"I've missed you, big brother," she squeals. "Come in … come in. You can put those in the kitchen," she instructs before shutting the door. "Everyone's already here."
Walking into the kitchen with my arm linked with my brat of a sister, I place the wine on the counter. “Come on, everyone’s in the living room.”
As soon as we enter the large room, Laura, surprisingly, gives me a hug. "I'm sorry for the way I talked to you at the ball, Matthew. It was uncalled for. Joy was upset, and I took it out on you. Please forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive. It was an emotional night for everyone,” I say, returning her warm welcome.
"Hey, Brian. Merry Christmas," I say before he pulls me into a man hug, not forgetting the two-pat rule.
"Glad you made it," Jess says through a mouth full of hors d'oeuvres.
"So, Maddie, show me your tree." At the mention of her tree, she excitedly pulls me over to her creation. I look over my shoulder at Brian and shrug because we both know how enthusiastic she is about Christmas and everything associated with it. They all laugh because they’ve already been through the Christmas tree tour.
"It's beautiful." Standing back, I take in the intricate decorations and note how everything is proportionally spaced. I compliment her on the maroon and silver color scheme and have to laugh at the matching metallic wrapping paper under the tree as well. The red and white Santa wrapped gift looks misplaced with all the other color-coordinated packages and I can’t help but notice the gift tag that says 'To Matthew; From Joy.' My heart leaps into my throat, and I quickly turn away from the tree.
"She asked Brian to give it to you. I hope you don't mind."
"I can't, Maddie. I don't want to open it." Turning from the tree, I walk over to stare into the fire.
"She misses you, Matthew. You need to talk to her. She told Brian she did."
"I tried to talk to her, and she asked me to leave. She turned her back on me, Maddie … twice. I miss her too, but I'm also trying to leave her alone. Clearly, she is trying to do the same. She may miss me, but she doesn't want me anymore. I'm giving her the space she wants."
I need a drink and Jessie must have sensed it because he’s already at the bar pouring me a Chivas. As soon as he hands it to me, I quickly empty the glass and hand it back to him for a refill. No sooner as the empty glass hits the counter, he pulls another out from behind his back. I nod thanks and take a long sip.
"I think you should try again," Brian says from the doorway of the kitchen. "I think she doesn't know how to tell you she wants to talk to you again."
"Did she say that?" I ask, not convinced of his interpretation.
"Not in so many words. She asks about you often enough, though. She's forgiven all of us, why not you as well?" he asks.
"Maybe it’s because I'm the one that started this shit storm to begin with? She doesn't trust me, so please, all of you, just accept that and drop it. It would help me greatly if all of you would just give me some space, and let me lick my wounds in private, all right?" Reluctantly, they nod in agreement and don't mention her again.
"Here, Maddie. Would you make sure she gets this? I got it for her before all this mess and I want her to have it." Handing her Joy's wrapped gift, I walk back to the bar.
"When's dinner?" Thank God for Jessie because he can change the subject with just two words.
Chapter 5
Focusing on reading the next chapter, pins and needles shoot into my fingers and toes when my phone rings.
"Hello," I say cheerfully.
"Hello, Joy, it's Lillian. I just wanted to let you know that Leland will pick you up in the morning at nine o'clock. Does that work for you?"
"Absolutely … I'll be ready. Thanks, Lillian," I say, smiling. Until now, I didn't realize how excited I am about going. Again, another reason I can see why Matthew wanted to wait to tell me until after the holiday.
I hurry to my closet to see what I have to wear … I need to look pretty for Matthew and then it’s to the kitchen.
~.~
I’m so excited that I didn't sleep at all. I feel like I did as a little girl when my parents would make me go to bed because Santa was coming. My mother always said that Santa wouldn't come unless all the pretty little girls were asleep. The best gift I could receive this year would be to see Matthew — to hear his voice again — to feel his arms around me and a kiss … I really want a kiss.
I hope there's mistletoe.
