You Make Me Wanna

by Nikki Rashan

  Carlotta, holding MJ’s hand, shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t know,” she said apologetically, after letting an uninvited guest inside with her.

  Behind Carlotta was Tiffany, whose appearance, at first sight, seemed professional and composed, but behind her smile was a woman who had fallen off her rocker. Hard.

  “There you are, my darling.” Tiffany gushed, arms open as she brushed past Carlotta and rested her hands on my shoulders.

  If I had grown up a fighting woman, I may have beaten her ass on the spot. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here to see you, of course,” she said smoothly. “You haven’t returned my calls in days, so I thought something just had to be wrong for that to happen.”

  Even with her dramatic departure in the mall, Tiffany had left a minimum of fifteen voice mail messages despite her statement that she didn’t have to beg for anyone to be with her.

  Tiffany studied the room. “But it looks to me like you’re having a party.” Her eyes focused on Asia. “Who is the guest of honor?” she asked through clenched teeth.

  “Let’s go outside, Tiffany,” I said.

  She laughed. “That sounds familiar, Kyla. Let’s go somewhere to talk, right? What? You can’t talk to me in front of your guests? Don’t they know who I am?” she asked, venom dripping from her every word.

  “Not now, Tiffany,” I yelled, losing the poise I had silently promised to maintain.

  “Oooh, look, y’all,” she said to my guests.

  “Kyla’s getting all upset ’cause somebody is finally calling her out. You thought that bedroom turnover rate of yours wasn’t going to catch up to you one day, didn’t you? Did you think I would just walk away after all I’ve given you?”

  Given me? What was she talking about?

  “You look perplexed, Kyla. Open your eyes for a minute and think. While you were out fucking every woman you could, did you consider that some of them actually cared about you—hoping they could be the one to turn you around? And now that you think you found the one,” she hissed in Asia’s direction, “you just want to kick everyone aside. Did you think I was some sort of ho or something? Just fucking you for fun? I was in this to win your heart, Kyla. I’m supposed to be the one,” she insisted, pounding her chest with her index finger.

  Was I supposed to feel bad? Should I feel bad? I mean, hadn’t I told her all along that I didn’t want a relationship? She was cuckoo as hell, but apparently not as stupid as she was nutty. She knew I just didn’t want a commitment to her.

  “Tiffany,” I said, softening my tone, “this is not the time.” I eyed Marlon, who then hustled Carlotta out of the apartment, and MJ into David’s bedroom.

  “I’ll go.” Asia headed for her purse on the living room sofa.

  “No, Asia, please don’t go,” I begged. Between Nakia’s and Tiffany’s antics, I was sure I would never hear from Asia again if I let her walk out of the door.

  “She said she wants to leave, Kyla, so let her go,” Tiffany said, a smug look on her face.

  Asia halted in her tracks. “Don’t think for one second I’m leaving because of you.” She gave Tiffany the once-over. “I have better shit to do than be in the middle of some lover’s quarrel.” This time her eyes squinted toward me.

  “Fuck it! This is some bullshit,” David broke in. “You got to go, girl,” he directed at Tiffany. “Don’t think you can come storming up in my apartment acting like you lost all your damn senses. You’re embarrassing yourself and nobody else, honey. Now scoot,” he said, forcing Tiffany toward the door.

  Struggling with whether to cuss David out, or pick her face up off the floor, Tiffany stared at me with a mixture of contempt, humiliation, and sorrow.

  “Karma is a bitch, Kyla. You’ll get yours,” she said before walking out, feeling redeemed for having gotten the last word in.

  A heavy cloud of panic loomed in the air around me. I was fearful of whatever next unexpected event in my evening would follow. A dinner trying to impress couldn’t have gone worse.

  “You all right, baby?” David asked.

  “Yes, I’ll be fine.” I turned to Asia. “Can we talk?”

  Asia looked at David, Marlon, and Nakia, whose solemn faces must have diffused her anger a bit. Hesitantly, she put her purse down and eventually reached for the hand I held out to her.

