Dr. Neruda's Cure for Evil

by Rafael Yglesias

  Papa Sam was in bed, covered up to his neck, his arms outside the blanket. He appeared mummified. His nurse sat in a chair by the door, reading. Her tensor lamp provided the only light.

  “Is he asleep?” my mother asked the nurse in a whisper.

  “No …” Papa answered in a groan. He lifted his huge hand—it looked large because his wrist and arm were now so thin—above the plaid blanket and gestured for us to come close. “Is that the Little Gentleman?” he asked.

  In the shadows he was a gloomy, dying presence. The nurse got up and turned on his bedside lamp. Its light cast shadows across Papa’s wasted face.

  “You remember,” my mother said as we approached. She kissed him on a gaunt cheek. Papa hummed with pleasure at her touch.

  “Of course.” I am not reproducing his classic Yiddish intonations and accent. They were very thick. I had to concentrate to understand him, often not realizing what he had said until a few seconds after he spoke. That made me shyer than usual. “You’re the Little Gentleman,” he said, rolling his great head to the side. His lifeless eyes didn’t seem to focus. I wasn’t really sure he could see me. In December he made a speech to my mother that I had always, even as a toddler, been a perfect little gentleman. Ruth explained to me later he was impressed that I had not only sat quietly and listened while the adults talked, but contributed to the conversation. Papa also commented with admiration—the significance of this wasn’t clear to me—that I seemed to be very tall. He was vain about his height and considered mine (I was in fact tall for my age) to be a genetic achievement that was to his credit.

  I nodded and looked down. Again I couldn’t meet the eyes of a Rabinowitz elder. I was scared by the old man’s physical deterioration. And, as professionals among my readers already realize, I was no more of a Little Gentleman than any eight-year-old. The polite role I had once played accidentally seemed too difficult to repeat on purpose.

  “We just wanted to say hello. We’ll let you go back to sleep,” my mother said.

  “No!” Papa croaked with as much energy as he could. “I can’t sleep. Stay and talk for a little.”

  I kept my head down, staring at the carpet. I wasn’t seeing it, however. I pictured Daniel, standing on a stool, reaching with glee into the kitchen cabinet to find the Afikomen.,

  “How are you?” my mother asked.

  “I can’t get a breath.” He made a gurgling sound in his lungs, whether to illustrate or involuntarily, I didn’t know. He sounded bad. Death was in the room with us; I felt my mother’s dread in her moist hand.

  “You relax, Daddy. Don’t exert yourself.” Ruth talked softly over my head to the nurse. “Would you like to take a break? We can stay here until you come back. Is that all right, Papa?”

  “Sure,” he said.

  “All right. Thank you, ma‘am. I could use a cup of coffee.” The nurse’s voice was loud. She wasn’t afraid of the implacable presence waiting to take my grandfather. “I’ll come back in fifteen minutes?” she asked.

  “Take your time,” my mother said. And yet she was uneasy; I heard tension in her voice. The nurse left quickly, as if worried that Ruth might change her mind.

  “Fifteen minutes is probably all I’ve got,” Papa said and tried to laugh. The strangled whine he made sounded like a balloon leaking. It raised my eyes from the carpet. Papa’s face turned a strange color, not red or white, a sort of greenish pallor. He struggled to quell something and ended up coughing. “That’ll teach me not to make jokes. So where’s your handsome husband?” he said in a hoarse voice. Papa sounded relaxed. He seemed to feel no bitterness about his condition. At the time I didn’t know his attitude was exceptional. Perhaps he had avoided so much death during his life—the Tsar’s punishment for desertion; America’s Depression; Europe’s Holocaust; and three attacks from his own heart—that this peaceful finish seemed to be good fortune. Anyway, I never forgot his pleasant humor and bravery.

  “He’s still working on his book,” my mother said.

  “His book? About that guy with the beard in Havana?”

