“But why her?”
“You pushed him away.”
Her friend’s words were a knife to her heart. She knew he spoke only truth, but it didn’t matter because she had pushed Killian away in the harshest way possible.
“And the other offers were withdrawn.”
“Withdrawn?” She gasped. “Why?” That doesn’t make sense. Why would any of the families give up the chance to marry their daughters to the future king? It’s what every noblewoman at court is taught is her ultimate goal. A suitable husband, whose position will improve her family’s standing. There is no higher standing than that of consort to the king.
“No one knows.” He sighed. “I have my suspicions but nothing that can be proved.”
“She is a snake.”
The guard glanced around making sure no one else was lurking in the shadows before he nodded. “Agreed. Come with me, my lady?” He held out his hand and waited for her to either accept or refuse.
Go with Ryan or remain in this empty chapel, raging at Gods I’m not certain care… if they even exist. She took his hand, forced a smile, hoping it reached her eyes and asked. “Where are we going?”
“The royal garden is lovely. I doubt you want to go to the banquet yet.”
“I’d prefer to skip it completely.”
“You’ve been seen. It has been remarked upon. Thanks to that veil, your presence will be missed, and questions will be asked should you disappear.”
“I should not have come,” she whispered.
“But you did, and now you must remain for a polite amount of time.” Ryan took her arm, and together they walked to the royal garden. “There’s something I want to show you. Something I think you need to see before you go to the banquet.”
“I don’t know how much more I can take.” She wrapped her arms around herself as though she was freezing, in spite of the warm weather.
“You think it isn’t torture for him too? To only have formal missives from the Lady of Lakeshire province and even then, only when duty requires. You have even withdrawn your friendship, your counsel. Your love.”
Serena closed her eyes and tried to focus on something calming, not the twisting of the thorns that encased her heart.
“Why did you never put forward a marriage contract?” Ryan’s voice was soft, his question earnest.
“For what it’s worth, I wish I had. At least, then he might have had something to use to counter his grandmother’s moves.” She sighed as they stopped in front of a red rose bush. She recognized it as the one Killian had plucked a bloom from and given to her when he admitted his growing affection. It had been a few days before he first kissed her. Without realizing what she was doing, she touched the tips of her fingers to her lips. “I didn’t want him to feel like I was becoming one of the court harpies. I love him for the man he is and the man he is becoming. Not because he is heir to the throne.”
“He said the same thing.”
“Ryan?”
“Yes?”
“Why did you bring me here?”
“I wanted to show you this.” He gestured where a perfect red rose bloom sat on the ground in front of the bush. “It’s been there for about three months now. None of the gardeners will remove it. I wanted to see if you had any take on it?”
“You mean can I sense whether or not magic is involved?”
“Yes. Considering what I know about you, I thought you might be able to see something we mere mortals do not,” he whispered so as not to be overheard by the gossips.
“Yes. I think it’s holding something inside, keeping it safe, protected.” Serena frowned and started to kneel but remembered her fine dress. She settled for shifting her skirts and dropping to a crouch to get closer to the rose. Not knowing what Ryan expected, she reached out and brushed the petals with her fingers. Warmth spread through her, wrapping around her heart. The feeling was peaceful. “It’s something that’s cherished but has to be set aside. I think it’s protecting the caster from the pain. I doubt they knew what they were doing.”
“Hmmm…”
“Where did it come from?”
“No one knows.”
“Why haven’t you gotten rid of it?”
“We’ve tried, and it doesn’t go well. Is it safe?”
“Could it be used as a weapon to hurt the royal family? That’s what you’re asking, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“No, it can’t be made into a weapon. It’s essentially memory, nothing more.” She sighed as something tugged at the edges of her emotions, something familiar and yet strange. Shaking it off, she turned back to Ryan and smiled. “Well, shall we go to the banquet before someone notices your absence?”
“They are more likely to notice your absence, my lady, than they are mine.”
The friends walked arm in arm chatting about trivial matters until they came to the Grand Ballroom. Something inside Serena twisted, and she hesitated. Ryan touched her hand, and when she looked at him, he flashed a reassuring smile. Serena flipped the veil back into place. The thin material feeling more like a suit of armor than a fashion statement. Letting out a breath she wasn’t aware she’d been holding, they entered the feast, which was, by royal standards, small.
Killian saw her the moment she entered the ballroom, with Ryan on her arm. Though he couldn’t see her face, he’d spent far too many hours training with her not to recognize how she moved even though she wore a dress rather than fighting clothes. Serena glided through the crowd, speaking with a few of the guests, seeming to charm each and every one.
“Who is that?” Katia’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“I am not certain,” he lied, telling himself it was to protect Serena. “However, I do know she is representing the Lady of Lakeshire province.”
“That isn’t Lady Harlowe?” There was a note of disappointment in his new bride’s voice.
“No. She is still too ill to travel.” Another falsehood slipped from Killian’s mouth with ease as the walls he kept around his heart slid back into place, leaving him cold and alone. “I received word and gave permission for a representative to come in her stead.”
