Their Now and Forever (Book III) (The Allen Trilogy 3)

by Chevelle Allen

  “No.”

  “What did you say to me?”

  She understood the reason people chose safe words was because they were unmistakable if scene-ing pushed boundaries too far. Words like stop, please don’t or other pleas–even no, were often used in play. Their use tended to signal escalation or willingness to go farther.

  “You heard me. I said no, M.”

  Deliberately making the distinction, she wasn’t about to call him Sir or Michael. Not now. She dancing with the devil and she knew it. But it was abundantly clear he was turned on by her defiance.

  He couldn’t recall actually telling her M was his fetish name. But in a flash he remembered, she’d heard Spectra refer to him as such when he took her to the club. Oh Baby! What are you doing? The thought swirled in his head and the meaning shifted back and forth. His body ached for one thing and his heart was warning against it. But with incredible swiftness, he picked her up, holding tightly and tossed her on the bed.

  Quickly straddling and pinning her shoulders down, he yanked her shorts off. Sliding the camisole over her head, he managed to wrap her wrists into it while using the straps to tie her to the headboard rings. She writhed and pulled trying to loosen them to no avail. With breath still heavy, he climbed off her and went for the bureau key. Pulling out the flogger, hand and leg cuffs, he swiftly placed the cuffs on one wrist and flipped her onto her stomach. Once she was secure, he struck her across the ass with the flogger without warning.

  He watched as her body tensed and her fists clenched to disperse the intense pain. Winding the flogger tails in a circular motion, he struck her again and again. She grunted and moaned never once yelling out. Stunned by her stamina, he struck her once more with more force than he’d ever applied. She shrieked burying her face into the pillow. Placing his hands on her ass while still firmly gripping the device, he felt its warmth in his palms. He needed to touch her, to feel the heat emanating from her after the blows. Quickly removing his underwear, he laid on top of her to feel it on his penis as he slid it over her teasing at her ass and pussy.

  Fuck! Grateful for the respite, she was finally able to catch her breath as he writhed on top of her. Her ass was on fire from the powerful blows and it hurt like hell. She tried to lift her hips, but his weight kept her down. She closed her eyes again trying to focus on his body and hands as he moved over her. With blood rushing throughout his fevered body, its warmth was unmistakable. His penis felt like a hot pipe against her ass. Lifting up, she tried to ease him inside, but he clearly wasn’t ready. It was all so different and she had no idea what to do next. Trusting her Michael was somewhere in there with M, she chose to lie very still awaiting whatever came next.

  He grabbed her waist flipping her over. Fastening the cuffs to her ankles ensuring her legs were spread far apart, he leaned forward sliding his middle finger inside her with ease. In and out he stroked before smacking her mound hard with his fingertips. She squirmed and lifted her hips slightly. He watched intently as her clit grew fuller with each stroke and smack. She was certainly aroused, but not nearly as much as he’d grown accustomed to. Looking into her eyes for the first time since this began, he could tell she was thinking-even though she was playing her role well. But something was off. It was apparent they weren’t in this space together.

  Withdrawing his fingers, he leaned away from her and slowly ran his hands along her legs. He couldn’t articulate what was happening. But none of this felt right. It wasn’t about letting go, or being free with her. It was something far deeper- entrenched in his profound love for her. She was his light and no amount of darkness could overpower that. He was slowly beginning to understand why it had appealed to him before. It was easy to fall further into darkness when light was illusive.

  Unfastening the cuffs, he released her and lay beside her. Pulling her close and wrapping his arms gently around her, he kissed her forehead.

  “Baby?” she said softly.

  “I can’t do this with you.”

  “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

  “This isn’t who we are.”

  “But it’s what you like.”

  “Janine...”

  “I just want to make you happy. I don’t want you to have go anywhere else to have what you need…what you like.”

  He recoiled, hating everything about that statement. It was a statement of acquiescence-as if she was powerless. She was anything but. She had tremendous power, especially over him. It was their willful exchange of power—the trust involved in such an act-that truly turned him on. For reasons he didn’t understand, somehow she’d managed to equate an element of their happiness with this one thing. But he couldn’t figure out how to respond and simply let out a deep sigh.

  CHAPTER 21

  The next morning, she rolled on top of him kissing softly as he stirred from his slumber. Gently grinding against him before lowering to his penis, she lovingly took him into her mouth. Despite her best efforts, he wasn’t responding. For a moment she thought he was simply tired, but she knew better. She returned to his side placing her hand on his chest.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  “Good morning.”

  “Why’d you stop?”

  “You didn’t seem to be into it.”

  “It felt good.”

  “Maybe later.”

  She’d become pensive and he knew why. They needed to talk about what happened between them the night before.

  “How do you feel?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “Turn over for me.”

  As she gingerly rolled onto her stomach, he turned to his side to inspect her behind. Given the darkness of her skin and faint morning light, it was difficult to see, but he felt a few welts on her ass. Pressing lightly on them, she winced.