Shaking the sleepy fog out my head, I jump out of bed and into the shower. The hot water feels wonderful, and I laugh at the clump of flour I can feel in my hair from the pies I baked last night. I probably should have showered then, but I was tired of standing and needed to lie down. It was important to me that Matthew got his favorite pie for Christmas.
~.~
I nearly run down the hall to answer the buzzer, “Come on up, Leland,” I say into the speaker. As soon as he knocks on the door, I open it to let him in, and he immediately wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"Merry Christmas, Joy. I'm so glad you’re spending the day with us. It wouldn't have been the same without you," he says, squeezing my shoulder tightly.
"Thanks. You have your wife to thank for this. I couldn't have said no if my life depended on it," I reply, gently laying my head on his shoulder.
"Yep, she's one tough woman, isn't she?" I giggle at his near exact words I said to Lillian a few days ago.
Poor Leland has to make several trips to get the pies into the car, and, while he does that, I take Conrad out one last time, making sure he has plenty of food and water.
"Merry Christmas, Conrad. Protect the house," I say to him before bending down to hug him goodbye. "Okay, Leland let's go."
After he escorts me to the car and I buckle myself in and Leland pulls away toward Bainbridge.
"So, Joy," Leland begins.
"Yes, Leland," I respond cautiously.
"I'm glad you’re coming for Christmas. You, Brian and Laura have become part of our family and it wouldn't have been complete without you."
"Thank you. That’s kind of you to say. I was actually prepared to spend it alone, but I'm glad I don't have to."
Laying my head against the back of the seat and enjoying the ride, I turn my head toward Leland.
"Lillian tells me you’re moving here permanently?" I ask.
"Yes. It's all happening so fast. Once Lillian decided she wanted to be near Maddie and Matthew, it all just sort of snowballed. It only took a few weeks to sell the practice. I didn't tell Matthew until the morning I spent with him at his office. When I told him we were moving here, I think he thought one of us was sick, and that's why we were selling." Leland chuckles at the memory.
"You aren't, are you? Ill, I mean?" I ask, worried that there might be some truth to Matthew’s original concerns.
"Oh, no, I promise. Lillian wanted to be near her kids. Once we learned that Maddie had Brian, and that Matthew had you … I mean, um … “
"That's all right, Leland, I know what you mean. I'm glad you're moving here. I know that both Matthew and Maddie love you and are happy you're here."
"Yeah, we've always been close," he says before going quiet again.
"Can I ask you a few more questions?"
"Anything," he replies.
"Can you tell me why Emma is doing what she's doing?"
"I have no idea. She wasn't always like this. She's … changed. She’s vindictive and evil and when she came to Matthew's office before the ball …"
"What?" I gasp.
"Don't get upset, Joy. She surprised Matthew as he pulled into the parking garage. She was waiting for him when he got out of the car. She was saying some terribly disgusting things to him and then, when she saw I was there, she turned that trash on me. Matthew sent her packing, though. He nearly had to call security to do it, but she eventually left," he explains.
"So, that's what she meant by her and Matthew being together at the office." I laugh at the difference in images i
n my mind … the lie and the truth.
"Anyway, we thought she was a sweet girl, or at least Lillian and I thought she was, until we learned what she did to our son in college. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with her since. Do you know you're the first woman he's fallen in love with since her? He wouldn't allow himself to get close to anyone until you.”
"We're at the ferry, and have only a five-minute wait. We got here just in time," he says while turning a little soft music on the radio.
"He's trying to get over me," I confess out loud.
"Not going to happen," he says with conviction. "Could you get over him?"
"Never."
"There you have it then. He loves you more than you know, Joy. He didn't intentionally set out to hurt you. I don't know what Emma said to you, but I know it couldn't have been good. She’s devious, conniving and vindictive. She wants to ruin Matthew for some reason, and you are part of that ruination. She did all of this to hurt him, and I was hoping you would have more faith in him than you did," he says as the car moves onto the ferry.
His words cut me to the core. To hear someone that I respect say that out loud puts a tremendous amount of self-doubt in my heart. I should have had more faith in Matthew. I should have trusted him … or at least heard him out. I was quick to judge and quick to deny him. Now, I'm angry with myself more than anything.
