Preaching to the Choir

by Kitty Parker

  "Sure," said Kurt, nodding. "But so no one gets left behind, let's meet at the front door at 4 AM sharp, alright?"

  We all voiced our consent, and Matt, Luke, and Jane made their way onto the packed dance floor.

  Linking arms with Eden in what I thought was a supportive manner, I led her in the direction that Kurt, Elliot, and Bryce had started in. That is, the direction of the bar.

  "You have any Kölsch?" I asked as soon as I got the bartender's attention.

  He gave me a funny look. "Any what?" he asked in a strong Spanish accent.

  "Damnit." I thought to myself. "No Kölsch."

  Kölsch was my favorite kind of beer. Legally, it could only be brewed in the area around Köln, or Cologne, as it would be called in English. However, I did sometimes see it around as an imported beer in American shops. It completely killed me that I couldn't buy it until I was 21.

  "Er…" I tried again. "Do you have any German beer?"

  "Sure," answered the bartender, whose nametag read "Miguel," with a condescending little smile. "I have Beck's, which is a kind of Pilsener, Franziskaner, which is a wheat beer, Löwenbräu Original, a light beer from Munich, and Paulaner Original Münchner Dunkel, a Bavarian dark beer."

  I was sort of annoyed by the tone in his voice, which clearly proclaimed, 'I know everything about beer and you don't!' Eden raised an eyebrow at me, knowing exactly what was going through my head.

  I gave him a charming smile. "I'll have a Paulaner, please. It seems appropriate, since my uncle is the manager of the brewery that makes it."

  Bryce snorted.

  The bartender blushed furiously, turned around to get the beer, then handed it to me with an apologetic smile. "No charge."

  I waved a hand and gave him the money anyway. I wasn't trying to intimidate him into giving me free beer.

  "Can I get a Beck's, please?" asked Kurt.

  "Same here," Elliot chimed in.

  The bartender complied.

  Bryce raised a finger to get his attention. "Can I have a Mojito, please?"

  "A cocktail?" asked Kurt incredulously.

  Bryce shrugged. "I thought I'd try it. I love that commercial for it where the guy's crushing the mint and everyone's dancing, you know?"

  We all just stared at him.

  He shrugged, received his drink from the bartender, and sipped it awkwardly.

  "What should I get, Lotte?" asked Eden, staring blankly at the bar.

  "Something non-alcoholic," I suggested.

  "Nah," she said. "I want to expand my horizons. Try something new, you know?"

  I shrugged. "Alright. What do you want?"

  She gave me a lost sort of look. "I don't know."

  "Is beer alright?"

  She nodded. "Sure."

  I ordered a light beer for her. She took a sip and make the funniest face I had ever seen in my life. It was a weird cross between an "I'm-really-constipated" look and a "Holy-crap-someone-just-pinched-me-in-the-ass" look. Bryce and I burst out laughing. Kurt and Elliot were too absorbed with their own drinks to notice.

  "It's so bitter!" Eden exclaimed after swallowing.

  "You get used to it," I reassured her, patting her on the back.

  She took another small sip and swallowed slowly.

  I opened my own beer and took a swig. It was good stuff.

  "Hey, Elliot," said Bryce, giving him a nudge. "That girl across the way is checking you out."

  We all looked over at the girl, a slim brunette in a red dress. She winked at Elliot, who promptly hopped off of the bar stool he'd been perched on and headed over to chat her up.

  "You know, this stuff isn't that bad once you get used to it," said Eden thoughtfully, regarding her now half-empty bottle.

  Bryce raised an eyebrow at her. "You don't have to drink it so fast, Ede."

  She shrugged. "I was thirsty."

  "Two beers maximum tonight, Ede," I told her. "Anything more than that and you might get drunk."

  She nodded, knowing that I wasn't trying to be bossy, but rather simply looking out for her welfare.

  Matt pushed his way out of the crowd on the dance floor with a rather comical look of bewilderment on his face.

  "Something wrong, Matt?" I asked.

  "Luke and Jane," he replied.

  "What about them?" asked Kurt.

  "They…snuck off together. I saw them go into the bathroom."

  I stared at him incredulously. "You've got to be shitting me."

