Damaged (Bound & Tied Book 1)

by Lucy Rinaldi

“Do you want some soup, you haven’t eaten today?” I force my eyes open and smile at her.

  “Yes, please. Tomato?”

  “God, you’re boring with food” I just smile and close my eyes again. I can feel myself drifting in and out of sleep; I’m just so tired I can’t keep my eyes open. “Sadie, your soups done, babe”

  “Hmm” I can’t open my eyes, I’m just so sleepy “In a minute,” I reply well, I think I do, maybe I said it in my head. Next thing I realize she’s covering me with a blanket, my head seems to have found the armrest. I curl up beneath the blanket and sleep takes me again.

  “Mercy, baby, wake up”

  “Hmm” Go away! I just want to sleep, why won’t they leave me alone?! “Mercy” Eventually I force my eyes open, even though all I want to do is scream to be left alone. Blake’s looking down on me stroking my face with the back of his hand. I smile up at him because right now he looks like an angel.

  “Baby, you’ve been asleep all day”

  “What time is it?”

  “Ten past six”

  “What? God, I’m sorry,” I struggle to sit up, but I manage it. Pulling the blanket off me, I take Blake’s hand and stand shakily.

  “You’re not well are you?” He pushes my bangs out of my eyes and looks at me with concern in his eyes.

  “I’m fine, just a hangover” I smile at him. It’s so good to see him standing in front of me. I really thought I’d lost him! He pulls me into his arms and God does it feel good having his big strong arms around me. I feel him kiss my head, making me smile.

  “I take it you two still love each other then?”

  “Yes, bro. Now, fuckoff and finish serving dinner” I giggle at them and the cute way they are with each other, I never knew brothers other than Robbie and Angelo could be best friends. Blake takes my hand and leads me to the dinner table; I’m just about to take my seat when...

  “Ugh! Blake, you could at least change out of your blooded up clothes before we eat” Sam looks at him in disgust. “I mean I know you’re a surgeon an all, but seriously, that’s disgusting!” We all look at Blake, who has the most puzzled look on his face as he looks down at where Sam’s pointing at his stomach. He places his hand over the bloodied patch of his shirt, and then lifting it in front on his eyes.

  “This is wet” He lifts his hand to show Alex, and my first reaction is that he’s hurt and I feel the panic inside! What the hell happened?

  “Shit! Bro, are you hurt?”

  “I’m fine, it’s not my blood” His eyes dart to me, scanning my body up and down, filling me with panic. He looks so angry. “What did you do?!”

  “Nothing. I didn’t do anything” He walks toward me and I panic! I run round the table past Alex and into my room.

  “Blake, stop. What are you doing? Leave her alone!”

  “Mercedes, get back here now!” Fuck! He’s so angry banging on the now locked bathroom door. He’s really scaring me. “Open this damn door right now or so help me, I’ll smash it down!”

  “Blake, stop, she won’t open the fucking door, you’re scaring her!” She’s right, he is scaring me to death, he sounds like Elijah. Suddenly the lock on the door shoots off as he gives the door one almighty kick; I don’t hear anything I feel like I’ve gone deaf! Nope, it’s just my stupid ass passing out!

  “Fuck, Mercy” I feel his arms around me, stopping me from hitting the floor. I can hear muffled voices, but I’m falling away from them, falling into a deep sleep.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter Nineteen.

  “Blake...” Shit, my head hurts badly. It burns behind my eyes.

  “I’m here. Ssshh, baby. I’m here” My eyes won’t open, but I feel him next to me. I’m not even sure where I am right now?

  “Where am I?”

  “You’re at home, safe in our bed” I force my eyes open to look at him. He looks ill with worry. God, what am I doing to this man?

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. Right before tears burn my eyes, falling from me. I feel so awful, how could I have been so stupid?

  “It’s okay, baby girl, I’m here with you” Dammit, don’t fall asleep Mercedes... Too late.

  ~ ~ ~

  “So, you’re alive then?”

  “Huh?” I open my eyes to Sam sitting beside me. It’s dark, but for my night light shining. “Where’s Blake?”

