"If you’re busy — “
"No!" I jump when he shouts, then more quietly he continues, "I mean, no, I want to see you, baby."
"Matthew, please …" My chest clenches over the loss of the pet name he’s used since we met. I miss it. It comforted me.
"I'll be over around six-thirty. Does that work for you?" he asks, hope seeping from his question.
"Yes, I'll see you then," I answer and quickly hang up the phone, tossing it on the table, praying this isn't a mistake.
~.~
Like I promised, I’m at her door at six-thirty sharp. My stomach is churning so badly, I think I might vomit. She answers the door and after I enter her apartment, wait until she takes a seat before I do.
"Matthew, I ran into Maddie and Brian at the market the other day," she begins. "They explained their side of the story, and Maddie said something that made sense to me. She said that if I listened to Emma, then it would only be fair if I listened to your side of the story as well. Although I don't think I had an option but to listen to that vile woman, I agree with Maddie. If you would like to do that now, I’ll listen."
"Um, all right," I mutter. Rising, I begin to pace the floor and begin my story. "Well, when I first met you, you told me bits and pieces about how you lost your sight and the care that went on behind the injury. Remember I asked you for your medical records?" I step closer to her, hoping it will ease the tension between us.
"Yes, I remember," she says, her head following my movement.
"I had a suspicion that your treatment was outdated and thought if I could just study your file, I would see if my procedure could help you. Once I received the file from Dr. Jenkins, I reviewed it, for hours on end, and I knew then that my procedure could repair your eyesight."
"What about New York? You went to them to get funding for this procedure with the promise that I would be your guinea pig, right?" She’s getting more and angrier now, folding her arms across her chest.
"Did Emma tell you that?" I growl, angrily.
"No, Dr. Davis, the stupid blind girl figured it out all by her little self."
"Joy … stop that, please." Walking toward her again, she holds her hands up, stopping my advancement. "Don't say those things about yourself out of your anger for me. Please."
"What? Do you think I need Emma to put all the puzzle pieces on the table for me?"
"No," I answer quietly.
"Did the New York delegation know about me when they were here?"
"I went to New York with a presentation outlining the procedure only. They approved it with certain stipulations. One, was they wanted to see my facility and, two, I needed to have a viable patient. It wasn't until the dinner at my house that I told them about you and it was just before they left Seattle I was told that I would be approved based upon you being my patient."
"So, you had how many months to tell me that tidbit of information? You told everyone else, why not me?"
"Contrary to what you think about everyone else, Laura and Brian were against it. Laura tried to talk me out of it. She said you were happy and adjusted to your life and I didn't need to change it. They know how you feel about additional surgeries as well and, frankly, they were surprised you agreed to the one you just had. After I explained the process and procedure to them, their next concern was the fact that I wasn't telling you right away."
"And why is that, Matthew? Why did you keep it from me?"
"It was our first holiday season and I wanted us to be together, to enjoy the festivities. Give each other gifts. Decorate the tree together. I wanted to eat every cookie you made me. Brave the crowded malls together while Christmas shopping. I wanted to do all of that without the fight that would be hanging over our heads. We both know we would have argued had I shared my idea with you. You don't want the surgery and I do, because I know for a fact you will see again. You don't trust doctors, and I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me. You don't understand, and I can teach you to see the truth. These are the arguments I saw in the future, and I didn't want to mar the season with endless fighting. I will gladly have these arguments with you if I can help you understand and see the reason why I believe as I do. It's just that fucking bitch told you before I did. I had arranged a vacation for us at New Year. I was planning to tell you then. That's the honest truth."
“Emma said …”
"What else did she say?"
"She said that you like to look into her eyes while she …"
"While she what?" I exclaim, getting more and more angry. I feel myself losing my resolve.
"While you fuck her mouth. That you enjoy looking into her eyes, and that you would never be happy with me because I can’t look into yours." That is the last straw that breaks the anger free from my restraint. I nearly put my fist through a glass window out of anger. She must have sensed it and she cowers into the chair.
"Jesus, Joy," I whisper, and in one step, I pull her into my arms. “I have no response to that. Picturing myself with her like that isn’t even in the realm of possibilities.” Holding her tight against me, it feels so good, especially when her arms wrap around my waist.
"I'm so sorry about all of this. I'm sorry you heard about this from her rather than from me."
She quickly turns out of my arms and goes to the kitchen, getting us each a bottle of water, holding one out to me.
"Me, too. I won't tell you what else she said because, frankly, it isn't worth it. Her intention was to hurt me and make me jealous enough to leave you." She was silent for the longest time. I thought she quit breathing.
"Did it work?"
"Did what work?" she asks, needing clarification.
"Are you leaving me?"
"Matthew, don't. Please."
"What do you mean, 'don't'? Tell me. Are you leaving me?" I ask again, moving to stand directly in front of her now, gently holding her arms.
"I don't know … no … I don't know." I watch as she fidgets, twisting out of my hands to walk to the other side of the couch.
"You are, aren't you?" I feel panic creep up inside me. An overwhelming feeling of dread envelops my chest when I look at her. She has her back to me. She's done. My pulse is racing and my breathing becomes labored.
