I pulled the door handle and climbed inside. I couldn’t look at him as I drove away. My heart was aching. My uncle told me to trust myself, but right now I didn’t know whom I could trust at all. The answers were getting clearer, but they frightened me.
I pulled into Mom’s driveway. There were no cars there, so she and Barry weren’t home. My mind was racing, but all I needed to do now was get David on that plane, and then everything would fall into place, as it should. We were on a path, and if we didn’t finish, all the rules would change, again. I couldn’t handle that.
As I opened the car door and walked towards the house, I heard David’s voice from the back porch. Who was he on the phone with?
“Ugh. Tell me about it. It’s been torture,” I heard him say. I stayed safely around the corner. Something told me it would be best if he didn’t notice me listening.
“Yes! Exactly! Like some hick backwater town in a bad 80s movie. I feel like I’m in Mayberry. It’s awful. They fry everything. I half expect them to fry the water. And they’re all raging alcoholics, like it’s the only way they can deal with it because they know how miserable it is here. I know. I know! Kill me now, right? I mean, I can’t spend another day here. His mom puts the smother in mother. She dotes all over him like he’s this precious baby. Like she’s so proud of him. I mean, yeah, he’s fun and all, but he’s not a superhero, you know? He’s a failed actor, remember? It’s his job to make you feel like you’re interesting. And his uncle! That queen! You would die. Let me tell you, Nathan Lane in a dress! HA! Oh, my god. And one of his friends is like this Daughters of the Confederate Revolution thingy or another, and the other one is a Wynona Ryder wannabe, but she comes across more like Punky Brewster. These insane get ups! Yes! Yes! It’s gonna be tough,” he continued, “but we have a lot of work to do when we get him back to New York. We have to wipe this small town grime off of him and remind him who he is. Like wipe his memory or something. You should see what he’s wearing these days. There’s actually flannel in his closet. Flannel?! Can you believe it? And it’s not like it’s some vintage Gaultier or Westwood. I think it’s from Target, or something. AWFUL. And he doesn’t know about you, yet. No, I haven’t told him. I know, I know. I mean, what did he expect? He frickin’ runs away and I’m not supposed to have any fun? God, I miss you. Oh, yeah? Really? Is that what you want? Tell me more.” He giggled. “My god, you’re so dirty! I love it. Well, we’ll see if we can arrange that. I have a few days before he gets back. Then we have to find a way to open his eyes. I mean, no one’s monogamous anymore, right? He can’t expect that. Half the city is screwing the other half. As long as we’re open about it, all three of us can have some fun, right? Oh, rico. I really need you, as soon as I get back. He’s been running a lot and his body looks really good, but it’s like his sex drive just isn’t the same, yet. He doesn’t do me near as good as you do, Marcos.”
Marcos. Your friend Marcos. Our friend Marcos… who was going to marry us in Central Park. I wanted to throw up.
“David.” I stepped out around the corner and faced him on the porch. He slammed his phone down and looked at me, panic in his eyes. He was caught.
“Derek! Babe!” He smiled, as if nothing had changed. But we both knew it had. “Are we ready for the airport? Let me just grab my bags.”
“You can take a taxi,” I said. “That is, if you can find one in this hick backwater town.”
He didn’t say a word as I turned to leave. He knew better.
■ ■ ■
“There you are! We’ve been looking for you!” Bammy saw me enter the school auditorium through the side door. “Hurry up. We’re starting soon!”
“Bammy,” I said, “I need to talk to you.” I was clearly upset, but it barely registered with her, if at all.
“Derek, I’m sorry,” she said. “I just don’t have time. I promise, we’ll talk after. Now you have to go sit down. Seriously. Go find your seat. It’s in the front row. There’s a ‘Reserved’ sign on it for you.” There were kids running around her in circles while tables and awards and props were being shifted all over the stage behind the curtain. Bammy was definitely putting on a show. Each year’s Christmas assembly always tried to top the last.
“But, Bammy, it’s really important I…”
“Derek!” She practically screeched at me. I froze. “Sorry, I’m freaking out right now. I just need to get through this. Please. We’ll talk after.”
I walked out from the back stage area and into the auditorium, my head cloudy with emotions. I guess my latest trauma and most current “big announcement” would have to wait. There will be plenty of time after the show. I have to remember that not everything is about me. But seriously, is this normal? Does this kind of stuff happen to normal people? My ex-fiancé who I decided to gamble everything on turned out to be a truly horrible person and is now my ex-boyfriend again, while the straight guy that I fell hard for but dropped because he couldn’t commit is now prepared to come out, and in fact, has started the process. Meanwhile, I moved from Parkville to New York, then back to Parkville, and now I was planning to head back to New York, again. But was that for me, or for David?
