by Lois Richer
“Yeah, I was kind of a misfit.” It seemed Tanner had collected a lot of information about him, but Jesse wasn’t going to add to it. It had taken forever to shed the geek label he’d carried in those days. He sure didn’t want it back now.
“I’m not asking because I want you to do any counseling, Jesse.” Tanner’s quiet voice belied his probing look. “That’s not what we do here.”
“Then...?” He was mystified as to what his job might be.
“No counseling, but I sure wouldn’t mind having someone with your credentials on-site.” Tanner tilted his head to one side. “You’re what—twenty-seven?”
Jesse nodded.
“You have education and life experience. You’ve worked with kids a lot so you have an advantage in spotting the kid who’s good at hiding his feelings but desperately needs an outlet. You’re probably more able than any of us here to spot the kid who’s walking a tightrope of despair. That’s what I want at Wranglers Ranch,” Tanner said thoughtfully. “We need someone who’ll catch the kid we’ve missed or the one whose needs haven’t been properly addressed.”
“I didn’t manage that so well in Colorado,” Jesse admitted, the shame of it rushing up inside.
“You didn’t see your youth group kids’ struggles?” Tanner’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“Yes, of course, but—”
“You didn’t go out of your way to talk to each of them privately, take them for coffee, spend extra time praying for them?” Tanner’s probing was relentless. “Come on, Jesse. Tell me you didn’t do everything you could to help each one of them.”
“Yes, I did.” Guilt ate like acid inside him. “But in the end it didn’t make any difference, because I failed to save Scott.”
“How do you know you didn’t make any difference?” Tanner touched his shoulder, his voice quiet. “But whether you did or didn’t isn’t the point. We’re called to show God’s love. He takes it from there.”
“I guess.” Yet no matter how many months had passed, Jesse still couldn’t wrap his mind around why it had happened.
“If you’re still interested, here’s the job. Work as a ranch hand. Offer as much love and caring as you can to every kid that comes to Wranglers Ranch, while keeping your eyes peeled for problems. If you find something that needs changing, you tell me.” Tanner studied him, waiting.
“I see.” Could he do this and still remain detached? Jesse wondered.
“At Wranglers we don’t counsel anyone,” Tanner enunciated. “Our job is first and foremost to befriend every kid who comes here, to make them feel this is a safe place and that we’re here to help. Together we try to reach every child who shows up.”
So maybe he could still be a kind of youth pastor, just in a different way, without letting himself get too personally involved with any of the kids. Was that what God wanted?
“I’d like to be a part of Wranglers Ranch.” Jesse held out his hand. “Thank you, Tanner.”
“Today’s Friday. Start on Monday?” Tanner smiled at his nod as he shook hands. “Noah says you’re camping out.”
“For now.” Jesse chuckled. “I had the impression Noah wouldn’t mind joining me. He got this look on his face—I gather he’s never camped before.”
“No. His father wouldn’t have allowed that.” Tanner’s expression grew solemn. “Maddie sometimes helps Sophie with our new baby, Carter, and Noah visits our kids a lot, so I’ve gotten to know the McGregor family fairly well since they moved in next door. Noah struggles to deal with his father’s death and his list of unbreakable rules.”
“Maddie told you about it?” Jesse blinked in surprise when Tanner shook his head.
“I’ve never heard Maddie talk about her husband except to say he died.” The rancher inclined his head. “I did attend Liam’s church once, years ago.”
“And?” Jesse could hardly control his curiosity about sweet Maddie’s former husband.
“Liam McGregor was much older than her, a stern man whom I thought was overly focused on details instead of God’s love. I wouldn’t say Liam found joy in his faith, more like it was his duty.” Concern lay etched in the fine lines around Tanner’s eyes. “His legacy of rule-keeping isn’t helping Noah.”
“Noah seems almost...” Jesse hesitated “...emotionally backward?”
