by Delisa Lynn
“Well, I’m sure she does, but without him she would be broke and alone.”
“Gotcha, well I guess we both come from fucked up worlds,” I say as I light a cigarette.
“That we do, my friend. I told you we all have stories.” She grabs the cigarette from my hand and takes a long draw. “God, this stuff will kill you. I’m not much of a smoker, but after this conversation I need a cigarette and a damn beer.” She laughs and I light another Pall Mall.
“A beer sounds refreshing right now.” It’s hot as hell, and we’re lying in the dirt on one of the hottest nights in Texas.
JULY 1, 2010
EL PASO, TEXAS
“Private Aero,” I address, “we need to head out. Just got word, they need us in Germany.” He and I are the only two that never leave. I believe he is just as lonely as I am.
“I thought they said it would be another month or so?” He rocks back on his heels.
“That’s what we thought, as well. You, two others, and myself are heading out at 1800. Get your things together, meet me at the mess hall.” He has been busting my balls over Reese. She’s a sweet girl, but also a fellow Corporal. Although my dick aches for the touch of a woman, I can’t. I just can’t.
“Livingston, wait up!” I hear the female voice that has helped me through the last few weeks. Since I told Reese about my past, she’s become my new best friend. Turning to face her, she has her long hair down and is wearing an Army tank, with shorts. “I’m in,” she says.
“No, Aero is, you’re going home.” I try not to look at her.
“No, sir, with all due respect, I asked to go on this mission.”
Fuck, she would do this shit. This mission is dangerous, and I don’t want her anywhere near it. “Sargent Conrad said that they needed one more man. So I am in.”
“Look, Reese, this isn’t a mission you need to join. It’s going to be dangerous. You should just take your leave, go on home, and make up with your fiancé,” I say sarcastically. “I have lost too many people already.”
She gently places her hand on my cheek. “I’m going with you all. I will be just fine, you’re not going to loose me, Tal.” She smiles before proceeding, “I’ll see you at 1800, sir.” My hand latches onto her small arm. My eyes bore into hers. I don’t say anything, but she can read into my stare. “It’s okay, I can do this. Then when we come back to Texas, you and I both are taking leave and vising your hometown. I want to meet Ben. He and Tina sound like great people and they miss you, Livingston. You need to go back to Missouri and get closure, I know it’ll help.” She places a chaste kiss on my cheek. “See you soon, soldier.”
Fuck she is right. I know they do, but stepping foot back in Missouri was never in my plan.
“Wait,” I yell, she stops in her tracks. “You sure, you’re up for this mission?” I rake my hands through my hair. She’s the closest thing to a best friend that I have.
As she turns, I can see her facial expression change, “This is what I signed up for, sir. I knew when I joined the Army what I was getting myself into. Remember, I am an Army brat? My father has told me every story there is to know. Quit being a worrywart, I will be fine. You can’t get rid of me that easy, soldier.”
We have become really close over the last few years, and she is the only person that knows my story. The battles I’ve been dealing with since I was a child. Not knowing my birth parents and being in foster home after home, really fucked me up. I felt unwanted, unloved, useless then I was placed with Ben and Tina, and met Amelia. My life seemed to be perfect after fifteen years of hell.
Or so I thought.
“Leave me alone. You’re crazy if you think I want anything to do with you.” I hear her shout.
“Come on, baby, no one has to know. Let me tear that sweetness up before you bounce off to Germany.” I hear Buttham say.
“Don’t touch me. No way in hell am I going to ever let you do anything with me. You are out of line.”
“Out of line? I see the way you watch Livingston, how the two of you sneak around like no one is watching. I see it, you think he is better for you than I am? You are dumber than I thought.”
“You son-of-bitch.” I see her fist flying toward his jaw, before I can interfere he is stumbling to the ground.
“You fucking tease,” he yells.
“Lorenzo Buttham, I suggest you apologize and get your shit together,” I say, pulling Reese to my side.
“Fuck you both. I will be reporting the two of you, and your asses will be out of the Army quicker than you were in.”