I saw the “Reserved for Mr. Walter” sign and walked towards my seat. Luke was sitting three seats down, and I caught his eyes as I walked towards the row. He smiled a nervous smile, and I responded in kind, hands shoved deep in my pockets. I felt sheepish. I need to talk to him. I do. I shouldn’t have walked away like I did earlier. It was a brave thing that he did, coming out to his dad and Rosa. And even more amazing, he did it for himself, not for me. I was proud of him, and I shouldn’t have dismissed him so quickly. Even worse, I dismissed him for David. That prick. I can’t believe that conversation I overheard. And Marcos? Holy shit, I dodged a bullet. What was I thinking? Was I blind? Was it just so easy to put on that old persona, that I didn’t see what was right in front of me the whole time? You can’t go backwards, Derek. Learn that lesson once and for all. Like Tommy said, when it comes to relationships, I have a learning disability.
Christmas music was playing through the speakers and the house lights began to flicker off and on, signaling for everyone to take their seats. The prerecorded music was slowly silenced and the audience grew quiet, waiting for the spectacle to begin. Suddenly, from behind us, we heard the opening sounds of the marching band playing “We Need a Little Christmas,” from Mame! The band marched down the aisles, working their way to just below the stage, as the curtains opened to reveal the cheerleading squad in pyramid formations. They had choreographed an entire routine to the song, ending with the smallest girl being thrown high into the air, then landing safely in the arms of the two strong boys on the squad. We all jumped to our feet and cheered as Bammy took the stage and walked up to the microphone.
“Now that’s some Christmas Commodore spirit, isn’t it?” She clapped loudly. “Can I get a ‘Go, Commodores’ from y’all?”
“Go, Commodores!” we all yelled back. We had school spirit, yes we did. At least, I felt it. I loved this school, my students, my life here. I even began to feel some of that Christmas spirit that had eluded me for so many years. The Christmas dance was tonight, and it was time to announce the students who had been elected to the Christmas Court. When I went to Parkville High, the Christmas Court was the exclusive realm of jocks and cheerleaders. But things had changed. Some of my theatre kids crossed over into sports. Some of the art students ranked high in the “in” crowd. One of the cheerleaders had the highest grade point average in her class and was on track to being elected valedictorian. I was proud that our little school had become quite the diverse microcosm of society, especially here in the South. My first impressions were wrong. Things had changed here.
Football season was over, so Luke was up next to hand out awards. But to Bammy’s credit and influence, there were also awards for science, math and the arts. Seeing the looks on the students’ faces as they were rewarded for their efforts really filled my heart. We were doing good work her
e, and I was proud to be a part of it. The choir was up next to finish the show, and then we could be on our way. Mrs. Powell came out to the stage, her back to the audience. I could see her reminding the students to smile as they sang “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” I looked over at Luke and he was smiling broadly at me. Blatantly. Did I miss something? Bammy had pulled so much together; I half expected to see Hugh Grant appear on stage at the end of the number.
But, no. Bammy had something else up her sleeve.
“Thank you, Mrs. Powell.” She started her closing remarks. “Weren’t they wonderful? Just wonderful.” We all clapped our approval. Why were the students remaining on stage?
“I’d like to thank all of you for coming today,” she continued, “but before we go, we have a little something extra special for you. As many of you know, Mr. Walter won’t be returning after Christmas break. He’s leaving us for New York City.” The audience started to boo their disapprovals. They were booing! I felt humbled, and sank in my seat a bit.
Bammy, stop, please. What are you doing? This is why we needed to talk.
“We have been so blessed to have him here this semester, and I know he will be missed by many of us.” She looked pointedly at me, then at Luke. My heart skipped a beat. This was too much. I didn’t ask for this. “So, the students asked if they could put together something for you Derek, and with the help of Mrs. Powell, here it is. Derek, this is for you. Take it away, kids!”
The opening synthesizer chords started as four dancers from the pompon squad took the stage with members of the flag corps standing to the sides. It was choreographed to perfection, and when the voices started singing, I could feel my heart lifting and a grin take over my face.
I couldn’t believe it. They picked Madonna. “Lucky Star.” For me! I wanted to cry happy tears, but I knew I had to get through it. They finished strong, and I was on my feet in no time, along with everyone else in the audience. The applause was thunderous, and when it slowed down, suddenly the cries of “Speech! Speech!” began.
I held my hands up to quiet them, as I turned to face the audience from my front row seat. “Thank you! Thank you so much. I’m really, really overwhelmed,” I said. “So overwhelmed, in fact, that I’m going to make this easy. Here’s the thing. I have an announcement to make. I was thinking about this on my way here, but y’all have convinced me. I’ve decided… not to leave.” A huge cheer erupted, and suddenly the throngs of kids rushed forward, grabbing me from every angle. “That is, of course, if Vice Principal Talbot will still have me?” I yelled over the crowd. I turned to look at Bammy, and she was grinning wildly, two thumbs up. Students surrounded me, high fives and hugs all around. I could see Luke walking over to me, and when he held his hand out to shake my hand, I grasped it. What he did next though, I did not expect.