  My mother smiled. I did too. It was amusing to hear the great Fidel, a man who was spoken of by my father as the embodiment of strength and virtue—the bull whom all the women of Cuba wanted to, or had, slept with; the gourmand who ate a dozen eggs for breakfast; the military genius who had defeated a dictator’s army with a band of untrained peasants; the Cicero who could hold a nation rapt for three-hour speeches; the Cuban George Washington and Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson all wrapped into one—to hear him called (in a Yiddish accent) the guy with the beard was funny. “That’s the one,” she said. “Fidel Castro.”

  “He likes cigars, too,” Papa said. His dull eyes were on me; the blank look of a blind man. “Like Groucho,” he added. “Think maybe Castro is Jewish? Sephardic? Could be. Now that would be something to write about. You know there are people in Spain—” He stopped. The punctured balloon whined again. His white color changed to green and he coughed.

  “Relax, Papa,” my mother said nervously. She reached out to touch the plaid blanket covering her father’s chest. It trembled with each cough.

  “Can’t—” he said. The green changed to a duskier color—purple. “Can’t—” he tried to say again. He looked as if he were being flooded with blood under the skin, drowning from the inside out.

  “Get the nurse,” Ruth said to me. Then she changed her mind. “Wait,” she said, holding my arm. I don’t know if she saw fear on my face. Perhaps it wasn’t what she saw; she could have realized an eight-year-old was a poor emissary. Leaving me alone with the sick man wasn’t acceptable either. Both choices were bad. She decided not to spare me, but to find help for her father as quickly as possible. “I’ll get her. Stay with Papa,” she said and ran out before I had a chance to react.

  I was alone with a dying man. Grandfather couldn’t produce any sound other than a gurgling struggle to speak. His eyes were wild with fear. He reached for his constricted throat and pulled at the invisible strangler’s grip.

  His chest jerked as if he were being electrocuted. I put my hand on top of the plaid blanket, at the epicenter of his torsos earthquake. I didn’t look at his choked face. I stared at my hand and thought very hard: Get better, Papa. I wished for a healing bolt to flow through my arms and into my palm; I willed it to soothe Papa’s wounded chest. Get better, Papa, I thought, beaming the magic power, wishing with all my heart to heal him.

  After a moment, Papa’s hands covered mine. The long bones of his fingers, although they looked fragile, pressed down hard on my palm.

  Get better, I sung silently to his hand.

  Papa pushed harder and harder on my little hand. I was horrified at what he was doing. I thought he was going to push it right through his chest. I pictured my fingers falling inside and touching his blood and heart and my vague idea of what else would be inside a human being. And then he released the pressure.

  “Oh, that’s better,” he said in a clearer voice than I had yet heard from him.

  The nurse, my mother, and Uncle Bernie appeared. I looked at my grandfather. His skin was back to normal. His eyes were no longer dead; they shined at me. And he continued to hold my hand against his chest; but now lightly, the way someone would caress a favorite object.

  The adults fussed and questioned him.

  “I was dying and the Little Gentleman saved me,” Papa said, but in a lilting, jocular intonation.

  My mother, in fact, took Papa seriously. She hugged me, asked if I had been scared. I said no. She explained to me almost apologetically and fearfully, as if I were a stern boss, that she had gone instead of me because she could find the nurse faster.

  “No, no, I’m fine,” Papa was saying to the nurse, who hadn’t accepted his reassurances. “I couldn’t get my breathing for a second. It was nothing. Forget it. Go away.” He waved energetically and struggled to lift himself higher on the bed.

  “You want to sit, Mr. Rabinowitz?” the nurse asked. She arranged his pi
llows so they would prop up his head.

  When she tried to rearrange his blanket, he held it down firmly and said, “Stop. I want that—leave me alone. Everybody but my grandson—go. Right, Bernie?”

  Uncle agreed with a nod. He took my mother’s hand affectionately. She reacted with a startled look and then smiled. Uncle tugged her toward the door.

  “Go,” Papa said to the nurse. “Have your coffee.” He encouraged my mother, “Go. I’ll send your boy out to you.”

  “Okay?” my mother asked me softly.

  “Yeah,” I answered honestly. My fear of the old man’s decay—and of the relentless presence waiting for him—was gone. Besides, I liked being called the Little Gentleman. I preferred to stay in the ordinary room (much more like the rooms in Washington Heights) with this relative who approved of me. Who had, moreover, some use for me other than as a hostage to his ideology. Or so I thought.

