Beyond 10 Nights (Forbidden Desires Series)

by Michelle Hughes

  Unfortunately, Rhett’s confession of assault meant it made no difference that he hadn’t filed charges; he was to be prosecuted anyway.

  “Mr. Hammond, I have to say that I am disappointed to see one of our most prominent businessmen, and a lawyer, in my court today, especially on such a juvenile charge.” Glancing down at the file in her hand, the judge shook her head in disbelief. “I see here that you have pleaded guilty to assault charges, even though the victim has not filed a complaint?” She raised an eyebrow at that, she wasn’t easily surprised after more than ten years presiding over criminal cases, but that did surprise her. If he had simply denied it, or said nothing at all, he could have avoided even the risk of going to jail. “Why is that?”

  “Because I know that I need to seek help for my anger issues, and admitting that I committed the crime seems like a reasonable step in that direction.” In truth, he felt guilty as hell over what had happened and, in his opinion, time in jail, even if he received as long as a year, was no less than he deserved. He had been surprised when David told him that neither Alex nor Leah were willing to file charges against him, but that hadn’t changed his mind about admitting to the assault.

  “While I find your attitude commendable, Mr. Hammond, and an example I wish others in your position would follow,” at that she looked up sternly at the row of prisoners awaiting arraignment behind Rhett, “I don’t believe that putting you into the criminal justice system is going to change anything.” She turned to Rhett’s lawyer, who, despite his impassive demeanor, was still surprised that his employer wasn’t willing to do everything possible to make the situation better for himself.

  “Counselor, I think we can come to a resolution that will serve all parties involved, without the need to punish your client more than is necessary. I am going to recommend a suspended sentence of nine months and six months of anger management counseling, on an outpatient basis. Additionally, your client will be required to pay for all treatment, and court fees.”

  Rhett’s lawyer turned to look at his employer, but it was David who provided him with his instructions, giving a discreet nod. “I believe that is a fair decision, your honor, my client accepts,” he said, relieved that they had been given a fair judge for the arraignment; there were some, he knew, who would have delighted in throwing the book at such a prominent businessman.

  “That is my order then,” the judge announced, bringing down her gavel. “And Mr. Hammond, I hope the counseling will prove to be what you need. I do not wish to see you in front of my bench again; I will not be so lenient if I do.”

  “Thank you, your honor.” Rhett finally spoke; he didn’t feel as though he deserved the leniency he had been given, but appreciated the opportunity to deal with his issues and make amends for what he had done. He promised himself he would use the sentence to get his head straight, and sort himself out, once and for all.

  The judge nodded and Rhett and David walked off to settle the court fees, while Leah breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad that’s over,” she said. She had been a nervous wreck since walking into the courtroom; knowing that he wasn’t going to suffer as a result of what had happened was a massive weight off her mind. She, Alex and Janie waited outside the courthouse while the paperwork was taken care of, and then they were joined by David and Rhett.

  “Alex, forgive me for being such a stubborn, stupid ass,” Rhett said, extending his hand, which he hoped his friend was going to take.

  “I understand wanting to fight for Leah, Rhett, but let’s both agree not to ever let things get like that again.” He hadn’t completely forgiven his friend, but Rhett had proved to be willing to own up to his mistakes, and seek help; for him to refuse the offered apology would make him less of a man.

  Rhett knew that if the situation had been reversed he would not have been as generous. That, along with the knowledge that he wasn’t good for anyone just then, must less his precious Leah, told him what he needed to do. “Leah, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to speak with you privately for a moment.” He wasn’t sure she would ever want to be alone with him again, but what he needed to say, he wasn’t sure he could in front of the others.

  “There’s a coffee house across the street,” Leah said. She wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea to be alone with him, and not just because of his temper. She figured she would be safe from the temptation she always felt in his presence though, if there were others around, and they were in a public place.

  “That sounds fine.” Rhett nodded in agreement, just happy that she was willing to talk with him after everything that had happened.

  “Janie, I’ll see you back at the condo.” Leah gave her friend a quick hug.

  “If you’re not there in a couple of hours, and I haven’t heard from you, I’ll send out a S.W.A.T. unit,” Janie joked, but immediately regretted it when she saw the remorse-filled look in Rhett’s eyes. “Kidding, Rhett.” Rolling her eyes she took David’s arm and together they walked off to fetch his car.

  “She’ll be safe with me, Alex,” Rhett promised. After what he’d done he felt he owed his friend, and Leah, some assurances, even though he hoped they both knew he would never purposely hurt Leah.

  “I know she will, Rhett.” Shaking his friend’s hand, Alex offered Leah a quick smile. “Call me later if you need to talk.” At her small nod he smiled again and then turned to follow Janie and David on their way to the parking lot.

  “Shall we?” Rhett motioned with his hand for her to lead the way, and followed behind her, silently contemplating what he was sure was going to be the hardest discussion he would ever have.