Contemplating what everyone has said to me over the past few days, and, if they are all saying the same things, then why am I the last to see it? I know I love him, and I don't want to throw it away.
He did say he wanted to tell me how his procedure works; what harm could there be in that? I don't have to agree to the surgery, but I can listen to him. I've done some research already. Why shouldn't I allow him to fill in the blanks?
I hope he likes my Christmas present.
I hope I get a chance to touch his hand.
I hope he likes his pie.
I hope I'm not too late.
~.~
It’s Christmas. Today is the one day of the year that I thought I would definitely wake up with Joy in my arms. First, I would have made love to her, knowing how she enjoys her morning sex. That was one thing we definitely had in common. Then, I would have brought her coffee in the new coffee mug I got her. The comical message on it is in Braille. I think she would have liked it. I vow to myself to be in the best of spirits today, starting now.
Since I left the Jag on Bainbridge, I hitch a ride to the island with Jess and Laura with the plan of driving my car home tomorrow. It’s not long when I hear Jessie's horn signaling his arrival. Running down the stairs, I grab my keys, wallet and sunglasses, slipping them into the inside pocket of my favorite leather jacket, and head out the door. Chuckling when Laura holds the door open for me, I give her a peck on her cheek and slide into the back seat.
"Merry Christmas, guys," I say while putting on my seatbelt.
"Ho … ho … ho …” Jessie booms in return.
"Merry Christmas, Matthew," Laura says, smiling over her shoulder.
After the ferry ride and the drive to the house, we unload the gifts Laura and Jessie brought with them. As soon as we enter the house, the smells that assault us are heavenly. You can’t beat Mom's home cooking.
As soon as all the hugs and well wishes are given, everyone goes off to do their own thing. Laura stays in the kitchen to help Mom with whatever she needs, while Jessie and I bring in the wood to start a fire. That's when the front door opens, and Maddie and Brian walk through.
"Hey, Mom, where's Dad?" I ask, looking around for him.
"Oh, he had a last minute errand to run. I think he’s picking up a Christmas gift that had to wait until today," she explains, never looking away from her task.
"Come on you guys, let's go watch a game until dad gets back," I call out and run to the living room, jumping over the back of the couch. After turning on the big screen, there’s nothing on but parades. "Well, fuck," I say, flipping through the channels for a third time.
"The game doesn't come on until later, Matthew, you know that," Jessie says, tackling me and throwing me over his shoulder, letting out a big ‘whoof’ as his shoulder slams into my stomach. At hearing the garage door open signaling Dad's return, he carries me to the kitchen. I immediately stop my fighting with Jessie when I hear two car doors shut in succession. Still hanging over Jess's shoulder, I look to my left when Dad comes through the door with this so-called Christmas present.
"Joy?" I whisper and struggle for Jess to put me down and he lowers me to my feet. "What's going on?" I ask puzzled, my eyes darting from Joy, then back to my dad, then back to Joy before turning my eyes on everyone else in the room.
"I invited her," Mom speaks up as if nothing is wrong. "I didn't want her sitting home alone on Christmas when everyone she loves is in this room."
"Merry Christmas, Joy. I'm so glad you came." Maddie hugs her, placing her arm around her shoulder.
"Hey, sugar," Brian says sweetly, kissing her cheek. She gives him a beaming smile.
"Thanks, guys," she replies, shyly.
"Hey, Joy." Jessie strides over to her and picks her up, spinning her around the room.
"Jessie, geez, put her down," Laura commands before pulling her into a hug.
"Merry Christmas, sweetie. I'm glad you came."
"Thank you for inviting me. I hope it isn’t an intrusion," she begins, bowing her head toward the floor. "I guess you all know how persuasive Lillian can be." I watch her lips as she speaks, and I want to go to her in the worst way.
After everyone wishes her a Merry Christmas, their eyes are on me to see what I’m going to do. Walking over to her, I place a hand on her arm, wish her a Merry Christmas and turn for the bar.