“With as long as she’s been ill…” Katia began but sputtered to a stop at the dark look from Killian.
He took her arm and pulled her into what appeared to be a passionate embrace. One arm held her tight against him while he locked her head in place with a hand behind her neck. He tilted his head and leaned into her. “Do not speak of her in front of me again. You have won, gotten the prize you so desired. You have my vows, but my heart is my own. Be content, or this will be an extremely unhappy union for both of us.” He followed his harsh whisper with a kiss, bordering on painful. When he broke away, he turned and stepped off the dais, picking up a goblet of wine from one of the servants, downing it in one long swallow.
Serena watched the display on the dais at the front of the room without breathing. Her heart ached, and she dug her nails into Ryan’s arm. She closed her eyes as all around her the nobles broke out in a round of polite applause and somewhat scandalized whispers. Serena opened her eyes when the applause died down. Killian’s bright blue eyes found hers behind the veil and didn’t move from them as he snatched a second goblet of wine and gulped it too.
“No,” Serena whispered, feeling her temperature beginning to rise. Her bones itched with the desire to slough off the human form, take to the skies and fly as far as her wings could carry her. She started backing away as Killian sidestepped a pair of noblemen who tried to stop him, heading right for her. “No.” She let go of Ryan’s arm, lifted her skirts, spun and though she didn’t run, she fled from the man who held her heart and from the fire burning in her chest.
Once she was away from the ball, Serena ripped the veil off her head and ran until her lungs burned, her eyes ached with unshed tears, her muscles quivered with exhaustion. She was alone, deep in the forest bordering the castle before she stopped and sank to her knees, shivering, fighting the change.
Ryan shook his head, knowing why she ran. The guard had sympathy for both of his friends but didn’t know what he could do beyond being there for each of them. He watched as Serena fled realizing by the stiff way she carried herself that she was fighting to keep her emotions in check. Killian followed at a discreet distance. Knowing that it wouldn’t seem strange, Ryan followed the prince out of the ballroom, a step behind and a little to his left. In the relative silence of the corridor, the guard heard the telltale staccato rhythm of someone running along the stone-floored halls. He reached out and caught Killian’s arm, keeping him from chasing the woman he loved. The prince turned to Ryan, a stunned look on his face.
“Your Highness, that would not be wise.”
“I have to speak with her. I need to know why.”
“Today, right here and right now, your needs do not matter. She’s in agony. Do not make it worse.”
“She isn’t the only one.”
“I know that, but you’re not going to make it better by chasing after her. If anything, you’ll make the situation worse. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you have to let her go. You have to give her a chance to find what peace she can.”
Killian knelt and picked up the scrap of thin, dark blue material she’d worn to hide her face and held it to his nose, inhaling her scent. “She ran from me, Ryan. Why would she do that?”
“Perhaps the proper question is why wouldn’t she?” Ryan scanned the area, and when he was satisfied they were alone, he continued, “You were married today, your Highness. What did you expect her to do? Why did you insist she attend? I had never taken you for someone given over to cruelty though this seems to prove otherwise.”
“I did no such thing.” Killian clutched the cloth in his hand as if by holding it he was somehow connected to Serena again.
“Your new bride then.”
“Yes. By the time I found out and sent word that an emissary was acceptable, I assume Serena had already begun making her way here.” Killian swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and the tears that filled his eyes. “I would never intentionally hurt her, Ryan. I don’t even know why I followed her. I just feel this need to be at her side. It’s as though she has the other half of me and I of her. As if I am half dead without her.”
“You have to give her time. She will learn to cope with this new reality as much as you are.”
“You’re saying I should give up on everything we shared?”
“Yes and no.”
“That’s oddly noncommittal.”
“In some ways, you do have to let go of what the two of you shared. It needs to change, to grow. Perhaps, should fate be kind someday, you can find your way back to one another.”
His eyes welled with tears, her retreating form blurring. “I feel that I’ve lost her, again.” Killian’s voice was dead, empty, the outside matching the inside.
“May I ask you something, Highness?”
“Of course.”
“The rose bloom in the garden? The one the staff refuses to remove.”
Killian frowned, “What about it?”
“Are you responsible for it?”
“I think so. When I found out my grandmother had accepted Dennsmore’s offer, I buried Serena’s signet ring there…” he said and paused, “and my mother’s engagement ring, along with my heart. It was a secret I’d intended to keep.”
“I do not think it worked.”
“It seemed to for a while.” Closing his eyes, he swallowed hard, holding his emotions in check. “But, I can’t deny who I am and who I love. Lying to myself doesn’t work.”
“I am truly sorry, my friend, but I am certain your absence has been noted.”
“Please go find Serena, and keep her safe.” He slipped the scrap of gauzy material into his pocket. “If she will listen, please offer her my apologies. I would never have commanded her presence.”
“As you wish, Highness,” Ryan said with a bow before turning in the direction Serena had gone. He didn’t know where she went but, for his friend, he would do his best.