“Like I said, I suggest you apologize and think twice about what you say to your Corporals.”
He wipes the blood from his face. “Screw you both. You can go to hell,” he says, sprinting away.
“You okay, Swindle,” I ask, running my hands sown her shaky arms.
“I am, he just pisses me off.” She leans in as I wrap my arms around her, inhaling her scent.
“I think he needs to be turned in,” I say as I hug her tighter.
“I will, we need to get ready to go. I don’t have time to worry about him.”
JULY 4, 2010
BERLIN, GERMANY
I say a silent prayer as the plane lands, that this will be over soon. I can’t take losing another person I care about over here. Three years ago, my best friend who I started this journey with, Brice Rickard, was killed in a bombing. I was right there with him and there was nothing I could do to save him. I tried. God, did I try. He was blown to pieces right in front of me, the same way as Amelia died in my arms. The day Brice died, it should’ve been me that day too.
“Livingston, stay down, they’re right on our heels. There are two that I can see from this angle,” Lasik says.
“I see them, there’s a third on the roof above building four, Rickard and I can see him from our angle. You copy,” I ask panicked. But get no response. “Lasik,” I call out as I look over at Rickard. “Can you hear me, Ryan?” I use his first name.
“What’s wrong, brother,” Rickard asks as he sees the look of terror in my face.
“He’s not responding now,” I say as my voice cracks.
“Shit, stay down. They’ll see us, if you move.” He grabs my arm, pulling me closer to the ground.
“I have to go check on him, he is alone over there. What if they got him? He has a wife and a child on the way. I have to go, you stay here.” I say as I jump to my feet.
“Damn it, Talon. I said stay.” Rickard follows behind me.
Shot after shot rings through my ears, I turn and see the body of one of my closest friends lying in a pool of blood. “Fuck...Oh God, no,” I scream as I rush toward him. “Brice, please wake up.” Pulling his lifeless body onto my lap, I see the bullet holes in the back of his neck.
“No... No, what the hell happened?” Lasik says, rushing to my side.
“We were coming to look for you. I thought... I thought you were hit.”
“Hey what are you thinking about over there?” Reese asks, placing her petite hand on my thigh. I just shake my head. “Oh Talon, it wasn’t your fault.” She leans her head on my shoulder. She knows exactly what I was thinking about.
“It never is, is it.” I state. “Looks like we are in for a long night, sugar.” I plaster on a smile. It’s so easy to do when you know, deep inside, you are as fucked up as they come. I’ve been fighting the battles in my head for years. Now, I am fighting an even bigger battle here. I need to keep the woman I have secretly fallen for safe, and I’ll die trying to do just that.
Wrapping my fist around my length, I pump up and down as visions of her come to mind. Wrapping my hands in her long dark hair. Kissing her sweet lips, making my way down her neck, sucking and nipping at her breast. My cock grows harder just thinking about her. My tip seeping with pre-cum, I run my thumb over the wetness, using it to lubricate my shaft. Reaching over, I squirt some lotion in my hand to make it glide smoother. Ahh, this is pure heaven. Visions of Reese getting me off play over in my
mind. Her sucking me off, riding me, her tight pussy milking my cock.
Goddamn.
“Livingston! Where are you man?” I hear my name being called, fuck. Every Goddamn time I get my dick in my hand, someone’s looking for me. I settle myself back in my pants. Another time my friend, I promise you can come soon.
“What?” I yell, as I wash my hands. I know it’s Lesion, he is the only one that tracks you to the shitter.
“There you are. We were getting ready to settle in and eat supper. Reese said she hadn’t seen you since earlier this afternoon.”
“Been tired, I needed some alone time. After that mission yesterday, I’m mentally and physically exhausted.”
“I know that feeling. Well, come on down, it’s chow time man.” He turns to leave. Then he spins on his heal. “Wash that lotion off your cock before making an appearance.” He smirks.
Looking down, I see my dick is hanging through my zipper and, as he said, it’s covered in lotion. Fuck me. Rushing to the bathroom, grab a rag and clean myself up. I haven’t been with a woman since, Amelia. I have had plenty of opportunities, but I just can’t bring myself to hooking up with random women.