  For reasons she couldn’t fathom, Leah felt as though she was making a death march as they walked across the street. The new Rhett, the one she had seen that day , was not the self-assured man she had fallen for, he seemed almost beaten, and she didn’t like that.

  Entering the coffee house, Leah found a booth in a quiet corner, where they could talk without being overheard or disturbed, and slid into it. She was at a loss for words until the waitress came, not sure what Rhett wanted to talk to her about, feeling only that it wasn’t going to make her happy. Ordering a cappuccino she waited silently for Rhett to speak.

  “Leah, first let me say how sorry I am that I lost control,” he said with a wry smile when he saw she had nothing to say. “The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you, and I want you to understand that I will never allow myself to put you in that position again.” He reached across the table to take her hand, squeezing it gently in an effort to reassure her.

  She couldn’t stay angry with him; it just wasn’t in her nature. “I shouldn’t have slept with Alex,” she told him, feeling guilty. If he had been with another woman she would have been heartbroken, she knew she would. She had had long hours to think about everything she had done, and she had come to the conclusion that she had been just as responsible for what had happened as Rhett was. The guilt was eating her up inside, which was why she was so relieved he had been released by the judge.

  “I didn’t leave you with much of a choice, sweetheart.” After the way he had treated her he was amazed to see that she was blaming herself. In his mind she had offered him her love, and in return he had given her a sadistic asshole who was only concerned with having his own needs fulfilled.

  “People always have a choice, Rhett, and I’m not very proud of the one I made.” That was putting it mildly, she felt like a whore for turning to another man the moment her fiancé upset her. That wasn’t how she had been raised, and it definitely wasn’t the type of person she wanted to be.

  “I refuse to allow you to blame yourself for this, sweetheart.” He gave her a sad smile as he caressed the top of her hand with his thumb. “This entire relationship moved too fast from the beginning, and I never took the time to think about how you felt.” It had worried at his mind the whole time he was in that cell over the weekend; how he had taken a virgin and tried to turn her into a whore in less than a month. In his mind it did
n’t say much about his ability to control himself, or to be the leader in the BDSM lifestyle that he was supposed to be.

  “Rhett, you didn’t do anything that I didn’t allow.” She refused to let him take all the blame for what had happened. “I could have walked away at any time.” As she said the words she knew in her heart they were true. Nothing that had happened between them had been because he forced her to make decisions; sure he had been overbearing, and even overwhelming, but it was her own stubbornness and fear that had led her to the choices she had made.

  “It doesn’t really matter anymore, Leah.” He shook his head. “I’m going to do the best thing I can for you now, and walk away.” The thought of ending things with her was like a knife in the gut, it was the very last thing he wanted to do, but he knew it was the right thing. He had royally fucked things up with her, and for once in his life he was prepared to do the right thing, no matter what it cost him.

  Leah looked up at him in stunned amazement. “You don’t want me anymore?” She bit back a gasp at the pain that speared her heart at the thought of him saying goodbye.

  “It doesn’t matter what I want, sweetheart.” He hated that he was the cause of the pain he saw in her beautiful eyes, and knew that walking away would be worse than dying a thousand times, in a thousand different ways, but he would endure it, because he must. “You deserve someone who can give you the type of love your heart craves, and I don’t know if I can ever be that person.” As much as he wanted to, he wasn’t sure he possessed the ability to love her the way she wanted and needed to be loved.

  “It matters to me.” She fought back the tears that stung her eyes as he pulled her world out from under her feet. “If you don’t want me, then I’ll find a way to let you go, but if you do, Rhett, you had damned well better fight for me!” Her pain turned to anger as the thought of him walking out of her life forever made her lose her grip on reality.

  The waitress arrived with their coffees then and she glared at her until she walked away. She waited for Rhett to speak, and when he didn’t she felt her anger grow. “Damn you, Rhett, don’t you dare try and decide what’s good for me.” She was furious that he was willing to end everything after what they had been through. “What am I supposed to do without you in my life?”

  It was crazy with him, she knew that, but it was also exciting, and felt like the entire world was tipped over when he took control. It scared the shit out of her, but it had also made her feel alive for the first time in her life. “I love you!” she screamed the words, not caring that they sounded more a threat than a confession from the heart; he needed to know how she felt.

  “Sweetheart, let me do the right thing here,” he whispered in an almost defeated tone. Before her it had never mattered to him what another person wanted, he had taken what he wanted and needed, and if that wasn’t enough for his partner then he was just as happy for her to leave. This was his precious Leah though, not one of those other submissive's who had entered his life for the sole purpose of pleasing him. She deserved more than he had ever given any of those others, she deserved everything.

  He was really going to do this, she thought in panic. He was going to walk out of her life thinking it was what she needed. Hell no! She refused to allow it, standing, she moved round the table to kneel by his chair. Screw all the people that were staring at her, screw everyone else in the world, she thought. “This is where I want to be, and unless you tell me you no longer want me, then I plan on being here for the rest of my life.”