  “He’s asleep on the couch; he’s not slept in two days. I made him eat and lay down. How could you do this, Sadie? You promised me you’d never do it again” I did promise her, I know I did right after the last time I did this, just before I got with Elijah. I slit my wrists and she found me just in time. She stood by me, nursed me, and I promised her I wouldn’t do it again, and I hadn’t until now. God, why am I so stupid?

  “I’m sorry; I don’t know what came over me. I thought. You said that... I just thought...”

  “I know and I’m so sorry. I should never have told you he was leaving you. But I was so mad at you, Sadie. You always do this; you ruin everything good in your life. You have to stop” I know she’s right, and I don’t want to lose Blake, he’s my whole life and I can’t bear that I’ve hurt him again. She leans over and hugs me tightly and sighs. “You’ve been asleep for two days. You must have been tired” She laughs. “Blake’s been giving you bed baths and changing your clothes like some weird old nurse lady” She laughs and it makes me giggle. “He would force you to get up and use the bathroom. I don’t think you were fully awake. You stirred a little, moaned and whined, but funnily you didn’t wake. I told him once you’re asleep after something like this that it’s like waking the dead” I can’t believe I didn’t wake up when he did that! It’s so sweet of him, Elijah would have just left me in my own mess! “You had us worried sick. I wanted to take you to the hospital, but Blake wouldn’t have any of it. He wanted to keep you here. He stitched you up and he’s made sure you were okay” Oh, I don’t know what to think. “He didn’t want you to have to see a shrink”

  “You didn’t tell him, did you? About me seeing shrinks I mean”

  “Don’t be silly... Although I should have” She gives me her you-stupid-bitch look.

  “Thanks” Is all I can muster right now.

  “Here listen to this”

  “What is it” I ask as she pulls an iPod from her jacket pocket.

  “It’s an iPod, what’s it look like?” Sarcastic Bitch! “There’s a song on here for you, from Blake”

  “Um... Okay. What song?”

  “Just listen, yeah?”

  “Kay” I watch as she presses some buttons, and then puts the ear phones inside my ears. She holds my hand while smiling as she presses play on the iPod. She strokes my knuckles gently as the sweet sound of Coldplay rings in my ears, the beautiful lyrics and Chris Martin's voice singing “I Will Try To Fix You” My heart skips a beat and tears well in my eyes as the overwhelming feeling of love floods within me. Is this what he’s been trying to tell me, that he wants to fix my heart? The words from that song ring in both my head and my heart, and I know he loves me, really loves me, how could I have doubted it? I guess because no one has ever meant it before now.

  I pull the earphones from my ears and just look at Sam, who’s still smiling at me. “He loves you. Can you not see that?” I laugh and cry at the same time, and she wipes away a tear from my cheek.

  “You know what, Sam, for the first time in my life I see it, I see that someone really does love me”

  “Thank the Lord above” She laughs “You need him, Sadie. And he needs you. Believe me he does. God brought you together so you could heal each other. Now let him in, Sadie, let him fix you” I smile at her and she hugs me tightly. But I need to know what she means, why do I need to heal him, what could have happened to him?

  “What do you mean about me healing Blake?”

  She looks at me as if I’m stupid and should already know the answer. “Well, I thought you knew?” I shake my head “Well, this girl he used to have a weird relationship with, she hurt hi
m bad. Basically, she would fuck around behind his back and because he didn’t care...”

  “He didn’t care?” That sounds so odd to me. Why on this earth wouldn’t he be bothered?

  She shakes her head. “They weren’t exactly together. Anyway, Alex said that she used to do crazy things, really crazy things. She fucked one of Blake’s then close friends, filmed it and showed it to Blake, he flipped out. According to Alex she was so crazy she brought out the worst in Blake. He beat someone because of her” What the fuck?

  “He beat someone?”

  “Yeah, Alex says Blake’s got quite a temper, even with his brothers” I don’t like the sound of this. My Blake Violent? She must have it wrong, surely? I just look at her, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, it unnerves me, and I feel tired again all of a sudden.

