Monster Empire

by Michael-Scott Earle

  “No, it was only me there, and I didn’t tell no one. I didn’t believe him! Monsters can’t go out into the sunlight!”

  “Hmm,” I said as I continued to haul him toward the edge.

  “You going to let me go now, human scum?” Fezzyderg asked, and his voice was lined with fear.

  “Nope,” I said as I cut the rope around his ankles. Then I tossed him over the side of the cliff. He screamed something unintelligible as he fell, and then I heard another splat when his body hit the ground.

  I found his severed hand and tossed it over the edge along with his broken spear. Then I did the same with Urgog’s body before I picked up my axe and hightailed it out of there. It had been a really successful exploration, but now I needed to get back to Nika and tell her what I had learned.

  I also needed to ask if her father really was the king, and if he was going to send his army after her.

  Chapter 10

  I emerged from the underdark with my loot and carried it to the house. The first sun had already set, and the second was a few hours away. A half hour later, I reached the homestead, but I didn’t find Nika there.

  My stomach dropped as I glanced around for her, but then I heard a distant humming noise, and I saw her down by the river as she chilled naked in the hammock.

  “Honey, I’m home!” I called in a sing-song voice as I headed down the hill with my loot.

  “I’m over here!” she sang back.

  When I reached the hammock, I saw Nika munching on fish and beaming at me. Her belly was huge, and if she was a human woman, I would have guessed that she was a few weeks away from giving birth.

  “Come,” she said as she rubbed her belly. “Your son is kicking. Come and feel it. He’s so strong.”

  “Damn, this is crazy,” I whispered as I walked over and knelt beside the hammock. Nika guided my hand to her bulbous green belly, and I waited with mounting anticipation. Nothing happened, and she repositioned my hand.

  “He was kicking a moment ago,” she said.

  “Let me listen,” I told her as I took her belly in my hands like a globe and pressed my ear to it.

  The baby kicked me in the ear with the strength of an adult flicking a finger, and I let out a curse as I stumbled back. Nika laughed, and I soon joined her.

  “You’re right about the baby being strong,” I said as I rubbed my ear.

  “Look what I made,” she said happily as she pointed at the bridge.

  I put down my loot and walked over to the footbridge. Nika had crafted a net out of vines and moored it to both sides of the shore. There were at least twenty fat trout swimming against the net, and I felt my chest swell with pride.

  “That’s really clever, Nika. We’re going to be up to our ears in fish. But I have a feeling that once I come back from town, you aren’t going to want any fish for a while.”

  “Hah, are you crazy?” she asked. She scrunched up her face when she said it, and I had to laugh.

  “Not half as crazy as you’re going to be when I introduce you to beef,” I told her.

  “Beef?” she said, “What’s that?”

  “It’s from a cow,” I said. “They’re big horned animals. Well, the bulls are anyway.”

  “Oh,” she said. “They sound like minotaurs. I once ate minotaur, and if a cow is half as tasty as that was, I’ll be the happiest goblin queen in the entire underdark.”

  “Oh, they’re tasty alright. With the loot I got this time around, I think I can definitely buy a couple cows. Maybe even a herd.” I emptied the contents of my molle pack on the ground, and Nika’s eyes widened as she struggled to maneuver herself out of the hammock with her big green belly.

  “Ken Jewell…” she said in a hushed tone after I helped her sit up. “You are amazing. And you got basilisk meat? Oh yay!”

  “Yup, and lizard brains, tadpoles, lichen, mushroom caps, four basilisk teeth, axes, coins, jewelry. It was a hell of a trip.”

  “Ken Jewell, you are the best provider a goblin woman could ever want.” Nika turned and hugged me fiercely.

  “Or a goblin princess,” I said, arching my eyebrow.

  “Hmm?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “You didn’t tell me you were the daughter of one of the tribe leaders,” I clarified.

  “Oh,” she said as she smiled and nodded. “Yes. My dadda is the goblin king of our tribe. How did you find out?”