“He’s been diagnosed as a very high functioning autistic. After Liam’s death, Maddie moved him from public school into a private setting to challenge him and to help his social awkwardness.” Tanner’s gaze turned assessing. “Noah probably feels like you did when you were so far ahead of other kids your age.”
“Then I feel sorry for him.” Jesse winced at the cascade of memories. “Social ineptitude leaves you out of the group, on your own and desperate for a friend. Except you don’t know how to make them, and if you do, it’s hard to discern which one is a real friend. You can’t reach out, or you’re afraid to in case others make fun of you. It’s a lonely place and depression can easily creep in.”
“And autism makes it ten times harder. I knew you’d be an asset here.” Tanner looked pleased by his evaluation. “Wranglers Ranch is hosting Noah’s class in a beginners’ riding group next week. Both Maddie and Noah’s teacher hope that working with the horses will help all of the kids relax their barriers, form some social bonds and develop a team spirit.”
“A few riding classes are going to do all that?” Jesse asked skeptically.
“You’ve worked with horses. Didn’t you ever feel the animals were a kindred spirit?” Tanner asked.
“My own horse, yes.” Jesse smiled in remembrance. “In fact Coal Tar seemed to sense exactly what I needed him to do before I asked, but I raised him, worked with him for years.”
“Here at Wranglers Ranch our animals are mostly abused stock that we’ve rescued. Maybe that makes them extra sensitive, but I think you’ll soon see that as the kids work with their horses week after week, a bond develops. A kind of mutual trust.” Tanner’s self-deprecating shrug said a lot. “We’ve seen it happen over and over. Time at Wranglers Ranch with our horses always brings a change in the kids. You’ll see it, too, Jesse.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” And he was. Meantime maybe he could learn more about his new friend. “Maddie seems very attuned to Noah.”
“Her son is her whole world,” Tanner agreed quietly. “Everything she does is for him, which is great but...”
“But?”
“But I wish she’d take more time to replenish her own well. Sophie and I keep hoping she’ll accept your grandmother’s offer of a partnership in her quilting store,” Tanner said quietly.
“I guess that would help Gran, but maybe Maddie can’t afford it or isn’t well versed enough in business,” Jesse suggested.
“She is on both scores.” Tanner smiled. “Maddie told us she purchased her ranch with part of a sizable life insurance policy she received after Liam’s death, so she can certainly afford to buy the business. But the best part is the way she feels about quilts. She loves anything to do with them. She seems to come alive when she’s working with fabric, as if the texture and pattern allow her to express feelings she usually keeps tucked inside.”
“So what’s the problem?” Jesse felt he was missing something. “Why hasn’t she bought Gran’s business already? I think Gran would sell.”
“I believe Maddie refuses to buy out Emma because she lacks confidence in herself. From what she’s said, I think she believes she isn’t capable, and that simply isn’t true. She’s a very capable woman. I saw that when she was buying and moving to the ranch.”
“Really?” Jesse was intrigued.
“Maddie had organized everything ahead of time. She prepared the house so the movers knew exactly where every box went. By the end of moving day, she had everything unpacked and in place, which I find astonishing.” H
e grimaced.
“Why?” What was this about? Jesse wondered.
“Because it was nothing like that when I helped Sophie and the kids move here after we were married. We still haven’t unpacked some of her bags and boxes.” His pained look said it all. “Maddie is detail-oriented, has foresight and considers everything from many angles.”
“So?” Jesse waited, curious to hear the rest.
“I think Maddie McGregor lacks confidence because she hasn’t ever had anyone to champion her, urge her to reach out of her comfort zone and support her efforts. In fact, judging by what I’ve garnered, I think she’s been put down and deprecated.”
Tanner didn’t say it, but Jesse had the distinct impression he was referring to Maddie’s former husband. The gourmet cook, he remembered, recalling Maddie’s downcast face when she’d said that.
His new boss changed the subject by moving on to discuss hours, wages, staff meetings and a myriad of other employment details that Jesse only half heard because his mind was busy trying to put together a puzzle called Maddie.
