Lights Out (Book 4): New Frontier

by Cal, Sarah

  He’d moved so one of his arms was thrown over her legs, and she wondered how she’d missed that in her musings. She smoothed down his hair, then reached for his arm and gently pulled out from under it, settling he covers back over him. He made a discontent sound, and he frowned almost instantly.

  Emma felt herself grin. Chase had told her, once, that he was so used to her sleeping by his side now, that he woke up when she wasn’t there. She crouched beside the bed and smoothed her hand through his hair a few times, until his body relaxed. She was hoping his exhaustion would keep him down for a few hours. He deserved the sleep. Besides, she still planned to go out, and she might bring Chase along again. She left a peck on his forehead, and went to pick out a change of clothes.

  Might as well take a shower.

  She didn’t have that many clothes to be changing every time she took a shower, but someone in the group had been going around washing people’s clothes, and Emma appreciated it. They had been trying to take as little along as possible besides the food, and there was no way to get more clothes, but she felt icky every time she showered only to get back in dirty clothes she’d worked in and sweated in.

  Someone, she wasn’t sure who, had realized the problem before she even mentioned it, and she wanted to thank whoever it was, at some point. She dressed up in fresh clothes, and returned the dirty ones back to her room, leaving them in a corner to be picked up.

  She might have been leader, but the people in her group knew how to organize themselves, at least. She didn’t have to look after them as if they were children, which she felt was a blessing, because Emma didn’t go around giving orders and calling for group meetings.

  Emma went downstairs to find Merry staring blankly ahead of her, a bowl of cereal in her hand. She was confused for a moment, then worried by the vacant look in her sister’s eyes.

  She hadn't spoken to Merry much since their incident before. Emma was still annoyed at Merry for the words she’d said, blaming Emma for letting their grandmother die, as if she didn’t have a hand in it. Maybe Chase had been right when he said it would be better for her to speak to her sister the morning after and clear everything up, but Emma hadn't been interested. Merry wasn’t exactly going out of her way to speak to her, either, so she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong.

  But none of that meant that she would suddenly stop caring about her sister. She might be thinking about a few people being added to the family, but Merry was her last blood relation left, unless their parents had lied to them before for some reason. She might not like dealing with her sister’s bullshit, but it didn’t change that they were sisters.

  Still, she hesitated to join her.

  Merry had plenty of her own demons to take care of, not like Emma who had to keep inventing them and torturing her own mind. Focusing on Jackson had helped her let go of the issue with her grandmother, where she decided to just let it go since there was nothing she could do now, even if she could have done something back then. What was done, was done, but that little boy was still out there in need of someone to help him out.

  Her sister, though... when was the last time Emma found her like this? She couldn’t even remember, but she knew it was a bad thing. Was Merry really regressing because she didn’t have any more meds? Emma had asked both Barbara and Carol after she realized the meds were finished, but they didn’t have more. There was no way they could come across a place to get them from, now, and Carol had insisted that it might not be a good idea with Merry’s head injury, either way. She didn’t really care, she just wanted her sister to get well.

  Because she had been, but the look currently on her sister’s face told her that it might have been for nothing.

  Emma approached her carefully and touched her hand to pull away the bowl of cereal, her worry increasing when there was no reaction to that. She waved her hand over Merry’s eyes, and she didn’t even blink.

  “Merry?” she called carefully.

  Again, no reaction. Even taking her lightly by the shoulders and shaking her a little still didn’t move her. Before letting the worry get a hold of her, she took a deep breath and decided to take some action. She pulled on her sister to stand, and it was done with ease.

  She guided Merry to the couch and had her sit down, then sat beside her. “Merry? What’s wrong?”

  After a little more prompting, her sister reacted, and the relief that went through her body had her leaning back in the seat, before she straightened up, and hesitated to take one of her sister’s hands. After hovering her hand over Merry’s for a moment, she let it fall in her own lap. Merry didn’t seem to realize, but she did wake up from her daze.

  Merry blinked, and turned to look at her. “I had a dream... that you abandoned me for a little boy.”

  She could feel her jaw drop as she stared at Merry’s completely serious expression.

  Emma was shocked, wondering how Merry found out about the child. As far as she knew, Harry had only spoken to the patrollers yesterday to keep a look out for a child. Merry wasn’t doing patrols, so there was no way for her to have known there was a child out there, let alone guesses it was a boy.

  But... maybe she just overheard something? It made more sense than Merry’s dream being another premonition. Besides, there was one thing wrong in the dream.

  “You should never think like that. You’re my big sister, I would never leave Merry, even if you didn’t want me anymore. I got us both here, didn’t I?”

  Merry scoffed. “Nobody wants me, and nothing you say will make me change my mind.”

  Emma resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She knew this was something serious, in spite of Merry’s tone. Merry wasn’t always so open about her insecurities, and this was something she needed to take seriously, or risk seriously offending her sister.

  It didn’t change that Merry was always creating hurdles for herself that Emma didn’t think existed. To Merry, she was always second best to Emma, something Emma didn’t understand at all. It was something they both shared, that self-absorption that wouldn’t let them see what the other was going through.