  “Ow!”

  “We need to take care of this right now.”

  “It can’t be that bad.”

  “Bad enough that it’ll be uncomfortable for you sit for long periods of time today.”

  He got out of bed and went to the bathroom to retrieve the anti-inflammatory and pain relieving cream from the medicine cabinet. Spreading it in his hands, he gently massaged it onto her skin.

  “Michael, what happened last night?”

  “I went too far. You weren’t ready for that. I’m so sorry.”

  “That’s not what I mean.” She rolled back to her side to face him.

  “Then what are you talking about?”

  “You’ve never come home like that after going to the club. What happened?”

  “Nothing worth talking about.”

  “That’s not true. I know better and I know you.”

  He had no idea what to say to her. It was one thing to keep something from her, but lying was something else. They’d been through that in their past. As much as they did it to avoid hurt, it often caused more pain than the truth. They promised never to choose that path again.

  “I’m not sure what to say.”

  “Just tell me.”

  Taking a deep breath, he turned to face her. “I dealt with something I thought I was missing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He saw the fear and doubt evident in her eyes. He prayed his words were as precise as they needed them to be.

  “You asked me once if I did more extreme things with my former Subs.”

  “You said you did.”

  “Well, one of them was very special to me. She was more than a Sub.”

  “You told me you didn’t love them.”

  “I said I wasn’t ‘in love’ with them.”

  “Please don’t lawyer me! Did you see her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did something happen between you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh Jesus! Did you play with her… or…did you…”

  Pulling away from him, she sat up in the bed, drawing her knees to her chest trying desperately to control t
he conflicting emotions building inside and knots growing in her stomach.

  “Let me finish…please.”

  Taking his time, he explained everything that happened. Janine sat silent absorbing it all. Her emotions were all over the place listening to him. A part of her was jealous, another was furious that Spectra and this Nikita woman put him in that position. She was extremely hurt and disappointed that he accepted the request. He could have-hell he should have-walked away. But he didn’t and no amount of explanation could quell the excruciating pain and increasing rage around that fact.

  When he finished she blurted, “What is wrong with you? Whenever Spectra calls, you go running! And then she asks you to do that? It’s…I don’t understand it. What is it that that woman has over you?”

  “She doesn’t have anything over me.”

  “Then why is she so important?”

  “She took an interest in me when I needed it.”

  “I’ll bet she did!”

  “It was never like that! When I met her I felt…broken. I was fucking any woman that crossed my path trying to get off on...crazy shit. But she helped me deal with it because there wasn’t anyone else I could talk to. Over the years, she’s become more than a mentor.”

  “You were young! That doesn’t excuse her manipulating you now.”

  “She taught me what being a Dom was really about…what BDSM was about. And for that, I’ll always be grateful to her. And just so we’re clear, she doesn’t manipulate me.”

  “Of course she does! But you can’t see it to save your life!”

  Citing one example after another of how Spectra helped him embrace his Dominance, he tried to help Janine understand. As hurt as she was, she listened intently because she never considered the things he was sharing. She’d simply presumed his relationship with her was nefarious at worst and manipulative at best. And yet she also understood how difficult sharing details so intimate with even one’s closest friends truly was.

  “So you’re saying she’s always going to be a part of your life?”

  “She won’t be coming over for Sunday dinner, if that’s what you’re asking. But yeah, she’s an important part of my life. She’s my family too.”

  “Why do you think you still need her?”

  “You’re not hearing me, Baby. Without her, I would never have been able to let go enough to love you when we met. And the truth is, through her and the club I found a community—a family of people who had the same struggles. I found a place to be who I am. To be whole.”

  “I thought you were whole with me.”

  “I couldn’t be whole with you until I was right with me.”

  “What if I said I don’t want you going there anymore?”

  “I’d say you need to trust me.”

  “How do you expect me to do that after what happened?”

  “I’ve been honest with you and I’ve apologized.”

  “I’m genuinely trying to understand your relationship with Spectra, but I’m definitely not comfortable with your surrogate play.”

  “My what?”

  “Somehow you’ve convinced yourself what happened in that chamber was harmless because you didn’t actually touch her. But you did.”

  “That’s ridiculous!”

  “Michael, you did it through him. And I don’t know how to deal with my husband’s desire to fuck another woman.”

  “That’s not what happened.”

  “Oh, it is! It definitely is. And now, every time you go, I’ll be thinking about…this.”

  “I don’t know what else you want me to do.”

  “Sure you do. You just won’t do it. You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

  “You expect me to give it all up for you. I’d never ask you to give up Kelly and Monica or anyone else that was important to you. I told you exactly what happened, so you need to trust me about this.”

  “I gave up everything to be with you! My home, job, relationship-everything!”

  “I never asked you to do any of it!”

