Tears fill Audrey’s eyes, but this time she doesn’t try to duck her head and hide them. “You think I’m cool?”
“The coolest.”
Audrey
I promise to be a better sibling, Clare says. I’m going to be there for you this time. We can help each other at school.
That’s when I realize the truth.
I want to stay at Peak, I say.
Don’t be scared to come back, Audrey.
No, I mean it. I want to go to Peak instead.
You do?
Yeah. I wanted to go back to your school when I wanted to be like everyone else. Now I’m happy being myself. Plus Peak has a better art room and it’s less crazy there. Well, a different crazy. I laugh.
Clare laughs too. Fair enough.
I’ve been doing well there too, I say. Thriving, you might say. Monsieur Martin said I could be one of their best students. The other students look up to me.
I think about Kira. If she asked me now, I would have a different answer. I would tell her that if we’re freaks, I’m glad to be a freak.
You’re an amazing artist, Clare says. I’ve always thought that, just so you know. You and Mom are the artistic ones. To tell you the truth, I’ve always envied you for that.
Really? Today is full of surprises.
Definitely. I tried to find my own artistic calling to be like the two of you, but I think my talents lie elsewhere. You should go to an art college of some sort. It’s your destiny, Audrey. You’re going to be a really successful artist one day. I know it.
Thanks, Clare.
So I heard you went on a date with Calvin. Is everything okay now?
It is. We’re dating!
Clare punches my shoulder in a gesture that reminds me a lot of Adam. Right on. How did you meet?
So I tell Clare the whole story. I don’t leave anything out. I tell her he is the first friend I’ve had in years. I tell her about how impressed he was with my art.
He’s cute and fun, I say. And he’s imaginative like me. He makes me feel good about myself.
That’s how Taylor makes me feel, Clare says.
I can tell.
Clare gives my hands another squeeze and she grins. This is the happiest I’ve seen Clare in a long time. The dark cloud above her has drifted away.
We go downstairs so I can tell my parents my decision.
I’m staying at Freak.
Don’t call it that, Dad says. Then he blinks. What did you just say?
I’m going back. Thank you for the opportunity to try Clare’s school but now I know where I belong.
Are you sure? Mom glances at Clare and back at me. You’ve wanted it for so long.
It has nothing to do with Clare. I just realized how lucky I am to have Peak.
Mom’s and Dad’s mouths fall open. Their chins hit their knees when Clare takes my hand and we walk upstairs together. It will be sad to not be in school with each other, but maybe we’re not meant to be. Maybe we’re meant to take our own paths knowing we still have each other.
We go to Clare’s room. The room we used to share. Clare peels back the covers and we climb in together, lie side by side with our heads touching. Through the open window it smells like summer. Like warm nights and freedom and the end of darkness.
You should move back in here, Clare says.
Seriously?
She laughs. You’re turning into me. No, not seriously. I like having my own room. But you should visit more often.
I’ll do that.
I wish we didn’t have to go back to school. I wish Mom would homeschool us.
Calvin pops into my mind. No you don’t, I tell her. You would be lonely and so would I. From now on I’m going to make an effort to be friends with other people. I know they don’t have to be exactly like me to be my friend.
What about Sirius? Clare asks.
Sirius will always be special to me. I’ll keep him in my art for as long as I need him.
I like that idea.
We’re quiet for a while and then she says, I’m going to tell everyone that I’m gender-fluid. If they don’t get it, I don’t care. It’s who I am.
Under the blanket, Clare finds my hand and squeezes tight. I can just make out the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling in this light. Clare had to hold me up by the waist so I could reach. I’d just finished pasting the last star when we both fell off the bed. Adam came running in to see if we were okay. Like usual.
Clare?
Yeah?
I’m happy to be us again.
Me too.
I wish Adam could be here too.
Clare bites her lip the way she does when she’s trying not to cry.
Did Adam leave when the basement flooded?
The question surprises me. I thought you don’t believe in ghosts.
Why did you think that?
Because you got mad at me when I said Adam was in the basement.
Clare sighs. I was scared. Because I think I felt him too, but I didn’t want to admit it.
