wearing the familiar strange clothing fighting an older male. He saw was bearded and a bit on the overweight side with brown swords that didn’t clang when hit. He continued to recall himself poked the sword on the male’s neck.

  He from memory spoke in some odd accent “Got you, Ian.”

  The male, Ian, he assumed was his name spoke “Are you sure? Check where my sword is.”

  He saw himself look down to see Ian’s sword poking him in the chest right over his heart. He watched from memory as he gave up a loud roar and waved his hand along with brown sword. Along with while stomping his feet in an apparent tantrum before resuming sparring with Ian. Nikolai groaned from the memory as he exhaled a breath as the memory left his mind via headache leaving him. Nikolai grimaced as anger arrived within him as another memory arrived in his mind. In it he was fighting an apparent older male with a beard his mind identified as King Lance Richard with some weapon. His mind told him the weapon was a sword. He saw others all around them were doing the same fighting with swords. He continued to watch in his mind as he stabbed the King in the chest. The male slid to the grassy ground and appeared to be dead. He saw himself raised his sword and gave up a roaring sound. He frowned as he went to males. All wearing different clothing but in similar styled while swinging the sword with some smirk on his face. He recalling fighting till some male with face seen and familiar with a face twin to the King without the beard, snuck towards him via behind. Nikolai recalled he was too busy fighting other males to do anything towards the sneaking male who managed to stab him from behind. Nikolai realized from the memory was to busy fighting other males to bother not doing any defense towards the sneaking male. He recalled everything went black after that pain into his back. Nikolai frowned recalling to himself that he couldn’t remember anything else after the scene went black. He felt himself very confused to what was importance of the memories in his mind. Nikolai frown as the memory finished playing in his mind via headache stopping. He stretched his arms in front of him. He adjusted his position to lie on the bed eyes staring at the ceiling. He felt sleepiness and shut his eyes falling asleep.

  Nikolai dreamed of himself standing on a field of grasses. He saw himself wearing the familiar strange dress clothes on his form. He saw while having a hand on his waist where he recognized as a sword hanging from the belt. He watched as he was glaring at a male he recognized as Lance Richard with a beard. Both were having groups of ten men surrounding them in a semi circle.

  Nikolai listened as he spoke “What do you take of my peaceful terms sir?”

  He heard from the King “I don’t agree with them and have rejected them. Think of something else.”

  He continued to watch as he spoke sounding angry “You should have agreed.”

  He heard from the King who spoke “Agreed to what? A foolish plan by a foolish man who do anything to achieve my throne as his goal.”

  He watched as he yanked out the sword and swung it towards the King who yanked out his sword. He continued to watch as the King met him self’s sword which clanging noises were heard. He continued to watch as men all around him and the King met each other pulling swords and clanging them while appearing to try to kill each other. Nikolai smelled something familiar hitting him. He frowned wondering what it was as the dream gone black.

  Nikolai woke up with a jerk as smells of something assaulted his nose making his body giving off grumbling noises to his shock. He sat up to look at the foot of the bed in front of the door was a wooden tray with block stands holding bowls of something that made his mouth water abruptly. He felt himself curious got up from the bed. He went to the tray to sit down. Nikolai helped himself to the liquids in the bowls gulping ravenously till there was nothing left. He adjusted his position to kneel closing his eyes. Nikolai saw of the black haired woman again looking older by her hair having streaks of grey. She was running in a field among men fighting each other with swords ignoring her. She was having a look of concern on her face. He continued to watch her as she ran in the field with a hand up waving it. It appeared to him she was using some mental power to guide her to something. He watched as her hand pointed down followed by her kneeling to pull a male
figure from lying on his stomach onto his back. He stiffened seeing it was himself having a bloody red splotch on his back area over the heart area after turned over. He continued to stiffen as the woman stroked his face along with appearing to weep tears while gently rocking her form. He frowned as she stopped the rocking to get up and with such force started dragging him unmoving through the field. She ignored among men fighting each other. She continued with the dragging till three women looking alike like triplets appeared standing blocking the woman’s way. He continued to watch as the woman dropped him halted by the three women.

  The woman spoke in a tearful voice “Three sisters, do something about my son! He is dead in my arms. I never had a chance of him acknowledging me as his mother! I want that to happen!”

  He eyed the three women who spoke in unison “That’ll be done as you wish, Maureen, but it won’t be in your time. You must be patient for this will happen once nature has taken its course.”

  He frown hearing the name of Maureen. He figured it belonged to the woman who burst into tears and then the darkness arrived.

  Nikolai jerked his eyes open to discover himself lying sideways in bed on his left side. He resumed shutting his eyes falling asleep passing out unconscious to dream.

  Maureen looking very old with her hair white. He eyed her as she stood holding a fire torch and looking sad with sunlight shining dimly. He continued to watch as he saw her bring the fire torch to a pile of sticks was wood. He watched the fire spread showing a figure lying on top he recognized as the blonde woman looking asleep and very old by the looks of her. He frowned as the fire consumed the pile of sticks and the woman who remained still.

