by Diana Kane
We’re an hour into the panniculectomy when I hear the familiar tone of the video chat alert. I look up at the nurse hoping it’s my phone. It takes her a second to show us which of the phones was ringing. It was mine, but the alert has since stopped and my focus has been disrupted. She’s finally contacting me and I can’t help but wonder where she’s been.
“If you go down the hall towards the fire exit there’s an old equipment room just to the left of it. Everything in there is a backup, so no one ever goes in there.” Alex is whispering in my ear as my hand freezes with the cautery suspended over the patient’s exposed rectus muscles. “Dr. Westland and Abby can handle this for a few minutes. Why don’t you break and try to contact her.”
I turn to Alex and look at her. “How do you know it was her?” I’m hoping our conversation is quiet enough that Abby and Valerie haven’t heard us.
“It might have been the way you just lit up, plus Catherine and I use that app when she travels to conferences, it’s the default tone.” I turn back to the patient and try to refocus but I can’t. I need to know what’s going on with Isabella.
“Dr. Westland, will you and Abby be alright if I break for a few minutes?”
“Absolutely, take whatever time you need.” I step away from the field and pull off my gown and gloves, wondering if Abby and Valerie know what’s bothering me. I grab my phone and follow Alex’s directions, easily finding the room she sent me to. I reluctantly send the chat request, hoping that Isabella isn’t about to shatter my heart.
“Sara, thank god, I’ve been going insane.” Isabella practically glows as she says the words, all I feel is more confusion.
“I’ve been trying to reach you for days.” They’re the only words that I can manage, the anxiety of not knowing has a firm hold on my tongue. My stomach is in knots and my heart is pounding against my ribs as I wait for an explanation.
“I know baby, I’m so sorry. There was a storm and the wi-fi and phone services were knocked out. They just finished repairing them. Can you take that stuff off, I want to see you?” It takes me a second to realize I’m still wearing my tinted safety glasses and surgical mask. I push the glasses up and rip off my mask. “Baby this is going to come out wrong, but are you alright?”
“Why do I look that bad?” I know that I do. I’ve been contemplating naming the bags that have formed under my eyes.
“Of course not, I always think you look beautiful. It just doesn’t look like you’ve slept or eaten.” Isabella looks concerned as she waits for me to speak.
“I haven’t really. I’ve been going out of my mind. We haven’t gone half a day without speaking then suddenly I can’t reach you for days.”
“You were worried?”
“Yes!” I know that I’m getting overly emotional and I need to get back to my OR. “I had no idea what happened. Things were fine when I spoke to you that morning, and then there was nothing. I didn’t know if something had happened or if I had said or done something wrong.” I let out a deep sigh, trying to release my pent up anxiety.
“Sara, I’m sorry. I was going to get on a plane today if they didn’t think they would have it fixed. It was only supposed to be down one day, but the company had to wait for a part. It was a service provider issue, so I couldn’t connect anywhere. I can get on a plane today if I need to.” I love that she’s willing to do that for me and I want to see her more than anything, but I’m tied up for most of the day today and all day tomorrow. I have a full schedule next week, so there would only be one day available for Isabella.
“As much as I’d love to see you I have obligations today and tomorrow. Are you working this afternoon and evening?”
“I work until around 11 tonight. I’d like to talk to you tonight, if you want to.” I already feel my exhaustion weighing on me, but there’s no way I’m going to let this be the only conversation I have with Isabella in three days.
“Ok. I’m in the middle of an operation, I’ve got to get back to my room.”
“You left in the middle of an operation to talk to me? Are you crazy?” She smiles, and I can’t help but smile back, her effect on me can’t be contained or limited by distance.
“Mad about you and going insane, yes. I’ve got to go though.”
“Ok. I really am sorry. I was going crazy too.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I’ll talk to you tonight.” Isabella blows me a kiss as I pull the phone away to disconnect our chat.
“Wait,” I hear her call. I stop and wait for her to continue. “I want to see you in your scrubs, show me.” I back the camera up giving her what she asked for. “Mmm, now let me see your behind.” I swing my phone behind my back and bend over slightly. “Damn, even in that outfit you look sexy. Next time I visit I want to see you wearing those in person.” I chuckle a little as I bring the phone back to my face.
“I’ve got a patient on the table that Valerie, Abby, and Alex are taking care of. I have to go. I’ll talk to you tonight.” I quickly disconnect before she can delay any further and head back to my OR. Alex meets me away from the field to help gown and glove me.
“Everything ok?” she whispers as she opens my first glove for me.
“Yeah, a storm knocked the wi-fi and phones out. Sometimes I don’t know how you and Catherine do it.”
“Quite well, explosive actually,” Alex winks at me once she finishes her joke. “Honestly it’s easy though. Well, getting together wasn’t, but once we did it’s been easy.” I process Alex’s words as I return to the field. Things are so easy when Isabella and I are together, but when we’re apart, they are harder than hell and only seem to become increasingly difficult to handle.
