Your Life, but Better

by Crystal Velasquez

  4. You are picked to help judge a talent show, and one of the singers is awful. We’re talking American Idol open auditions awful. When it’s time to give him your opinion, you are:

  like Simon Cowell: brutally honest. Why sugarcoat it? What he did could barely be called singing. It was more like the sound of a howler monkey in pain. He shouldn’t waste his time—or yours—pursuing a goal that he obviously won’t reach. Instead, he should do the world a favor and stick to a silent hobby, like knitting or becoming a mime.

  like Kara DioGuardi: honest but tactful. You’re still pretty hard on him, but you stop just short of making him cry. He shouldn’t take your criticism personally anyway. He’s gotta develop a thicker skin if he wants to make it in showbiz.

  like Randy Jackson: complimentary but full of constructive criticism. True, he wasn’t the best singer you’ve ever heard in your life—okay, he was pretty close to being the worst—but at least he chose a great song to butcher, and maybe with some voice lessons he could sound a little less like fingernails on a chalkboard.

  like Paula Abdul: nice to a fault. Sure, he sucked, but you don’t want to kill his dream. So you tell him he has a “star quality,” compliment him on what he’s wearing, and avoid talking about his terrible singing altogether. Like you’ve always been told, if you don’t have anything nice to say …

  5. You hear your younger sister telling your parents that she got an A on her last biology test, but you know for a fact that she got a big fat F. So naturally, you:

  threaten to tell on her unless she agrees to do all your chores for a month. What good is having the dirt on your sis if you don’t use it to your advantage? She’d do the same thing if she were in your position, right?

  make sure your sister knows that you know the truth and that you’re keeping it to yourself … for now. You don’t really plan to spill the beans; it’s just fun to see her sweat. And it’s also pretty cool to have something to dangle over her head, just in case.

  tell your sister that you know she failed the test, and if she doesn’t tell your parents the truth, you will. It’s not that you want to see her get in trouble, but if your folks catch her in a lie, they’ll just come down harder on both of you. Besides, it’s not like your ’rents won’t find out on Parent-Teacher Night anyway, and then your sister will really be in trouble.

  clue your sister in that you know she failed the test. But you’re no snitch. You don’t plan to rat her out to your parents. But you also don’t want to see her go down a road of academic loserdom and wind up getting left back. From now on you’ll be tutoring her in biology so you can make sure her next test grade really is an A.

  Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered A, 2 points for every B, 3 points for every C, and 4 points for every D.

  —If you scored between 5 and 12, go to chapter 11

  —If you scored between 13 and 20, go to chapter 13

  You have perfected the art of minding your own beeswax. Sure, it’s tempting to dig up juicy details about others, but you are mature enough to realize that everyone deserves some privacy. And in a world where the stalkerazzi hide out in bushes to spy on celebs, and reality shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians are the norm, your attitude is refreshing. Just make sure your tendency to mind your own business doesn’t come off as not caring about other people. Your friends and family wouldn’t mind if you showed a little interest in their lives.

  It’s clear that Janice and Mona have some issues to work out. And it would be pretty lame of you to eavesdrop on their conversation. So you head to the back room, where Steve is frantically looking for the gold flats that go with your outfit.

  He is half buried in a huge trunk, full of accessories, on the floor. He flings garments all over the place as he goes. One satin scarf lands on your head, making you giggle.

  “You think this is funny?” he demands. “If I don’t find these shoes, Janice will kill me!”

  If he were talking about anyone else, you’d tell him he was exaggerating. But with Janice … you think he might be right.

  “Well, then I guess we’d better find them, huh?” you offer. “I’ll check this other trunk.” You get down on your knees, careful not to let your dress touch the floor. Then you start tossing stuff out of the trunk next to Steve’s.

  Steve looks up at you with his mouth wide open, clearly in shock. He absentmindedly strokes the mini Mohawk on his head. “You mean you’re actually going to help me?”

  “Duh,” you answer. “Of course I am. I can fling clothes with the best of em, you know. You should see my room. And I’m always on the winning team in scavenger hunts. We’ll find those shoes in no time.”

  “Wow,” Steve says, looking dumbfounded. “I guess I’m just not used to anybody in this business being so … nice.”

  You stop flinging for a second. “You must mean Mona. I knew she was evil at school, but is she always like that?”

  “Yes,” a voice replies from the corner with no hesitation at all. “And you’d better get used to it if you want to work with her. She doesn’t take kindly to sharing the spotlight.”

  “Yeah, that much I got,” you say, seeing Bryan still sitting in the corner. “She can have the spotlight. Just gimme the clothes!” you joke.

  He grunts—which you think is meant as a laugh—and goes back to playing his PSP.

  “Ooh, you got the creature to stir,” Steve says in mock surprise. “Impressive, considering the fact that we’ve been here since before the mall opened!”

  “Jeez, so early?” You wince. “Why do you do this at all?”

  Steve chuckles for the first time, finally loosening up a little. “You could say I’m in it for the clothes too.”

  You pull one of the size-6 blouses from the trunk in front of you and hold it against Steve’s torso. “Hmmm … I don’t know. I think these might be a little small for you.”