  He shook his head. "I shit you not."

  Eden giggled. It seemed that the alcohol was already making her a bit silly.

  Bryce raised his eyebrows. "Damn. Doing it in a public bathroom. Now that's sketchy."

  An uneasy silence followed in which Matt took to leaning against the bar, biting his lip, and staring at the floor intently.

  I gave him a little nudge. When he looked up at me, I subtly cocked my head toward Eden, who was just finishing the last of her beer.

  Picking up on my cue, Matt took a step forward. "Hey, Eden?" he asked.

  She turned to him and smiled. "Hm?"

  "Do you want to dance?"

  Her smile widened. "Sure!"

  His uncertainty replaced by euphoria, Matt took Eden by the hand and led her out into the crowd. The pair quickly disappeared in the great mass of excited dancers.

  "They are so cute! Aren't they Bryce?" I turned around to address him, only to find that he'd run off somewhere. "Bryce?"

  The dark, grinning face did not reemerge from the swarms of people.

  That left me alone with Kurt. How lovely.

  "Lotte," he asked, a knowing smirk on his face. "Did you set those two up?"

  I tried to look as innocent as I could. "I…might have had a hand in it. Just a small one."

  "Uh-huh."

  I shrugged and finished the last of my beer.

  Kurt pushed the empty bottle away from me. "Now that you're done with that…do you want to dance?"

  I raised an eyebrow.

  "Just friends?" he added.

  I raised my other eyebrow.

  He gave me puppy-dog eyes.

  I caved.

  Stupid clod.

  "Fine."

  Grinning like an idiot, Kurt grabbed my arm and steered me onto the dance floor just as a new song came on. As soon as he'd staked out a spot, he pulled me flush against him, back to front, and began to move.

  Oh. So he meant that sort of dance.

  Well, what could I do? I'd already told him I'd dance with him. I couldn't very well shove him away. I was still attempting to abide by the truce, after all.

  "What the hell." I thought. "I'll dance with him."

  I began to move my hips in time with Kurt's. He was actually a fairly decent dancer, I realized.

  Just as I was beginning to get into dancing and forget who I was dancing with, Kurt brought his head down right next to my ear.

  "This is fun," he murmured. I was amazed that I could actually hear him over the thunderous music.

  With his head still extremely close to my neck, he exhaled slowly, sending a shiver down my spine. His hands, which had been clasped in front of my stomach, moved to grip my hips.

  "Just ignore it, Lotte," I told myself. "Concentrate on the music…"

  Kurt started making tiny circles on the small strip of exposed flesh between my tank top and skirt with the tip of his index finger.

  "Concentrate on the beat. One, two, three, four…"

  The small circles got bigger.

  "…five, six, seven, eight."

  The song ended. I could have kissed the DJ.

  I started to move away from Kurt, but he just turned me around to face him as the next song started. He pulled my hips into his again, and we wound up doing the same dance, just facing each other instead, one of his legs between mine.

  It was only this close up to Kurt, swaying in time to his movements and the music, that I noticed how tall he really was. I'd always known that he was on the tall side,
but I realized that he had to be at least six feet, if not more. He could have comfortably rested his chin on the top of my head as we danced if he'd wanted to. He apparently didn't, though. He was more interested in holding me tightly by the small of my back.

  It made me very uncomfortable.

  The reason it made me uncomfortable?

  I liked it.

  That's why I was mentally freaking out.

  I liked the feeling of his hands in the curve of my back like that, the feeling of his body against mine, the feeling of his legs intertwined with mine.

  "It's just hormones." I thought to myself. "You like it because his leg is so close to your happy place."

  That seemed legitimate, and I went on dancing.

  I wasn't the only person getting hormonal, though.

  I felt something jab me in the bladder area.

  I looked down.

  My eyes widened as I noticed Kurt's problem.

  It was a very noticeable problem, too. Either that or a circus tent had spontaneously sprung up in his pants.

  I stopped dancing and looked up at Kurt, raising an eyebrow. When he met my eyes, I allowed my gaze to travel downward once more. There was the problem.

  I stared at it.

  He stared at it.

  I looked back up at him.

  He looked back up at me.

  There was an awkward pause.