Thanks to Valerie’s help during the panniculectomy we are able to finish up early, allowing us to head over to the convention center earlier than I anticipated. It takes us roughly an hour to set up our informational booth. I head home in the early afternoon, exhausted and ready for a nap. I start stripping as soon as I reach the doorway to my bedroom, dropping my clothes in a trail between the door and the bed. I crawl into bed in just my underwear and am out seconds after my face hits the pillow.
*****
I slowly come to hours later, still feeling the effects of not sleeping well the past few nights. It takes me a minute to realize that I’m not alone, that there’s an arm draped over my hip and body heat radiating against my back. I jump up, my initial panic being that Katrina has decided to cross another boundary. My eyes fix on Isabella, but she can’t be here, I must still be dreaming. I sit down on the bed completely confused as to what’s happening, if this is another dream or if she’s really here. I reach out and gently stroke my fingertips along her jawline, the familiar torrent of excitement stimulating my nerve endings when I touch her.
“Hey beautiful,” she grins as she comes to. “You were out cold.”
“What are you doing here?” I’m still exhausted, so the question comes out sounding a bit harsh. Isabella’s eyes snap open and inspect me.
“Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Of course I am,” I assure her as I lean over to brush my lips over hers. I try to sit up, but Isabella pulls me onto the bed, deepening the kiss. “I’m so confused,” I confess after I pull out of the kiss. “What are you doing here? How did you get in my house?” I sit up once again, facing Isabella, my hand resting on her hip, hers on my thigh.
“It seemed like you were upset earlier. I don’t like that you haven’t been sleeping or eating. Plus, I missed you. It seemed like a good enough reason to come here so we could see each other. I covered my shifts and got on the first flight out. I messaged Alex when I was in Miami to get your address, but she said she left work early and would pick me up. She let me in. She also told me that you’ve been a mess since we last spoke. Why?” Isabella’s eyes are full of concern as she answers my questions.
“I’m happy you’re here, but Alex talks too much. When do you have to leave?” Isabella sits up, positioning herself in front of me. She takes my
hands in hers and gazes into my eyes.
“I fly out first thing Tuesday morning.” She keeps staring at me and squeezes my hands. “Sara, I never push you on anything. Please don’t avoid my question. Why were you so upset?”
“I don’t know,” I take a deep breath and release it before I continue. “Things seemed great when I asked you for that favor, then it was like you disappeared. My imagination started working overtime the longer I couldn’t connect with you. I was worried you were sick, or hurt or that there had been an accident, or…” I shake my head feeling especially foolish now that Isabella has made an unplanned trip here. “I was scared that I lost you.” Catherine’s words echo in my mind, but I shut them out for the time being. Isabella uses her hands to encourage me to spread my legs. Once I comply she scoots between them, wrapping her long legs around my waist. Her arms pull me into a tight embrace, and we hold each other, Isabella stroking my hair and frequently kissing me on my temple. It doesn’t matter that we’re both only wearing underwear, that our naked skin is connected at so many levels. This is about comfort and reassurance, things I’m not sure I’ve received from anyone before. After spending several minutes like this, Isabella finally backs up far enough that we can lock eyes again.
“We will work out a system. I’ll give your contact information to my sister or someone who will reach you if something were to ever happen to me. As far as whatever else you were thinking, I promise that I would never be cruel and just disappear. I would at the very least give you an explanation.” She places a soft kiss on my lips before continuing. “Do you doubt how I feel about you?” Her eyes search my face as her thumb caresses my cheekbone.
“No. I trust you, it’s the distance that sucks.” I take a deep breath and slowly release it as I explore Isabella’s eyes. They are filled with compassion, concern, tenderness and what I hope is love. My heart rages inside my chest as anxiety shreds through my nerves. My mouth goes dry when I try to speak. I clear my throat and try again. “I’m in love with you Isabella, and it scares the shit out of me.” Isabella smiles and slides closer to me again, pressing her lips to mine. I pour myself into the kiss, releasing my fears and anxiety, trying to tell her I love her without words. Our tongues softly stroke the other’s lips, slowly probing and twirling inside the other before retreating and starting over again. I’m not sure if I’ve ever kissed anyone with this much emotion, or this passionately before. I’ve certainly never kissed anyone for this long without escalating it to something more. As much as I know I love Isabella and I always physically desire her, right now this is enough. My lips feel numb when we finally separate. She plants a kiss against my temple and holds me tightly against her.
“I love you too,” she whispers, “in case that wasn’t clear.” I smile as I turn into her neck and pepper a few soft kisses on it. “I’ve known for a while but waited to tell you. I could tell you struggle with your feelings, I didn’t want to scare you by saying it too soon. I love you Sara.” I revel in hearing Isabella proclaim her returned love for me, holding onto her tightly. Her fingers stroke my hair and travel down my back over and over again. Her lips graze my temple as her stomach grumbles loudly. I snigger against her bare shoulder as mine announces its own dissatisfaction, echoing hers.
“Have you eaten?” I ask, refusing to release her.
“Not since breakfast. I’m guessing you haven’t either.” I shake my head no, letting her feel the motion against her clavicle. “Do you have any food or do we need to order something?”
“I’m sure I have something. Want to help me make dinner?”