  “You mind if I sleep? I’m still really tired” She smiles and nods at me. “If Blake wakes will you tell him to come to bed? That’s if he isn’t mad at me”

  “He’s not mad at you. I’ll tell him. Now go to sleep. I love you”

  “I love you, too, bestie” I watch her leave before lying down again. My body’s aching so badly and all I want is Blake, but he still hasn’t come to bed. He must still be asleep.

  After a short while I heard Sam and Alex’s door close, they must have gone to bed. I decided to go into the living room and just sit and watch Blake sleep. It will make me feel calm just watching him sleeping, knowing he’s here will help. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the living room. I found him lying on his right side fast asleep on the couch, his right arm hanging over the side. He looks pale and unshaven; his slight stubble showing on his beautiful face, and his hair looks a total mess. I don’t want to wake him, but I want to be close to him. I lift the blanket up and climb onto this overly large couch next to him. I notice he’s wearing his sweats and his tank, his usual night wear, he looks good even like this. I cuddle up to him resting my head on his shoulder; I hold his hip and close my eyes as I breathe him in. He smells so good, I’ve missed him. “Hmm. No, stop” What’s this? I feel him go ridged next to me, he mumbles something, but I can’t make out what. He puts his right hand up in an I-surrender kind of way. “No, stop! I’ll fucking kill you! Don’t touch her. Don’t ever touch her again!” I lift myself off him and put my hand on his face trying to soothe him, but his legs start kicking out. “Mercy, no, please no. Don’t do this, please. Baby, come back!” Shit, he’s having his very own nightmare, about me! God, I don’t want to be the cause of his nightmares.

  “Blake, wake up,” I sit up right next to him, one hand on his face the other gently shaking him. God, please wake up! “Blake, I’m here. Please wake up” His eyes dart open, and he looks right at me. His breathings spiked so high I think he’s going to have a heart attack!

  “Mercy” He whispers. His eyes full of despair, and I can’t bear it. His hand finds my face, caressing my cheek tenderly.

  “You were having a bad dream. I’m here my sweet prince, I’m here” He lifts up and pulls me into his arms, and holds me so tightly I can’t breathe. It’s like he can’t grasp that I’m really here. “Ssshh. I’m here my baby, I’m here”

  “I thought I’d lost you” He whispers in my ear.

  “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere” He pulls me at arm’s length, his eyes scanning me wildly, and before I can even breathe his lips are on mine, hard and forceful to the point of painful. He drags my shirt over my head, it’s like he’s some wild beast who’s cornered his prey. He’s hot and heavy and wanting me so desperately. But he’s scaring me; I don’t want it like this he’s hurting me. He promised never to hurt me like this. I don’t want these vile memories to come flooding back, and I don’t want the man I love to be the cause of new ones. “Blake, please stop” But it’s like he can’t hear a word I’m saying. He kisses my neck, holding my head in one hand so I can’t move.

  “I want you, baby. I want you so badly” He pushes me down on the couch, holding me there with the full weight of his body, and Jesus Christ, he’s so heavy, I can hardly breathe from the weight of him. I’m scared that he’s gonna split my stitches! I struggle beneath him, I want him off me! I don’t want this, as much as I love being forcefully fucked this feels too much like rape. Too much like last time this happened to me. “That’s it baby, fight me off” What the hell!?

  “Blake, please stop. Please don’t do this to me. Please...!” Jesus fuck, why won’t he stop? His hand finds my breast, squeezing hard as he moans against my neck. He forces my legs open and I’m screaming inside begging for him to stop, but he just carries on. I do the only thing I know and stop moving; I go limp and just lay there beneath him. He suddenly stops and looks at me, but I turn my face away from him. I don’t know who this man is, but he’s not my Blake, he’s not the man who promised never to hurt me.

  “Mercy, fuck, I’m so sorry” He lifts off me and runs his fingers through his hair. I feel sick how could he behave like that? I sit up and grab my shirt from the floor and hold it against me. Right now I feel so exposed and vulnerable. “Mercy, please look at me” I feel his hand on my face, but I don’t want to look at him and I don’t want him looking at me, I want to run and hide but I know if I move he’ll follow me.

  “Why did you do that?”

