by Delisa Lynn
Talon
Copyright 2016 Delisa Lynn
First Edition
All rights reserved as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976. No part of these publications may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior permission of the Author. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the publisher.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Modeling and Photography by Nathan Hainline
Editing by Anna Gorman AGC editing and Alissa Glenn
Cover Design by Melissa Gill with MG bookcover designs
First and foremost thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this book or any of my books. I still get nervous when I release one and you all are always so supportive.
Jay, my hubby, thank you for always listening to my ideas and always supporting anything I want to do.
Anna Gorman, thank you so much for editing Talon for me. Your friendship means so much, you’ve been nothing but supportive and I really appreciate all of your help with all of my books. I lovers you woman.
Alissa Glenn, thank you for looking over Talon and adding your special touches. It was a pleasure meeting you in July. I hope to see you again soon. I love you, girly.
Aunt Nece, thank you so much for always standing by me and believing in my words and me. I love you so much.
Heather Parsons, I am so glad we live in the same state now. You’ve been my best friend for so long and I am really thankful for all of your support. I love you.
Ashley Johnson, thank you for listening to all my rants and giving me feedback on anything I throw your way.
Melissa Gill and Nathan Hainline, you both rocked this cover. Once I saw it I knew it was perfect for this story.
Rachel Mizer, thank you for answering my millions of questions. Your formats are amazing, and I knew you’d be the perfect person to format Talon.
We all have battles some may be love, some loss, some addiction. Remember that you’re never alone. There is always someone in the same situation, and no matter what you think, there is someone who loves you.
Some say life is about the journey. My journey hasn’t been amazing, but I have battled with it all my life. This is my journey, my life, and my battles.
— Talon Livingston
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Preview of Until Then
About the Author
Other Books by Delisa Lynn
Preview of A. Gorman's A Gentle Touch
JULY 27, 2005
CHESTERFIELD, MISSOURI
TALON
“Promise me you’ll wait for me, I can’t stand the thought of you moving on while I’m gone.” I say as she wipes her tears. I know this is selfish of me, but I love her too much for her to be with another man.
Ever.
She’s always been mine.
My saving grace.
My angel on Earth.
“I will always wait for you, you know that. You and me, forever.” She kisses me tenderly. I feel everything she’s promised me in this kiss.
“Come on, we better get home. The storms will be rolling in soon.” Grabbing her hand, I pull her to the car with me. We make it in just as the rain starts to fall. Leaving her tomorrow will be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, but I knew that if I had a chance in this life it would be joining the Army.
I never knew my birth parents. I grew up in foster home after foster home. When I was fifteen, Tina and Ben took me in, and they’ve been a blessing from above. They adopted me and gave me the life that I’d always wanted. Now that I’m twenty-two, I’ve been working at Ben’s car dealership to support myself, as well as Amelia. I signed up for some college classes, but it’s not for me. I knew if I was ever going to be able to provide for Amelia and myself, I needed to join the military.
“Talon, maybe we should wait before heading home. The rain is coming down hard now. I wouldn’t mind just sitting here making out for a few hours.” She winks. “Besides, we won’t be able to do this again for months.”
“It’ll be fine, babe. This isn’t even the worst of it, I heard that we were going to get five to six inches of rain by midnight.” I say as I lean over and kiss her wet face. “God I love you so much, sweetheart. I can’t believe that after the last six years together, I have to leave you for God knows how long.”
“Stop.” She places her hand to my mouth. “You know that I’ll be here waiting for you. I’ve loved you since we met, and this is something we both agreed on. I’m going to finish college while you serve our country, then we can have our future together. We can buy that house in Apple Valley and have a few kids. When we’re ready, of course. Trust me, this is going to be a hard adjustment for the both of us, and moving out of our apartment and back in with my parents is going to be weird, but I think this is going to be the best decision we’ve made. My dad was in the Army, and he says that you’re doing the right thing.”
I intertwine my fingers with hers. “I know baby, it’s just that... Leaving you is going to be the hardest. I never knew love until I met you. I’ve never had a real family, and the love I feel when I’m with you and your family, makes me happy. You complete me. I know that’s cheesy, but it’s the truth, Amelia.”
“Don’t you get all sappy on me, Livingston, we will be just fine. Come on, let’s get going since it’s slacked up a bit. I need to spend the rest of the night in bed with you.” She winks as she takes a hair tie from her wrist and pulls her golden hair upon her head.
I met Amelia six years ago. She and my sister, Winter, are best friends. I knew the moment I laid my eyes on her that I wanted to be with her. Her blonde hair and brown eyes were all I thought about for weeks. It took me almost a year to ask her out. We would hang out and it was on the tip of my tongue so many times, but I would lose my nerve. Then one day we kind of asked each other, and we’ve been inseparable since. Her family is amazing and they have been so good to the both of us. Without their help and guidance, as well as Tina and Ben’s, I am not sure where I’d be right now.