  We walked in to my bedroom, closing the door behind us. Silence ensued as I sat on the bed searching for the right words. She waited, arms folded across her chest while she stood leaning again my dresser.

  “I’m sorry, Asia,” I said. What else could I say?

  “Look, Kyla, we haven’t known each other long enough for me to be questioning you, but damn, what in the hell was that?”

  “That was Tiffany, one of the women I was seeing. Last week I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore.”

  “I see she didn’t take it very well.”

  “No. She embarrassed the shit out of me in public.”

  “Did you know she was that crazy?”

  I shook my head. “I had no idea. She acted an ass when I told her, but I didn’t expect to see her again, let alone show up at my place. I figured she’d stop calling if I ignored her long enough.”

  “When was the last time you talked to her?”

  “Last week. I just told you that.”

  “When was the last time you were intimate?”

  “Not since I learned your name.” I got up and stood in front of her.

  “And that was when?” Asia reached for my waist and pulled me closer.

  “Before the setup.” I chuckled.

  “I left the drama back in Texas, Kyla.” Asia kissed me softly on my nose. “I can’t and won’t be dealing with any Tiffanys in my life.” Then she pecked me on my cheek.

  “Don’t worry,” I replied, responding with a kiss to her neck. “I’ll protect you.”

  “I don’t need a bodyguard,” she said, nibbling my bottom lip.

  I ran my hand down her neck to her chest, and placed my hand firmly between her breasts, so I could feel her beating heart against the palm of my hand. “This, Asia, is what I’ll protect,” I pledged, sealing it with a kiss on her lips.

  Asia took hold of my hand and positioned it on her left breast. Guiding my middle finger, she stroked her hardened nipple. “Is that a promise?” she asked, looking me straight in the eyes.

  “It is.”

  Asia parted her legs slightly and, directing my hand, lowered my fingers across her belly, over her zipper, and down. Her breath quickened as she circled her hips against the palm of my hand. “No more Tiffany,” she said between heavy breaths. “Just me.”

  I unbuttoned and unzipped her pants then slid my hand inside her lace thongs. “Only you, Asia. Only you.”

  Asia stepped out of her jeans, and I guided her to my bed. I drenched her smooth thighs with kisses and inhaled the womanly scent between her legs. Asia’s hands stroked my hair and scalp as I made my way to her belly with its glittering navel ring. Between her soft moans, I heard shuffling about in the living room and the front door close and lock.

  “Oh, Kyla,” Asia whispered when I took one of her breasts in my mouth.

  I continued to fondle her erect nipples after I returned to taste her flavor below. As it is with most first times, it took a moment to find her spot. When she exhaled sharply and her grip tightened around my hair, I knew I had located it.

  I remained focused, my tongue intent on stimulating the place that would make her come. She fooled me numerous times, writhing and panting and murmuring how good it felt. Then the wave would subside before building up again. I didn’t mind. I felt like I could rest my head between her thighs for an eternity.

  Suddenly, her thighs tightened around my head, and her body twitched. And then she sighed a relaxed, “Mmmm.”

  She spoke after a few moments. “Kyla,” she said softly.

  “Hmm?”

  “Stand up.”

  I lifted myself from her warmt
h and stood alongside the bed, admiring the bare lower half of her body. “Yes?”

  “Take off your shirt,” she said, positioning herself on an elbow for a better view.

  Slowly I untied the wrap of the brown shirt I was wearing, and it fell open, revealing my Very Sexy push-up bra.

  She eyed my cleavage. “Nice. Let me see the rest.”

  I removed my belt and unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. I tossed them aside and kept on my matching bra and panty set.

  “You’re so sexy.” Asia sat upright on the side of the bed and removed her light sweater and bra.

  “Thank you,” I said, walking to her.

  “Turn around.”

