Your Life, but Better

by Crystal Velasquez

“It would be my pleasure,” he says, bowing with a flourish. The two of you make your way over to the now almost hyperventilating Jessie and the subdued but excited Lena. Thanks to Elliott’s being by your side, the rest of the crowd is staring at you in a whole new light, your humiliating turn at acting completely forgotten (almost).

  After you introduce Elliott to your friends, you grill Lena about the golden ticket in her hand. “How’d you score that?”

  “Well, let’s just say it involved Reese Witherspoon and a whole tub of popcorn.”

  “And an unfortunate run-in with a trash can,” Jessie adds, then stage-whispers to you, “Lena hurled right after she won, and Amy sent the video of it to everybody.”

  “Hey!” Lena said, bumping Jessie’s arm. “We agreed to never speak of it again, remember?”

  Jessie giggles and looks down. “My bad. But the video pretty much speaks for itself. Right now you’re bigger than Beyoncé!”

  Lena sighs and says, “‘It is an honor I dream not of.’”

  “Shakespeare, right?” Elliott offers, to Jessie’s obvious shock.

  Lena just looks pleasantly surprised, a smile spreading across her face. “That’s right! See, Jessie? Some people still appreciate good literature.”

  “Yeah, but does he know what it means?”

  Again, Elliott surprises everyone. “Sure, it means you’d rather not be famous for barfing in the mall and you wish people would just shut up about it, am I right?” he asks Lena.

  She shrugs. “More or less.” Then to Jessie she mumbles, “Big mouth.”

  “Hey, no need to get all bent out of shape,” Jessie protests, swinging both fists to her hips, followed by the jangling of a dozen bangles. “If you just acted like it didn’t bother you, nobody would even care about that dumb video. I mean, who talks about how Ashlee Simpson got busted lip-synching on SNL anymore? Nobody. And at least it wasn’t as bad as the blowout I heard Jimmy and Mona had today. According to my sources, they totally had a screaming match in the bookstore a little while ago and their date is off. Pretty soon, everybody will be talking about that instead of you.”

  At the mention of Jimmy’s name, it hits you that you haven’t seen him since the crash. Even though you know Elliott is only being friendly, it’s like once you met him, all thoughts of Jimmy just flew out of your head. You hope that doesn’t mean you’re a flake. But hearing the news that Jimmy just broke the date off with Mona, you figure he’s probably going to need some time to get over that. And you had to kiss the passes to the wrap party at the museum good-bye, thanks to your supersized zits. So you wouldn’t have had anything to offer Jimmy anyway.

  Your promise to ask him to hang out with you is just one of many things that didn’t go as planned today. The only impression you got to make on your longtime crush was on his skull; you never even made it onto the Bebe LaRue set, let alone into the photos; you completely missed out on the Shawna shenanigans; and to say you spazzed out on the commercial would be kind. If it weren’t for how cool Elliott has been to you, you’d feel like the biggest loser in the world. But at least it can’t get any worse.

  Famous last words …

  “Anyway,” Lena continues, rolling her eyes at Jessie in exasperation, “I’m really sorry, but we only got one ticket, and since Jessie’s the one who made me watch Legally Blonde, I figured she deserved the other pass.” She gives Jessie another irritated look. “But I could always change my mind.” Jessie smirks and sticks out her tongue at Lena. “You understand, right?” Lena says, turning to you. She bites her bottom lip and kind of winces.

  And with that, the last bit of air in your balloon flies out with a hisssss. For some reason, when you saw Lena with the golden ticket, you thought maybe all the nerves and the acne and the rejection you’d suffered today would have been worth it if you at least got to attend a killer birthday bash. Hearing that you’ll be shut out of that as well is a little like taking a punch in your gut. But you don’t have the heart to blame it on your friends. It would have been great to go with them, but it isn’t their fault you decided to run off to try to be famous. You just shrug. “That’s okay. I didn’t really think I’d get to go to Shawna’s birthday party, anyway.”