As if he’d conjured her, she drove up at the end of his interview, as he was walking to his truck—which, he noticed with disgust, had a flat tire. She climbed out of her car and hurried toward him, her green eyes dark and shadowed.
“Hi,” he said, a bubble of joy building inside his chest. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, but I need to talk to you, Jesse.” Maddie looked serious. “About Emma.”
His heart squeezed so tight he could hardly breathe. “What’s wrong?” he asked, forcing the words out through his blocked throat.
“She’s in hospital in Las Cruces.” Maddie paused.
“What happened?” Panic gripped him.
“She was in a car accident. Among other injuries, including a fractured wrist, her hip was damaged. She’s undergoing hip replacement surgery as we speak.” Maddie’s fingers rested on his arm, as if to comfort him as she continued.
“And?” Jesse steeled himself to hear the rest.
“Her friend Eunice, her passenger, was not badly hurt. She’s the one who called your parents. Apparently they’re flying in to see Emma. They asked Eunice to notify me at the shop, hoping I’d heard from you, since they knew you intended to stop in Tucson to visit her.”
“Is Gran going to be all right?” The very thought of not having Emma there when he needed her sent a wave of devastation through Jesse. He gulped hard, lifted his head and found compassion in Maddie’s gaze. “I can’t lose her,” he whispered brokenly.
“You’re not going to lose her, Jesse.” Maddie touched his cheek, forcing him to keep looking at her. “This is Emma, remember? She’s very strong. You know she has a to-do list as long as my arm?” When he nodded, Maddie smiled. “Then you also know she’s not going anywhere until that list is finished. Right?”
“Yes.” He exhaled and smiled at her. “Thank you, Maddie.”
“I’m praying for Emma.” Her worried look returned. “But I’m very concerned about Quilt Essentials. Should I close the doors?”
“But...you’ve been running it for her. Can’t you keep doing that?” Jesse asked.
“I’ve only ever taken over for a couple of days. Hip replacements have a long recovery time.” Maddie looked scared at the prospect of handling the business on her own.
He didn’t know why, maybe it was from talking to Tanner, but somehow Jesse had the utmost confidence in Maddie. “You can do it.”
“How do you know that?” Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Gran trusted you enough to leave you in charge while she went away, and I don’t think it was the first time,” he added, feeling more certain by the moment.
“I’ve often managed the store if she had to be away for a few days, but—”
“Then just keep doing what you’ve always done.” He smiled at her. “She’ll come back to find you’ve made her business better than ever.” He searched for a way to chase the doubt from those turbulent green eyes. “My grandmother believes in you, Maddie. So do I.”
“You barely know me. But thank you for saying that.” Her eyes glowed for a moment, then darkened again, her apprehension returning. “Except I don’t think running Quilt Essentials will be that simple and I don’t think I can do it for very long, though I guess I could handle it for a few more days. At least until things get sorted out. But we can talk about that later.” She looked as if she was mentally gathering her strength. “You need to get to the airport now.”
“I’ll drive there.” He made a face. “After I fix my flat tire.”
“A flat can wait. It’s more important that you ensure Emma’s fine, get anything she needs, and speak to your parents.” Maddie’s hesitation hinted there was something she hadn’t yet explained.
“Okay.” Jesse tensed as he waited for whatever came next.
“If you leave right away you can return tonight and move into Emma’s house. Somebody has to stay there and take care of her babies.” Maddie looked as if there was nothing the least bit unusual in that comment.
“Babies?” Jesse felt as if he’d missed an important kernel of information. “What babies?”
“The rescued animals.” Maddie’s green eyes widened again. “You don’t know?”
“Uh-uh.” Though he was impatient to get to Gran, Jesse knew he needed to hear this.
“Ever since her dog Buddy died, Emma’s cared for rescued animals, ones that need more attention than the animal shelter can provide.” Maddie shook her head to stop his protest. “Not medical care. She cares for the ones who need coddling or watching.”
