Once in my apartment, Josh put the suitcase next to my bedroom door. Then he gave himself the grand tour, which took about fourteen seconds. The entire place was probably little more than six hundred square feet. It was more than I could afford and cut into my savings, but after living alone in the dorms in the RA suite for the past three years, I was used to having my own space and didn’t want a roommate. Now I kinda wished I had one, though. The incident with Brett probably wouldn’t have happened if someone else had been around.
I knew better than to play what if with the past, though. It was better to look forward.
“This is nice,” he said.
I looked around, trying to see it through his eyes. “It’s okay.”
“Have you seen where I live? This place is a palace. I bet you even vacuum.”
“I didn’t actually see your room when I was at the frat house.”
He grinned. “We’ll have to correct that next time.”
I blushed. This was the second time I’d brought that up. I might as well scream Yes, Josh, I want to see where you sleep, where you change your clothes, where you—
I’d just stop right there. We were back at school now, so my libido needed to quit thinking about his broad shoulders and that sexy way he tugged at my lower lip with his teeth when he kissed me. What I needed to do was figure out my new normal. My world had been taken for a spin this last week, and I was still reeling from the changes.
“Well, I guess I should go…” He trailed off, looking to me for confirmation. Now that we were home, I wasn’t sure how to act. Away from school, I’d felt free to be more spontaneous, to follow my impulses, but now that we were back…
Ask him to stay. Ask him to hang out or something.
Instead, I nodded. “Thanks for the weekend. It was great.”
He gave me a little wave and left the apartment, closing the door behind him. The resulting silence was overwhelming. Listlessly, I looked around. What was I going to do now? I’d finished all my work.
But that wasn’t it. It wasn’t the threat of boredom that was causing me this anxiety.
It was Josh’s absence. I didn’t want him to leave—I wanted the weekend to continue. I wanted us—Josh and me, whatever we were—to continue.
I wanted him to be part of my new normal.
Before the sensible part of me could take hold, I ran out onto my balcony. Josh had just emerged from the stairs below. It was now or—well, I guess not never, but why not make it now?
“Hey, Josh!” I called. “Want to order a pizza or something?”
Chapter Eighteen
Josh
My phone rang and I shoved it under a pillow.
Then it rang again. Whoever was calling had a fucking death wish. It was only six in the fucking morning.
“What?” I spat into the phone. If I had been more coherent, I would have turned it off, but I wasn’t exactly at my best in the morning.
“Um, hi. It’s Bri.”
Shit. I rubbed a hand over my face and tried to speak with a normal voice. “Hey. What’s up?”
“I’m sorry to call so early. I mean, I know you’re not a morning person, and I was stupid not to think of this last night—”
“Hey,” I said, sitting up. “Stop apologizing. And don’t call yourself stupid. You can call me anytime you want.”
I’d been as surprised as she had been last night when she called down to me from her balcony, like Juliet calling to her Romeo. Okay, so I don’t think that’s how the story goes—I didn’t really pay attention in English in high school—but that just shows my frame of mind, comparing me and Bri to Romeo and Juliet.
“Okay.” The stress in her tone was somewhat reduced. “Can you meet me for breakfast before our session?”
“Sure.”
I’d totally forgotten about our appointment. I mean, I’d set my alarm and everything, because that had become my Sunday and Wednesday night routine, but it hadn’t really sunk in that I had an appointment with my counselor, the girl I was dating.
I’m dating my academic counselor.
I grinned and hopped out of bed, my morning suddenly brighter. We hadn’t had the talk or anything, but she didn’t strike me as the type of girl to date around. And she was it for me. I didn’t want anyone else. Making it exclusive was just details.
Last night I’d wanted to stay, but Bri wasn’t ready. She didn’t say as much, but she wasn’t one to jump into anything, and I didn’t want to push her, especially after what she’d just been through. So I was taking it slow with her. Ironically, we were probably in her fast lane. I guess we’d just have to meet in the middle. Hopefully soon. I was having trouble behaving myself.
I actually managed to beat her to the doughnut shop. I got in line to get us some doughnuts, but then I remembered I still didn’t know what kind she liked, so I snagged a table instead.
Bri was exactly five minutes early. She stood in the doorway, removing her hat and gloves, and smiled easily when she saw me. I stood to meet her, and we got in line together.
Putting my arm around her, I kissed her forehead, which was the perfect height. “I missed you.”
I hadn’t planned to say that, but then again, I wasn’t into playing games. Even with my so-called flavors of the month, I didn’t play. There were no schemes involved—I just got tired of them easily. But I didn’t see that happening with Bri any time soon. Or ever.
She laughed. “You just saw me last night.”
“It’s okay to admit it. You missed me, too.” I grinned. “Otherwise why would you call me first thing in the morning?”
We got our food—Bri picked an apple Danish, so it was a good thing I didn’t order for her. I was a chocolate-covered doughnut with sprinkles kind of guy. An apple Danish was too close to health food.
“About that,” Bri said, continuing our conversation where we’d left off. “You can’t tell anyone about us.”
My hand paused with my doughnut midway to my mouth. “What?”