  “Shawna’s party?” Elliott chimes in. Believe it or not, you’d almost forgotten he was standing there.

  You and your friends look at him with puzzled faces. “You know Shawna?” you ask.

  He laughs, pulling a wallet out of his back pocket and opening it to a flap of photos. In the first one, he and Shawna are standing in front of a giant Christmas tree, wearing cheesy matching sweaters. “I should,” he said. “She’s my sister.”

  “What?” the three of you say in unison, sounding a little like Celia and Delia.

  “You heard me. And come to think of it …” He reaches into a different fold in his wallet, digging around. “I might have … Yep, here it is.” And like a magician, he pulls out a golden ticket as if pulling a rabbit from a hat. “Shawna gave me a couple of these for my friends, and I forgot that I still had one left. You wouldn’t want it, would you?” he says with a grin as he hands you the ticket.

  Oh my God! After some of the most totally embarrassing hours of your life, you get to go to the party after all. You just can’t hold back. You practically throw your arms around his neck and give him the biggest bear hug you can manage—instantly becoming the envy of all the girls in the crowd. You can only hope that Amy Choi is out there filming something good happening to you for once.

  All in all, today was the best day at the mall you’ve ever had. Who says the downtown mall is the most boring place on earth? Not you!

  Excellent! You are totally secure and never possessed by the green-eyed monster they call jealousy. When good things happen to your friends, you are genuinely happy for them. You don’t waste time wishing you had what they have. Instead you appreciate what you have. (You do realize that these noble qualities make you a terrible candidate for most reality shows, right? But that’s a good thing!)

  Today hasn’t exactly worked out the way you hoped, but at least Jessie and Lena are getting to go to the party. You foresee a lot of party-outfit buying in their future, with Jessie asking if a thirteen-year-old would wear this or that. As crazy as Jessie drove you with her obsessive shopping, you’re kind of bummed that you won’t be part of the excitement.

  You are just maneuvering your way around the Auntie Em’s stand in the middle of the hall when you run into Lizette and her two cousins. Lizette is holding a golden ticket in her hand while Delia and Celia argue over which one of them she should take.

  “Of course she should take me,” Delia says.

  “Why you?” Celia answers.

  “Look at me,” Delia responds. “I’m obviously the cute one.”

  “We’re identical twins, moron!”

  “Only a little!”

  “You can’t be a little identical. You either are or you aren’t.”

  “Well, I have this cute little mole right here on my chin that you don’t have. See?”

  Celia licks her thumb, reaches out, and wipes the mole right off Delia’s face. “You drew that on, you psycho!”

  “іAy, cállate! Both of you!” Lizette breaks in.

  “Hey, don’t tell us to shut up,” they say in unison as they walk away together.

  When Lizette notices you, she heaves a sigh and offers you a tired smile, flipping her long black curls over her shoulder. “Hi. You wouldn’t want to adopt a pair of twins, would you?”

  You shake your head. “I don’t think so. I’m on my way to meet up with Lena and Jessie to congratulate them for winning a ticket to the party. Wanna come with?”

  Lizette takes a quick look back at her cousins and says, “Let’s go!”

  As you walk along the mall with Lizette, passing 50 PERCENT OFF SALE signs and ducking the annoying perfume sprayers standing in front of Perfumania, you see Mark Bukowski and Jasmine Viera walking happily toward the exit, both smiling big cheesy grins—wh
ich is kind of surprising in Jasmine’s case. You’re not used to seeing her smile except when some teacher is assigning extra homework over the weekend or something.

  “Hey, Lizette!” Jasmine cries excitedly. “I heard you got a ticket to Shawna’s party. Guess we’ll see you there!”

  “You mean you guys won tickets too?” Lizette asks.

  “Well, Mark did. But he’s bringing me in exchange for tutoring him in science this year,” Jasmine gushes. “Did you know that Shawna’s brother is a model? He’s going to be there too, with some of his Teen Vogue friends.”