“Who looked after them while she was away?” Jesse asked.
“She hired someone to come in,” Maddie explained. “Emma was returning home today because the caregiver flies out tonight to be with her pregnant daughter. Since Emma won’t be coming home for a while, somebody has to take her place to care for the puppies.”
“How many?” Jesse asked curiously.
“Nine. Newborns. Their mother died and they were left alone for at least a day before they were rescued. Emma took them in because they need feeding every few hours and lots of cuddling. The shelter couldn’t manage that twenty-four hours a day.” Maddie paused, then chided, “Are you following me, Jesse?”
“Yes. But I want to spend the weekend at the hospital with Gran.” Talk about a change in plans. More than ever he wondered what God was doing. “Isn’t there someone else?”
“I asked, but the shelter doesn’t have anyone. They’re really short of help right now. Emma was their last hope to save those puppies.” Maddie frowned. “They’re not very healthy. They need regular feedings.”
“I must get to Gran.” Jesse was desperate to reassure himself that his grandmother would still be around to cheer and advise. He needed her sage advice and her tough love to help him find his way back to the faith that seemed so wobbly.
“I’ll drive you to the airport,” Maddie said. “But can you return tonight to care for the puppies? I can handle their six o’clock feeding, but not the night ones.”
Of course she couldn’t. Maddie was already going above and beyond by keeping Emma’s store going. Jesse couldn’t ask her to relocate to Gran’s home with Noah, let alone get up at night with needy dogs.
“I’ll deal with the puppies, but first I must see Gran.” Why Gran, God?
“I suggest you leave your truck here. I’ll drive you to the airport. I’ve reserved you a ticket.” She smiled at his surprise. “Emma has a friend in the travel business.”
“Thank you.” He glanced at his truck. “I could drive myself—”
“Parking is really bad because of all the renovations they’re doing,” she said with a shake of her head. “It’s better if I drop you off. You have to make this flight because it’s the last flight of the day to L
as Cruces. If you miss it you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see Emma.”
“Okay.” With no other option, Jesse made sure he had his wallet in his pocket, grabbed a jacket from the truck and climbed into her vehicle.
Moments later Maddie was weaving her way through traffic that seemed unusually heavy until Jesse spotted a road sign proclaiming this the first day of the Tucson gem show. That explained the excess of vehicles.
“You don’t have to talk to me. Go ahead and pray for Emma.” Maddie tossed him a sideways smile, then concentrated on merging onto Valencia Road toward the airport. “You’re a pastor. I know you want to pray.”
Yes, he did want to. But what had once come so easily was no longer so simple. What if, once again, God didn’t answer as he hoped? Unable to even consider losing Gran, Jesse glanced out the window as he recalled familiar landmarks.
“How did your talk with Tanner go?” Maddie asked after some time had passed.
“As of Monday I’m newly employed at Wranglers Ranch.”
“Good for you. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.” Her smile eased the awkwardness of his inability to pray. “Tanner and Sophie are great.”
“Sophie sure is an amazing cook.” He patted his stomach. “She served chicken pot pie and blackberry cobbler for lunch. Delicious.”
“I’m jealous. I had a peanut butter sandwich.” Maddie laughed at his grimace. “Did you meet Wyatt and Ellie?”
“That would be Wranglers’ veterinarian and his wife, the camp nurse,” he said after a moment’s thought. “I did. And the foreman, Lefty, and a bunch of others. Everyone seems very pleasant.”
Another stretch of silence. Jesse couldn’t think how to fill it.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I thought you might like a coffee, so I stopped for two on my way to Wranglers Ranch. That one’s yours.” Maddie indicated a cardboard cup in the holder with white writing on the lid. “Double cream, right? Like you had in your tea last night?”
“Thank you. It’s exactly what I need.” He sipped his coffee. Noting the excellent flavor, he checked the label, then let out a low whistle. “You must like coffee a lot. This place is the crème de la crème for serious coffeephiles.”