"Thank you. I, um, made pies for dessert. They're in the car," Joy cheerfully says to anyone listening.
"Cherry?" Brian asks, all excited. I shake my head at his childish exuberance. Maddie must be rubbing off on him.
"Not this time, Brian. I figured you have Maddie now, she can bake cherry pies for you. I made pumpkin for dinner and … apple."
She made me pie? I smile then turn back to my task of making Bloody Marys.
"He's smiling, Joy," Maddie whispers to her. I wish she wouldn't do that. "I bet he hasn't had apple pie since the last time you made it for him." Looking Maddie in the eye, I shake my head and mouth 'no' at her, instructing her not to pursue this line of conversation.
"If someone wants to go get them, they're in the car," Joy suggests. I volunteer, and as I walk past, I stop beside her.
"Thank you. That was … very kind of you." I don't linger near her for long, but I did want to thank her. It is the polite thing to do when someone makes you your favorite pie, right?
After the guys huddle in the living room to watch the sports channel, the girls help Mom with dinner. However, my mind is on one small brunette, and I roll my eyes at myself for finding excuse after excuse to go to the kitchen.
After my fourth trip, I return to my chair and immediately start fidgeting again. My dad looks over at me.
"For God's sake, Matthew, if you want to talk to her, go get her and talk to her. Dinner's not for another two hours … get it over with." Having heard it out loud, I ask myself what the harm would be if I were to talk to her. I could ask her how she's doing, right?
"Should I?" I ask everyone in the room.
"Yes," they all say in unison. Grinning at their reply, I continue to sit there, petrified to move.
"Go, Matthew," Jessie whispers to me, nudging my shoulder with his. I hold his glance, trying to talk myself into it. "Go. Trust me. She wants to talk to you as well."
"Does she?" I ask him, needing the reassurance.
"Yes, she told Laura, so go."
Taking a deep breath, I give myself a moment to overcome my anxieties. I have no idea how to approach her, but I suck it up and head toward the kitchen. When I get close to the door, I hear the girls laughing and gossiping, but, as soon as I enter the room, they stop ta
lking and stare at me as if I’m the anti-Christ. Not knowing what’s going on, Joy starts moving around, confused, like she's trying to figure out what is wrong. I walk closer to her and take her hand, rubbing my thumb along the back of it.
"Can we talk?" I whisper in her ear. She nods, and I help her off the bar stool and take her to my office.
"Would you like the chair or the couch?" I politely ask.
"Couch, please." After I escort her to her seat, I sit in the chair opposite her.
"Would you sit next to me?" I don't know why I hesitate, but I do.
"I don't know if that's a good idea." Watching her reaction, I can tell that hurt her. I get up and pace in front of the couch. I’m not sure what I'm doing and equally unsure if I should even be alone with her.
"Joy, the last time I tried to talk to you, you turned your back to me and asked me to leave. I can't describe how it felt seeing you do that.
"I know how you feel. I’ve been hurt too, but I guess I don't need to tell you that, do I?"
"I know that I hurt you. I lied, I conspired, and I betrayed you, but you’re not interested in any of that. You’re not interested in forgiving me. I get it." I pace around to the back of the couch because I don't want to see the hurt or anguish on her face. She bows her head, wringing the hands that are nestled in her lap.
Walking up behind her, I move to touch her hair, longing to run my fingers through it again. As if she senses it, she maneuvers her head back closer to my fingers. I stroke the softness of her silky hair, letting the curls glide between my fingers. That's when she whimpers, bowing her head again, and begins to cry in earnest. I hurry across the room to snatch the box of tissues off the corner of the desk, placing them in her lap.
"Thank you," she says quietly.
Sitting down next to her, I carefully sit on the edge of the seat, keeping a respectable distance. I rest my elbows on my knees, letting my head hang between my shoulders, carefully considering my first words.
"What do you want, Joy?" I ask in a near whisper. "You ask me to leave you alone, and I have. It's killing me, but I'm doing it. Why are you here?"
I See You (Seeing You #2) Page 5