  “Baby, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me”

  “How could you do that to me, Blake?”

  “Baby, please. Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please, I would never hurt you”

  “But you have” I feel the tears in my eyes. Fuck, I don’t want to cry, but I can’t stop myself. I feel utterly abused by him! Jesus, he’s just like every other man in my life!

  “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry” He sits back against the armrest, bringing his knees up against his chest and wrapping his arms around himself as he rocks himself gently... Oh My God, he’s crying! I can’t bear it, he’s actually crying hard! From the chest sobs and it breaks my heart. Has it really hurt him that much knowing he almost raped me? God, just looking at him I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, he just needed me to to help him feel better. He just wanted to feel me against him somehow, to help take away his nightmare. God, I know how that feels. And he does take away my nightmares, he takes them away so often. I don’t have to be afraid of him, he didn’t mean to do this. It’s not like the times Elijah cried and begged, promising he didn’t mean to hurt me, this is different. Blake really didn’t mean to do it.

  “Blake, please don’t cry. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me”

  “Just leave Mercedes; just leave me before it’s too late. I’m just like him”

  “No you’re not! You’re nothing like him, Blake. Please look at me” Slowly he lifts his head and the look on his face. God, he looks so lost and ashamed. I don’t know why, but I kiss him, soft and deep. I want him to know that it’s okay; that I love him and what he tried to do doesn’t matter because I know he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t himself, he was still half asleep and stuck in his nightmare. I take his arms and wrap them around my waist as I straddle him. I don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden, but I want him inside me, I want to take him right here, right now. I want to make him forget his nightmare. His hands travel up and down my back, pulling me down on him, making me grind into him, and I can feel his rock hard cock against me and I’m so turned on. Somewhere in my mind, I’m thinking, how I have massive issues. This man just tried to force himself on me, and here I am wanting him inside me so deep, so hard and so fast. But he’s my man now, my beautiful messed up man, and nothing makes sense to me anymore without him. He kisses my neck, making me moan, while he forces his thumb into my mouth. I suck and bite it and it’s so arousing. His other hand finds my breast and almost instantly his mouth finds my nipple makes me cry out. I need him so badly, I don’t have time for foreplay I want his cock inside me, fucking me hard, right now. I climb off him and rip my pajama pants down as fast as I can. I watch him remove his sweats just as fast, throwing them to the floo
r. I straddle him, again grabbing his cock in my hand and forcing him into my body as hard and fast as I can. It hurts like hell, but it feels so good. I lift myself up off him and drop back down to meet his thrusts as he connects with me, forcing me back up again, and it’s so hot and so hard.

  “Fuck me, baby” Fuck! I love hearing him say that. I move my body so hard and fast against him, he’s practically screaming.

  “Oh... Oh, God”

  “Fuck, Mercy!”

  “Do you need to come, Dr.?” I know he does I can feel his cock throbbing inside of me, tipping me higher, so high I think I might explode. This is so quick, so hard, the desperation inside of me making me move so fast.

  “Yes, baby. Yes, I need to come... Fuck. Fuuuck! Come with me, baby” Bastard! Those words, damn him! I come and come and come around him, and it’s so hard. He holds me down tightly by my waist as he comes so hard inside me, our body’s bucking against each other; juddering until finally I flop my head down on his shoulder, both of us breathless. God, my hip is throbbing from where he held me so tightly! After a few minutes I lift myself off him, unlinking our body’s, laying myself between his legs and resting my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as his arms fold around me. “We should go to bed, if Sam finds out what we just did on her couch, she may kill us” I giggle to myself, because he’s probably right.

  “I so don’t want to move”

  “I know baby girl, but I wanna hold you in bed until we fall asleep in each others arms” Oh, I guess I can live with that. I lift off him and pick up my clothes, pulling them back on even though I feel uncomfortable. I’m too tired to shower, but I need one badly, I feel dirty. I watch Blake fold the blanket and leave it on the couch. He then pulls on his boxer briefs and picks up his clothes. He doesn’t put them back on he just carries them to our room.

  I crawl into my bed and wrap myself around my man, what he tried to do to me forgotten for now, as sleep takes me...