  Papa waited until we were alone before speaking. He nodded at an untouched plate on a folding table by the foot of the bed. “There’s a piece of cake. You want?”

  I went to see. It was plain pound cake. “No thank you.”

  Papa smiled. “So polite.” He waved for me to come close. I obeyed. This time I noticed that my assumption he would smell bad was wrong. In fact he smelled of talcum powder. His eyes were still bright from the struggle he’d just won. “Do you know you’re Jewish?” he said. The Yiddish pronunciation made a whooshing sound out of “Jewish”; it was comical to me. I guess I didn’t react. “You may think you’re half-Jewish.” Again, the swishing sound he made saying “Jewish” tickled me. He nodded no. “According to Jewish law, you’re Jewish.” This rapid repetition of the word almost had me giggling out loud. I didn’t want to offend the old man so I kept a solemn face. “The reason is: your mother is Jewish. Now, if it was the other way round. If your father was Jewish and your mother a …” he hesitated. “A … well, not Jewish. Then you wouldn’t be considered Jewish unless you converted.”

  Naturally, this seemed preposterous to me. I suspected he had made up this law to convert me into a whole Jew. (In fact, he was accurate.) Obviously, I reasoned, he was disappointed that I wasn’t completely Jewish (in the same way that it bothered my Latin relatives that I wasn’t completely Spanish) and he had concocted this sophistry to dispose of my Jewish deficit. But I admired him for his direct approach, for his honesty in admitting that he wanted me to belong entirely to him. And I was pleased. Why shouldn’t I have preferred being wanted? It was flattering.

  “It’s true,” he insisted. I must have looked dubious. “Israel will take you just as you are under the Law of Return. But they wouldn’t if it was your father and not your mother who’s Jewish. It’s true. It’s in the Torah.”

  All that, to my eight-year-old ears, was gibberish. I nodded yes to mollify him. I already knew how to behave in these situations: with Jews I was Jewish; with Latins I was Latin; with Americans I was a New Yorker.

  “Come,” he beckoned. He squirmed to sit higher. “I’ll tell you something else.” I had reached the side of his bed. “Raise your hand. Your right hand.” I did. I felt as if I were at an assembly at P.S. 173 and I was about to Pledge Allegiance to the Flag. That is, I felt foolish and grave, embarrassed and awed. “I saw it while I was dying—” Papa lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’m serious—I was about to go. And then I saw your hand on my chest. Do you know what you were doing?” Papa illustrated with his own hand. He raised it, palm out, fingers together. He gradually moved his pinky and ring fingers away from his middle and index fingers while keeping the separated pairs flush together. He was able to separate them quite a lot: he made a broad V in the air. “That’s what you were doing. Can you do it again?”

  I looked at my fingers and waited as if the volition to act belonged to my hand and not my mind. Indeed, they seemed to move on their own. Sure enough, I could separate my fingers in the same way as Papa.

  Papa still had his hand up in the symbolic position. He said, “Not everybody can do this. Know what it means? It means you are a Cohen.” He pronounced it CO-AIN. “The Cohens were the best Jews of the old days. They were the wise men, the healers, the generals. Of all the Jewish people, who were God’s chosen people, they were the highest, the best. I’m a Cohen. You wouldn’t think it to look at me. But I am. And you are too. You have my blood in you.”

  Years later—much to my amusement—I saw an actor named Leonard Nimoy on the Star Trek television series make the same sign with his hand as a traditional greeting for his character’s alien species, the Vulcans, who seemed to have been thought up as a kind of crude version of a Jungian archetype to combine with the equally crude archetypes of Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy. [I used Star Trek as the subject of my paper on Jung’s theory of the Collective Unconscious. Not as a joke. I didn’t intend disrespect. As readers of my books know, I like to use modern popular culture to test the viability of psychological theory. For one thing, Freud and his disciples thoroughly mined the classics. For another, since contemporary culture is often a reaction to theory as well as a confirmation of it, the ore it yields, although perhaps corrupted by self-consciousness, has greater practical value to a therapist. And practicality, after all, is the great challenge that faces analysis in the next millennium.]