  “I ran into three goblins who were hunting for you. The leader had caught one of the kobolds that we fought with when we first met, and the kobold told him all about us. The little shit also told the goblin that you had escaped through a cave... and out into the sun.”

  “Fuck,” she said, having picked up the word from me some time back.

  “Fuck is right. I took care of them, but I don’t know if they told anyone else, like your father. Nika, why didn’t you tell me that you were a princess?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “You never asked, and it didn’t really matter.”

  “Hah!” I said. “Try again. Why didn’t you want me to know?”

  “I was ashamed,” she sighed. “My father is a mean, fat, lazy, bad pillow.”

  “What? A bad pillow?” I asked.

  “Yes, it is a saying. You know, he is too soft?”

  I chuckled at that. “Alright, so what’s that mean? He’s not a strict enough king?”

  “Not at all,” Nika confirmed. “He has let the kobolds overrun our halls, and he has done nothing to stop the dwarves from taking back their territory. I think that soon my uncle will seize power. It is for the best, really.”

  “Does your father love you?” I asked. “Was he good to you?”

  “I have twenty-seven sisters, so it is hard for him to give us all attention. He doesn’t even know half our names. He always knew mine though. Everyone knew the name of the ugliest princess in the clan.”

  “Stop with that.” I lifted her chin. “You’re beautiful and you know it, Nika. You’re my shining emerald princess.”

  “Oh, Ken Jewell,” she said teary-eyed. “Then you’re not mad at me?”

  “Nah,” I said. “How can I be mad at you? But if you have any other little secrets like that one, now would be a good time to just get it all out in the open.”

  “Nope,” she said as she shook her head. “No more secrets.”

  “Great,” I said as I smiled at her. “So why is he still looking for you? From what you say, they all thought you were ugly.”

  “They also know I’m clever,” Nika said with a shrug. “Goblins are kinda stupid. I had to teach the whole clan not to eat where you poop, and not to drink water that was old. They also never left traps to catch anything and just formed hunting parties. I also got them to start growing mushrooms and moss instead of just gathering it. Oh, and I made the best looking clothes.”

  “So your father wants you back to help run the tribe?” I asked.

  “He always said mean things to me,” she sighed. “They all did, but maybe now that I am gone, they realize I was smart? I don’t know, Ken Jewell. All I know is that I’m so happy to be your wife, and I am confident you are going to be a goblin king one thousand times stronger than my father. Our baby knows this, too.”

  “No one is going to take you back,” I told her as I rubbed her belly. “Let’s take the loot back up to the camp and go through it.”

  We brought the loot up to the house, and I laid out all the rings, coins, necklaces and other wares on the table. I lined the axes and the sword up by the fire, and Nika brought the basilisk meat into the kitchen area to prepare for cooking.

  “This stuff must be worth a small fortune,” I said, and my eyes must have sparkled as I gazed at my wealth.

  Back on Earth, I made a modest salary. I was in no danger of becoming rich in my old life, but now I had a woman who wanted to build an empire, and I was beginning to believe that it just might have been possible. A day’s take sat before me, and it might possibly have been worth millions of dollars.

&nb
sp; My mind went wild with the possibilities. I imagined looting the underdark and using the money to take over kingdoms. I imagined erecting statues depicting me in my army gear, M17 in hand and sword held high.

  “We’re keeping these,” Nika giggled as she grabbed the two ruby studded gold chalices that I had looted off the dead dwarves and brought them into the kitchen.

  “Those might get us two beef cows each,” I complained.

  “You will be a king someday, Ken Jewell,” she said matter-of-factly, “and kings drink from a golden cup.”

  “This whole king business,” I said as I sat down at the table. “Does this have anything to do with you being passed over to marry a prince from another clan?”

  “Far from it!” she said with a laugh. “I was betrothed to a hideous, beast of a goblin prince from another clan. His father was ailing, and the ugly prince would have been king by the end of the year. I didn’t want to be his wife or his queen, so I found myself a new king. You are much better. The greatest. I’m so happy.”

