No, I had been in denial about that, and now it was too late. She’d dismissed me, fitting for the fuck-up I was.
And I was fucking in love with her.
Wasn’t that some shit.
I stopped at the gas station’s exit, not sure what direction to go. I was only about an hour from my parents’ house at this point. What in the hell had driven me to head there?
The worst part was that my head wasn’t any clearer than it’d been three hours ago. Bri’s words just kept running through my mind. I’m done. I’m done. I’m done.
What if I wasn’t done?
Fuck it. I’d drive another hour and crash at my parents’ house for the night. I wasn’t really in the mood to be at the Beta house right now anyway, and the three-hour drive back would probably find me asleep at the wheel.
It was almost two a.m. when I pulled into the driveway behind Laura’s minivan. Why did she even have one of those things? She only had one kid.
I pulled my keys out of the ignition and realized I didn’t have the key to the house. Jesus fuck, this wasn’t my night.
I knocked gently on the front door, and Elsa started howling. It almost made me smile. She’d only had a tiny, little, wimpy yip when I’d seen her last. I bet she’d gotten big.
Lights flipped on in the house, and through the door I heard the elephant-like pounding of my dad’s footsteps on the stairs. The porch light came on, and the curtains next to the door were pushed aside to reveal his disgruntled and half-asleep face.
The door swung open. “Son, what are you doing here?”
I pushed past him into the house. “Nice to see you, too, Pops.”
“Are you crazy ringing the doorbell at this hour?”
“I didn’t ring the doorbell. I knocked.”
My father’s face contorted in a sneer, but before he could respond, Laura’s voice called down the stairs.
“Mitch, who is it? Josh, is that you?” She padded down the steps, tying the belt on her bathrobe. She took me by the arms and peered into my eyes. “Josh, are you okay?”
“He’s fine, just being an inconsiderate—”
“Mitch.” Laura cut him off, glaring at him. “You’d better not finish that sentence or else you’ll be sleeping in the van tonight.”
“Laura, he—”
“Don’t. Try. Me.”
He crossed his arms, but shut his mouth. I gained a new respect for Laura.
“I’m okay,” I told her. She visibly relaxed a little, letting out a breath. Her reaction was probably that of a normal parent when their child showed up at the front door in the middle of the night. Too bad my dad was not a normal parent. Nope, he was too busy being an asshole and always assuming the worst of me. Like I’d really drive four hours in the middle of the night just to piss him off.
“Now,” she said, “Mitch, take care of the dog before she wakes up Mackenzie. Josh, are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
“He arrives unannounced in the middle of the damn night, and you’re going to make him a sandwich?” My dad’s voice was exasperated and louder than it needed to be, considering we were standing right next to him.
Laura smiled tightly as me. “Josh, please wait in the kitchen.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I’d already gotten dressed down by one strong female tonight. I wasn’t about to piss off another—although I’d never considered Laura strong until now.
I hovered near the edge of the kitchen, where I couldn’t be seen, but close enough so I could hear them.
“What’s wrong with you?” Laura hissed at him in a hushed whisper.
“Me? What’s wrong with me? What about what’s wrong with him?”
“That’s precisely my point,” Laura snapped. “He wouldn’t just show up here like this if something wasn’t wrong. You think he likes being here?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You and him. You’re constantly at one another’s throats. I’ve stayed out of it because he’s your son and I didn’t want to interfere, especially when he was almost grown when we got married. But enough is enough. He is your child. You need to start treating him like one.”
“You’ve heard how he talks to me.”
“Where do you think he learned that, huh, Mitch? Wake up. Pay attention. Have you heard yourself? Because let me tell you, if you ever start talking to Mackenzie like that I will divorce you so fast your head will spin.”
Ouch. She was really going after the jugular there. My dad might be a complete ass to me, but he loved that woman.
“Laura, I—”
“Take care of Elsa, Mitch, and then go back to bed. I’m not dealing with you tonight. Your son just drove four hours to get here, and he’s sitting in the kitchen. He obviously needs a parent, so that’s where I’ll be.”
I dove into the kitchen and sat on a stool like I’d been there the whole time. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I was definitely going to let Laura make me a sandwich. Because…wow.
She pushed her hair out of her face and smiled at me as she entered the room, heading straight for the fridge. “Is turkey and provolone okay?”
In the distance, Elsa’s kennel clanged and the back door opened and closed.
“That’d be great. Thanks.”
I didn’t know what to say. While I appreciated what she did back there, I didn’t want to have a heart-to-heart or anything like that. I didn’t “need a parent” like she seemed to think I did. I’d ended up here by accident really.
Still, it was worth the drive just to hear her hand my dad’s ass to him. It was like Christmas and my birthday all wrapped into one.
“Was there much traffic?” she asked as she slathered a slice of bread with mayo.
“Nope, not at this hour. I made great time.”
“You didn’t speed did you? There’s a new speed trap on sixty-six.”
“I guess I got lucky, then.”
She sliced the sandwich in half to make two neat triangles and placed it in front of me. “Let me get you a drink. We don’t have much. Basically water or milk.”