  But I’m sorry to have broken the spell that my grandfather created at that moment on his deathbed. I didn’t know Leonard Nimoy would make the gesture foolish; I didn’t know that my grandfather hadn’t reproduced accurate Jewish lore in what he told me. All I knew for certain was that he had been dying moments ago and that I had wished him back to life while holding my fingers apart in that mysterious V.

  We held up our hands in the sign of our genetic bond. Papa nodded toward the door, presumably to the house full of cousins, aunts, uncles. “None of them can do it. None of them have the Cohen blood. You’re the only one I know about.” My aristocratic V pressed against his. His palm was warm, and his eyes glowed, the same eyes that had looked so dead before.

  For a time we touched like that. Finally, he folded his long fingers around my hand and pulled me close. He hugged me, squeezing my head awkwardly next to his while not rising from the pillows. There was something stiff beside his chest under the plaid blanket. He whispered into my ear, “Who gave you your name?”

  Papa let me go to answer him. One ear was irritated from his embrace. I rubbed it while thinking. “My parents,” I said.

  “Which one? Do you know?”

  “My Daddy. It’s a Spanish name.”

  “No, it’s a very old name. It’s a Hebrew name. Do you know what it means in Hebrew?” I shook my head. “It’s a good name for you. Rafael.” He almost said it the way my Latin relatives did: RA-FIE-EL. I preferred that pronunciation. The usual accent given to it by my friends, teachers or other non-Latin adults was RAY-FEEL. Papa said, “Ra-fie-el,” again. Slowly, lovingly, he said a third time, “Rafael. It’s a good name. And a very good name for you. I’ll tell you what it means. It’s a promise from Him.” Papa pointed to the ceiling. “It means: God will heal.” He stroked my head. “You’re a good boy. You will keep the Lord’s promise, Rafael.”

  I was impressed by the intensity of his gaze, of his expectation. I wanted it to come true.

  “You should go back,” Papa said as he withdrew his petting hand. “But first I have something for you.” He lifted the plaid blanket aside and revealed the stiff object I had brushed against a moment before: the Afikomen lay next to his frail body, wrapped in its satin-edged napkin. Papa extended it to me. “Your uncle said I should give this to the child who came to visit and showed me he deserves it. Do you know what it is?”

  The look on my face must have been transparently happy; I can still hear Papa’s chest laugh at my reaction.

  That was the last time I saw him. He said, “Go!” and away I ran. I ran wildly into the entrance hall, splitting a knot of cousins; I jumped over a startled Daniel as he inspected the living room cabinets; I dodged the seated, exhaus
ted figure of my mother in the dining room, still talking about the scare over Papa; I bumped into Uncle Harry, who said, “Whoa!,” and kept going, right up to the dark round face of Bernard Rabinowitz.

  This time, when my uncle’s clever eyes focused on me, I held them without flinching.

  “I found it,” I said.

  He smiled: bright teeth against olive skin. “Good for you,” he answered.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The Triumph of Oedipus

  TAMPA, FLORIDA, IS AS HUMID AS A STEAM BATH FROM LATE SPRING TO early fall. Even in winter the air is heavy. It is no accident that it was chosen by the cigar industry as a location for its factories. Tampa is an open-air humidor, as an eminent American writer pointed out. No need to fear the long green tongue of the tobacco leaf will dry out.

  My mother and I traveled to Ybor City for the July 4th weekend in 1960. Papa Sam had died in May. Ruth didn’t take me to the funeral. Indeed, she didn’t tell me Papa Sam had died until late June, not until she could promise me that my father was returning from Havana and that he would meet us in Tampa in July. Years later, Aunt Sadie explained that my mother delayed informing me about Papa Sam’s death because she didn’t want to upset me while the next occasion for seeing my father was still uncertain. According to Sadie, without the reassurance of an upcoming meeting, my mother feared I would imagine my Daddy was dead since hers had died. Of course she was projecting her own worry about Francisco onto me. But it was not entirely fanciful on her part. She had reason to fear that her husband might be killed.