  She stopped what she was doing and slowly walked over to me. Her hips swayed alluringly, and her plump breasts bounced enough to get my attention. Nika knew what her naked form did to me, and she was good at using that to her advantage.

  “Ken Jewell,” she said, and her husky voice was laced with lust. “You are my king, and you will be the most powerful king this world has ever seen. I knew it the moment you came to my rescue. But that is not the only reason that I love you. My reasons are more than the stars in the sky or the crystals in the underdark. Do you understand, Ken Jewell?”

  I answered her with a kiss.

  The next day I put on the clothes that I had bought in Buckshire and worked on parting my hair. My hair hadn’t been this grown out since I’d joined the Army.

  I would have rather sold my loot in Buckshire, but I didn’t see a jeweler in the smaller hamlet last time I was there. If I was going to unload the prizes that I had brought up from the underdark, I needed to sell them to a jeweler who was used to such grand treasure. Aside from that, I had seen a much larger variety of livestock in Hamstead when I had ridden into town with Torrance.

  I had the red wig, and I had clothes fashioned in the local style, so I figured that as long as I stayed clear of Granhelga’s hut, I would be just fine.

  “Are you nervous?” Nika asked as she stuffed the loot into a bag that she had made out of the bolt of cloth I’d brought her last time.

  “Not really. You?” I asked. She grimaced, and I thought that perhaps she was going to break down and cry. “Nika, what’s wrong? Do you not want me to go?”

  “No, I mean yes, I want you to go. It’s the baby.” She gripped my shoulder tightly, and I thought that she might rip it off.

  “Is it time?” I asked, and my mouth went dry.

  “No, not today, maybe tomorrow, maybe the afterrrr!” She squeezed my arm as I guided her to the bed, helped her to lie down, and propped up her feet with pillows.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” I asked as I stroked her hair.

  She batted my hand away weakly. “Yes, Ken Jewell. You go to town and get us what we need. I will lay here and be pregnant.”

  “Alright, babe. I’ll be back soon.” I kissed Nika and walked out of the house.

  The twin suns blazed overhead, and the heat of the day hit me like a sauna. I walked the stone path down to the river and followed it east.

  I didn’t look back.

  Nika would be fine. I would be fine. My business in Hamstead would go off without a hitch, and I would return home with a cartload of supplies.

  Or I would be taken into custody and burned at the stake.

  I tried to shake the negative thoughts from my head as I walked along the path that I had cleared along the riverbank. My plan was to buy a beast of burden and a wagon, but I needed to be able to drive the thing home.

  When I reached the road, I peered out of the trees for a few minutes to make sure no one saw me emerge from the forest. If I went south on the road, I would soon come to Buckshire, and the northern route would bring me back to Hamstead, so I went north.

  I traveled for about two miles before someone approached from the south with a tarp covered wagon. This road was the main route between the two villages, and I knew that I was bound to run into someone sooner or later.

  I tipped my straw hat when the driver passed and hoped that he wouldn’t stop. He returned my hat tip, and I sighed with relief when he kept on going. It would have been nice to catch a ride into town so I could finish my shopping quicker, but I didn’t want to have to make small talk with the locals.

  Another wagon passed me going the other way, and I tipped my hat to them as well.

  “Good day,” the driver said.

  “Good day to you,” I called back.

  I mentally recited my shopping list as I hiked toward Hamstead. My intention was to pick up the basics, oats, sugar, salt, tea, but also a mule, an ox, more chickens, pigs, and cows. I would also need more tools if I was going to start expanding my little utopia into the fortress that Nika envisioned.

  The hardest part about this entire trip was going to be exchanging my loot for coinage. I had brought it all, but I didn’t think it would be necessary to convert all of it. It would be suspicious enough showing up as a stranger and trading dwarven jewelry. I figured that my cover story of being an underdark adventurer would work for a few items, but any more than that and people might start asking about where I was from and if I traveled with an adventuring party.