“Water is fine, thanks.” I took a bite of the sandwich, then another. Maybe I was hungry after all.
Was this what a broken heart did to you? I’d always heard those jokes about girls gorging on ice cream, and I kind of understood now. I could go for a soft-serve. Dipped in chocolate. With sprinkles.
Laura leaned on the counter in front of me, and I could tell she was unsure what to do. For all her talk about being my parent, she had no freaking clue what she was doing. She was only twenty-four when they got married, and by the time she got used to having me around, I left for college. And even though we’d lived under the same roof for four years, I didn’t really know her that well. Never cared to—she’d married my dad, so that automatically made her on his side. I’d never realized she could be my ally.
The back door opened and closed again, followed by the clanging of Elsa’s kennel and then footsteps tromping upstairs.
Laura sighed and looked upward in the direction of their bedroom. “I’m sorry your father was such a jerk.”
I swallowed the last bite of the sandwich. “It’s not your fault.”
“No, but I’ve looked the other way for too long. You’re not exactly nice to him either, but he’s the adult.” She stopped and looked at me, then smiled. “Well, I guess you’re an adult now, too, but still.”
“I don’t feel that way,” I muttered.
“Yeah, it takes a while,” she said. “Mackenzie was probably two before I really felt like a grown-up. And even now, sometimes I question it. Some days I just feel like a kid. Some days I still want to be a kid.”
“Me, too,” I said honestly. I’d never thought about it like that before. Was my stalling in choosing a major my way of not growing up? Did I have Peter Pan syndrome? I sure as hell hated responsibility.
Laura yawned and put a hand over her mouth. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I�
��m the one who should be sorry. It was kind of an assho—um, jerk move to wake you guys up in the middle of the night.”
She patted my arm. “That’s what family is for.”
I stood and hugged her, probably for the first time in five years. She stiffened for a moment, startled by the gesture, then she hugged me back.
…
When I stumbled into the bathroom in the morning, I found a new toothbrush and stick of deodorant waiting for me. I was sure they were courtesy of Laura.
The raw skin on my knuckles screamed at me in the shower. I didn’t understand why guys were continually punching holes in the wall at the house. If the wall felt anything like that asshole’s face, then that shit must hurt like a motherfucker.
After my shower, I rooted around in my closet for something to wear. I’d slept in my clothes, and they were pretty rank. Not to mention I’d found a spot of blood on them, probably from that asshole’s lip. Fucking prick.
I padded downstairs in my bare feet, wearing clothes that should have been sent to Goodwill about six years ago. The shirt was cutting off my circulation and the pants made me feel like a Backstreet Boy.
I was hoping to find Laura in the kitchen to ask her to look at my knuckles, but instead I found my dad sipping his coffee and looking over the newspaper. It was after eleven, so I had figured he’d be closeted in his office by now.
“Good morning,” he said stiffly.
I nodded. I wasn’t in the mood to get into with him, so it was safer just to keep my mouth shut.
I snagged the box of Fruit Loops from the pantry and poured myself a huge bowl. I considered taking it upstairs to my room, but decided against it. At least two, maybe three, bowls of this colorful goodness were necessary. I silently thanked Mackenzie for her good taste in cereal.
Where was the little twerp anyway?
“Where’s Mackenzie?” I asked.
“She and Laura are at gymnastics.”
I grunted in response and dug into my cereal. True to my prediction, I polished off three bowls before I was done.
As I was putting my bowl in the dishwasher, my dad said, “Son, let’s take a walk.”
I almost dropped the damn bowl. A walk? What was the saying? Off a short pier or something? What in the hell did he want to take a walk for?
Then it dawned on me. Laura.
“If it’s all the same to you, we can just tell Laura we took a walk. We don’t actually have to do it.”
My dad stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking really uncomfortable. “Laura didn’t put me up to this.”
I raised my eyebrows but didn’t call him on his bullshit.
“We can take Elsa,” he said. I softened a bit. I hadn’t seen the little fur ball yet, and I wouldn’t mind taking her out.
“Let me get my shoes,” I said, knowing full well I would probably regret it about five minutes in.
Five minutes in, we still weren’t talking. Some walk. Elsa was trotting along, though, and she had gotten much bigger. Her baby fur was starting to disappear, but she hadn’t gotten her adult coat yet, so she was in the awkward stage, all legs with a too-big head.
“Josh, did you know your mom named you?”
I swiveled my head to look at my dad, but he was staring straight ahead. “No, I didn’t know that.” I had a snarky retort, but I’d let him be the one to draw first blood. I could behave as long as he could.
“It’s from a U2 album. The Joshua Tree. She was a big U2 fan. You get the music thing from her.”
I hadn’t known that, either. I didn’t know shit about my mom. My dad never talked about her.
“You look like her, too. Mainly your eyes,” he continued. “And it’s so strange because she left so long ago, but you act like her as well. The inability to settle down…that’s her all over.”
I waited for the insult. It had to be coming, but he just kept walking and looking straight ahead. I let my guard down ever so slightly.
“I really loved her. I loved her so damn much.” He sighed. “But I wasn’t enough for her.”