  With my back to her, Asia ran her hands over the Lycra spandex combination of my V-string bottoms. She caressed my skin, kissing the small of my back, and sucking tenderly on my ass. Her short fingernails grazed up and down my spine, while her tongue delightfully moved across my skin. With her other hand, she reached to stroke the embroidery of my underwear from behind. Her thumb stroked my wet lips, until she slid her fingers inside of me.

  How did she know how much I loved this?

  “Bend over,” she commanded, standing up.

  When I opened my legs and rested my palms against the cream-colored wall, Asia took hold of my waist and guided my hips back and forth over her fingers. Her lean fingers pressed deep, sending pleasing sensations throughout my insides.

  Though I craved more, after several minutes, she withdrew her fingers and laid me down. She straddled my body and looked into my eyes. “I’m going to make you so happy,” she said and kissed me gently on my lips.

  CHAPTER 5

  Revelations

  I had almost forgotten what it was like to make love. Countless one-night stands and sexually gratifying, but emotionally vacant encounters, had left me with a clouded perception of intimacy. “Get mine” and “get yours” had become my bedtime theme. Making love to Asia reawakened the sentimental senses associated with touching and being touched. Not only had I been brought to tears by her insatiable desire to please me, but it also renewed my acceptance to the often disputed myth of love at first sight. The stirring Asia caused within me was quickly breaking down the barricades I had built around my heart when I lost Stephanie.

  My restored faith in love, however, did little to diminish the anger I felt toward Nakia as I patiently awaited her arrival at work. I positioned myself at the entrance to her office in the rear of the Better Sportswear department. Nakia’s sales associates nervously looked in my direction while my right foot tapped irritably against the floor.

  Nakia, puffy and red-eyed, eventually turned the corner and spotted my roadblock to her door. Apologies began filtering from her trembling lips before she even reached me. Not anticipating this particular response from her—I expected a defensive demeanor—I switched from attack mode to compassionate listener.

  “Kyla, I am so sorry,” she sobbed.

  Once inside her closet-size office space, just large enough for a desk to complete her weekly schedules, I said, “What in the hell happened last night, Kia? I don’t understand.”

  Nakia sighed heavily and dropped her purse, which was as large as an overnight bag, onto the wooden desk. “I’m so embarrassed.”

  “You should be. You made a fool of yourself and a mockery of our friendship.”

  A groan escaped from deep inside of Nakia. Standing behind her desk, she leaned forward, fists weighing down on the scratched surface. “Last night, Kyla, I realized I have to face something I’ve been hiding for a very long time.”

  Oh damn! David was right.

  “I-I have ... wanted . . . “ she stammered then gave up.

  I knew exactly where she was headed. I had grooved with enough women whose confessions began with those three words as well. I had two choices: continue to be pissed because my friend decided to acknowledge her feelings for women with my new girlfriend; or I could be a supporter, and comfort Nakia as she attempted to express what was awakened inside of her.

  “What is it, Kia?”

  Nakia lowered her head for at least sixty seconds, saying nothing. Is this how I used to look in other people’s eyes, distraught by the thought of admitting I was attracted to a woman?

  “Kyla,” she finally whispered, “I’ve wanted to be with a woman for years now.”

  Nakia exhaled so loudly, I thought she’d pass out from sheer exhaustion of the effort it took to make her announcement.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked patiently.

  “Not right now. But, you’re not mad?”

  “We can talk about Asia later.” Even with my understanding of the turmoil Nakia felt, I wasn’t going to let that shit slide so easily. “How about I call you tonight?”

  Relieved, Nakia agreed to talk that evening. I gave her a supportive hug before leaving her alone with her unresolved emotions.

  My lunch break was spent munching on grapes and repeating the morning conversation to Asia over the phone. I sat in my office with the door closed and shades down, shielding my view to the parking lot, which was filled with cars and people streaming into the popular mall.

  “You’re saying you’ve never gotten that vibe from her?”

  “No, I haven’t,” I said, trying to trace a sign I may have missed.