That’s why she called me first thing in the morning? To let me know I was her dirty little secret?
“You can’t tell anyone,” she repeated.
“Yeah, I heard that part. Do you mind telling me why?”
She took a deep breath. “Well, you’re on academic probation and—”
“Are you ashamed of me?”
“What? No, that’s not what this is about. Wait, are you mad? I’m doing this all wrong.”
I clenched my jaw, saying nothing. This wasn’t how I expected our breakfast to go. These weren’t the words I’d hoped to hear.
“I’m your counselor, that’s what I’m trying to say.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled. Of course. We were back to reality, and for her that included her position as an academic counselor. She wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. I was jumping to all the wrong conclusions.
Because maybe it all just seemed too good to be true. I didn’t care about people easily—there were very few in my inner circle. Sure, I was friendly with lots of people, but I could count on one hand the number of people I truly cared about. I didn’t hand that power over easily. Whether she knew it or not, Bri had that power now—the power to destroy me.
But that wasn’t what this was about. I needed to chill out, keep it light. Keep it fun. That’s what she needed, whether she knew it or not. She needed more fun in her life, and I was definitely up for the challenge.
“I’m your counselor,” she repeated, “so I shouldn’t be—”
“Thinking about me night and day?” I raised my eyebrows suggestively. “Imagining me naked?”
“What? No.” She blushed deeply and ducked her head.
“So you don’t think about me?”
“Yes. No. I mean…you’ve confused me with the double negatives.”
I leaned across the table and lifted her chin with my hand so that she was forced to look in my eyes. “Do. You. Think. About. Me?”
She licked her lips. “Yes,�
�� she whispered.
Grinning, I released her chin and took a bite of my doughnut. “You’re cute when you’re flustered, you know that? And I bet you’re cute when you imagine me naked, too.”
She paled for a moment, and I knew I’d hit the nail on the head. She’d thought about me naked. I laughed.
“Shh…” she hissed. “Keep your voice down.”
“No one’s listening.”
“Anyway,” she said and cleared her throat. “Since I’m your counselor, it’s a little unethical for me to date you.”
“Because you’re in a position of authority?”
“Yes.” She looked relieved that I was finally cluing in to what she was trying to say. “So I have to get you transferred to a new counselor.”
“I don’t mind you having authority over me. Could be kind of nice.”
“Stop it.”
If she was blushing this much at the mere suggestion, I wondered how she would react when I actually got to do the things to her that kept me up at night thinking about them—things I wanted to do to keep us both up at night.
“Okay,” I said. “But let the record show that you’re no fun.”
“I am so. I kicked your butt at laser tag, didn’t I?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it kicking my butt. There was some questionable game play involved.”
“Nothing I ever do is questionable.”
Under the table, I felt her socked foot slowly making its way up my leg. I leaned back to see how far she would go.
Avoiding my gaze and fighting a blush, she continued to move her foot higher, over my knee and up my thigh. She turned her face and caught my eye, the blush breaking free with a vengeance. She cleared her throat and looked away, and her foot disappeared from my lap.
I wondered if this would now top her “craziest things” list.
“Nope,” I said. “Not questionable at all.”
“Told you so,” she said. “I can be fun.”
I smiled and reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “I’m looking forward to it.”
…
Bri
“He’s not a mystery guy,” I said into my phone. I had it cradled between my chin and my shoulder while I shimmied into a clean pair of black leggings.
“Then why haven’t you told me about him?” Casey asked.
“I’m just not ready.”
A tiny part of me screamed with guilt. I remembered Josh’s words from breakfast yesterday. I wasn’t embarrassed by him. It was just complicated, especially since I hadn’t transferred him to a new counselor yet.
“But you’re ready to date him?”
I paused. “Why do you ask that?”
“You just broke up with Brett. You were with him for so long. I’m just surprised you’re already dating someone. That’s all.”
A different part of me joined the guilt chorus. I hadn’t told Casey about what had happened between me and Brett. It technically wasn’t any of her business, and I hadn’t lied to her, but I still felt bad for keeping it from her.
“It kind of surprised me, too, to be honest,” I admitted. “It certainly wasn’t planned.”
“Well, don’t hurt yourself with all this spontaneity,” Casey teased.
It was crazy. Casey was right to be surprised by my actions. Heck, I was surprised by my actions, especially the one I was about to take. Me going out on a school night? Nope. Didn’t happen. A month ago I would have bet everything on it never happening.
But when Josh asked to see me tonight, I couldn’t say no. Well, I guess I could have, but I didn’t want to. I was trying this new thing where I did what felt right instead of doing what my brain told me was right.
And a girl has to eat. I still hadn’t gone to the grocery store, so my pantry was bare. The sensible thing would be to go grab a quick sub or something and then hit up the Kroger for groceries.
But where was the fun in that?
God, listen to me. I was starting to sound like Josh. A smile played at the edges of my lips as I pulled my top on. I stood in front of my mirror to put on one last layer of powder and my jewelry. I stared at my cheeks, silently giving them a pep talk—no blushing, got it?
The doorbell rang just as I was fastening my last earring.