  More than two weeks had passed since I was run out of Hamstead, and my hope was that the villagers had forgotten all about me and moved on with their simple everyday lives. Either way, I didn’t look like the man that they had marked as a monster lover, so I didn’t expect any trouble.

  I reached Hamstead a little more than an hour after I left my home on the hill and found it bustling with activity. The place was just as I had remembered it. Quaint cottages lined the river and crowded the streets, and deeper in they were replaced by fine stone buildings. I figured that if I was going to trade my expensive jewelry for coinage, I was going to have to do so in the ritzier part of town, so I crossed the bridge and kept my head down as I passed by a pair of guards that looked more interested in talking to some cute women than looking for “Crazy Ken the Monster Lover.”

  Granhelga’s hut was on the main street, so I avoided it and took a back route. The people seemed not to pay attention to me as I walked by, and I felt some of the tension in my shoulders start to relax.

  When I reached the wealthier part of town, I started to gain stares, and I realized that my simple attire didn’t fit in with the crowds of suit wearing men and long dress wearing women. Ladies twirled sun umbrellas as they walked by and gossiped amongst each other. Men of regal standing scowled at me or shook their heads as I passed. I heard words like “peasant” and “vagabond” and one of my personal favorites, “riff-raff”, but I ignored them and continued down the street in search of a jeweler.

  A big white sign depicting two interlocked gold bands caught my attention, and I headed for the shop. It was called Samson’s Custom Jewelry, and it was exactly what I had been looking for.

  I kicked the dirt off my boots at the entrance and walked in like a man with a pouch full of expensive treasure to sell. The small shop was ten feet wide and twenty deep, with a long glass counter taking up most of the left side. On the right were displays of cheaper necklaces, bracelets, and rings, but I made my way to the front counter.

  “Can I help you?” a man asked as he emerged from the dark back room.

  “Yes, you can, friend,” I said calmly. “I came to trade my wares.”

  The tall skinny man reminded me of Abraham Lincoln. He even wore a tall hat to go along with his fine black suit and frilly cuffs. On his long fingers was enough bling to make a rapper envious, and his gold chain looked heavier than an anchor.

  “Trade? Does this look like a flea market to you? Take
your junk somewhere else.” He waved his hand and sighed.

  “I am an adventurer from the south, and I was told by a man in Buckshire that you might be interested in what I had to offer,” I explained.

  “Buckshire? Who was this man who referred you to me?” he asked, intrigued.

  “Smith was his name,” I lied. “He said you would appreciate what I have gathered from the underdark.”

  At the mention of the underdark, his face blanched. Without a word he moved around the counter, walked past me, and locked the front door. Then he flipped around the open sign and pulled the curtains closed. Darkness filled the room, and he went about lighting the lanterns on the walls. When he returned to the counter, he situated his jacket, tugged on each frilly cuff, and wiped his forehead with his silken pocket square.

  “Alright then, let's see what you’ve got,” he said hastily.

  I pulled a few dwarven rings out of my homemade bag and laid them on the glass counter. I thought about laying out all of my loot, but his eyebrows crept up his forehead in astonishment, and I figured that I didn’t need to play my entire hand right now.

  “Dwarven jewelry?” he gasped.

  “Yeah,” I confirmed.

  He took up the gold band with the big red ruby on it and inspected it in the light. To my surprise, he sniffed it and even touched it to his tongue.

  “You going to eat it or buy it?” I jested.

  He frowned. “I can tell whether it is real or not by taste, that is my power.”

  “Ahhh,” I said. “That must come in handy.”

  The jeweler produced a magnifying glass from behind the counter and set to inspecting the ring. He hummed to himself as he did so and murmured incoherently. “These are fine pieces,” he said as he eyed my bag. “This one is from seventh dynasty Shimmerstone.”

  “I don’t know anything about dwarven history,” I said with a shrug, “so I’ll take your word for it.”

  “My other underdark contacts tell me that city has been overrun by goblins. Where did you get this?” He ogled me through the magnifying glass, and his big brown eyes were full of judgement.