  Nikolai continued to dream eyeing Maureen who spoke “Never again you’ll have my son in your clutches Arianne. I will have what I want, Nikolai acknowledging me as his mother. I’ll do what it takes to have that happen. I don’t care if there’s a price of my death for my son to acknowledge me. I will see that this happens.”

  The scene went black as Nikolai woke up feeling himself better which he got up from the bed. He frowned recalling the name of Nikolai with confusion running through him recalling the robed figures named him that. He came to realize that it was the name of Maureen’s son. He rubbed a hand on his forehead and went towards an altar of a statue goddess of a bird to mediate. Nikolai recalled to himself as his anger ran through him. He recalled a memory of himself appearing to be a full grown adult while wearing the strange clothing. He was holding a brown sword sparring against a familiar bearded male holding an identical brown sword while appearing to be older while wearing identical clothing. Nikolai from the memory continued to spar fight the male till he knocked aside the male’s brown sword.

  He spoke as he poked the sword into the male’s stomach “Got you hah.”

  He heard from the male “Don’t let confidence overtake you despite you defeating me, Nikolai. There are others capable of defeating you.”

  He recalling the memory as Nikolai spoke “Who cares? I want to fight. I hate it when Mother says I’m not old enough to do it.”

  He watched in his mind as he heard “Mothers are always right. They know when children are ready.”

  Nikolai saw himself frown who turned around to face a familiar blonde female.

  She looked older by grey in her blonde hair who continued speaking “You’re not ready, Nikolai.”

  Nikolai, he eyed spoke in a whining tone “But I want to fight, Mother.”

  He eyed the female who was his Mother raiser. She walked up to him to place a hand on his shoulder he realizing he felt a prick of pain from the area. It made him rub the area to feel something like a scar in the area he didn’t realize what it was till later was a needle dart involving poisoning done onto him.

  She spoke “Don’t worry Nikolai you’ll get the chance to fight but not now. Wait till you're older. You'll be more ready to fight even ready to be undefeated in fights.”

  He eyed himself who formed a big frown on his face.

  It was followed by his Mother raiser adding “Nikolai, resume your practice. It’s best to keep it up for you’ll be able to fight undefeated once old enough.”

  He saw himself nod his head followed by his Mother raiser letting go of his shoulder to walk away. He noticed Ian giving her a glare of accusation with his eyes she ignoring the male in response. He turned around and resumed sword fighting with the male who halted the sparring.

  By speaking sounding out of breath “…Halt…now…I…need…to…rest…”

  Nikolai he saw formed a glare on his face.

  The male went to sit down on the grassed ground near his Mother raiser who spoke “What do you think Ian?”

  Nikolai stared at Ian he assumed was his name who spoke “Oh he’ll make a terrific fighter. The potential is there but he needs to be disciplined in the art of sword fighting, Arianne.”

  He heard the name Arianne assumed it belonged to his Mother raiser.

  She spoke “Just as I planned.”

  Nikolai saw he still holding the brown sword shrug and began doing some movements with the weapon. He saw while appearing to be doing fighting movements along with doing some pretending like he was fighting with another. Nikolai snapped his mind of the memory he felt his anger abruptly leave him. He felt a great feeling of sadness hit him and he shut his eyes bursting into tears crying uncontrollably wailing loudly. He suddenly felt a dam inside him burst. He cried as he brought his hands to his face while still crying away. He felt his own bed underneath him as if he brought himself to there. He curled himself into a ball crying he to sleep to dream of Maureen. He saw her open her arms wide which he went into her arms and felt her hugging him in response. He sighed from the hug to feel he better and released his hold on her as she did the same to put a hand on his shoulder. Her hand was felt right onto the area where Arianne gave him pain he felt sooth from the hand’s touch including warmth hitting him from there.

  He stared at Maureen who spoke “I never abandoned you after having you. You were taken away from me. You were raised without my influence or my say so. I just wish you would acknowledge me as the way I wanted in the first place. I was denied that opportunity of having that acknowledgement. I will have even seeing it come to fruition-”

  He frowned while hearing Maureen get interrupted “Not time yet Maureen.”

  Nikolai frowned for the voice sounded familiar to him. He saw Maureen form a big frown on her face followed by his eyes forced shut. He woke up and went to the altar he realizing he was bare of clothes to his shock. He kneeled shutting his eyes mediating as the memory's events flashed in his mind. He breathed deeply through his nose as he mediated and opened his eyes as the lights appeared to be dim despite confused to why it was dim. He heard a throat clearing noise sounding behind him. He spun around getting up to stand with a start to see Maureen was there appearing to look solid and not ghostly looking. She was standing in the doorway looking very old while holding onto a stick as tall as he and looking at her with a look in her eyes like she was expecting him to do something. Nikolai stared at her with a frown as she stared at him back seemingly happy to see him by the eyes blue in Human or First Ones’ terms by the High Council indicating it.

  He heard from her “Remember, Nikolai.”

