Damaged (Bound & Tied Book 1)

by Lucy Rinaldi

  “What, baby, huh? What do you want?”

  Bastard!

  His lips skim my jaw and his left hand still holds both of mine above my head, and my body’s rife with need. God the things he does to me. “I want you inside me, now” He presses his knee hard against my clitoris, and I’m throbbing so badly it’s unreal. “Please Blake, you’re making me wanna come” He lets go of my hands and before I’ve even had time to bring them down the wall he’s ripped my panties from my body, and grabbed my hips lifting me. I fold my legs around him tightly, and just like that, he slams into me harder than he ever has before, and it hurts so good! It’s so punishing and fast that I’m holding onto his shoulders so tightly. My back arches as I push my hips into him, the friction on my clit is unreal!

  “Come, baby. Come quickly. I need this, baby girl. Give it to me” I dig my nails into his shoulders; his command for my release tips me over the edge.

  “Ah...! Fuck! Fuck, Blake. Fuck, I’m coming!” He grabs my throat again and slams so hard into me I scream out incoherently. He stills himself, grabs my hips and comes violently into me, his body shaking, calling out my name over and over like it’s the last time he’s ever going to say it. He holds me in that position for a short while his head against my chest, and my arms around his broad shoulders, and I feel totally abused and dirty, and I love it! But for some reason my emotions are all over the place, making me think different things, confusing me. I feel like I’m going to cry, but I have no idea why.

  “Baby, are you okay?” He clasps my face between his hands, kissing me softly all over my face. “God, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me”

  “It’s okay, just put me down. I need to get ready. Come shower with me” He takes my outstretched hand and I lead him toward the shower...

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter Thirty Two.

  “Dr. Lander this is my girlfriend, Mercedes. She’s not been too well of late, a lot of headaches and now some vomiting. I’d like you to give her a full examination, please” Blake explains to the Doctor now standing in front of us in this massive hospital in which he’s brought me to.

  “Of course, Blake. Mercedes, would you like to come with me?” I look at Blake, whom just smiles and then kisses me softly.

  “Aren’t you coming with me?”

  “Oh, baby, I can’t, I have rounds. But I’ll come back for you as soon as I’m done, I promise” He kisses my forehead and leaves me there watching him walk away from me, and I’m so nervous I feel sick. I really don’t want to be here I don’t need a Doctor I’m fine; there’s nothing wrong with me. I need to stop lying to myself!

  Doctor Lander is the most beautiful mixed raced woman I’ve ever seen, her beautiful light skin and pale gray eyes are just amazing, and her thick short bob style Afro hair all loose and neat makes her cheek bones more defined. She looks to be around Blake’s age, maybe a year or two older, she’s so polite, and has the most caring nature. She ushers me into a large room equipped with a hospital bed, an ultrasound machine, and lots of hospital instruments from scalpels to hypodermics, and sedation drugs. “Please take a seat, honey. I’m just going to ask you a couple of questions, and then I’d like to do some tests, and then a quick examination. Is that okay with you?” I nod kindly toward her and she smiles while clicking something on her computer. “It says here you take the contraceptive pill?”

  “Yes, since I was fourteen”

  “And you’re now twenty three?” I nod. “Mercedes, nine years is a very long time to be taking the pill without a break. I’d like to take some blood and urine. Could you roll up your sleeve, please” I’m wearing a thick woolen sweater and jeans because even though it’s hot outside I’m freezing, I just can’t seem to get warm no matter what I do. I sit staring into space as she takes blood from my veins. “If you just sit there for a moment, Mercedes, and let the dizziness pass, I’ll go and get you some water”

  “Thank you”

  “You’re very welcome” After she hands me a glass of cold water we go through all sorts of questions, from my diet to how much alcohol I drink, which she then gives me a lecture about because of my mental health, and how I should have known better. She then asked about my sex life and my sleeping habits. It all began to drive me nuts! “Mercedes, do you think you could pee into this for me, I’d like to check your urine now” Ugh! How fucking disgusting! The thought makes me sick, but I take the clear plastic pot from her and take myself to the restroom to pee into it. Once I’m done, I hand it back to her, but as I do I feel light headed. “Mercedes, are you okay?” I feel my eyes roll, my body sway and my head hit something, and I’m gone...

  ~ ~ ~

  “Do we know what it is yet?” Why do I hear strange voices, and why the hell can’t I open my eyes?

  “We do”

  “Well, what is it?” Fuck, my head hurts and my stomach hurts so bad I feel like vomiting.

  “She needs an operation, Blake” What the Fuck?! “It’s just minor, but she has a mass on her liver, and I need to take a biopsy”

  “Blake. Blake, where are you?” My eyes won’t open and I’m really confused.

  “I’m here, baby. I’m here, everything’s okay” He holds my hand and kisses my head. What the hell’s going on?

  “What’s happening? Can I go home now?”

  “No, baby, not yet. Go to sleep. Ssshh, go to sleep” I want to say something to him, but I feel a cold sensation traveling up my arm 1...2...3...