  He laughs again. “No, no, not wearing them—making them. I’m a designer. Or at least I will be someday”

  “Cool!”you shout. “Then what are you doing here?”

  “Well, I’m still in training. I have one more semester to finish at design school. Right now I’m interning at Bebe LaRue, which is how I ended up assisting Janice.”

  “Ooooh,” you say. “No wonder you take so much abuse from her. Your degree depends on it, right?”

  “That’s it in a nutshell,” Steve says sadly, checking his watch and reaching into the first trunk again.

  You pull out a bundle of patent leather belts, and right beneath them, glimmering even in the darkness of the trunk, is a pair of perfect golden flats. “Eureka!” you cry. “I struck gold!” You hold them out to Steve, who hugs them to his chest.

  “Oh, thank God! I was beginning to think I’d have to flee the country to escape the wrath of Janice. Thank you!”

  You start picking up all the clothes lying on the floor and putting them back into the trunk. “No problem. Glad I could help prevent a homicide.”

  “Yes, well, if there’s anything I can ever do for you, just name it.”

  “You could show me some of your designs. I’ll bet you’re really good.”

  Steve does another quick check of his watch. “Well, we do have about ten minutes before we have to get started. Hold on one second.”

  He runs out of the room, leaving you and Bryan in silence, save for the beeps coming from his PSP. One of you needs to break the ice, so you plunge in. “So, um, how do you know so much about Mona?” you ask tentatively.

  “Aw, dude, Mona has a bad rep.” He puts his game on pause and leans toward you in his chair. “You know that girl Alexa?”

  You search your brain for a second, knowing you’ve heard the name before. “You mean the model who was supposed to be here today instead of me?”

  Bryan nods seriously. “That’s the one. Well, she and I got to be kind of good friends since I’m always meeting up with Steve at these things. She’s pretty cool for a model.” Before you have a chance to ask him
what he means by that, he brushes his hair away from his face again and continues. “According to her, Mona actually told her to her face that her forehead was too big or something crazy like that, and that she should get out of modeling.”

  “Unreal!” you exclaim. “But, um, was it too big? Alexa’s forehead, that is.”

  “No way,” Bryan assures you. “Alexa is a ten, which is why Mona can’t stand her. Besides, who decides how big a forehead should be, anyway?”

  “Vogue, I think,” you answer quickly. “Each issue comes with a little measuring tape so you can make sure you’re not entering Frankenstein territory.”

  Bryan shakes his head, as if he wouldn’t find that too hard to believe. “Chicks. Well, anyway, when that didn’t work, Mona started pulling lame-o stunts like putting gum in Alexa’s chair right before she was going to sit down, or just blocking her out of photos, you know? Typical mean-girl stuff. Straight outta the movies.”

  Ah yes, the old gum-in-the-chair bit. Mona pulled that particular brand of evil on you less than a week after you’d met. “I’m familiar with her work,” you offer miserably.

  Bryan nods again. “Well, then, you know that that routine gets old fast. So when this shoot came around, Alexa was gonna try to be tough and stick it out, but she decided that she had better things to do with her time than deal with a primo brat like Mona. Of course, she wasn’t gonna tell dragon lady Janice that, so she had her agent make up some mumbo jumbo about her being double-booked, and she bounced.”

  “I don’t believe it!” you say a little too loudly.

  “Believe it,” Bryan answers, leaning back in his chair and resuming his game.

  You’ve learned a few things from that little interaction. One: Boys like to gossip just as much as, if not more than, girls do. Two: Bryan is pretty cute, though you wonder if Jessie would approve of him. (If Jessie equals fashion, then this guy equals anti-fashion. Either Jessie would be intrigued by his total lack of interest in what she feels is essential to life, or she would see him as a fun project.) And three: It’s no accident that you got to be here today. You’re filling the place left by someone who was driven away by Mona and her rotten attitude. Mona got rid of Alexa so that she wouldn’t have to share her moment in the sun. No wonder she was so peeved when you showed up! Well, more than usual, anyway.

  In Alexa’s place, what would you have done? you ask yourself. At school you have no choice other than to deal with Her Royal Brattitude, but if you did have a choice, would you let Mona have the satisfaction of seeing you skip town or would you have the guts to stand up to her once and for all?

  Before you can arrive at an answer, Steve rushes back into the room. He walks to the desk in the corner, unzips a case, displaying his sketches, and calls you over.

  As you flip through them, you gasp. “Did I say I thought you’d be good? I was wrong. These are awesome!” Your eye lands on a cherry red jacket with dark square buttons and slanted pockets. “Especially this one. Love it, love it, love it!”

  “Really?” Steve says happily “Thanks. That’s one of my favorites too.” He pulls out a garment bag that was hanging on a hook and unzips it to reveal the red jacket and some incredible dresses. “I like to carry them around with me when I work on fashion shoots, just in case I should run into Dolce or Gabbana.” He smiles.

  “You’re going to be bigger than both those guys put together,” you assure Steve. “If you had been on Project Runway, you definitely would have won over Tim Gunn. Maybe even Nina Garcia!”