  Emma had blamed her sister for getting herself lost in her delusions, but she had abandoned her as well after the death of their parents. If not for their grandmother being there, they might not have gotten to stay with each other at all. And even then, when there were threats to send Merry to a mental institution, where she could better be taken care of by professionals that knew what they were doing. In a lot of ways, they got lucky.

  That boy out there clearly didn’t have anyone else to just be there with him, even if it was a sibling not that far in age from him.

  But Merry hadn't seemed to realize the stress Emma was usually under, seeing as she had contributed to it plenty of times, and sometimes Emma felt it had been deliberate. Emma didn’t know when they had started up a competition to see who could outmatch the other, but Merry took it seriously and in her eyes, she was outmatched by Emma.

  It was infuriating that her sister thought that way. Emma didn’t see herself as anything special, so of course that would annoy her, but Merry never seemed to get it.

  It had gotten to a point where Merry had started an argument with their grandmother, claiming Janice didn’t love her as much as she loved Emma. It was a ridiculous notion, but though both of them had tried to correct her, she hadn't wanted to hear it. She’d gone back to isolating herself in her room.

  Then, it had been Emma’s brilliant idea to tell their grandmother to leave Merry alone until she got over her little tantrum. Emma had thought it was the easiest way. She hadn’t thought at the time that the gulf created between the two would lead to such wide consequences. At the time, she was worried about her family breaking apart, and enemies from out of town coming to their town and attacking them.

  But she had let it go on too long, paid less attention to the problem than she was supposed to. When she finally went to talk to her sister, what Merry wanted was to join her out on patrol, so she could try to find s
ome use for herself, as well. Emma hadn't thought she was built for it. Her sister was stick thin, Emma wouldn’t even feel comfortable handing her a weapon, but Merry had insisted Emma would be next to her, weapon in hand, so it would be fine.

  Emma had thought back to that moment so many times, and wished she could have changed it, been a little stricter with her sister. If Merry wanted to act like she was a child, Emma should have treated her as such instead of giving her what she wanted.

  Because the next day, when they did go out on patrol, Janice followed them out, finally losing her patience on waiting for Merry. She tried to engage Merry, who just acted cold, and Emma could have hit her sister for the things she said to their grandmother, then.

  She was sure her sister regretted it all in the next moment, though. Because strangers came to their street, someone shot at Merry, and Janice jumped in front of her and took the bullet for her.

  Maybe... just maybe, Merry saying what she did to Emma was her way of trying to absolve herself from guilt, and Emma couldn’t fault her from just that. She had used the same tactic and convinced people to follow her and murder people in the name of revenge. While she still thought the people of Brassville had deserved it, especially considering what they ended up doing, but Emma had been angry at the time.

  Emma sighed and finally put a hand over her sister’s own.

  Neither of them brought up the fight from a few nights ago. Emma didn’t need an apology from Merry, knowing she had her own demons to deal with, and they were likely a lot bigger than Emma’s own.

  But they still needed to talk and hang around each other. They were only just starting to act like sisters. Before, all Merry had done was find ways to make Emma’s life harder, and she felt a little guilty now that she’d ever thought that. It wasn’t her sister’s fault that she suffered mental trauma in the way that she did. Emma hadn’t been there for her elder sister after their parents’ death, and vice versa, but she’d been determined to change that after Janice. And yet, she found herself ignoring her sister again.

  “All right,” she made a quick decision. “We’re going to spend the day together, just the two of us.”

  Merry have her a wide eyes look. “What?”

  “You heard me, Merry. It would be good for you to get outside, anyway. How’s your head feeling?”

  She looked away, raising a hand to her head and pressing lightly where she’d been hit. “Carol gave me something and it hasn’t bothered me since.”

  “Good. Let me just get some food, and we can go whenever you’re ready.”

  Out in the fields, Emma made general chit-chat with Merry, who barely responded. But this was pretty much the usual for them. Merry had issues opening up, even with her family, but she kept it up, and eventually Merry loosened up, even if it was only slightly. When they got to the edge of the fields, Merry stopped, staring out at the tree line.

  “I don’t like the forest,” she said, apropos of nothing.

  “Why?” Emma asked.

  She made an abortive shrug. “Only bad things come from woods, like wolves and monsters.”

  “Merry, the fairy stories you’re thinking of aren’t real. Besides, we walked through those trees to get here, remember? The forest is safe.”

  But Merry was adamant. “It’s evil,” she called it.

  Just as she did, Emma saw a figure in the shadows again. She was careful not to draw her gun instinctively, knowing it could be the boy, and the last thing she wanted to do was scare him off again.

  Hope rose in her chest and her breath stuttered, just barely holding back the cry that wanted to leave her throat. She wanted to call out, see if it really was the boy, but she didn’t.

  Her waiting paid off.

  Emma could have cried when she finally caught sight of the boy. He was still partially hidden, so she didn’t see much of him, but from what she could see she could tell that the boy was dirty. Mothering instincts that were usually only active around Kellen’s five year old daughter, because she was the only child Emma had spent a lot of time around, came out and she wanted to take the boy into her arms again. She had to remind herself that it would be his choice whether to go with them or no, but she thought he would.

