Preaching to the Choir

by Kitty Parker

  "He does."

  "Why?" I threw my hands up in the air in question. "Why am I so much fun to be a jerk to?"

  "He's got his reasons," said Adam, a small grin twisting his lips.

  Well, if that wasn't cryptic…

  "And those reasons are…?"

  Adam turned to me in mock seriousness. "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

  Adam might have been a really nice guy, but he sure could be annoying as hell.

  ----------------

  "Never have I ever…" Elliot looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "…hooked up with someone who's name I didn't know."

  "Dammit," Jane muttered as she put a finger down.

  Ah, pickup games of "Never Have I Ever" (aka "the ten fingers game") were so entertaining. You always ended up finding out so much about your friends. Sometimes, you found out things you didn't even want to know.

  Basically, the game worked like this: everyone starts with all ten fingers up. You go around in a circle, saying things you've never done. If someone has done whatever it was, they have to put a finger down. Once all of your fingers are down, you lose.

  It was about midnight, we were sitting in my berth, and we'd just begun playing. Elliot had been the first to go.

  I took a look around the circle. Adam still had all his fingers up, as did Brigid, Matt, Eden, Luke, Kurt, Elliot (obviously), Bryce, and I. In fact, Jane was the only one with a finger down. Typical. Jane always lost at this game. She'd done way too much shit for her own good, the result of having strict and overbearing Taiwanese parents against whom she liked to rebel.

  It was Bryce's turn now. He scratched his head in thought. His eyes lit up as he thought of something. "Never have I ever, uh, 'pleasured myself' in a public bathroom."

  I wrinkled up my nose in disgust. Now that was a bad image.

  Sheepishly, Elliot put a finger down. The room burst into laughter.

  "EW!" Brigid shrieked. "That's so nasty!" I had to agree with her there.

  "It's a long story…" Elliot mumbled, turning red.

  "One that I personally do NOT want to hear!" said Matt quickly.

  "I wasn't going to tell it…"

  "MOVING ON," I said loudly, trying to change the subject. It was my turn, anyway. "Never have I ever smoked marijuana."

  Luke, Bryce, and Jane (of course) all put a finger down.

  "Never have I ever gone skinny-dipping," said Adam.

  I put a finger down. I was the only one who did.

  "When did you ever go skinny-dipping, Lotte?" asked Eden, surprised that there was something she didn't know about me.

  "There are nude beaches in Germany, you know," I said. "I went to one with my cousin once, just for fun."

  "Did you get hit on a lot?" Brigid wanted to know.

  I grinned mischeivously. "Maybe."

  Brigid laughed. "Ok, my turn," she said. "Never have I ever looked at pornography on the internet."

  All the boys put their fingers down. Figures.

  "Never have I ever…um…" Matt thought about it. "…been drunk."

  "Really?" I asked, putting a finger down along with Brigid, Adam, Luke, Kurt, Elliot, Bryce, and Jane.

  "Yeah, really," he said, shrugging. "I've just never really wanted to, I guess."

  "Fair enough," I replied with a smile. "Eden, it's your turn."

  She bit her lip and looked up, thinking. "Never have I ever been kissed," she said finally.

  Everyone else looked shocked as they put their fingers down. I had already known about Eden's romantic status, so I wasn't surprised.

  "You've never been kissed?" asked Matt.

  "Never been kissed," repeated Eden, not seeming the least bit embarassed about it.

  I could tell that Matt wanted to be Eden's first kiss. The adorable look on his face gave it away. I resisted the urge to coo.

  "Alright," said Luke, noticing that it was his turn. "Never have I ever…had sex on an airplane."

  No one, not even Jane, put a finger down.

  "Well, um, that's nice to know," I said awkwardly.

  Not enjoying the silence that followed, Jane piped up. "Ok. Never have I ever…" she paused, trying to think of something. This was never an easy task for Jane, who had done just about everything there was to do. She looked around the circle. Suddenly, her eyes fixed one me, and she grinned. "Never have I ever gotten into a fistfight to defend my father."

  "No fair!" I said indignantly, putting a finger down. "That was aimed directly at me!"