He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.
“Can we start over again? Let’s start fresh,” he whispered in my ear.
“Hi,” I said, into his. “I’m Derek.”
“I’m Luke,” he said, and he continued to hold me, not caring who was watching. And that was all I needed to know that I had made the right decision, finally.
27
WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR’S EVE?
It was snowing outside and the Firelight was filled to maximum capacity. We could have opted for something fancy for New Year’s Eve, but instead we opted for comfortable. Kit was here with Shawn, Tommy had Meredith by his side, and even Bammy had a date.
“Michael,” she said as she introduced him all around, “this is Kit and Shawn, Tommy and Meredith, and this is Derek and his boyfriend, Luke. Derek and Luke and I work together, remember?”
“How could I forget?” he said. “So nice to meet y’all. Bammy talks about you non-stop. She’s pretty impressed with you two,” and he looked pointedly at Luke and me.
“Well,” I said, “she’s pretty special to us. You could say she helped us find each other, in a way.”
Luke was standing behind me, his arms around my waist. “It’s almost time, babe. I’m going to go grab two more bottles of champagne.”
“Sure thing,” I said, as I turned to kiss him. He smiled and headed towards the bar. Bammy and Kit were all over me in no time.
“Well, don’t the two of you look cozy?” Kit remarked. “He sure has made a lot of progress in a few weeks.”
“It’s like a floodgate,” I said, sipping champagne. “Once you open those doors, you can’t really turn back.”
“His slutty stage is next, right?” asked Tommy, lifting his glass to drink.
“How the hell do you know that?!” asked Meredith.
“Oh, Tommy and I have been friends forever,” I said, all of us laughing. “Trust me. You don’t have anything to worry about with him. He’s just heard all my stories.”
“Well,” said Bammy, “whatever stage is next, at least he’ll be with you.”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “He is. With me.” It just felt funny to say it. But it was true. After the Christmas assembly, Luke and I spent the whole night in his apartment, talking over everything that had happened. He had his reasons, his regrets, and I had mine. We both made mistakes, but the important thing was that we found each other in the end. Like Barry had said, we had to trust ourselves, and it all worked out.
“Speak of the handsome devil,” said Bammy, as Luke walked over with two new bottles of champagne. The bartender followed with a round of shots. We topped up our glasses with champagne, and then passed around the shots of whiskey.
“I’d like to make a toast,” said Luke. “To Derek. Thank you for opening my eyes to possibilities I didn’t even know existed. You made my year, and I can’t wait to see how next year unfolds, with you at my side. Bottom’s up, Duke!” And he winked at me, our own private joke. This man! I just had to smile.
“Duke!” Kit exclaimed. “Derek and Luke. Duke! Oh, my god. I. Love. That!”
The bartender stood on the bar and yelled. “Get ready, y’all!” We all turned to watch the big screen television, as we saw the mirrored light ball beginning its slow descent from the top of One Times Square. New Year’s Eve was always the coldest night of the year in New York City, and I shivered a bit as I stared at the huge crowds gathered outside in Times Square.
“You miss it, babe?” Luke asked, one arm tight around my waist.
“Not at all,” I said. “I have everything I need right here.”
I was home.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I am grateful for and humbled by the assistance I received along the way from many wonderful friends who donated their time and efforts into helping me create the work you are reading, my first novel. I could not have done this without you.
Thank you Karyn Adams, Bridget Benn Chapman, Zan Crowder, Gina Pope Moore, Marcos Pagan, Brian Semple, Jesse Summers, Cynthia Tady, Bethany Wright Tillman and Angie Vicars for your tireless eyes, your helpful corrections and your meaningful suggestions.
Thank you Nicolás Chifflet and Patrik Nerséus for the amazing book cover and website, and Mauri Chifflet and Emil Klang for the fantastic promotional video.
Thank you to my parents, Linda, George and Mary. You always encouraged me to be true to myself, and for that I am eternally grateful.
And finally, to my own Scooby Gang, spread out across the globe. You are all amazing, beautiful, people, and I am truly blessed to count you as my friends.
Remember, you are what you take time to become!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jordan Nasser was conceived in California, born in Washington, raised in Tennessee, schooled in France, lost in the South, found in New York City, and is currently thriving in Stockholm, Sweden. He knows what it feels like to be far from home—and how to make a home for himself in new places.
A graduate of the University of Tennessee, he worked as the Global Head of Digital for the international fashion retailer H&M. Then, much like his character Derek, Jordan decided to take a risk and change his life, so he left
the workplace to write a book.
Home Is a Fire is his first novel, and he is extremely grateful for your support. The story continues in his second novel, The Fire Went Wild.
www.jordannasser.com
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