  “She dates a lot of no-good men. That’s all I’ve seen.”

  “Maybe that’s it right there. She could be dating these rotten men, knowing there’s no potential in a relationship, so she won’t have to settle down.”

  I’d never thought of it that way, but Kia had never given me a reason to question her dating pattern in the first place.

  “Don’t stay mad at her. Maybe last night needed to happen so she could finally be honest with herself and with you.”

  “It was wrong though, Asia,” I replied, still hot by Kia’s performance. “You weren’t upset?”

  “Yes, it was wrong, and I hate that it came out this way, but I can’t help it that I do that to women.”

  I laughed. “You did it to me.”

  “You put a spell on me yourself. Last night was wonderful. I haven’t made love in so long.”

  “Me either. I mean, I’ve been with people, but not with them, you know? Last night was a rebirth.”

  “I’m glad I was the lucky participant.”

  “Me too.”

  “You will let me know if you hear from that crazy-ass woman again, won’t you?”

  “Of course.”

  “You better. Okay, I have to go. My patient is waking up. Good luck with Nakia. Call me later, okay.”

  “Sure. Bye, sweetheart.” I hung up the phone, praying the set of challenges placed before me since Asia’s appearance into my life were on the downhill. Only time would tell.

  Nakia sat on my couch, rapping her fingers against her thigh, while I patiently waited for her to muster up the courage to reveal her innermost desires. Having been in her shoes only a few years earlier, I understood her struggle and tried not to force her to speak before she was comfortable. But as we neared five minutes of heavy silence, which felt more like ten minutes, I was beginning to feel we’d waste the entire evening if I didn’t initiate the conversation.

  “Kia, whatever you have to say is all right. Please, tell me how you feel.”

  Nakia’s eyes eventually met mine, wet tears glistening at her lower lids. “I wish it didn’t have to come out like this.”

  “It’s okay.” Seeing the pain in her eyes set aside the ounce of remaining annoyance I had felt for her actions the previous night.

  “Well, I’ve never been with a woman before, if that’s what you’re wondering,” she said aggressively, like I would have thought less of her otherwise.

  I nodded.

  “But the attraction has always been there, Kyla. It’s the same attraction I feel for men though. I think I’ve been bisexual my whole life, but never acted on the bi part. Sometimes I feel like I’ll go crazy if I don’t do something about it
soon, just to see if the attraction is really what I think it is.”

  David was going to love this, considering his disregard toward the bisexual community; he believed they needed to make a stand, once and for all.

  “Kia, you know me, I’ve been in your shoes. Why haven’t you ever said anything about this before?”

  “I don’t know, Kyla. I guess I just wanted to pretend like it wasn’t there. And I didn’t want you to think I was trying to hit on you.”

  “But it was okay for you to hit on Asia?”

  “No, no, it wasn’t, and I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. You’re right though. I can tell she’s not like your other women, and I was wrong for the impression I left on her and our friendship last night.”

  “I’m going to let it slide, Kia, because I trust that was a one-time thing, right?”

  “Right.”

  “So, anyway, do you feel you’re ready to explore those feelings?”

  “Yes.” She then asked, “What if I like it?”

  “That wouldn’t be a positive for you?”

  She hesitated. “I can’t be open about this, Kyla, I just can’t. I want to explore this with someone who knows what it’s like to be with a woman already. They also have to be willing to keep this under cover.”

  I thought I picked up on a sly plea for help, but I ignored it. “Is this all about sex to you?”

  “Right now it is. I’m sorry if that disappoints you. I know it’s not just about sex for you anymore.”

  No, it wasn’t. From my experience with Steph, and now Asia, I’d learned that emotional love was what I wanted, needed, and desired.

  “Well, Kia, it probably won’t be hard to find someone looking for a piece of ass.”

  Nakia sat quietly for a while.

  Had I anticipated her question, I would have interjected with a comment to deter her from asking it in the first place, but Kia went from timid to brave in a matter of moments, the bass in her voice resuming.