  "Yup," she said, laughing like a maniac.

  I scowled at her.

  Kurt cleared his throat. It was his turn. "Never have I ever…" he started. "…gone on a blind date."

  Eden put her first finger down. I winced, remembering "the date." I'd set her up on that one. It hadn't gone well, to say the least. It started alright, but then Eden mentioned religion. The guy had gone on a long anti-Christian tirade, and when Eden mentioned quietly that she was a Christian, he had spent five minutes insulting her and her beliefs. She'd run out of the restaurant in tears. I'd gone over to her house afterward with a huge carton of Ben and Jerry's, a DVD of Beauty and the Beast (we always watched cheesy Disney flicks when we had issues with boys), and a promise never to set her up on a blind date again.

  Even now, as we sat on the floor of our berth, I shot her an appologetic glance. She caught my eye, smiled softly, and nodded, conveying wordlessly that she'd long since forgiven me. Eden was just an angel like that.

  We'd gone completely around the circle and it was Elliot's turn again. He thought about it a bit before speaking.

  "Never have I ever had sex."

  There was dead silence. Now that was awkward. Did we really want to admit to each other our respective sexual statuses?

  Slowly, biting his lip nervously, Luke put down a finger. Realizing with relief that we weren't going to be the only non-virgins in the group, Jane, Adam, and I followed the motion.

  Now before you go getting any ideas (such as "OMG, Lotte is such a slut!"), I think it is important that I clarify my non-virginal status.

  From the beginning of my junior year up until January of my senior year, I had dated a guy named Sky. His real name was actually Obadiah (I'm not even kidding - he's a prophet in the Old Testament), but, like Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls (who's real name was also Obadiah), he went by Sky. He was a year ahead of me and absolutely gorgeous. Basically, I'd had a crush on him since I was a sophomore.

  Sky had blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and he was 6'5". Oh wow, I had such a thing for tall guys. Don't ask me why, I really don't know. Anyway, he'd been on our school's crew team, and in the spring of my sophomore year, I started going to every single race just to watch him row.

  We started talking a lot over the summer before my junior and his senior year, and we found that we actually had a lot in common. Everyone I knew liked him and was rooting for me to get together with him. My mother adored him (of course), my dad got chummy with him in that way that males do, Eden was crazy about him, and all my other friends seemed to think he and I would make a great couple. In fact, the only person I can think of who didn't like Sky was Kurt. It was probably because of some weird male competitive thing, since Kurt was on the crew team as well. I really have no idea.

  Anyway, when September rolled around, Sky asked me out. I was so happy that I could have died. Obviously, I said yes.

  Our relationship was absolutely magical. Sky did everything a boyfriend was supposed to do: he held my hand in the hallway, surprised me with roses on special occasions and when I was feeling down, brought me hot soup when I was sick, and showered me with the kind of romantic attention that every girl dreams of. I, in return, tried to be the best girlfriend I could: I screamed myself hoarse cheering for him at his races, I came over with chocolate and Monty Python tapes when he was sick or upset, I gave him back rubs when he was exhausted from practice, and I reciprocated his romantic attention with love and devotion.

  One magic
al night during the summer before he went away to college, I gave my virginity to Sky. I've never regretted it. I really can't think of a worthier person for such a gift.

  I know that some relationships fall apart when sex gets involved, but I really think that my relationship with Sky just got stronger. For the rest of that summer, we were practically inseperable. Naturally, it was a wrench when he had to go off to college in the fall. We tried to do the whole long-distance thing, and I suppose that during the fall we kind of pulled it off. After a while, though, it was just too much of a strain, and we broke up. We stayed friends, though, and I even went to an occasional race when I could take the Amtrak down to his school. Not having a liscence was such a hastle.

  Even though I'd been crazy about Sky, I was over him. Sure, I still cared for him, but now it was a sort of sisterly caring. I suppose distance can do that.

  So now that I've explained why I'm not a virgin and have hopefully convinced you that I'm not a slut, I'll move on.

  "I vote that no one has to give details on their sexual status," said Bryce.

  "I second that motion," Luke agreed.