Josh was at my door with two white paper bags. “I hope you like Chinese.”
I took a step back to let him in. Even as my stomach growled at the scent of the fried food, my shoulders slumped slightly. When he’d said dinner, I’d assumed that meant we were going out. I wouldn’t have bothered getting changed if we were just going to sit around my living room.
“Is this okay?” Josh asked, setting the food down in my kitchen. I leaned against the counter opposite him, and he put his hands on either side of me, his arms caging me in. He kissed me lightly, ending the kiss by sucking gently on my lower lip.
“Fine,” I said. “I just thought we were going out, that’s all. No big deal. My mistake.”
“You said not to tell anyone.” His eyes searched mine. “So I thought staying in for dinner might be prudent.”
I grinned at his choice of vocabulary—prudent. Despite his low grades, this boy was no idiot.
And truly, it was very thoughtful of him. It was best for us to keep our relationship on the down low until I transferred his case. First thing in the morning, I was doing that. I was not a fan of sneaking around.
“Thanks,” I said. “What did you bring?”
He started pulling white cardboard and clear plastic containers out of the bag. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a little of everything. Egg rolls, General Tso’s Chicken, Sweet and Sour, Wonton soup. Does any of that sound good?”
“All of it sounds good. Geez. That’s enough for, like, eight people. Did you invite anyone else?”
“Nah. Chinese food makes a great breakfast.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively and winked at me.
I laughed, choosing to ignore the innuendo for the time being. I’d managed to keep my blush at bay, so that was a win. “I’m starved. There might not be much left.”
“You look nice, by the way,” he said as I pulled some plates out of the cabinet.
I smiled, suddenly not feeling so bad about putting in the effort to change out of my yoga pants into nicer clothes. We weren’t exactly to the stage in our relationship where I was ready for him to see me in sloth mode.
Although, I was already way more comfortable with him than I had been with Brett at this stage. Josh and I had barely been together, but I didn’t feel like I needed to impress him. Sure, I wanted to look nice and everything, but I felt comfortable in his affection toward me. I wasn’t still trying to win him over like I had been with Brett.
After dinner, the conversation turned to his academics.
“I know I’m still technically your academic counselor until I get that straightened out, but I’m asking this as a friend. Have you figured out what you want to do?”
“As a friend?” he asked, a gleam in his eyes.
I blushed and dipped my head. Dang! So much for blush control. God, I wished I could turn that off. I’d spent more time with my cheeks ablaze with Josh than in my entire college career.
He leaned across the table to kiss my lips. “I think we’re more than friends.”
I was saved from having to come up with an answer by my cell phone vibrating on the table.
“You get that,” he said, standing and picking up our plates. “I’ll take care of the dishes.”
I closed my eyes a moment and took a deep breath, hoping to slow down my racing pulse. He stood at the sink rinsing our plates, and my gaze traveled the length of him. As far as I knew, he didn’t play sports, but he somehow still managed to stay fit. His ass was tight, totally squeezable. As was the rest of him.
I almost giggled at that thought. Josh was a bad influence on me. But sometimes it’s good to be bad.
Before I could harbor any more inappropriate thoughts, I looked at my phone.
Th
e blood immediately drained from my face. I dropped my phone on the table with a clatter.
“Is everything okay?” Josh said, glancing over his shoulder.
“Fine,” I said, pressing the power button on my phone to darken the screen.
He crossed to me, drying his hands on a dishtowel. “Are you sure?”
I debated not telling him, but I didn’t want any secrets between us. Besides, he was the only one who knew about the incident with Brett, so there was no reason to keep this from him.
I sighed. “It’s Brett. He texted me last night, and now again.”
Josh’s face hardened; his hands fisted in the towel. “What did he say?” His tone was nonchalant, but anger burned in his eyes.
“He wants to see me.”
Josh stepped closer and gripped the back of his vacated chair, leaning on it. “How are you going to respond?” he said carefully.
“I’m not. I didn’t respond last night, and I’m not going to respond tonight.”
“You know, it’s not too late to report what happened. You could try to get a restraining order or something.”
I shook my head. “If I just ignore him, he’ll get the message.”
“I’m not so sure,” Josh said grimly. “I actually paid attention during the unit about women and domestic violence in my women’s studies class last semester. It’s some scary stuff.”
“Yeah.” I fiddled with my phone, not meeting his eyes. Everything he was saying made sense, but I didn’t want to rehash it. It happened, and it was over. I was moving on. I was okay as long as I didn’t think about it. Reporting what happened would just dredge it all up again, bring it to the surface. I wanted it to stay buried deep where it was.
“I can go with you to the police station if you want,” he offered.
“I’ll think about it.” I said it just to appease him. Advertising my stupidity in trusting Brett wasn’t going to make the situation any better. The locks had been changed, so even if he came back—which was highly unlikely—he couldn’t get in. If he came back, then I’d call the police. I’d already thought about it. The police station was literally two minutes from my apartment, so I wasn’t putting myself too much at risk by just waiting it out. I valued my safety. If I called, they could be here almost immediately.
Wanting More (Love on Campus #2) Page 17