  "Um…" he finally uttered, blushing furiously. "Sorry. My, er, hormones got the better of me."

  With that, he dashed off, presumably to find a restroom, but maybe just to get away from me.

  ----------------

  When I finally crawled back into my room at 4:30 in the morning, followed by my giggling roommates, the full force of the earlier events of the night finally hit me.

  I had inadvertently turned Kurt on. That meant that he had to think I was hot.

  It didn't mean that he liked me, just that he thought I was hot. That in itself was freaky enough.

  Now what was I supposed to do? Flirt with him?

  Yeah, right. It was Kurt for crying out loud. I'd sooner flirt with Attila the Hun.

  Eden's voice broke into my thoughts. "Lotte, are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

  I looked over at her. "Sorry, what?"

  "Oh, it's nothing important…"

  I raised an eyebrow.

  "Matt just asked me out, that's all."

  I jumped a foot in the air. "He did? That's awesome!"

  "Group squeal!" shouted Jane.

  The three of us let out a loud, synchronized squeal.

  "Shut up!" mumbled Brigid from her bed. "It's 4:30 in the fucking morning. Go to bed!"

  Brigid tended to be grumpy when she was tired.

  The three of us mumbled our apologies and got ready to hit the sack.

  After pulling on a camisole and boxers, I made my way into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Eden was already in there.

  "Hey, congrats!" I said quietly, nudging her.

  She attempted to smile with her mouth full of toothpaste.

  "So what's the date plan?" I asked, squeezing some toothpaste onto my toothbrush.

  She spat into the sink. "We're going out to dinner on Tuesday night."

  "Great!" I stuck the toothbrush into my mouth and began to scrub.

  "One thing, though." Eden started, turning to face me. She bit her lip. "In order to take the pressure off, we agreed to make it a double date. Could you come along?"

  How could I deny my best friend a date with a guy who was so perfect for her? "Sure," I answered, although the sound was garbled by the toothpaste in my mouth.

  Eden beamed. "Great! Thanks, Lotte!"

  "Who's my date?" I asked, trying not to dribble on my camisole.

  Eden bit her lip again. "Kurt."

  I just stared at her, my mouth full of toothpaste, unable to believe what she had just said.

  My life had just gotten a whole lot more complicated.

  Chapter 10: What Is And What Should Never Be

  Ah, the world. What a crazy place. What else could it be but crazy when I, Lotte Leisch, would be forced to go on a date with Kurt Matthews, the long-time bane of my existence, recently acquired sort-of friend, and, most significantly, the guy who had gotten an erection while dancing with me. The world was more than crazy. The world had gone completely mad.

  How I hated the world.

  If Brigid hadn't been sleeping, I would have thrown a fit after Eden told me who my date was going to be. Instead, I went to bed and fumed quietly until morning, dreaming of lovely scenarios in which my so-called best friend was being tortured. The fact that she was being forced to watch reruns of Melrose Place over and over again instead of being stretched on the rack didn't make it any less enjoyable.

  She got an earful when I woke up, though.

  The moment my eyes opened at 1:05 PM (hey, it had been a late night!), I sat up, grabbed my pillow, made my way over to a peacefully sleeping Eden, and gave her a good whack.

  "Oomph!" she grunted, rolling over.

  I whacked her again.

  "Sto-op!" she whined, her eyes cracking open to look at her assailant. "Lotte! Cut it out!"

  "Why does my date have to be Kurt?!?" I shouted, chucking the pillow across the room, where it hit the wall and slid to the floor with a muffled "flump" sound. Luckily for me, Jane and Brigid had already left. I could shout as much as I wanted.

  "What are you talking about?" Eden yawned.

  "The double fucking DATE!"

  She looked confused for a minute before a huge smile spread over her face. "Oh yeah, Matt asked me out!"

  "Yeah, that's fantastic and all, but what about ME?" I began pacing irately back and forth in front of Eden's bed, like a caged tiger with an anger-management problem.

  She had the nerve to giggle.

  "Don't you giggle at me, missy!" I pointed an accusing finger at her. "You set me up with Kurt just to piss me off, didn't you?"

  Eden rolled her eyes. "Lotte, I'm your best friend, why would I want to piss you off?"