  "Good." Bryce nodded for emphasis. "Ok, never have I ever…" he thought about it. "Oh shit, I've done too much. I can't think of anything."

  I rolled my eyes. "Come on Bryce, there has to be something that you've never done."

  He bit his lip, thinking. Eventually, something came to him. "Got it. Never have I ever pulled an all-nighter."

  Adam, Matt, Eden, Kurt, and I all put a finger down.

  Now that it was my turn, I decided to think of something aimed directly at Jane, since she had aimed one at me earlier. Let's just say that I had a wide array of options. When I thought of something good, I grinned.

  "Never have I ever gone streaking through the Boston Common at night on a dare."

  Jane glowered at me. "You suck," she said as she put a finger down.

  "But you love me anyway," I said, beaming.

  "Alright, my turn," said Adam. "Never have I ever played strip poker."

  "You've never played stip poker?" exclaimed Brigid like it was some kind of a crime against humanity.

  "Nope," Adam replied.

  "Wow, I can't believe it. We have to play, you guys!"

  There was a murmur of general assent along with some nodding. Strip poker was always fun, provided it didn't get too far.

  "I've got some cards in my room," said Elliot. "I can go get them."

  "Awesome!" shouted Brigid.

  "Maybe I should put on a bra…" Jane muttered.

  It was going to be an interesting night.

  Chapter 6: From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea

  "CANNONBALL!"

  There was a tremendous splash as Bryce's enormous, line-backer body hit the water. The ripples went out in all directions, and a couple of girls sitting on the edge of the pool let out startled shrieks as the cold water from the impact hit their bodies.

  "Behemoth," one of them muttered as Bryce surfaced. Unfortunately for her, he heard.

  "Same to you, sweetcheeks," he said with a wink.

  Shooting him a look of disgust, the girl and her friend got up and sauntered away.

  See?

  This was why Bryce didn't get any girls. He was horrible at flirting.

  Watching from a deck chair nearby, I rolled my eyes at my friend.

  "We really need to teach him how to flirt properly," said Jane from the chair next to me, shaking her head. "That was really just pathetic."

  I nodded in agreement, but not without a lighthearted smile.

  "Oh, don't give him such a hard time, you guys," said Eden sweetly as she rubbed sunscreen on my back. "He just needs to mature a bit."

  "Eden, we were just messing around," I explained. "You know that we love Bryce's awkwardness."

  "It's endearing! " added Jane. "Bryce is such a sweetie-pie!"

  "Hey, Jane, are you talking about me again?" asked Bryce, pretending to be annoyed, as he approached us, water dripping off of his dark, muscular body.

  "Of course!" said Jane with a huge smile. "That surprises you?"

  In response, Bryce shook his limbs violently, spraying the three of us with water like a wet dog. We shrieked accordingly.

  "Wimps," said Bryce with a loving smile. "It's time you all got in the pool, anyway."

  "But I'm not done with Lotte's sunscreen yet," Eden protested. "You know how fair she is. She'll fry!"

  Bryce tapped his foot impatiently, gazing over the deck and out across the sea.

  Eden rubbed the last of the sunscreen into my back before declaring, "There, all done!" With that, she happily accompanied Bryce into the pool, cautiously wading into the shallow end as he sprung off the diving board once again.

  "You going in, then?" Jane asked, taking off her sundress.

  "Yeah, in a bit," I replied. "I just want to finish this." I held up the non-alcoholic piña colada that I'd been sipping. "Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

  Shrugging, Jane walked to the edge of the pool and gracefully slid in. I noticed some random British boys giving her "the look." Figures.

  I sipped my deliciously orgasmic tropical drink, enjoying the contrast of the cool glass against my palm and the warm sun against the rest of my body. Inhaling the salty air, I looked up at the gorgeous blue sky, contemplating the amazing beauty of the world.

  Speaking of amazing beauty…

  …or rather, people who think they're amazingly beautiful…

  Kurt suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs that led up to the deck, clad only in swim trunks and looking rather smug. Although I resented his arrogance (I hate arrogance!), I had to admit that he did kind of have a reason for being so pleased with himself. He had one hell of an amazing body. Not that I'd ever say that to his face. I'd sooner jump into a pit of hungry lions with raw meat strapped all over me than tell Kurt that I thought he had a nice body. I'd never hear the end of it if I did.