  “Dare to dream,” Steve says wistfully, zipping up the garment bag and putting away his portfolio. “For now, we’ve gotta get you back on the set. So put on the flats and I’ll see you out there, honey. Come on, Bryan.”

  After they leave you slip into your shoes and are taking one final look in the mirror when you hear your phone ringing in your bag. It’s Amy Choi and she is squealing like she just met all three Jonas brothers. “Eeeeeeee! Lizette just won a ticket!” she screams. “And you know what else? There are only a few tickets left, but each one admits two people. So if you win, you can bring someone. Isn’t that awesome?”

  You have to admit, it is pretty sweet. That means that if Lena and Jessie win tickets, they’ll be able to bring you! Or even better, all three of you can win tickets so that Lena can bring Charlie (once you get her to admit that she might have a thing for him) and you can bring Jimmy (or possibly Bryan?), and you may even have someone in mind for Jessie. (You’re not sure, but you think that one of the models on the set is the one in Teen Vogue Jessie was drooling over.) You really hope your friends are still in the running. It never hurts to have some backup plans.

  But right now, you have a bigger fish to fry—namely, Mona Winston. She has already chased one model away. Are you next?

  Isn’t it funny? Sometimes when you try to mind your own business, information falls right into your lap! And it can come from the unlikeliest sources too. Steve revealed that he is not just some uptight Janice lackey, but a cool, talented designer. Amy told you all about Lizette’s big win. And you got to talk to Steve’s little brother. Who knew that skater-boy Bryan would give Amy Choi a run for her money in the gossip department? Good thing he did, though. At least now you know what to expect from Mona. The tricky part is figuring out what to expect from yourself. Is this where you strike a blow for models everywhere by standing up to moaning Mona? Or are you a little scared of her, making the stress of dealing with a bully so not worth the effort? Not sure? Take the quiz and find out.

  QUIZ TIME!

  Circle your answers and tally up the points at the end.

  1. You get your history test back, and your teacher took two points off for your answer about the Civil War. No way! you think. My answer was dead-on! So after class you:

  march right up to your teacher and fight for your two points. You earned them! And if he refuses to budge, you’ll go over his head and pay a visit to the principal. If that doesn’t work, you may even try to find out how to call a press conference so the whole world will hear about this injustice!

  wait until after school, then approach your teacher and explain why you think you deserve those two points. He’s an educated man; surely he’ll see reason. And if not, you’ll bug him about it every day until he does.

  write him an e-mail through the school’s Web site, pleading your case. If he sees the light, great. But if he insists on sticking with his original opinion, you’ll have to let it go. Why get mad when you can get even by knocking the next history test out of the park? No way will he be able to deduct a single point next time!

  sulk, but leave it at that. You think your teacher was dead wrong, but what’s the use in fighting the grade? He probably won’t change it anyway, and your friends will just think you’re whining for nothing.

  2. You’ve been standing in line for two long hours to be let into the advance screening of the summer’s hottest new blockbuster movie. Rumor has it the whole cast will be in attendance! You already have your passes, but seating is limited, which means not everyone will be admitted. So you are understandably peeved when you catch three girls cutting the line. You:

  speak up immediately, telling the latecomers to hit the road. There are enough people between you and the inside of the theater as it is. If they don’t leave on their own, you have no problem with calling security over to give them the old heave-ho.

  tap one of them on the shoulder and politely let her know that the line starts back there—wayback there. Then point out the other people behind you who have been patiently waiting in line and are now glaring at the line-cutters.

  say really loudly to your friends how much you hate it when people are totally rude and cut the line. You clear your throat a lot and stare daggers into the back of one line-cutter’s head. Maybe they’ll get the hint (or feel the waves of outrage you’re sending their way) and leave on their own.

  let it go. You don’t want to make a scene, so you’ll have to seethe in silence. But they’d better n
ot have any more friends showing up later to join them in line.

  3. You just met a really popular girl whose friendship would mean your being part of the in crowd. But she keeps calling you by a nickname that you absolutely hate. You:

  ditch Little Miss Popular immediately. Anybody who would use that awful shortened version of your name within ten minutes of meeting you isn’t worth your time. You’ll find your own way into the in crowd … or you’ll make an in crowd of your own.

  correct her right away. That she’s part of the cool kids’ inner circle doesn’t mean she gets to call you whatever she wants. Your name is fairly awesome and if she wants to be your friend, she should learn it now.

  don’t exactly correct her; you just find an excuse to say your own name a lot, and hope that she catches on. The name thing isn’t a huge deal, but if you do end up being a permanent part of her clique, you’d hate to be stuck with a nickname that makes you puke.

  let her use whatever name she wants! She can call you Donald Duck for all you care. The important thing is that you’ll be hanging at the cool lunch table at long last-even if the other kids there don’t know what your actual name is.

  4. You’re hired to babysit your neighbor’s kids, who are six and seven years old. When nine o’clock rolls around, they want to stay up past their bedtime so they can watch the end of the Disney movie on TV. So you:

  lay down the law and make them go to bed. There will be no mutiny on this ship! You’re in charge, not them, so what you say goes. Really, they’re lucky you’ve let them stay up this long.