  “That’s the point! You didn’t have to ask me! I made up my mind that you were more important-that we were more important. It wasn’t a difficult choice. That’s why I came here to be with you. I love you and I want to build a world with you…forsaking all others.”

  “You say that like you regret your decision.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you? Of course I don’t! But you sit there like I’m asking you to give up everything.”

  “All I can say is it’ll never happen again.”

  “But you’ll still go?”

  “Janine…”

  “Don’t! I get it. I won’t ever mention it again. And somehow, I’ll figure out a way to deal with this because I don’t have a lot of choices. Do I?”

  She rolled on her side away from him. He tried to touch her, but she pushed him away. She hadn’t been this angry or hurt in a very long time and he knew she had every right to be. They both needed time to sort through it all.

  CHAPTER 21

  Over the next few days, there was uneasiness between them. She’d grown distant having retreated to her thoughts. At times, she barely looked at him. Knowing he had to give her space to deal with it all, nonetheless he grew impatient. He desperately missed touching and being with her. Sipping coffee in the sunroom, he lowered the paper to chat when she sat down.

  “So what’s on your plate today?”

  “I have interviews with Fleischer and Daniels and McKenzie Clark.

  “They’re both good law firms. Which one do you like best?”

  “They’re about the same. I just need to work. I’m clearly not cut out for the dutiful house wife thing.”

  Despite her acerbic tone, he responded, “I appreciate everything you’ve done around here.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  “Are we really going to keep doing this?”

  “Doing what?”

  “This! Barely speaking. Our relationship feels transactional right now. This isn’t who we are.”

  “You hurt me and I’m still working through that.”

  “I know and I’m doing my damnedest to make sure it never happens again.”

  “I just don’t understand why you won’t let me be everything you need…no matter how dark it is.”

  Once again she’d said something deeply disturbing about the subject. “What we have and what we do in play is a reflection of our love. That darkness you keep referencing is something else. It doesn’t belong to you.”

  “I don’t want you thinking about her or anyone else.”

  “I honestly don’t think about her but I’ll never forget her either. No more than you’d forget about the men you were with.”

  “Don’t you dare try to make it the same!”

  “It is what it is! But it really comes down to do you trust me or not.”

  “You’re right.”

  Her response stung and cut deep. “Are you sorry that I told you?”

  “I’m sorry that you did it, regardless of why you thought you were doing it.”

  “I’ll never lie to you. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “I need to get dressed. I don’t want to be late for my interviews. And you don’t want to be late for work.”

  “Fine. We’ll talk later tonight.”

  “What else is there to talk about?”

  “I don’t know but I don’t want this between us. Truthfully, if I did exactly what you asked I’m not sure it’d make a difference. Would it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you know?”

  The truth was she hated where they were too, but she felt powerless to her emotions. “That I wouldn’t be hurting so much if I didn’t love you.”

  “Then let’s start there.”

  He got up and knelt in front of her looking lovingly into her eyes. He leaned in to kiss her but she recoiled initially before accepting the gentle kiss that became more than an obligatory peck. As they lingered in it, her hand c
ame to his face cradling it softly. He kissed her deeper lifting her to her feet, holding her close while feeling her body’s tension slowly easing though still present. They both relished this simple act of intimacy. It was a start-a potential path to something more. He hoped it was their path to healing.

  She arrived at the law firm ready and focused having pushed the remaining hurt and doubt deep inside so she could make the strongest impression. She was in her zone dazzling the interviewers from the McKenzie Clark law firm with her brilliance and professionalism. They offered her the position on the spot. Rather than take it immediately, she agreed to get back to them within the week to discuss terms and compensation that suited her needs for financial security and mobility. Immensely proud of herself she wanted to call Michael. But she didn’t.

  When she got home, she turned on the TV while starting dinner. Glancing at the screen, the breaking story caught her attention. A ruggedly handsome older, well-dressed man was leaving his D.C. home amid a flurry of reporters.

  CONGRESSMAN MACINTOSH TURNED HIMSELF IN TO AUTHORITIES THIS AFTERNOON ON FELONY CHARGES OF MONEY LAUNDERING, CAMPAIGN FINANCE LAW VIOLATIONS AND SOLICITATION OF PROSTITUTION. RELEASED ON HIS OWN RECOGNIZANCE, FEDERAL SOURCES SAY THE PRELIMINARY HEARING WILL OCCUR WITHIN DAYS.

  The story cut to a reporter at the scene filling in the remaining details. Holy Shit! She knew right away this was the man at the heart of issues with Club Spectra. It didn’t matter in the least that Jack Ramsey was representing Spectra. It was Michael whom she trusted most. Janine’s stomach sank knowing there was no way he would abandon that relationship. He was too loyal. There was nothing she could say to sway him from Spectra’s side now. She wasn’t sure she should.

  She reached for her cell to check if there were any messages from him. When she didn’t see any, she presumed he didn’t know or simply chose not to contact her about it. Either way, she decided to reach out to him via text.