The Cinderella Governess

by Georgie Lee

  ‘Good evening, Luke.’

  The strain that had marked him at the Ingham’s ball hardened his expression and spread out to envelope her.

  She turned back to the stage, mourning the loss of their easy rapport and what it had meant to her. The spicy scent of his cologne filled the box like incense. She closed her eyes and inhaled, silently willing him to defy everyone to reclaim the intimacy they’d experienced in the country. She longed to feel his heavy hands on her bare shoulders and she listened over the noise of the play for the fall of his boots behind her, but there was nothing. She opened her eyes and the theatre seemed less magical and even more lonely and isolating than before.

  ‘I’m sorry if my coming here troubles you,’ he offered.

  ‘Why did you come?’ she asked over her shoulder.

  ‘I wanted to make sure all is well with you.’

  The intent of his question was clear and she swallowed hard, ashamed of herself. He’d been considering the consequences of their night together as much as she had. No wonder he’d crossed the theatre to speak to her. She shouldn’t have left him wondering. ‘There was no child.’

  He didn’t sigh with relief, and a shared sense of disappointment passed between them. A baby might have forced them together when people and expectations had driven them apart. However, force was a terrible way to enter a marriage.

  ‘How are you adjusting to London?’ he asked, his concern as genuine tonight as when he’d protected her from Frances.

  It made her heart catch with a spark of hope before she could smother it. His concern was part of who he was, not an indication he still held any regard for her. She could give him a glib answer, ease his worries and be done with this meeting, but she wouldn’t. She had trusted him with the truth many times before. There was no reason to lie to him tonight.

  ‘It hasn’t been easy dealing with so much in such a short amount of time. I haven’t said anything to anyone because I don’t want to appear ungrateful. Grandfather has given me so much, not just clothes or jewellery, but stories about my mother and my family, and a place in it. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.’ Almost.

  ‘You aren’t ungrateful. A wise young lady once told me, it can be difficult after so long in a situation to leave it. Eventually, you’ll settle in.’ The intimacy they’d shared during their stolen moments at Huntford Place whispered between them once more. He shifted on his feet before settling himself. ‘I should go.’

  ‘No, wait.’ She turned to face him, loath to snip the faint bond between them.

  His eyebrows rose a touch before the façade of a disciplined officer settled over him again.

  ‘Is there any news about Captain Crowther and your men?’

  ‘No.’ He cut the word with his teeth and she crossed her ankles beneath her gown to keep from rushing to soothe him as she had at the vicarage. ‘There were rumours they were being held in Ciudad Rodrigo, but nothing solid. I’m doing all I can to make sure the Army continues to search for them and provides for their families until we learn of their fate. Returning to London has made speaking with Lord Beckwith and other influential men in Whitehall much easier.’

  ‘I’m sure your efforts won’t be in vain.’

  ‘We’ll see.’ He looked past her to the stage. ‘None of the other goals I’ve set for myself these last two months have been achieved.’

  Her cheeks burned under his none-too-subtle reminder of their last few moments together.

  ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t chide you for your decision in Hertfordshire.’ His low voice was nearly drowned out when Mercutio laughed on stage. ‘At the time I didn’t agree with your reasons, but I came to see they were sound.’

  ‘No, they weren’t.’ She opened and closed the fan over her skirt. ‘They were made from fear of having to fight your parents had we told them we were engaged.’

  ‘It wasn’t fear, but the truth. You should’ve heard Edward rail at me. You being the granddaughter of a marquis didn’t silence him, although my father hasn’t given up on us maintaining something of an acquaintance.’

  ‘Have you?’ she asked, her heart racing with her daring.

  She shouldn’t crave any connection with him, either slight or deep, but with her memories of their time together and what it had meant to her as potent as his presence, she couldn’t help it.

  He didn’t answer right away and she held her breath, waiting to see if anything between them could be salvaged. Then he laced his hands behind his back and stood, as he had in the library when he’d tried to end their friendship.