“Making love to you all night, sounds like a great plan to me,” I say as I pull forward onto the highway. We went to dinner with some friends tonight, then we decided to shoot some pool at the bar next door to the diner before heading home. Looking down at her hand on my leg, I squeeze her hand tight. Looking at her, “I love you so much, you know that me being gone won’t change that?” I watch as her face goes pale she opens her mouth to speak...
“Talon, watch out!” Her screams fill my ears as I see the headlights coming toward us. I swerve, trying to avoid the other vehicle, but the roads are slick from the rain. All I hear are Amelia’s screams and the glass shattering all around us.
This isn’t how the night was supposed to go. I was planning on proposing to her when we got home. I’d rushed home earlier and placed the ring on the bed, wanting to surprise her when we were settled in for the night.
“Don’t leave me, Amelia. I need you, sweetheart,” I beg to her. “You’re my first everything and I can’t live in this world without you, baby.” My screams fill the car, as I hear sirens and the rain falling harder. Her breath hitches as she gurgles my name.
APRIL 18, 2010
EL PASO, TEXAS
The night I lost Amelia, I lost that part if myself
she’d helped me find. She made me stronger when I was weak, she made me feel loved when I wasn’t loved, she was my light in the dark when I couldn’t see. The only person I ever truly loved. I didn’t even attend her funeral. I left the crash with a few scratches...fucking scratches and her? She died in my arms, I can still hear and see her, gurgling my name. That image will forever be impacted in my memory. The semi was traveling at a high rate of speed and, although I swerved, the truck still plowed right into Amelia’s side of the car. My train was leaving St. Louis, heading toward Texas for basic training. Mere hours after I was released from St. Josephs, and I had no choice but to leave. My life was starting and ending all in the same day. I signed myself out of the hospital and couldn’t even bring myself to return to our apartment to get my clothes.
Suicide... The thought played over and over in my mind. I had nothing left when I lost my girl, but something inside of me couldn’t do it. Several times I had pills in one hand, and my gun in another. I could feel the sweat trickle down my forehead and drip to my shoulder. The demon inside of me was saying pull the trigger, but the man that’s in my heart was saying never give up.
You have a life to live, no matter how fucked up it is.
Arriving here, in Texas, I was hurt, lost, and pissed. I should have died that night, not Amelia. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. Had I just stayed there and made love to her in the truck like she’s wanted, had we not went to dinner with friends and stayed home, then she would be back in Missouri waiting for me. All the whys and what ifs always haunt me. Looking at the calendar, I notice the date. In a few months, it will mark five-years that she’s been gone. Worst. Fucking. Day. Of. My. Life.
“Amelia, why did you leave?” I say aloud.
“Livingston, you okay? Who are you talking to?” Swindle asks walking into the room, sitting on the edge of the desk. She never addresses me as Corporal, since we’re both the same rank and have gotten pretty close. She has become one of my best friends. Her sass and heart of gold make her one of the realest females I’ve ever encountered. “You look lost.” she says, as she combs her hair back with her small fingers. Swindle reaches over, running her hand down my arm. “Talon.” My name rolls off of her tongue.
“I’m good, just thinking. Wishing things would have been different,” I admit. Shaking out my thoughts, I look over and see that she too is wearing a long face. “What’s got you down, doll face?”
Sighing, she whispers, “I know that feeling. I found out today that Markus just wants to be friends. He promised he’d wait for me. That was a big fat lie. He emailed me...a friggin’ break-up email. Wasn’t that sweet of him?” She let’s out a sarcastic laugh. “He’s a fucking douche bag, is what he is.”
What a dumbass, she’s drop dead fucking gorgeous. “You’re serious,” I say. She’s beautiful and smart. Her ex must be insane. She doesn’t answer me, she just nods. “Well, he’s crazy. If he doesn’t see what he had, then he doesn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as you, sweets,” I say, handing her half of my Twix bar. “Here chocolate always helps.” I wink
“You know the way to my heart, soldier.” She giggles. “This is exactly why I love you.” Once the words leave her mouth, she straightens her face. “I mean… well, you know what I mean. Anyway,” she changes the subject, “Why have you been so distant lately? You used to come out with us all the time and you just stopped coming around.” She bites into her candy bar and a small string of caramel sticks to the corner of her plump bottom lip. Without thinking, I run my thumb over her lip and instantly bring it to my mouth. The taste of her and the caramel travel through my taste buds. “Oops! Thank you.” She blushes and covers her mouth “I’m a messy eater.”
“That you are, I always find your chip crumbs after you’ve eaten around me. But to answer your previous questions, I like to stay to myself, it’s nothing personal. Crowds bother me, and I would rather just drink alone. I’m what they call a loner, I guess.”
“Are you planning on going home for the upcoming leave? I was, but now I think I’m going to stay. I don’t want to be around my family or my fiancé...my ex fiancé,” she clarifies.