  “Yeah, I heard that too. And supposedly there’s going to be a giant chocolate fountain there. The guys oughta love that,” Lizette adds.

  “You know it!” Mark answers, pulling a golden ticket out of his back pocket. “Dude, all I had to do was sing the theme song from SpongeBob SquarePants.” He clears his throat and belts out, “Oooooooh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea …”

  You immediately plug your ears with your index fingers. “All right, cut it out before you summon all the dogs in the neighborhood.” Maybe that was kind of mean, but it’s hard being left out of all the fun. Especially after the kind of day you’ve had. It’s bad enough that you wrecked your shot at becoming a model. But now you realize that anybody who is anybody will be at the party—and that won’t include you. Bummer.

  “Ha-ha, very funny.” Mark smirks at you. “All I know is this gets me and Jasmine into Willy Wonka’s place. Where’s your ticket, huh?”

  Well, you kind of deserved that. “Um, well, I never won one.”

  “Yeah, but Lena did, so she’s going to take you, right? I mean, you guys have been BFFs since forever,” Lizette says.

  “Actually, she’s taking Jessie,” you admit.

  “Oh.”

  All four of you stand there in silence for a minute, looking everywhere but at one another. It’s obvious you’re the only one in this group who’ll be home playing Wii or watching Hannah Montana reruns instead of dancing with models and eating your weight in chocolate.

  “Awk-ward …,” Jasmine says in a singsong voice.

  She’s right. But the more you think about it, the happier you are for Jessie and Lena. Yeah, it would have been great if you could all have gone together, but Jessie has been talking about this party ever since Shawna first posted the announcement on Facebook. And Lena did down a whole bucket of popcorn to win the ticket. Not to mention that when that model scout picked you out of the crowd, they were totally supportive and excited for you. So now there’s no reason to rain on their parade. It’s your turn to be excited for them.

  You say as much to your friends. “In fact, I’m so happy for them, I’m going to buy them some celebration flowers right now. Coming, Lizette?”

  “I’m in,” she says, clearly grateful that the awkward moment has passed.

  You wave your good-byes to Jasmine and Mark and head straight for the flower shop. That is one good thing about the mall: you can find anything here. And right now you and Lizette are cruising for some roses (Lena’s favorites) or sunflowers (Jessie’s faves).

  The two of you are picking out some pink roses when you hear someone on the other side of the counter ask, “Do you need any help?”

  That’s weird, you think. The florist sounds awfully young. You didn’t think they let kids work here. But when the cloud of baby’s breath on the counter parts, you see that the florist is none other than Shawna herself!

  “Congratulations!” she cries. “I have one more golden ticket left and it’s yours … if you can win the last challenge of the day.”

  You can’t believe your luck! Looks like you’ve still got a shot at salvaging this day … if you can stop freaking out, that is.

  Thank goodness! It was starting to feel like everybody had seen Shawna except you. And since nothing has gone quite as well as you’d hoped today, it would be really great if you could somehow win a ticket to the Willy Wonka-themed party. But you’ve heard that some of Shawna’s tests are pretty tough. Are you up to the challenge? Start by seeing if you can handle this next quiz.

  QUIZ TIME!

  Circle your answers and tally up the points at the end.

  1. You’re in the middle of an oral report that you had to memorize for Spanish class and you forget the second half of your speech. What do you do?

  Come to a complete halt and run out of the classroom. You can barely remember how to speak English right now, let alone Spanish. True, running out mid-examen won’t earn you any grade points with the teacher (or cool points with your friends), but it beats dealing with this pressure!

  Struggle through it, blurting out whatever random lines of the speech you can remember. Unfortunately, you’re remembering them all out of order and no one knows what you’re saying. Finally you give up and beg the teacher to let you try again tomorrow.

  Wing it. You start making things up right on the spot. You’re making absolutely no sense and you’re pretty sure you just said something like “Cats eat green eggs at midnight,” but at least you’re still talking. And maybe your teacher will be so distracted by how well you roll your r’s that she won’t notice that your speech just went from Spanish to gibberish.