I've lost her.
Suddenly, the room feels like it's closing in all around me. I need air. I turn to leave … but first, I need to explain.
"Joy, you may not want me anymore, but please, don't give up on Brian and Laura. They meant well. They want what's best for you and only want you to be happy. I asked them not to say anything to you because they knew I was going to tell you in a few weeks. I know that if I hadn't planned to tell you soon, they would have.” I look at her, waiting for a response, but none comes. "I'm sorry," I offer, rather than going into a long, drawn-out, and unwanted explanation.
I turn and walk toward the door. Covering the door knob with a shaking hand, I feel the need to hold her just one more time. Walking back to her, I gently take her in my arms and hold her tightly against me. I glean a small measure of hope when she places her hands on my hips. When I pull back from her, I raise her chin so her face is visible to me.
"I need you to know, above all else, that I love you. I've loved you from the moment I met you. I will continue to love you. All I ask is that you let me know if, or when, you are done with me." With that, I lower my lips to hers and kiss her. I kiss her like this could quite possibly be the last opportunity I'll ever have. My heart leaps when her mouth responds to mine, and her arms wrap around my waist. For the first time since this whole thing happened, I have real hope.
That is, until she pushes away from me to tell me I'd better leave and that’s when my heart shatters in a million pieces.
Speechless, I pull away from her and she turns around offering me her back. She’s crying. I can tell by the shaking of her shoulders.
When the soft click of the door sounds behind me, I hear her as she breaks down into sobs. The urge to go back to her is overwhelming.
&
nbsp; Placing my palms and forehead against the door, I listen. I've done this. She was so happy when I met her and now look at her. Determined, I won’t hurt her any more.
Feeling like my world is teetering on the edge of reality and nothingness, I make my way to my car and ask myself “what’s next?”
Turning the key, I start my car and pull away from the curb.
Chapter 4
I'm not sure how I’ll be able to do it, but I need to let her go. As soon as that revelation comes over me, I quickly try to talk myself out of it.
Taking the last ferry of the day, I return to the Island and to peace and quiet.
Pulling into the garage, I sit and contemplate. I need to get back to my life. This melancholy shit needs to stop. I have patients … I have a hospital to run. That doesn’t stop me from shouting and pounding the palms of my hands on the steering wheel, however, "She loves me, dammit.”
She’s hurt, and her trust in me has been shattered, that’s all.
Dragging myself out of my car, I make my way inside where I find Rebecca putting groceries away.
"What are you doing here, Rebecca?" I ask curiously, not making eye contact with her.
"Oh, hello, Matthew. Your parents phoned and asked if I would stock the kitchen since they are due here tomorrow. I wasn't expecting you, I'm sorry," she replies. "Are you all right?" she asks, her eyes on me while pulling items out of the grocery bags.
"Yeah, my decision to come here was last minute. I think I'll be here for a while. I'll call my parents and explain — perhaps they'll stay at the house in town for the week. Thanks for helping with the groceries. I'll talk to you before Christmas, I'm sure."
"Okay, Matthew."
Turning toward my office, I dig my cell out of my pocket and dial.
"Hey, Mom."
~.~
As soon as the heavy banging starts on the front door, I know very well who it is. I’m not in the mood to see anyone, so I remain in my seat, not bothering to answer. Even though I know it’s not likely, I hope he’ll just go away. That’s why it isn’t a surprise when I see his large form appear from around the corner of the house, finding me sitting alone on the back deck.
"Hey," he says, approaching me hesitantly.
"Hey," I reply, continuing to look out over the ocean.
"What's going on?" he asks before taking a seat in the chair beside me.
"Same shit, different day," I reply sarcastically.
Not wasting any time with the reason why he’s here, he quickly says, "You need to come home now, Matthew."
"I am home."
"You have patients that you’re neglecting," he admonishes.
Looking over at him, we have a stare down and I’m not sure who’s going to win.
"Leave me alone, Jess.” Returning my stare back out over the ocean, I add, “Please."
"Listen, Mattie, you have patients,” he repeats. “Your parents are worried about you and … I miss you, goddamn it." Glancing over at him again, I can see the worry written on his face.
"Look,” I begin, sitting forward, resting my elbows on my thighs. “I'm not going to go postal on everyone, and I'm not going into a deep depression. I'm just … I'm trying to let her go, man." Saying that out loud hurts deep enough that my hand rubs the center of my chest.
"Okay, I understand that, Matthew, but it'll be Christmas in a few days. Have you done any shopping?"
"Jesus, you sound like a girl, Jessie. If you’re that concerned, I did my shopping online. It’s all here and Mom will wrap them for me — she always does."
"Hey, why don't you come back to town with me? Maddie and Laura are planning this huge dinner for us, and they want you there. Joy won't be there if that's a concern.” After a momentary silence, Jessie adds, “She's talking to Laura and Brian a little bit now, and I guess the three of them have talked it out, so … "
A pang of jealousy hits me hard at the thought of Joy forgiving her friends.
"That's good. I'm glad to hear it, but I don't think so, Jess. I don't want to be the fifth wheel, especially at a holiday party." I can see the couples at the table, together, and it will only make me miss her more. "But thank everyone for me, would you?" I ask.