  ‘I don’t think Lord Helmsworth would approve.’

  ‘No, he wouldn’t.’ Her heart dropped, especially when she glanced across the theatre. ‘Grandfather has left his friend’s box and will return soon.’

  He didn’t challenge her silent request to go, but bowed, his eyes never leaving hers as he backed away, allowing the curtain to fall closed between them.

  * * *

  ‘Where have you been?’ Edward asked when Luke entered the box they’d engaged for the evening.

  ‘Speaking with Lord Beckwith.’ Edward didn’t need to know Luke hadn’t been in the Horse Guards box this entire time. His brother had been less irascible since they’d come to London, but it didn’t mean there wasn’t a fight in him waiting to be unleashed.

  Luke took the chair on Alma’s other side, as tense as he usually was before a battle. He looked up at Joanna. She sat like an unobtainable princess in the box above the stage, radiant in her silk. The blue brightened her eyes and emphasised the faint blush of her skin. She watched the play while her fingers worried at the creamy pearls caressing the tops of her full breasts. He hadn’t expected to see her in London, not with Lord Helmsworth’s well-known distaste for town. Her presence brought back everything he’d worked hard to forget in the country: her sweet smile, her wit and the moment she’d spurned him.

  In this regard his expectations hadn’t been disappointed. She’d gone off with a titled man and forgotten about Luke, not even bothering to write and calm his concerns about her being with child or the impact of the rumours surrounding her. With silence she’d conveyed her wish to have nothing more to do with him.

  Then why was she so reluctant to see me leave her box?

  The about-turn baffled him, but he knew better than to give it much credence. The request had probably been an attempt to ease the cut of her rejection, but it had failed.

  She glanced at him and he looked away, trying to focus on the play. He had no patience for tragic love stories tonight.

  He was about to rise and leave when Lord Helmsworth and an older gentleman Luke didn’t recognise entered Joanna’s box. Luke settled back against his chair and watched as Lord Helmsworth introduced his companion, who bowed over Joanna’s hand with a solicitousness to make Luke bristle. Then the man sat down beside her to say whatever he needed to say to a woman half his age. Joanna didn’t shift away but smiled and chatted, appearing quite charmed by her new acquaintance. Lord Helmsworth hovered behind them like an eager mother and Luke crossed his arms over his chest at the spectacle. It was more gripping than the one on stage.

  ‘Who’s the gentleman speaking with Miss Radcliff?’ Luke asked Alma. He shouldn’t begrudge Joanna her new life but something about the exchange bothered him.

  Alma tuned her spyglass from the stage to the Helmsworth box. ‘Lord Jarsdel, a widower with a sizeable estate outside Bath. He has two grown sons, so the woman he marries this time won’t be the one to give him an heir.’ The mention of a child brought a slight smile to her lips instead of her usual frown.

  ‘She’ll be married to a man nearly in his dotage.’ Regrettably, Luke couldn’t call him old or gouty. Lord Jarsdel was slender and fit, with a full head of dark hair greying at the temples, making him more distinguished than handsome.

  ‘His
next wife will be a countess and quite wealthy. It could be Miss Radcliff, unless a more suitable candidate offers for her first.’ She lowered her glasses and threw him a wry smile, her humour matched by the new fullness in her cheeks. The return to society had been good for her, adding a little weight to her lithe frame and removing the strained expression she’d worn in the country.

  Luke didn’t share her amusement ‘There isn’t much an alternate suitor can offer when a young lady has a marquis for a grandfather and an earl for an admirer.’

  ‘There’s a great deal a man can offer a lady which has nothing to do with titles or money.’ She reached out and took Edward’s hand and raised it to her lips. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand before lowering it to rest on his thigh. She didn’t let go of her husband as she faced Luke again.

  ‘And without either, most of it is debt and worries.’ Edward might not have given Alma wealth, but he had land and a title. It was more than Luke possessed.