“I guess I wasn’t either,” I said bitterly.
“Even when you were a little boy, I saw so much of her in you. It hurt. I didn’t deal with it very well. Laura helped, but by the time I found her, you were already a teenager, so the damage was done. I’m on your case all the time because I want what’s best for you, son. I don’t want to see you wandering aimlessly like your mother, leaving destruction in your wake.”
I took a minute to digest everything he’d just said. Did I leave destruction in my wake? Was Bri a casualty of my inherited aimlessness?
The comments my dad made about Bri the last time I was home suddenly made sense. Hell, a lot of everything suddenly made sense.
That didn’t mean I was ready to forgive him for the last seventeen years, though. He might have lost his wife, but I lost my mother, and as a result of that, my father as well.
At this point in my life, I didn’t care if I ever saw my mother again. She’d made her choice years ago, back when I was too young to have a say. But I was older now—hopefully wiser—and I could make a conscious choice to try to end the destruction in my family.
“Thanks,” I said gruffly. “Thanks for telling me.”
My father nodded, and I knew that was all I was going to get. He wasn’t going to change overnight, but at least he’d admitted there was a problem.
We turned the corner, literally and figuratively, and headed toward home.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Josh
I’d planned to leave as soon as Laura and Mackenzie got home so I could say bye to them, but then I got rooked into playing with Mackenzie. She wanted me to help her make some of those headbands that came in the birthday present I got her. So I couldn’t say no to that. And if I did say so myself, I was gorgeous in a headband. Mackenzie agreed.
Just sayin’.
By the time we finished doing that and playing with Elsa in the yard, it was nearly dinnertime, and Laura had already set a place for me. It would have been rude for me to leave.
Plus, I was curious how this new family togetherness thing was going to go down. I wasn’t much for betting, but I’d bet on my dad snapping first.
And I dreaded what waited for me back at school.
Nothing.
It didn’t take long for that painful subject to come up at dinner.
“How’s your friend?” my dad asked, wiping his chin with a napkin. “Bri?”
“She’s okay,” I said vaguely. She’d made the decision to end things, not me, so I was sure she was okay by now.
Fuck. Had I even meant anything to her in the first place? Or was it all in my head? I’d wanted her so much—did I project feelings onto her that weren’t actually there?
Brett was an asshole. There was no doubt about that. But from what she’d told me about him, he was going places, already climbing the ladder at his firm, doing God knows what. I couldn’t remember. Some sort of boring corporate work. He was making a name for himself and a good living.
She was already in grad school and—theoretically, anyway—I’d be graduating next year. Settling down for good wasn’t that far off. A lot of my brothers who had graduated proposed to their girls their senior year. Bri deserved someone who could give her a good life.
That person wasn’t me.
It was probably a good thing I was trying to make nice with my family because I’d probably end up living here again in a few years. I had no career prospects. Fuck. I hadn’t even decided on a major. I’d be lucky to graduate with any major at all.
“She’s welcome to visit with you anytime,” Laura said.
“Yeah. Bring her back, Josh,” Mackenzie said. “She’s nice.”
I put my fork down and put my elbows on the table. “We aren’t really seeing each other anymore.”
A knowing look crossed between Laura and my dad. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Laura said.
“So, uh, how are your classes go
ing?” my dad asked.
I opened my mouth to fire off a smart-ass comment then I cleared my throat instead. My dad had a genuine expression on his face, and he was actually looking at me when he was talking to me. He was making an effort.
Damn, it would be hard to get used to that.
“Good,” I said, and I was glad I could say that honestly. Of course, that was Bri’s doing. Not directly, since I never did succumb to any of her study methods, but she’d been my motivation. If I hadn’t met her, I might’ve flunked out by now.
“What classes are you taking?” Laura asked.
I told them all about my classes, and we discussed possible majors. It was probably the first real conversation I’d had with them—without one of us trying to get digs in at the other one—in years. Maybe ever.
And for once, my dad didn’t pass judgment. I wasn’t naive enough to believe he wasn’t thinking negative things, but at least he was keeping it to himself. That was a nice change.
For once he didn’t make me feel like a fuck-up. Of course, I was doing a plenty good job of that myself.
After dinner, I hung around in the kitchen with Laura while she cleaned up.
“What happened with Bri?” she asked.
I hesitated, and she noticed, saying, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
I did, though. I hadn’t talked about it with anyone. Cori and Brad had both texted to check on me, but I’d blown them off, just saying I was fine. I was never one to talk about my feelings, which was why this whole thing with Bri was strange.
With her, I’d put it all on the table, and it’d come back to smack me in the face.
“To make a long story short,” I said, “her ex came to town, and I hit him. Repeatedly.”
Her eyebrows popped up. “Oh-kay.”
“He’d hit her before,” I explained, feeling a little guilty for breaking Bri’s confidence, but she’d never see Laura again anyway. “And he was harassing her, so when he grabbed her arm, I just lost it and pounded him.”
“That’s a tough situation to be in.”
I didn’t know if Laura was referring to me or Bri, but I guess it applied to both.
Wanting More (Love on Campus #2) Page 23