Ryan found Serena in a wooded area that was still part of the castle grounds but far enough from everything where she had some semblance of peace. She was sitting, fingers dug into the dirt, her back against a tree and her head bowed. Ryan crossed to where she sat and settled in beside his friend, offering silent support. He didn’t know how much time passed before Serena took a shuddering breath and turned her head to look at him. She smiled, and while he knew her grin could light up a room, this look threatened to rip his heart out. Her eyes were red-rimmed, puffy. The end of her nose had been rubbed raw. The freckles Killian so loved, stood out against pale skin as he reached up and brushed away a tear sliding down her cheek.
“If it were anyone else who had caused this, I would find and end him,” he swore without thinking.
“Ahh, but it is him, and that would bring more grief.”
“He asked me to tell you he’s sorry you witnessed the wedding. It was not his order.”
“Hers?”
“Yes.”
Serena sighed. “So, it begins.”
“How long were you planning to stay?” he asked. She appeared wrung out, pushed beyond the point of exhaustion from one day of putting on an act. How is she going to survive longer? I can’t stand to see her like this, and I can’t imagine it will improve Killian’s mood.
Serena glanced back in the direction of the palace. A tired smile curled her lips. “I will leave in the morning. I am not ready to face this. I thought so, but I was fooling myself.”
“I doubt anyone can ever be ready.”
“It is the way of things and, for now, I must adapt.”
“Not tonight,” Ryan said as he draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side. “Tonight we sit here and enjoy the air. We talk about anything that comes to mind and let the court slide into nothingness until morning.”
“Excellent plan, my friend.” A hint of sad laughter touched her words.
Today of all days, should not be like this. Ryan felt Serena’s breath even out as she drifted to sleep. She should be in there with Killian celebrating their wedding. I wish there was a way to fix this, to bring some joy back into both of their lives. If only I knew how.
Chapter 24
Killian entered his father’s study, pausing just inside the threshold. The king was sitting behind his massive desk, the mahogany expanse littered with the trappings of kingship—papers, quill and ink, scrolls, wax, and the heavy royal seal. His father was dwarfed by the desk. Clothes hung on his frame as though they’d been made for a man several sizes larger. The majority of his once-thick mane of dark hair had turned white and curled at the edge of his collar in thin hanks.
“Father?” Killian tried to hide the faint tremor in his voice without success as memories of another deathbed washed over him.
The king watched his son, bruise-like shadows under his eyes. “Killian, I need you to take on more duties.” He swallowed hard. “My illness is progressing faster than the healers thought it might, and I can no longer keep my public schedule. I need you to stand in for me. You will bring me reports, and once I have rendered my decisions, you will see to it they are announced, and the appropriate actions are taken.”
Feeling as though he was walking through a thick fog, Killian nodded. “Of course, Father. Is there anything more I can do to help?”
“No.” The king took a deep breath and raised to his feet, muscles straining with the effort. “I regret that I must put so much pressure on you so soon after your marriage. I know it’s only been a few days since your marriage, and this means you and Katia will have to postpone your post-nuptial tour.” He held out his hand to his son. Killian crossed to his father’s side and offered his arm for support. The king resumed speaking as they made their slow way into his private rooms. “I know this is not the marriage you desired, however, Lady Dennsmore is a lovely girl. She will make you happy, give you sons and daughters,
should you allow it.”
“Yes, Father,” Killian answered without emotion. He eased his father onto the bed and helped the king get situated into a comfortable sitting position. “Will there be anything else?”
“No, thank you, my son.”
“Rest well, Father.” Killian leaned over and kissed the king’s forehead before leaving the room. Once in the hall, Killian leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back and rest on the cool stone. He let out a long slow breath. “Gods, if you have any love for your servant, take this pain from me.” He pushed off the wall and started walking, not noticing the guards who fell in a discreet distance from him. “If you will not ease my burden, I ask that you do not visit the same upon her. I cannot bear the thought she is suffering because of me.” He turned, passing through another pair of guards as he crossed back into the public halls of the castle. “Ryan?” Killian raised his voice enough so the captain would hear him.
“Yes, Highness?”
“I need a message delivered to Lakeshire province.” He wasn’t certain why he’d said it, but now the words were out, he couldn’t take them back. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t want to take it back. Killian needed to reach out to her to try to mend some of their shattered relationship. He needed her grounding presence and if not her love, at least her friendship.
“When would you like me to leave?”
“Not until morning,” he said.
“As you wish, Highness.” Ryan offered him a bow and fell back into his usual position a few paces behind and to the left of Killian.
Chapter 25
Ryan drew his mount to a halt in the center of the clearing where he’d been meeting Bronwynn to exchange missives sent between Haven and Lakeshire. He’d noticed the number of messages sent between the capital and Serena’s province had increased in the weeks since the wedding. He dismounted, removed his horse’s bridle, slipped a halter on and loosened his girth before turning the animal loose to graze on the grass while he waited. Ryan walked around the area, trying to clear his head.
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