“I don’t go home. When I left for basic, I didn’t look back. I never really had family. I write my adoptive parents and sister sometimes, but other than them, I had no one.”
“So Amelia, is she your sister? I always wanted a sister,” she says, as she sips the water in her hand. “Sorry, I’ve always wanted to ask you, but I just never have. I’ve heard you say her name a few times when you’ve fallen asleep when we are on missions, or the one time you were drunk off your ass when we all went to Chuy’s bar.”
I raise my eyebrow and then realize she is also referring to the tattoo that’s on my back.
“No, Winter is my sisters name. Amelia was my girlfriend. She was killed in an accident five years ago. Look, I need to get ready, Reese, so if you would please excuse me.” I say needing to get away from her, from this conversation. I’ve never talked to anyone about my life before the Army. And talking about her with Reese, is just not something I want to do. The feeling’s I’ve developed for Reese have been eating at me. Hard.
“Corporal Livingston.” I hear from behind me. “Where are you running off to so quickly?” Buttham, a Sargent, says as he approaches me. “I’m working with you today, correct?”
“Yeah, I just need a minute. I need some fresh air,” I bite out.
“You aren’t her type, you know?” he says, grabbing my arm.
What the fuck. “Dude, don’t touch me and who are you referring too?” I can feel my pulse beating out of my chest. I hate to be touched.
“Come on, you know she has the hots for you, she has watched you ever since we began this journey.”
“Reese,” I ask as I cross my arms. He smirks. “Well, I have no interest in her, and last I knew, she has a man back home.”
“You that blind, brother? She ogles over you every chance she gets. That man back home means nothing to her, I am sure. I’ve seen how she looks at you. But I want her, I have tried avoiding the urge to be with her, but the more I see her, the more I need her.”
“Not your brother, pal. Give me ten, and I’ll be ready to work on the plan with you.” I step aside before he can stop me, or continue this useless conversation.
I haven’t been with anyone since Amelia. She was my first and my last. Sure, I miss a woman’s touch. I often see women and wonder what it would like to be with them, but I can’t…I just can’t be with anyone. The feelings I’ve developed for Reese, just can’t be acted on. My heart still hurts daily, thinking about my past. I’ve been stationed all over during the last five years, and I’ve been alone. I call Ben and Tina, from time to time. They beg me to come home...
But this is my home.
Over the next few weeks, I let Reese in and tell her about some of my childhood. She loves to email, so she sent Winter a few emails. I talked about how I worked with Ben and how Tina loved to cook. I left out a lot of the bad things, like how I was shipped from home to home, slept on cold floors with cockroaches covering most of the surfaces, how I took cold baths, and wore holy clothes. You’d think that I would block that shit out of my mind, but it’s branded in my brain. I wouldn’t wish that kind of life on anyone.
I am thankful for the years that I was with the Livingston’s, they treated me as if I was their own. Never once, did I feel the pain that I’d felt the fifteen years prior. Sometimes I lie awake at night and I can see Amelia’s face. I can feel her presence. Talking about her with Reese was more comfortable than I’d thought it would be. Last night I opened up a little more and told her about the ring.
“You were going to propose,” She asks as she props herself up on her elbows.
“Yeah, I’d practiced the speech over and over in my head for weeks. I’d saved money from every paycheck, for a few years, to buy her the perfect ring. We’d went to dinner with friends, but I had everything all set up for when we got home. I trailed
pink roses from the front door, to the bedroom door, then they lined the bed. I made a heart in the center of the bed with them, then set the ring inside of the heart. I’d gotten her favorite wine and had it on the nightstand. Everything was perfect.” I feel her shift next to me.
“She never saw any of it?”
“Nope, she died in my arms in my car. We weren’t even five minutes from our place.” I scratch my beard. “I never set foot back in our apartment, either. I’m not even sure what happened to the ring, or our belongings. I left for boot camp with the clothes on my back, and that was it.”
“I’m so sorry, Talon,” she breathes, as I feel her hand on my shoulder.
“Me too.” I sigh. “But everything happens for a reason, isn’t that what they say?”
“It does, the reasons don’t make much sense at the time, but it will eventually.”
“I wanted to die, too. So many times I sat with my gun cocked to my head.” I groan, “I even tied my belt around my neck, but I couldn’t do it. Something in me was telling me that would be selfish of me. That I would rot in hell for ending what I think is a pointless life.”
“Oh my God, never think your life is pointless.” She sits up and places her hand on my cheek. “You...you’re amazing, you may not see what I see, but God, Talon. Never think that you’re alone. You have me. Hell, I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through, but I will always be here for you.” She swipes a tear from her face. “Always remember that you can come to me anytime.”
“That means a lot, sweetheart.” And it does, I’ve always felt that I was a burden. That no one wanted to be there for me.
“My dad is an ass. He has always cheated on my mom, but she doesn’t see it. I couldn’t wait to join the Army to get away from them. I love them...but from a distance.”
“Wow, she doesn’t care that he cheats?”