The Eville Protection Plan
Page 19
“I can’t believe we’re finally here.” Alex gazed about the room as if in a waking dream.
“I can’t believe you didn’t shoot one of us, or yourself, during that crap,” Moody laughed.
“No, I’m totally getting the hang of the badass gunslinger role.”
“Fabio saving the day,” the goblin reminded them, standing proudly next to Moody. The singer had, in fact, declared his heroics to every single member of the medical staff he had seen, frequently more than once.
“Yes, we know.” Moody pushed a groping goblin hand aside. “We’re sick of hearing you talk about it. Go sit over there or something, you perv.”
“Damned hospital food is the pits.” Serene sat up in her bed, shoving green gelatin about her bowl with a spoon. “Is it so much to ask that we, the injured, the dying, receive a decent meal?”
“Serene, the doctors said you’re going to be fine,” Alex replied, shaking his head. “You ought to drop the drama for a bit and show a little thanks for once.”
“Well, if somebody would get off their lazy posteriors and bring me something edible, I’d most joyfully shower them with adulation.”
“I’m going to tell the nurse to spit in her dinner,” Moody offered with a laugh.
A light knock on the door caught everyone’s attention and a thin, pale, freckly man with red hair stepped inside. “Hello.”
“Excellent!” Serene straightened herself importantly. “Now be a good lad, why don’t you, and see if you can’t dig up some real food for us, eh? If nothing else, I’d be eternally grateful if you could produce a fine bottle of spirits to wash down the awful taste my lunch has left in my mouth.”
“Oh, I’m not with the medical staff, Ms. Necrosia. My name is Tyler Evans. For the past several years I’ve been inspector Hammett’s assistant operating directly from HQ. Given the circumstances, Hammett would have … ” Evans trailed off sadly. “Well, even though we’ve never met, I’ve been on this case from the very beginning. I feel like I should see everything through to the end. I think he’d have wanted that. So, I have asked to be assigned to serve as your liaison for the duration of your stay ... or at least until we get this … situation resolved.” Evans went around the room, shaking each of their hands, before sitting down in a corner chair.
“So what happens now?” Alex asked.
“That’s the million soul question,” Evans replied. “To be honest I’m not one hundred percent certain. I do know that the bigwigs are going to want to get the ball rolling, so to speak, as soon as possible. Obviously, we will ensure that you have sufficiently recovered before engaging in any formal hearings, but by the looks of things I’d bet they will start in a day or two.”
“The UEL doesn’t waste any time,” Alex said.
“Not when it comes to the particular … charges leveled at the three of you, no. And not to be rude, but considering the nature of our discussion, I wonder if it would be best if Mr. Fabio wouldn’t mind leaving the room for a time?”
“Fabio not going anywhere. Fabio stand with hunchy-flower. Fabio always here for friends.”
Alex laughed. “I think he’s quite made up his mind. He already knows everything anyway.”
“Um … okay. Suit yourself. As I was saying, then, I don’t wish to rush things, but I believe that the sooner we sort things out on this end the better. With that in mind, I’ve asked for your legal counsel to join us for some preliminary discussions. He should be arriving soon, in fact.”
“No, no, dear boy.” Serene waved her spoon as if it were a royal scepter. “I shall serve as my own defense, as well as for my two associates.”
“Hell no!” Moody barked. “You think I’m stupid enough to let you represent me? No way.”
“Quasimoody, I assure you that I have a greater knowledge of law than all of these imbeciles put together. And let’s not forget the power of a sultry woman before the court,” she added, raising her eyebrows seductively.
“You guys are guaranteed to get the chair,” Alex said.
“With all due respect, Ms. Necrosia,” Evans continued, “you’re being assigned a defense representative. You really don’t have any say in the matter.”
“Is that so?” the inventor growled. She turned to Alex. “See this, my boy? Damned tyrants think they rule the world!”
“Regardless of your personal feelings, I can honestly say that you couldn’t ask for a finer lawyer. He was most insistent in taking your case, in fact.”
“And just whom might this lord of law and wisdom be, perchance?”
“Hello, Serene.” A creature walked into the room unannounced. He stood somewhat shorter than the average man, with skin gnarled and twisted. His left eye was unusually small and red, yet his blue right eye bulged out many times larger. One side of his head had been cursed without an ear, leaving but a cavity, and on his bald head a small patch of gray hair sprouted up. The being’s hands looked more like claws, and he shuffled about on four tentacles. Altogether, this had to be the ugliest thing Alex had ever laid eyes on, and considering all he’d seen as a Necrosia employee, that was saying a hell of a lot. Despite all this, the creature wore a fine, expensive-looking suit, sported an eye-catching necktie, and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses perched on its upturned nose. Its voice, too, sounded authoritative and appealing. “You’re looking well.”
“Winston,” Serene replied curtly. “You’re looking … about the same as the last time I laid eyes on you.”
“You guys know each other well, I take it?” Alex asked, wondering what the hell was going on.
“Of course we do,” Serene explained with a sigh. “We were, in fact, husband and wife … once upon a time.”
Alex turned to the woman, mouth open wide. “You what?”
And so our story continues…
So...who is this Holand Peterson fellow, anyway?
Word on the street is that this curious scamp makes his home in the wild, exotic realm commonly known as Boise, Idaho. He lives with his dear wife Cheri (Nefarious Queen of the Harpies!), along with an insidious menagerie of hell-beasts masquerading about as common household dogs, cats and ferrets.
When Holand is not wholly engaged in pouring out the absurd and bizarre ramblings of his imagination onto the page, he makes time for the higher, dignified pursuits of watching movies/animation/TV shows, playing video games, reading comics/graphic novels/books, and many other similar mature, refined activities befitting a man of his breeding.
Feel free to contact him anytime at holand@holandpeterson.com
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Also by Holand Peterson:
Eville
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