“Absolutely.” She presses another kiss to my lips before sliding back so we can exit the bed. Remembering our talk from this morning, I grab a pair of scrubs and slip into them. She quickly pulls on a pair of shorts and a shirt and closes the space between us, her lips stretched into a wide grin as her eyes roam up and down my body.
“First you admit that you love me and now you’re wearing that? This must be my lucky day.” She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me.
“Just wait until after dinner,” I warn her, pulling her out of the bedroom.
I open the refrigerator and find the leftover chicken I baked for lunches this week. “Chicken Waldorf salad?”
“Sounds good. What can I do?” I pull out the chicken, some grapes, celery, onion, and a head of romaine lettuce, depositing everything on the counter. We busy ourselves with cutting everything up, both of us in a hurry to eat so we can move on to other things.
“Tell me about your thing tomorrow.”
“The expo? It’s a very relaxed event that I collaborate on with physicians from all specialties to help educate women about the importance of healthy choices, exercise, routine exams and other factors that impact women’s health. We started it a few years ago and have seen attendance grow exponentially every year since its inception. Valerie, Abby and I will staff an information booth where we present our services, answer questions and help educate women on how to conduct proper breast exams, genetic factors, and other things. I’m letting Valerie take more of a lead this year as I’d like to get her name out into the community so I can start sharing the workload with her.” Isabella’s hand freezes with her glass of water halfway to her mouth. “What?”
“So this is a foundation that you started?”
“No. Just an idea that a few of us shared. A lot of women neglect their health in favor of taking care of their families, working or trying to juggle both. Early detection and preventative measures are key with a number of common diseases among women. So we host this event every year to help educate the community. I won’t lie, it’s also a great networking tool for all of us, puts our names and the services we provide out there a little more.” Isabella smiles at me before going back to work.
“Does it last all day?”
“No, from 10 until 4. Do you want to go?” Isabella smiles at me. “Seriously?”
“I’d like to see you in your element, doctor.” Isabella’s little tease makes me laugh.
“Very well. If you get bored, I can always arrange a ride back here for you.” We continue chatting as we prep and eat dinner. I think about how Alex said things with Catherine are easy, and since our talk earlier, this has been easy. But I know Isabella is about to get a glimpse into what actually being with me is like. Working on a Saturday, an OR day on Monday. Will she be ok with it once she knows how much I work? Then I realize in a way she already does know, we’ve always arranged our talks around our work schedules, so maybe it won’t be as big of a shock for her as I think.
“What are you worried about right now?” Isabella’s question pulls me from my moment of concern. She reads me so easily at this point that it would be fruitless to try to deny her anything but the truth.
“Just wondering how you will handle being with me when you realize how much I work. It’s always become an issue in the past.”
“But I already know how much you work, and you still make sure you carve out time for us. Besides you’ve already said you’re working on cutting back a little. Maybe you won’t feel so stressed about it once Valerie takes on some of the cases.”
“I know, I just need you to be patient while we get Valerie’s client based established. I can’t just shuffle my patients over to her, it doesn’t seem right.” Isabella’s hand glides over the surface of the table and grips mine.
“Relax Sara. It will be ok. I knew how much you worked when you told me you hadn’t taken a vacation in over 10 years. Look at you now. You took a vacation, then you took more time off for my visit, and now you’re taking a week off for your holiday. I’m not concerned.” Without releasing Isabella’s hand, I move around the table and straddle her before she can rise, our hands parting as I cup her face in both of mine and she wraps her arms around my waist, linking her hands against my lower back.
“I can’t believe you flew here just to make sure I’m ok. I love you, Isabella.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I press my lips to her
s. Isabella moans into my mouth as our tongues meet. She grips my hips firmly as she slides me further up on her lap, my sex dangerously close to pressing against her abdomen. She trails her fingers over the outside of my thighs, lightly runs her palms up my sides, and softly traces my abdomen, deftly avoiding my most sensitive areas. When I can’t take anymore, I withdraw from the kiss and rest my forehead against hers, trying to catch my breath.
“It was worth it just to hear that,” Isabella purrs as she continues exploring my body with her hands. She slowly runs her fingertips along the inside of my thighs, and my body releases an involuntary shudder.
“I want to make love with you,” I whisper the request as I extract myself from her lap. She rises and presses her body against mine, pinning me against the table. Her hands continue roving over my body, eliciting sparks from my nerve endings as our lips collide for another sensual kiss. I feel the gooseflesh claim Isabella’s skin when I slip my fingers under her shirt and lightly trail them over her abdomen. She intensifies the kiss a little as her hands find their way under my scrub top and start caressing a pattern over my abdomen, sides, back, and hips, each repetition causing the need to grow within me. Isabella breaks the kiss, her breathing heavy as she stares at me. “So was that a yes?” I tease as her eyes burn into me. She laughs as she clasps my hand and leads me to the bedroom where she pulls me to her and instigates a more fervent kiss. Our hands immediately resume their under the shirt action. I finally give in and brush my fingers along the underside of Isabella’s breasts, causing her to gasp and pull out of the kiss.