  Stop, take a deep breath, and get your bearings. You know you can nail this speech if you just stay calm. Once you get past the nerves, the rest of the words will come flooding back to you. And if not, you’ll just talk about the topic in your own words. It might not be as good as the speech, but the point is to show how well you can speak Spanish.

  2. If you could be on any game show, it would be:

  Deal or No Deal. You have plenty of time to think and ask your family and friends for help—and talk smack to the banker. And all you have to do is pick numbers, so even if you were nervous, it would still be easy to pick a case.

  Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? The questions on this show are usually pretty easy. Plus, they give you three safety nets and you can drop out whenever you want (not that you would).

  Family Feud. Coming up with answers on the spot would be a piece of cake for you. Plus, you just know you’d rock the speed round at the end.

  Million Dollar Password. The whole game is a race against time. You have to give great clues or guess your partner’s—all while listening to the clock tick away. Only people who are able to keep their cool do well on that show, and let’s just say you’d leave with the grand prize.

  3. If you had to choose, you’d be:

  a yoga instructor. Half your job is teaching people how to reeelaaax. And the clothes are pretty comfy too. You don’t even have to wear shoes! Talk about stress free …

  a midwife. True, there is a bit of tension involved (you are helping to bring a new baby into the world, after all!) but your focus on meditation and creating a soothing atmosphere for the mom-to-be makes this a fairly mellow job.

  a fashion-magazine editor’s assistant, like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada. Some girls might shy away from a job that has you running around in heels all day and night, doing a million things at once, but it looks exciting to you! Besides, when you get to enjoy some downtime, you’ll be doing it in Gucci and Jimmy Choos. Totally worth the stress.

  an ER doctor. You don’t get much more high-pressure than this job. You’d get no sleep, you’d be on call twenty-four seven, and you’d have only split seconds to make life-saving decisions. The upside? You’d save a lot of people.

  4. You have a big science project due at the end of the year. You:

  start months and months in advance. That way you can do a little bit every day and not get overwhelmed. Why procrastinate when you could be done by Thanksgiving and not have to worry about it after that?

  get started at least a month or so before it’s due. As long as you set up a careful schedule for yourself and stick to it, you should be done just in time without breaking a sweat.

  procrastinate until a week before it’s due. You work best under pressure—or so you tell yourself. By now most
of the good ideas are taken and your parents have to help you scramble for supplies, but that’s all part of the fun … not.

  start working on it the day it’s due and end up having to beg your teacher for more time. You’ll lose a letter grade and will have to sweat bullets to get it in before you fail altogether, but that date just snuck up on you!

  5. You run into your crush unexpectedly at the mall, and he says hi. You:

  say something that sounds like “Uh … um … h-h-hi… urgh …” Unfortunately, your tongue always seems to tie itself into knots whenever you’re around someone you like. Better just wave at him from far away next time.

  say, “Hey,” nervously, then run away like your sneakers are on fire. You’re lucky you got out one word. Stay any longer and you risk serious humiliation.

  say hi and ask him about the homework assignment from class. Maybe it’s not the most stimulating conversation, but you’re pretty comfortable talking about school, so it’s a good way to stay calm in the face of unbelievable cuteness.

  tell him a great joke you just heard and flirt away. Even though you weren’t expecting to see him today, you immediately snap into your most practiced notice-me moves.

  Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered A, 2 points for every B, 3 points for every C, and 4 points for every D

  —If you scored between 5 and 12, go to chapter 21

  —If you scored between 13 and 20, go to chapter 20

  Why such a hater? It’s perfectly normal to envy other people when great things happen for them. But if you obsess over what everyone else has, you’ll never fully appreciate what you have. And the green-eyed monster thing? Not a good look on anyone. Try focusing on all the stuff that makes your life special. You might find that once you do, you’ll feel more secure and more trusting, and you’ll be genuinely happy for others a lot more often.