  Figuring I was safe for the moment, I looked him over. His hazel eyes were sparkling, which was certainly attention-grabbing. Nicely sculpted chest and arms, powerful long legs, six pack…ooo, six pack.

  Then, I realized I was staring.

  I had been checking Kurt Matthews out.

  Horrified at myself, I snapped my attention back to the pool, where Bryce, Jane, and Eden had joined up with some Norwegian boys for an impromptu game of Marco Polo.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Kurt caught sight of me (thank God I had stopped staring) and strutted over, causing some of the girls in the vicinity to stare.

  "Hey, Lotte," he greeted me, sitting down on the deck chair next to me. "Wie geht's? (How's it going?)"

  I shot him a look. "Don't try to speak German with me, Kurt. You'll just end up embarrassing yourself." His accent actually wasn't that bad, but come on. I had to say something contemptuous. I certainly wasn't about to compliment him.

  "Ouch, that was hostile." Kurt pretended to look hurt.

  "Like you've never said anything mean to me," I said resentfully.

  "Touché."

  There was a silence in which I slurped my piña colada and wondered why the biggest jerks always seem to have the nicest bodies. It really wasn't fair.

  "You going swimming?" asked Kurt as I gulped down the last of my drink.

  "Yeah, I guess." I stood up and pulled my sundress over my head, revealing the blue bikini I had on underneath. When I looked back at Kurt, he was blushing like crazy. Either that or he had one hell of a sunburn. I assumed it was the former.

  "What?" I asked, perplexed. "Why are you staring at me like that? Knock it off, you're creeping me out!"

  Kurt opened his mouth, but it took a minute for the sound to come out. "You…you just…just stripped in front of me." He continued to stare at me as though I had spontaneously sprouted a second head.

  I stared back at him, rather bemused. "I am wearing a bathing suit, you know. It's not like I'm naked."

  At the word 'naked,' Kurt's a
lready pink cheeks turned crimson. Boys. All they ever thought about was sex. Good grief.

  Rolling my eyes, I made my way over to the diving board. Never being one to half-ass things, I decided to do a flip off of the end. It's not like I was on the diving team or anything, but I was pretty good. I bent my knees, sprang into the air, did a flip, then felt the cold water close around my body. Man, it felt good. Surfacing, I swam over to my friends in the shallow end.

  "Hey guys, watch this!"

  I turned around at the voice to find Kurt on the diving board, ready to show off.

  Ok, I did not understand Kurt at all. On the boat trip alone, he had gone from childish (when he fell off the Murphy-bed and pouted about it), to indignant (when he found me with Niels), to jeering (when he made fun of me for falling down the stairs), to almost normal (during ten fingers), to flirtatious (when he came upstairs), to a stuttering idiot (when I took off my dress), to arrogant (just a moment ago). The kid had friggin' emotional ADD! Either that or he had about ten different personalities.

  Anyway, Kurt suddenly sprang off of the diving board and did the most painful-looking belly-flop I had ever seen. Ouch.

  We all winced as we heard the water slap his body.

  "Why would he do that to himself?" Eden gasped.

  "Probably trying to impress girls," I muttered, rolling my eyes. Boys were so weird.

  "Damn." Jane shook her head in pity.

  Kurt still hadn't surfaced, and I actually found myself beginning to worry. As much as I detested him, I certainly didn't want him to drown. I'd never wish death on anyone. Besides, if he died, who would I argue with?

  Looking at the water, I saw a dark shadow making its way silently toward me. My eyes widened, and the theme from Jaws automatically started playing in my head.

  Da dum…

  The shadow moved swiftly underwater.

  Da dum…

  It was headed right at me.

  Da dum da dum da dum da dum...

  The music in my head started playing faster and I started to panic. Obviously, I knew it wasn't a shark. I wasn't that stupid. I was basically just afraid that it would be some sort of rapist who would yank my bikini down and assault me or something. Paranoid? Me? Pft.