"No, I won’t pass on any of your messages, Matthew. We all want you there. Come on, go get dressed and I'll drive you home. We can talk about it on the way, and then you can come back here for Christmas as originally planned."
"Jessie, you don't understand," I say, getting up from my seat to walk into the house, rolling my eyes when he steps directly behind me. "I'm not sure I'm even in the holiday spirit anymore." Stopping at the kitchen counter, I place my coffee mug and both palms on the surface.
"I know how you’re feeling about her. I know you’re missing her, but what about Maddie? What about your parents? You have other people in your life that love you." I turn around and look directly into his pleading eyes.
Leaning back against the counter, I mull the idea over in my mind. "It would be nice to see everyone, and I haven't been out of this house since I've been here. It couldn't hurt to let Mom and Dad have the house so that they can finally get settled in for the holiday."
"Speaking of which, I’m digging the decorations on the house. It looks cool, man. Did you do that yourself?" Jessie has always enjoyed Christmas and turns into a school kid during the holidays.
"No, I hired a service so dad wouldn't have to do it. They’ll be here tomorrow to decorate the interior." The recollection of the appointment with the service helps me with my decision.
"Let me go get changed. I'll call Mom and Dad to let them know the house is theirs. Just give me a minute, okay?" As I make my way upstairs, I hear Jessie making a call, saying that he is bringing me back with him.
After changing out of my T-shirt and sleep pants, I slip into a warm sweater and jeans. It doesn't take us long to lock up and head for the ferry, only to find we have a twenty-minute wait.
“I should have logged on at home and purchased an advance ticket,” I scold myself.
"How are things at the hospital? Have you heard any backlash from Carol’s departure?" I ask, looking over at him.
"A little. Mostly gossip, though. There were quite a few staff members at the ball, so the stories are ranging from the truth to the extreme. All-in-all, most are happy she's gone."
"Are you going to tell me about Emma, Matthew?" When my head snaps around toward his direction, it dawns on me that I haven't told him anything. He's not only my best friend, but he's also my business partner.
"Yes, of course … I’m sorry,” I apologize. “She wants to be our business partner as well as the hospital administrator. When she asked if that position would oversee the accounting department, I knew something was up. I know she's after the money, she always has been, from the moment I met her. She told me that she would ruin me and she did, didn’t she? She used the ball to do it.”
Looking over at Jessie, I added, “I finally got that restraining order for her to stay one hundred feet away from me, my home and the hospital."
I lay my head back against the seat and stare out the front window, sighing. "I need to see Timothy."
"I think that's one of the best ideas you've had so far. I know he’s is the attorney for the hospital, but does he practice this type of law as well?" Jessie questions.
"If he doesn't, he can find me someone that does," I reply. "I also phoned Jennifer to explain to her what was going on with this mess, and she narrowed it down to Dr. Lawrence at the Research Center."
Glancing over at Jessie again to see his response, he raises his brow in surprise. "The last time I spoke to her, she said that Dr. Fisher was having a meeting with him this week, so I should be hearing from them soon. If my suspicions are correct, Emma slept with Lawrence to get the information. I can turn this into a win-win situation if I play my cards right."
"What do you mean?" Jessie asks quietly as he cautiously drives onto the ferry.
"Considering the Center has already a
pproved my project, and the fact that one of their staff leaked confidential information for personal gain, I could technically sue them. Not that I doubt their support, but it doesn't hurt to have a back-up plan, you know?"
"Emma is one twisted bitch," Jessie says, putting the car in park.
"I just want her to stay away from Joy." The all too familiar feeling appears again at the mere mention of her name and my hand grasps my shirt at the center of my chest. My best friend gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze when he sees my head fall back against the headrest.
"Brian’s watching her, Matthew. Between him and Laura, she's not alone much. One of them goes over to her house for a few hours every day and night."
"How is she? Is she better?" I look at him, desperate for information.
"She's working a lot. She's not getting the sleep she should, but she's okay. I gave Laura the name of a doctor to help with the aftercare of her eye surgery. She's off the shield one hundred percent now. Laura says she looks as beautiful as ever."
I offer a slight smirk at the news. I’m glad she’s getting the care needed for her eye. Healing must be almost done by now.
"Laura says that Joy misses you," he presses, looking me in the eye and I shake my head hearing that.
"No, Jess, she doesn’t, so please don’t say that kind of thing," I say, more as a reassurance for myself. After getting out of the car, I turn toward the concession window for a coffee.
~.~
After Jessie drops me off at home, I tell him that I’ll meet him at my sisters. I’m actually excited to see everyone again and silently thank him for hanging tough with me. I’ve missed my sister’s antics, and Brian has become a good friend. Smiling at the memory of them, I hurry downstairs to the wine cellar and grab three bottles of Pandora Reserve before I leave.
Pulling into the driveway, I sit quietly for a moment, gathering my thoughts before entering the house. This dinner is the very thing that I wanted to share with Joy.
Making my way up to the front of the house, and just as I’m about to ring the doorbell, Maddie jerks the door open, throwing herself at me.
I See You (Seeing You #2) Page 4