  He stiffened as memories of himself as Nikolai flashed in his mind. Nikolai gasped bending down putting hands on his forehead while shaking his form. He shook from shock running through him. He realized that he was Nikolai himself and that Maureen was his mother. He continued to feel the shocking feeling running through him. He recalled his life as Nikolai being raised by a woman named Arianne. She brain washed him to kill a male, a King named Lance Richard as she dubbed him. He succeeded in doing during a battle and wound up killed himself. The killing was from someone else he sensed had seen him doing that he realized was the King’s own son Lance Richard himself. He didn’t realize it back then that the god deity lord Lance Richard killed him after he killed the last of the Lord of the Unde
rworld’s disciples or offsprings as dubbed by the High Council’s order. He figured from memory of the male seen sneaking behind him had killed him on Arianne’s orders and didn’t realize it back then as he does now. He continued to recall that Maureen wanted him to acknowledge her as his Mother. Nikolai breathed hard through his nose. He straightened up his form to stand and removed his hands while staring at Maureen. She still had that happy look in her eyes and face. He didn’t comment a word as Maureen reached out a gnarled old wrinkled hand and touched him on the cheek. Nikolai felt he stiffening from her touch but accepted her touching him.

  She heard saying “Oh my son, how long I waited for this moment.”

  He breathed deeply through his nose. He felt Maureen’s hand on his cheek that felt real to him.

  She continued to speak “I never stopped caring about you over the years you were raised without me raising me. I would think about you from time to time. Wondering how you were and wondering if you were told about me as you grew up. It appears from the looks of what I’ve seen from you in this body form you’re in now healed of your mortal wound. The wound was of being stabbed in the back via sword.”

  He sighed shocking him as Maureen removed her hand from his cheek to his shoulder gently caressing the area he sighed again.

  She wound up continuing talking “I don’t know how but the Goddess took pity on me wishing to have you in my life. She had some messenger land on my doorstep telling me about you meeting King Lance Richard in peace. I realized from my powers that you were my son. I went to Lancelot in hopes of meeting you for the acknowledgement as you calling me Mother I seeing you as my son. It pained me to find you dead during the midst of a battle. I pleaded to the Goddess to restore you back to life. The Goddess’s three servants the three sisters heard my prayer. They came to me telling me I would have what I want but I would have to wait for it to happen.”

  He didn’t say a word as Maureen rubbed his shoulder while continuing talking “I did what I could to wait. Even using my powers on you to see your body remained intact.

  I ordered you placed in a cave where I would watch on you from time to time. Not letting death stop me from the watching you guarding you from harm till you were found.

  Then brought back to life and transported to this place you are now.”

  He again kept his mouth shut as Maureen continued talking “Arianne was really after the throne Arthur was currently holding hence she having you kill him. She wanted to be Queen. She was willing to do what it takes to achieve that goal. This includes even raising my son, you to kill him for the crown. She had one of her servants kill you after you killed the King. It was just to make sure that you wouldn’t take the crown for that killing.”

  Nikolai frowned forming it on his face as Maureen kept talking “It’s a pity that Arianne’s work was for nothing. One of her servants dubbed Mindbender, odd name, wound up betraying her confidence and talked too much to the High Council as the group is called. The servant talked to others in the King’s circle about her goal. She wound up imprisoned and her lands and home taken away which she later died contained. I managed to convince the prison warden to let me have Arianne’s body. So I could properly depose it along with using my powers to see that her spirit was gone for good and not causing any havoc.”

  He continued to stare at Maureen who without another word hugged him abruptly.

  He hugged her back and felt compelled to speak which he blurt “Mother.”

  He felt himself shocked by his admission. Maureen hugged him tighter sensing what he said was what she wanted from him. He hugged her in response feeling he becoming happy from the hugging. He sighed and then groaned as she broke off the hug removing his arms to place her hands on his shoulders. He stared at her as Maureen leaned forwards and kissed him on the forehead with her wrinkled mouth felt like sandpaper onto his forehead.

  Then she added breaking off the kiss “I finally have what I want and I can rest easy from that.”

  Nikolai felt his eyes forced shut via a hand from behind and found himself passing out unconscious.

  Nikolai came to finding himself kneeling facing his altar. He jerked his eyes open with a start and got up looking around seeing nothing was amiss. He felt himself tired and needing to sleep figured he’ll do it. Still sighing he went to his bed yawning and eyed the bed with relief. Nikolai went to the bed and pulled the blanket off. He got in and put the blankets on his form up to his chest and fluffed the pillow with his hands before settling his head on it.

  He eyed the ceiling overhead then found the lights turning themselves off completely by itself as he heard a familiar voice speaking “Good night son dear.”

  Nikolai frowned hearing the voice sounded of Maureen’s as the lights went off plunging the room into darkness. He found himself able to see everything clear in a color he later learned was purple for objects with living beings appeared as pinks. Nikolai exhaled a breath through his mouth and shut his eyes allowing himself to fall asleep. He saw Maureen smiling standing on what appeared to be a cloud. Then he watched as she turned around and glided away sunlight becoming brighter and brighter blocking his view of her. She disappeared from his eyesight as the sunlight faded away showing nothing in its place. Nikolai asleep formed a smile realizing that his mother was finally at peace and himself knowing who he was despite some doubt hitting him.

  Nikolai mentally thought while still smiling “I am Nikolai.”

  He passed out unconscious as if urged to sleep some more.