Pulling my shirt over my head, I grab my sun glasses. I hate when people look into my eyes. I know they can see the bags and wrinkles that line them. I’ve always wondered where I got my features, if it was from my mom or my dad. It’s things like that, that bug the hell out of me. As far back as I can remember I was shoved from home to home. I remember being about six maybe seven and I was placed with Oretha, she was the sweetest lady. She was an older lady, who lived alone with her two cats. Her children where older and her husband had passed on. I was with her for a little over a year, then I was shipped off to Helen and Hank for three years They didn’t want to adopt me, of course, as they wanted to keep the checks from the state rolling in.
After that, it was one loser couple after another, and I was beaten, molested, and burned. Then I was placed with Tina and Ben, they had one daughter, Winter. She was the closest thing to a sibling I ever had. They eventually adopted me, and that’s when my name changed from Talon no-middle-name Myers to Talon Benjamin Livingston. I miss them. I get letters from all three of them from time to time, I rarely reply. I do believe that Reese sends them my address. She thinks I need to keep in contact with them. After Amelia died, I lost myself. Joining the United States Army was the best damn thing I have ever done.
“Hey, you, I was looking for you earlier. I wanted to talk to you about possibly meeting my family. I know you hate people, but my mom really wants to meet you.” Reese says, sliding over and handing me a bottle of water.
“Why would you want to take someone like me home to meet your family? Do you see what I see,” I bite out. She scrunches her nose, and I see her nostrils flare. “I am a broken man, Reese. You and I can never be together.”
“Quite arrogant aren’t we? I don’t want to be with you, you’re my best friend. I want you to enjoy life, be around people that care about you, that love you. Like your parents.”
“They don’t love me. Hell, no one does. Remember I was adopted when I was almost sixteen years old. I never even had a middle name the first fifteen years of my life. The only person that loved me is dead and gone, and I am left to grieve for the only one I’ll ever love.” The words leave my mouth, and I see her face go pale. I see the tears well in her eyes before they spill down her rosy cheeks.
“Well, I love you, and I worry about you. But like you said, the only person you loved is gone. I made you a tray. Enjoy.” She rushes away before I can say anything.
Fuck, I do love Reese Swindle. I think I have since I met her. Not the way I love...loved, Amelia.
“Wait up,” I say jogging behind her. She doesn’t stop she continues to walk faster. “Goddammit, Reese, please. Let me explain.”
Turning on her heel, she’s in my face. “I don’t want your explanation. I try so hard with you, Talon, but you are so fucking clueless. The feelings I have for you, aren’t just as a buddy or a pal kind of feelings. I tried to keep them on that level, trust me I did. They went farther than I wanted them to. But you can’t see it, why? Because you have built this wall up and think no one wants you. You’re too busy battling with your inner self to see what’s on the outside wanting in. I love you... Can’t you see that?” she whispers, as more tears stream down her face. “I was so torn, and I knew that I would have to break things off with my fiancé. I got home, but since he did that for me, I don’t have too. I don’t know when it happened, but I fell for you. I fell hard. I’m not sure that, I can stop loving you. Can’t you see? You deserve to be loved.”
Her words leave me shocked. I’m actually at a loss for words. I knew we’d grown close, but I never knew how she felt about me. I can’t do this. I can’t let her in. She’ll end up like Amelia, and I’ll be left grieving once again. She must sense my concerns.
“You’re something else, you know? I can’t believe that you can’t bring yourself to move on. It’s been five years! She’d want you to move on, not to be some lonely miserable bastard.”
“You don’t get to bring her into this. I don’t want to be with anyone. Can’t you see that? Why aren’t you happy with the way things are?” My voice is clipped.
“The way things are? We walk around each other, aching for one another. I see it, I know you want me as much as I do you.”
“Sweetheart, you’re so wrong. You are my friend and that’s all.” The words leave my lips and I regret the sound of them. God, I do want her, I just can’t.