  It’s cold in this house no one’s around. My mommy is in the bedroom with the nice man, he’s very handsome with sparkly brown eyes. He’s nice to mommy, she always smiles when he’s around. He makes her happy when he tells her she’s beautiful. He dances with mommy and me, and it makes her giggle. She kisses his cheek, and he smiles at me and says I am beautiful like mommy. But then he’s gone and papa is here, and he’s so mad at mommy. He hits her and calls her names. I run from the house, I don’t like it when papa is angry it’s very scary. There are lots of men outside and they scare me, but the nice man is there, he takes my hand and leads me away from the other men. He buys me ice cream and cuddles me, while telling me I am the best thing in his life and his reason for living. He tells me he loves me and I giggle. He taps my nose with his fingertip, and says, “Daddy loves you more than anything, Mercedes,” I climb onto his lap and kiss his cheek. He tickles me and makes me laugh. He laughs and he has such a beautiful smile. My daddy is the most beautiful daddy in the world. But he talks very funny. He speaks like my big brother Robbie, but not the same it’s deeper somehow.

  ~ ~ ~

  The sound of a machine bleeping and the heave of my chest is painful. The voices call to me to come back, but it’s too dark and scary, I want to follow the bright light above me. Something pulls me from the bright light, the dim light is calling me home, but I’m torn I don’t know which one to follow I’m scared. “Don’t be scared, my darling. Follow the dim light, he calls for you to go home”

  “Mom?” I see her smiling face looking down on me. I’ve never seen my mother look so beautiful. She looks like an angel all in white and surrounded by white light. “I want to go with you”

  “I know, my beautiful little girl. But he needs you now, they both will need you in time. And you’ll see me again one day. Go home to him, Mercy, your daddy needs you”

  “But I don't even know who my daddy is”

  “Search your heart, Mercedes, he’s still there, he has always been there. He has always loved you, and he’s tried for so long to bring you home to him. You will find him very soon, my darling. And then you will finally know what love is. You’ll know what it’s like to be somebody’s everything. Always remember that he loved you. No matter what you hear your daddy has always loved you” She tucks my hair behind my ear and smiles lovingly at me. I don’t know what she means about my dad. I have never in my life met my real father. I don’t know who he is. How can I search my heart to find him if he was never there? “He will love you well enough for the b
oth of us. I need you to know that I have always loved you, my baby girl. Mommy is so sorry for the things I did, but know that you were always loved, sweetheart. Go home to daddy, baby, he will protect you now” She points to the dim light and blows me a kiss, and just like that she’s gone...

  ~ ~ ~

  Fuck my head, where am I? And what the fuck is down my throat? It’s choking me! “Baby, don’t pull at it. Keep calm I’m here. Sam, get the Doctor,” I look at him staring down at me with tears in his eyes. Why is he crying? What’s happening to me?

  “Hello, Mercedes, nice to have you back with us” A light flashes in my unfocused eyes making me blink rapidly. I thought I heard them say I only had to have minor surgery. Why on earth would I need a breathing tube in my throat for that? “I’m going to remove the tube from your throat. On the count of three I want you to breathe out long breaths. Okay?” I nod. “Good. On the count of three. One... Two... Three” Ow fuck! I gag and cough as she pulls the long tube out from my mouth, letting me breathe the cool air into my lungs. “Mercedes, do you know where you are?”

  “Hospital” I rasp as my throat feels sore from the tube. I feel like I’ve got a tickle in my throat.

  “Do you know these people?” I nod as she points to my friends in front of me. Is she for real? Why wouldn’t I know who they are? I’ve had a simple surgery not a fucking accident that would have left me with a head injury! Jesus! “Can you tell me who they are?”

  “Blake, Sam, and Alex”

  “And who are they to you?”

  “My boyfriend, my best friend, and my geek” Everyone laughs as I say geek, even me.

  “Hey cheeky” Alex protests.

  “She’s fine, but no over excitement right now. Mercedes, do you know why you’re here?”

  “Headaches”

  “You’ve had an operation, Mercedes,” I try and sit up I can’t lie here I feel sick. “No, no, lay down, Mercedes”

  “No, I want to sit up, please. Blake, please, tell her to let me sit up”

  “Okay, fine, but just a little” I watch him take the controller that works the bed in his hand, and press a button lifting the head part of the bed, so I’m sitting up just enough to see my friends.

  “What happened to me?”

  “You had a cyst on your liver, Mercedes, and we had to take a biopsy. It’s nothing to worry about, it doesn’t seem to be anything serious” She says with a smile. Probably has something to do with my medication and alcohol!

  “Am I going to be okay?”

  “Of course. And, you’ll be happy to know that your baby survived the surgery” Okay, what the actual fuck did she just say to me?

  “Baby? What baby? I’m not pregnant, don’t be so fucking stupid!” My heads spinning, the rooms spinning, and my stomachs gone tight. Blake’s smiling shyly at me, and I just feel sick! I shake my head. “No, this can’t be happening, I can’t be pregnant, I take the pill like it’s my damn religion!”