  Then her sister happened.

  Merry spotted the boy as he came out of the shadows again, and she pretended to roar at him before Emma knew what she was doing.

  Emma watched, helpless, as the boy screamed and ran away. Then she whirled around to her sister with a glare

  “Why did you do that?” Emma asks, exasperated.

  Merry turned a scowl her way and said, “My dream was about to come true,” and ran back to the house.

  Chapter Sixteen:

  Harry and Emma were guarding the farm a few days later.

  She’d insisted he didn’t have to come out with her, that she could take care of it. But he was stubborn. She hoped that with them around he could take it easy, but he didn’t seem interested at all. He was always out with them doing something from the crack of dawn till evening. Emma admired him for it, but it also worried her a bit.

  But he was technically her boss now, so she gave up on fighting him on it.

  Besides, he had been doing this by himself for a while before they showed up, so he was obviously competent and the more experienced out of all of them.

  But once they were out, Emma’s thoughts had shifted.

  She hadn’t seen the boy yet, and she was starting to get a little worried. He’d been scared to begin with, and Merry hadn’t made it any better, acting like she was the child when she was close to her thirties. Actually, as far as Emma knew, she might as well be thirty. She hadn’t been following the calendars since the EMP attack, so she wasn’t quite sure how long it had been, but she’d count a few months.

  Emma had given Merry an earful when she got back. Unable to help herself, she’d gone into the forest to look for the boy, only to miss him and go back hours later, aching and incensed. Like she’d known Emma wanted to read her the riot act, Merry had sat and waited for her in the living room.

  They didn’t end up with a shouting match, and Emma had seen her sister’s surprise at that. But she hadn’t thought there was much need. All she did, was tell Merry how disappointed she was, and walk away. It would probably have more of an impact than trying to scream reason into her sister’s stubborn head.

  Chase didn’t know what was going on with them, but he knew Emma was mad, whether or not she showed it by starting a fight with her sister, and she had been glad he hadn't interfered. She felt a little guilty for not telling him what was going on, but she didn’t want to disappoint him anymore.

  Also, she didn’t think he’d get angry at Merry for what she’d done, maybe just annoyed, and Emma didn’t want to deal with that either. While Chase didn’t always do what she wanted, he liked to tell her when he didn’t feel she was in the right, she needed the anger this time, or she might have cried in frustration.

  The boy had been so close, and thanks to Merry, and she had done it deliberately, they might have lost him for good this time.

  But even if Chase had taken her side, he would have tried to comfort her, and that wasn’t what she wanted. She needed to vent, and while there was no way besides muttering curse words to herself and thinking of all the things she could have been screaming at her sister helped lessen her anger to something manageable, just a little.

  Not to mention, the thought of making Chase disappointed again didn’t sit well with her. As far as he knew, they hadn't encountered the boy again. But Chase didn’t vent out his emotions, from what she’d seen. He tended to stick to himself and try to work things out on his own, even though he was the one usually pushing her to accept his help when she had a problem.

  None of the others knew what was going on, but they definitely knew something wasn’t right. They must have noticed her mood, because Emma didn’t think she imagined they were walking on eggshells around her. When she entered into a room, they all suddenly went si
lent. Whatever she wanted was just suddenly there for her, like they were trying not to make her madder.

  Emma could have told them not to bother. When she held so tight a reign on herself, there was no way she would let her emotions out unless she wanted to. And she knew better than to let her anger out on everybody else. She was supposed to guide them, and even in her state, she knew better than to try and alienate them because she was in a foul mood.

  She did appreciate what they did for her, though, and made sure to let them know before she went to bed that night.

  At night, while in bed, most of her anger disappeared to be replaced by worry. Worry for the boy, and for bringing him to the farm house. Harry had given her permission, but if Merry continued to act the way she did, would it even be okay?

  She couldn’t think of leaving the boy out there, but what if Emma brought him back, only to have Merry do something to scare the boy again? Then he would really be lost to them, and that was worse in Emma’s eyes.

  But there’s no way I can just leave him, she thought fiercely to herself.

  But what could she do to reign her sister in? Emma didn’t control Merry—her sister decided when she would behave, and when she didn’t want to. While Emma was used to having arguments with her sister, usually, they ended when she got Merry to concede, or her sister got her so mad that she just walked away from the argument and spent some time ignoring her sister.

  Now, though, she would have to think of something more effective. If it mean keeping Merry away from the boy all together, Emma would find a way. I meant she might have to be with the boy all the time, or Chase would. Maybe some other people she trusted, but this had to be handled when they brought the boy in.

  Then, there was the other dilemma. Would the boy even want to come with them, after what Merry had done? Even if they found him, if they couldn’t talk him into coming with them, the effort would be useless. She didn’t want to corner him and force him into listening to them, but she didn’t want him running at the sight of them, either. Merry was obviously not going out with her again, but he had seen Emma with Merry and Emma hadn't spoken to him at all. It was possible he might not recognize it was even her...