Why not?
I think . . . Clare swallows and tries again. I think I wanted him to be down there so I wouldn’t have to let him go, but I was also afraid. I thought that if he could see who I am now, he wouldn’t like what he saw.
I disagree. I think he’d like this new Clare. And I think he would be really proud of us both right now.
Clare smiles and shifts closer to me. I can still feel him in the house, just in a different way. He was in this room. He jumped on this bed. He slept across the hall. It sounds corny, but we will always have those memories, you know? Maybe souls leave traces of themselves in all their favorite places.
I like that. Then he can be here and there at the same time. Between two worlds.
What do you think he’s doing right now?
He’s probably on his skateboard.
Clare chuckles. Grinding the handrails of the elementary.
I laugh too. Then I say it.
I miss him.
I do too. Every single day.
Clare rolls onto her side to face me. She starts to cry a little and I do too. Our arms are around each other like when we were little. Soon I can hear her breathing change, and I know she’s asleep. I close my eyes too.
This time when I dream of Adam, he’s meeting us at the diner after skateboarding with his friends. He’s sitting in the booth and ordering a coffee. Grinning. Always grinning.
It will take a long time to grieve Adam. We’ll probably never stop grieving him and we’ll definitely never forget him. But we’ll have each other. Our best friend. And if we ever question being ourselves, we’ll set each other straight. Because life is too short to be someone else.
That is the truest truth of all.
Acknowledgments
Under Shifting Stars started out as a short story centering on Audrey and her desire to be reunited with her twin at public school, but it quickly became apparent that the story wasn’t complete without Clare’s perspective and developed into a novel. Under Shifting Stars has been through multiple iterations, with many people contributing their insights, and each and every time it grew stronger. I have the following people to thank for that.
Thank you to Aritha van Herk, who read Audrey’s first chapters as part of an application to enter her fiction class and encouraged me to continue.
Thank you to Heather Ezell, a Pitch Wars mentor in 2016, who read the very first draft of the novel and asked questions that led me in new and improved directions.
To my LGBTQIA sensitivity readers, including Vee Signorelli, for their invaluable insight and knowledge. I’m very thankful for the support.
Under Shifting Stars wouldn’t have found a home at HMH without my wonderful agent, Hilary McMahon, who fell in love with my characters—and Audrey’s lucky seven lists—and made me feel like I was in good hands.
Infinite thanks to my talented editor, Harriet Low. You are the reason Under Shifting Stars is what it is today. Thank you to Chan Chau for
creating such a striking cover; Andrea Miller for her “stellar” design work on the title font, chapter headers, and interior layout; and copyeditor Karen Sherman and proofreader Susan Bishansky for all the good catches. I’m so incredibly grateful to the rest of the Houghton Mifflin Harcourt team for all their hard work and for bringing this book to life: Mary Magrisso, Erika West, Anna Ravenelle, Taylor McBroom, and Samantha Bertschmann.
A special thank-you to Trenton, my ultra-supportive husband, who put up with me writing long into the night and waking him up once I finally crawled into bed, and who took the kids out of the house when I needed time to work. This book was definitely a team effort.
Though Under Shifting Stars and its characters are fictional, the story was inspired in part by the 2013 Alberta floods, during which my childhood home was flooded. My family lost a variety of items, but the hardest part was losing objects of sentimental value: boxes of photographs; childhood stuffed animals, clothes, school assignments, and crafts; a dollhouse built by my parents’ hands; my wedding dress. Having Audrey save these precious items for her family was a very healing process for me. Thank you to all the volunteers, friends, and family who helped us during that difficult time.
hmhteen.com
hmhteen.com
About the Author
Author photo by Trenton Latos
ALEXANDRA LATOS holds a bachelor of arts in English and a bachelor of commerce in finance. Under Shifting Stars is her first young adult novel; she has written stories and novels in other genres. She lives in Alberta, Canada, with her husband and children.
Visit her online at alexandralatos.com
Connect with HMH on Social Media
Follow us for book news, reviews, author updates, exclusive content, giveaways, and more.
Under Shifting Stars Page 23