  “Baby, it’s okay” Okay? O-fucking-K!? Is he crazy? How the hell can this be okay?

  “Sadie, you’re gonna be a mommy” Sam smiles so widely at me and I can hear the excitement in her voice, but I can’t breathe. I can’t take it in I feel sick, really sick. Oh fuck, I feel the chunks in my throat. Dammit, I can’t stop it, it’s too late, I’ve vomited horribly over the side of the bed and all over the lady Doctor.

  “Mercedes, lie down, please, and take deep breaths”

  “I’m sorry”

  “It’s quite alright. Please don’t worry, I’ll get someone to clear it up in a minute. I think you and Dr. Benedict have a few things to talk about” She looks at Sam and Alex and they nod at her, they know it’s time for them to go. Sam pushes Blake aside and grabs my hand, then kisses my cheek giving me her full on I’m-so-excited smile.

  “Everything will be okay,” I force a smile for her, but it’s just that, forced and fake because the reality is I don’t want this baby. I don’t want any baby. I’m screaming inside, I need to think what the hell am I going to do?

  “Congratulations, Sadie” I force another smile for Alex, and I watch them walk out of the room hand in hand passing the cleaning lady on the way. I think I’m in shock nothing seems real to me right now. Blake’s just standing there staring at me with one hand across his stomach and the other against his mouth as his index finger taps his lips. I feel like crying and screaming, how could this happen? Okay, I know how it can happen, but I mean, it’s not possible I take the pill every day. I can’t be pregnant, they must have made a mistake!

  “What are you thinking, Mercy?”

  “I don’t know, maybe how the hell this is possible? I take the pill every day, I have for nine years”

  “I know that, it’s the only reason I never wore a condom, which was still reckless of me. But baby, nine years is a long time to be on the pill. Did you never ask your doctor to review and change them? Taking the contraceptive pill that long your body would become immune to it”

  “I’m not a fucking idiot, Blake! Yes, I got them changed every year, so I don’t fucking know what happened”

  He looks at me and takes a deep breath. “Sometimes they stop working, or one slips by” He shrugs like it’s nothing, like it’s okay that I’m pregnant when it really isn’t. This relationship is so new, and I’m just not ready for this!

  “I don’t want a baby, Blake”

  “It’s a little late for that now, Mercy”

  “Don’t smile at me, Blake. I don’t want a baby. I can’t be anyone’s mother, I’m not ready. I can’t even look after myself never mind a tiny baby” Taking my hand in his he sits on the bed facing me smiling like an idiot, but I don’t want smiles and happiness I want this thing out of me and now!

  “Mercy, this is our baby” He says as he strokes my stomach gently for a moment. “Mine and yours, and I’m gonna be here with you every step of the way. I know you’re scared because of your illness and what will happen through the pregnancy, but you have nothing to fear because we’ll sort everything, I’m going to take care of you” He just doesn’t listen to anything I say! How am I supposed to make him see I can’t do this?

  “Blake, I can’t, please understand I need...”

  “You want an abortion?” The shock and disappointment in his voice sends shivers down my spine, and my heart aches for him. I wish I could give him this baby, but I’m no good I’d only ruin its innocent little life with my fuckedupness, and I won’t do that, not to a baby, not to my child. Roberto knew it when I had my baby boy, why can’t Blake see it? I place my free hand on his cheek, caressing him.

  “I’m sorry, Blake, but I can’t go through this again. I’m just not ready. I don’t want to be anybody’s mother. I couldn’t bear for them to turn out like me, the way I turned out like my mother”

  “But our baby won’t. You’re with me now and we’ll love and protect this baby. I promise you, nothing will ever happen to our baby” God this is so hard, I don’t want to hurt him, but I know I will I can’t avoid it no matter what I say.

  “I mean mentally, Blake” He scans me for a moment, I can see the pain in his eyes from the way he’s looking at me, and I hate that I’m the one making him feel like that, because I swore never to hurt him intentionally and here I am doing just that.

  “I won’t let you do this, this is my baby too” He jumps off the bed, his anger pouring out of him as his eyes bear into me. “I will not let you kill my baby, Mercedes!”

  “It’s not your choice to make. It’s my body, Blake. It’s my decision”

  “If you do this I will never forgive you, Mercedes. Never!”

  “Blake, please”

  “No. Just no” He left me there, tears streaming down my face. I’m a complete mess emotionally, mentally and physically, and I’m so lost I don’t know what to do!

  To Be Continued!

  Things seemed rosy for a change, but things are never rosy for me. I’m about to do something the man I love will never forgive me for. How will t
hings ever be the same between us after that?

  With my beautiful man getting more volatile as the days go one, my mind is becoming more stretched. How do I show the man I love that I’m not a porcelain doll? That I can in fact take care of myself.

  Will he finally tell me that he is in fact the CEO of B.T.B Enterprise Inc.? He knows that I know, I just want to hear the words from his mouth. Is that too much to ask? Find out in: Whispers. Bound & Tied 2.