“Keep telling yourself that. I know you, and I know that you want me as much as I do you. I can’t keep fighting these feelings. I have wants...needs, and you are all I want. You’re all I can think about.”
“Sorry, darlin’, but friends is all we can be. I have some things to tend to. I’ll see you around.” I walk away leaving her standing all alone in the dark, probably just as confused as I am.
What the fuck is wrong with me. Why am I so fucked up? I hate that I can’t trust or feel. I have always been like this, not wanting to let anyone in. My life has always consisted of wondering why everyone gives up on me. Wondering why the fuck I even exist in the first place.
I find myself walking outside alone for the last hour. The rain beating down on my skin lets me know that, although I am dead on the inside, I can still feel on the outside. I hate that I hurt Reese’s feelings. Dick move on my part.
“You know, you can’t just treat me like you feel nothing for me?” I hear her timid voice from behind. I turn and see that she’s completely drenched. Her long hair is stuck to her face, and her clothes are glued to her perfect body. She get’s closer to me. “I thought about it, Talon. I’m not allowing you to push me away like you do everyone else. The last five years, I’ve watched you... I’ve loved you from a distance.
“You don’t love me, sweetheart. Hell, my own mother didn’t even love me. There’s something wrong with me. Everyone abandons me. I can’t let you love me. I’m broken, and don’t deserve your love.”
“You’re a foolish man, Talon. You are loved so much more than you know,” she says, stepping so close I can smell her lotion that’s mixed with the scent of the falling rain. “Tell me, tell me right now that you don’t feel anything for me,” she says, slipping her shirt over her head. Her tan bra is clinched to her silky skin. I feel my dick jump in my pants.
Fuck me.
Swallowing the lump that’s formed in my throat, I feel my jaw tick. “Reese, I don’t have feelings for you.” The words burn deep in my stomach, as they echo through the night air.
Sliding her sweat pants down her thighs, “Tell me you don’t want me, Talon.” Her pants hit the ground and I see her perfectly trimmed pussy. She slides her hands to the back of her bra, unfastening it, and letting it fall to the ground. Her full breasts are just as I’ve dreamt they would be. Pushing her hair away from her face, she wrings the water from her long locks. “I’m not going to deny it, I w
ant you. I dream about you every night. I want your touch. God, do I want your touch. Tell me...tell me you don’t feel the same.”
“You don’t want me. You deserve so much better.” I wrap my hands in her hair. “I’m damaged, and I’ll only bring you heartache.”
Shaking her head, I see a tear slip down her face. “You’re perfect, kiss me,” she says, as my other hand snakes around her waist. “Please, don’t deny me of this. I need you so bad.”
“Why do you want me,” I ask, as I inhale her scent. God, she’s like pure heaven.
Her shaking hands grab the hem of my shirt, pulling it up, I step back so she can slide it over my head. I watch, as her eyes never leave mine, she tosses my t-shirt to the ground. Her fingers go to my chest and she traces along my breastbone. “You are everything I want. Mind, heart, and brokenness. I want it all. I want a life with you.”
Her hands go to my zipper. I don’t stop her, as she slides it down, sticking her petite hand inside, she can feel how hard I am. She smiles. “I’m going to prove to you, right here, just how much I want you,” she says before kissing my chest, sliding down my body she unbuttons my pants, and sliding them down my wet thighs.
“Right here?” My voice croaks.
“No one is around. Just us and the night sky,” she says as she wraps her hand around my swollen cock. “God, you’re much larger than I imagined.”
I chuckle, “Is that a bad thing,” I ask as I wrap my hands in her hair. “What are we doing?” I sigh.
“I’m going to suck your cock, Talon. Then I want you to make love to me, then tell me how much you don’t want me. You can’t push me away. You think you’re fucked up? Well, love, you don’t know all of me. Sure, I grew up wealthy with lots of family, but it wasn’t the sunshine and unicorns you think it was. Now, shut up so I can suck this beautiful cock.”
Did she just refer to my cock as beautiful?
I feel her teeth slide over the head of my dick, and I want to come instantly. Not even an hour ago I was trying to push her away and now she’s getting me off.