  ‘I remember you once telling me not to despair because you’d seen miracles. It sounds as though you need to start believing in them again. I have.’ Her eyes twinkled with the reminder as she turned back to the play.

  Around them the theatre quietened while Romeo crept beneath the balcony to listen to Juliet. As the scene played out Luke studied Joanna. She seemed oblivious to him as she watched Romeo embrace Juliet with a tender kiss. Then her attention darted to him, and this time he didn’t look away. In her eyes was the same mournful longing which had pulled him away from the Horse Guards box and nearly had him stepping over the audience to reach her now, but he didn’t move. She was surrounded by the trappings of her new life and he didn’t want to intrude on it. Regardless of the change in her situation, with the softness of her voice and her concern for his men she’d shown she was still the woman he’d fallen for—the one he would have fought to keep if she’d wanted it.

  Lord Helmsworth leaned close to say something to her and she turned to him.

  Luke rose and left the box. She’d made her choice and it hadn’t been him.

  * * *

  ‘What did you think of Lord Jarsdel,’ her grandfather asked from across the dark carriage carrying them home from the theatre.

  ‘He was very nice.’ She’d given little thought to the earl since he’d left them. His company had been pleasant enough, but it had been Luke who’d dominated her attention. Before he’d left her, he’d made it clear that there was nothing more between them. His distant gaze from across the theatre had told her something different. It was as if he still wanted her. It didn’t seem possible.

  ‘Your future is my greatest priority. I very much want to see you settled, to have a home and a family of your own in case something happens to me,’ her grandfather continued with enough concern to make her stop musing and listen. ‘It would mean a great deal to me if you’d consider Lord Jarsdel as a suitor. He’s a very kind man and I think the two of you would do well.’

  She gaped at him, his announcement as shocking as seeing Luke tonight. ‘You wish me to become a countess?’

  ‘You’re the granddaughter of a marquis. Why shouldn’t you become a countess?’ He puffed out his chest with a pride she didn’t share.

  She could think of a number of good reasons, including her illegitimacy. He might ignore it, or pretend it didn’t matter, but no one else would, especially if she gained so lofty a title. ‘I barely know him.’

  ‘You needn’t decide anything tonight. I simply ask you to become better acquainted with him and see what happens.’

  ‘All right, I will.’ Something in this exchange reminded her of the day she’d agreed to Madame Dubois’s suggestion to accept the offer of employment at Huntford Place. It had been a disguised demand, one which had determined the course of her life, just like her grandfather’s might. She picked at the edge of the leather seat with her finger, irked by the way others kept deciding things for her while she went along. She was growing as tired of it as her turmoil over Luke.

  She twisted the pearls around her finger as she leaned back against the squabs. In the country and tonight he’d been willing to let her go, yet in the midst of the play he’d watched her as if in need of her solace. While her eyes had held his there’d been a moment when she’d thought he might climb the box to reach her, as Romeo had done to Juliet, and show everyone his admiration of her until no one—not even her grandfather—could keep them apart.

  She’d held her breath, waiting to see if he would.

  But instead of coming to her he had left.

  She let go of the pearls and they clacked together as they dropped over her chest. But the disappointment of the night didn’t overwhelm her. In the silent exchange, before he’d stormed out of his box, she’d sensed she could have called him back to her. She wondered if she still could, and if she had the conviction to stand with him if she did? She wasn’t sure, and there hadn’t been a chance for her to find out. There probably never would be. Even if a future gathering brought them together, she doubted he’d speak with her.

  There was little left for them to say.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Luke stepped into Hookham’s Lending Library and stopped short. Joanna stood browsing through the selection in one of the aisles. It had been three days since he’d left her at the theatre, but the sight of her struck him like the recoil of a cannon. Besides battling the Army Pay Board on behalf of his men he’d thought of little else except her—much to his chagrin. He didn’t want to pine for a woman who didn’t want him.