  "I DON'T KNOW!" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air.

  She remained calm. "It wasn't my idea. Matt and I agreed to the doubling thing, and he asked all the guys who came to the club with us if they were free on Tuesday night. Kurt was, so Matt invited him. You're my best friend, so I invited you. I'm going to need you there for emotional support." She gave me a pleading look.

  I sighed, then plopped down on the bed next to her. "Fine."

  She reached over and hugged me tightly. "Oh, thank you, Lotte!"

  I hugged her back. "You know I'd do anything for you, Ede, even if I have to sit through a night of agony."

  We pulled apart. There was a pause.

  Eden gazed down at her lap, then back up at me, curious. "Why are you so down on spending time with Kurt, anyway?" she asked. "I thought you guys were getting along…sort of. Did he do something?"

  I blushed. I really hadn't wanted to bring this up. It was embarrassing enough just thinking about it.

  Eden looked at me expectantly.

  "Well…" I began, hesitating. "Kind of. Something…happened last night that…might make things…awkward….so I'm just kind of avoiding putting myself in a situation where I have to talk to him."

  I wanted to leave it at that, but Eden kept pushing. "What happened?"

  I sighed. "Alright, this is confidential, okay?"

  She nodded.

  I bit my lip. "Well, after you went off to dance with Matt, Bryce sort of disappeared, so I was alone with Kurt. He wanted to dance, so we, um, started…grinding, I guess."

  I paused. Eden looked at me, waiting for me to go on.

  "So, I was just dancing, and then he started getting sort of touchy-feely."

  Eden's eyes went as wide as saucers. "He didn't, like, violate you or anything, did he?"

  "Oh God no!" I said quickly. "Nothing like that. He just sort of started…I don't know, brushing his fingers along my skin."

 
"Did that make you uncomfortable?" Eden asked.

  I hesitated. I didn't want to lie to my best friend, but I couldn't really tell her the truth, either. I didn't want anybody, not even Eden, to know that I liked it. I intended to take that secret to my grave. If it leaked out, Kurt would get the wrong idea and his ego would inflate to the size of the Garfield balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That was the last thing I needed.

  "That wasn't why things got awkward," I finally answered, opting to avoid the lie while still concealing the truth.

  "Then why did they?"

  I blushed furiously, absolutely certain that I resembled a tomato by this point. "Well…we were dancing front to front, and he, um…he sort of…got…excited."

  Eden blinked. "Like, excited, excited?"

  I nodded.

  "Like, happy in the pants, hot and bothered, Happy Harry Hard-on, excited?"

  I nodded again.

  "You mean his ding-dong-"

  "YES, Eden," I interrupted. "He got an erection."

  Even though Eden tended to be uneasy about her own sexuality, she always found other people's sexual mishaps to be fairly amusing. This situation was no exception.

  Eden lost it. She started laughing like an idiot, slapping her thigh and going red in the face.

  "It's not funny!" I wailed. "It was so embarrassing!"

  Eden caught her breath and grinned like a maniac. "Captain Winky likes you!" she teased.

  I gave her a weird look. "Who?"

  She kept on grinning. "You know, Captain Winky, Herman the one-eyed German, One-eyed Willy…Kurt's penis, Lotte!"

  "Oh."

  Where the hell did Eden get all these euphemisms from?

  "Alright," she said, calming down a bit. "I can see why things might get awkward between you and Kurt. He's probably just as embarrassed as you are."

  I shrugged. "Probably. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the night after it happened."

  Eden shook her head in sympathy. "Poor kid." She bit her lip, then looked at me earnestly. "I know that you really don't want to be around him….but I really, really need you to be with me, Lotte. Please?"

  Sighing, I nodded. I was just going to have to suck it up and deal.

  ----------------

  On Monday, July 16, Operation "Completely-Avoid-Kurt-Until-Tuesday-Night" was officially implemented. Unable to get the James Bond theme song out of my head, I slunk down the hallway of the hotel, took the back stairs to avoid an awkward elevator situation, and slipped inconspicuously into the lobby, where most of our group had already assembled in their nicest outfits. We had been told to dress somewhat formally for the evening's outing, although none of us quite knew why.