  Rhett shook his head at how willingly she was submitting to him; he ached to accept the gift she was offering. “Stand up, Leah.” The rest of the world slipped away as he looked down into her tear-filled eyes. “That’s not where you belong.” He wasn’t worthy of her devotion, he thought, and until he was, he refused to give in to the desire he felt.

  He didn’t want her; all her bravado slipped away as that thought struck her and she rested her head on his knee as she tried to come to grips with everything that mattered in her life being taken away from her. The tears fell then and she didn’t try to stop them. If he truly didn’t love her, then she would have to accept that and let him walk away, but she wasn’t sure she had to strength to do that.

  They were making a scene, Rhett finally noticed the stares and hushed whispers around them, and realized he should have declined the coffee house and found somewhere better for their meeting. “Sweetheart, we need to get out of here.” He petted her hair like a child as he whispered the words, not liking how broken she seemed as she knelt at his feet.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” Lifting her eyes to meet his took almost more energy than she had right then, but she forced herself to do it. If he truly was leaving her, then she wanted him to say the words. The rest of the crowd could burn in hell for all she cared at that moment, this was her lover, and he was all that mattered to her.

  Reaching down he lifted her to her feet before pulling out his wallet and dropping some money on the table. “Walk with me, sweetheart.” She didn’t deserve to have her emotions shared with a room full of strangers; he was causing her pain again, he thought, and he hated himself because of it.

  How she managed to make her feet move to walk with him out the door she had no idea, but she allowed him to lead her the few blocks to Monroe Harbor before they spoke again. Normally the beautiful sailboats would have held her attention, but on that occasion her focus was all on Rhett. “I don’t want to lose you.” She couldn’t begin to imagine life without him. She remembered just how lonely she had been before meeting him; it was a life she never wanted to return to.

  “Sweetheart, for the first time in my life I am trying to do the right thing; you’re making it really hard though.” Pulling her into his arms he held her tight. “I need to get help, and I don’t want you wasting your life waiting on me when I might never be able to become someone who deserves your love.” Didn’t she understand how much he loved her? Being unselfish was not something he did, but for her he was willing to be.

  “Do you love me, Rhett?” That was all that really mattered to her. If he didn’t, then she would accept it, no matter how painful it might be; somehow she would find a way to get on with her life. She deserved to hear the truth though.

  He knew the right thing to do, as wrong as it was, would be to lie to her, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Before you, I’m not even sure I thought it was possible to love.”

  She wasn’t sure what that meant, and looked up at him expectantly. “Do you love me?” She wasn’t sure if his words had been admission of his feelings for her, and she refused to accept anything less than clarity.

  “Yes, sweetheart, I love you, but I also refuse to hurt you again.” He put his finger to her lips as she tried to speak. “I love you enough to walk away until I am able to get the help I need.” He knew it wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but it was the truth, and he was not prepared to be around her until she was sure he could control himself. He needed to stay away, for her and for him.

  He loved her, she couldn’t help the smile that found her face at his words; he loved her, nothing else mattered. “Then I’ll wait for you.” She planned on doing more than waiting, but if he needed to feel in control she would give him that. The ache in her heart was lifting, knowing what he felt for her, what she felt for him made everything seem better.

  “I think you should go to the Ranch with Alex.” He didn’t want her to wait around while he got his shit together. He knew what would happen if she did, she would end up back in his bed, and he would take what he needed, without thinking about her, if she allowed it. He couldn’t do that to her, or live with the consequences if he did.

  “But you said the Ranch was a horrible place.” Why would he now want her to be with Alex, there, when that was what had started the whole argument in the first place? It didn’t make sense to her.

  “I was jealous as hell and only thinking of myself.” He was willing to admit his deceit, because he knew if
she didn’t give him the space he needed he would only end up hurting her again. The thought of her with Alex still pissed him off, but as selfish as he had been, and he wanted to be, he knew she would learn things with Alex that he didn’t have the patience to teach her right then.

  “So you’re still breaking up with me?” He loved her, he’d admitted as much, so how could he still be walking away from her? She just didn’t understand it. She was in the middle of the most confusing conversation of her adult life and didn’t know what to do.

  “I’m going to get the help I need, and until I do, I want you to go on living your life.” She was twenty-four years old, and deserved to live life, not be stuck dealing with a selfish, inconsiderate asshole. Alex would keep her safe, and would make her happy, for the time being at least; he could only hope that when he was finally able to be the man she deserved she would still want him.

  “I’ll wait for you.” Knowing that he loved her she wasn’t willing to give him up. Lifting her hand to his cheek, she smiled warmly up into his beautiful eyes.

  Just her touch had him aching to lift her up against the nearest wall, to rip off her panties, and to take her, regardless of who might come along and see them. The thought, and the image that went with it, burned through his mind, and he knew what he had to do. “I need you to be with Alex, sweetheart, at least until I get my shit together.” She needed to walk away before he took what she was so willing to give him. This was the way it was when they were together, he knew; the sexual tension was like a storm, just waiting to be unleashed.