  She stood on her tiptoes, the hem of her dark green walking dress rising to reveal slim ankles covered in fine silk stockings tinged cream by the skin beneath. He touched his fingertips to his palm, the memory of cupping her calf at the vicarage teasing him. She must be wearing silk now and he imagined the softness of the material and the suppleness of her skin against his. Then she raised one lithe arm to reach for a book. It emphasised the swell of her breasts beneath the spencer covering them and made his cravat tight against his throat.

  Luke might not like the Marquis, but he couldn’t deny the change he’d wrought in Joanna. She’d been beautiful in her plain clothes in the country. In fine muslin, tailored to suit every curve, she was stunning.

  She failed to notice him as she stretched towards a book on the top shelf. Luke cast a quick glance around the library. He didn’t see Lord Helmsworth, but he knew that either the Marquis or a chaperon must be lurking nearby. He’d be wise to slip off and leave her to the tranquillity of her new life while he tried to recapture his, but her struggle to grasp the book drew him to her.

  ‘Do you need help?’

  She dropped down on her heels and faced him, her mouth forming an O of surprise. ‘Y-yes. I can’t reach that book on Huria.’

  He plucked the book off the shelf and handed it to her, avoiding touching her fingers, which were covered by new kidskin gloves. In the narrow aisle, with his back to the library, he blocked her from the view of the other patrons, giving them a touch of privacy.

  ‘Thank you.’

  She rewarded his assistance with a smile, but there was no mistaking the tension marring the corners of it. He wondered if she wanted him to go. He should—but he couldn’t. Instead, he watched her flip open the tome to a coloured plate of a palace decorated in rich red and gold and a garden filled with exotic birds and plants. A slight crease furrowed her brow, as it had the day in the Huntford Place ballroom when she’d read her friend’s letter.

  ‘It’s not what you’re looking for?’ Luke asked, her dismay troubling him.

  ‘It is, but it reminds me of how much I miss Rachel and how far away she is.’

  ‘Since your fortune has changed, surely you could visit her?’

  ‘I suppose I could, if Grandfather allows it.’

  He hooked his thumbs in his waistcoat pockets, his indignation ris
ing at the mention of the Marquis. ‘He shouldn’t object to you leading your life.’

  She snapped the book closed and hugged it against her chest, something of the governess coming over her. ‘He’s very protective of me and I’m grateful for it.’

  ‘Good, you deserve to be cherished.’ He shifted closer to her and inhaled her new scent. The simple aroma of soap and lavender which had flavoured her skin in the country had been replaced by the richer fragrance of cherry blossoms and cinnamon. Like the cloth of her walking dress and the fine bonnet covering her luminous hair, the more fashionable attire didn’t diminish the simplicity of her beauty or turn it garish, but adorned it like a fine sculpture did a well-tended garden. ‘But don’t let gratitude make you surrender who you are, or what you want. I know the torment of sacrificing even the most cherished things for family duty.’

  Her eyebrows rose in surprise as though he’d discovered a secret. The image of her and Lord Jarsdel together rushed to him but it was blotted out by her unsettling frown. ‘At the theatre, you didn’t think we could maintain an acquaintance. Now you’re concerned with how I conduct my life?’

  ‘I’ve always been concerned about you. I still am. It’s your concern for me I question,’ he challenged. ‘You couldn’t even spare me a word in the country.’

  ‘I wanted to, but I feared if I encouraged you it would create problems between me and Grandfather.’

  She bit her bottom lip, as nervous as when he’d approached her near the fern stand at Huntford Place. Luke stared at her, stunned out of his ire. She hadn’t ignored him because she’d coveted wealth but because she thought she’d had no choice.

  Then her spirit flashed, and it was her turn to accuse him. ‘Besides, you made no effort to come and see me.’

  ‘I didn’t think you wanted me to.’