Letters To Luca

by M. R. Joseph

  I feel my phone vibrate and I pull my hand away from his to check it.

  “Sorry, it’s a voice mail from Katherine my old boss.” Luca winks at me and continues driving. I listen to the message.

  Katherine: We have a problem. Word on the street is retailers, reviewers, and fans are demanding the true identity of Brianna Maxwell. We have a lot to discuss. I’m coming down there to meet you tomorrow. I’ll meet you at that breakfast place you are always telling me about. I have the directions. I’ll meet you around ten a.m. and be prepared to make some decisions. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Shit, fuck, damn! I’m not ready to reveal this side of my life to him, but this guilt is eating me up inside.

  “Luca? I need to tell you something.” I turn to him. I know we are on our way to his dad’s but it’s now or never. This will be the end of us, but it has to come from me, not in some paper or magazine.

  He stops at a red light and faces me. “What is it baby?” He takes my damn hand again and kisses my palm. I shiver, shut my eyes tight, and open them again as he smiles at me with those chocolate specks and perfect face.

  “I need to explain this to you now because… well… I need to tell you the truth… I – “ Just then, a horn blows from the car behind us, causing me to jump a mile high. The light had turned green and we didn’t realize it. He continues to drive, but veers off into a small development of homes.

  “Can you tell me later, babe? We’re here.”

  Son of a bitch. There you go, just another example of Luca’s meant to be theory. I’ll wait till after my meeting with Katherine to explain things to him. It’s going to be the most difficult discussion I’ll probably ever have in my life, but I love him. He trusts me, and I can’t go on being dishonest with him. It will break his heart but maybe he’ll understand. I never wanted to hurt him, only protect him, but for now, it will have to wait.

  We pull up to an adorable ranch-style home with stucco siding and a front porch with a white railing surrounding it. We walk to the front door hand in hand. I can hear music playing loudly coming from the inside. It sounds like opera, but I’m not sure. Luca squeezes my hand and he asks, “Are you ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  We walk into the house, and I was right, Italian opera is crooning through the home, the smell of tomatoes and garlic fills the air and I’m in heaven. We walk down the entrance way towards what looks like the kitchen. When we enter I see a chubby, short man, maybe all of five foot, dressed in a white sleeveless undershirt, gray shorts, black socks and sandals. He is at the sink, singing away to the music, and I can’t help to smile.

  “Papa!” Luca yells over the music, but the little man is still singing away. His arms stretched out to his sides dramatically. Luca calls to him again, but no response. He goes over to the stereo system on the wall near us and turns it off.

  “Papa!” The man jumps, turns around, and puts his hand over his heart.

  “Oh, mio, Luca. You almost gave me another heart attack. You don’t sneak up on your papa like that.” Luca starts to laugh and so does his dad.

  “I’m sorry, Papa, but the music was so loud in here.”

  “It’s ok, my boy. Who is this lovely creature you brought to meet your papa?” Lucky Ferro speaks with a broken, Italian accent. He has salt and pepper colored hair and he is wearing an apron that says ‘Kiss the Cook’. He’s adorable, all five feet of him.

  “Papa, I would like you to meet my girlfriend, Leighton Parks. Leighton, this is my papa, Luciano Ferro.” I extend my hand and just like Luca, he kisses the top of it.

  “Ah, bella ragazza, my dear. You picked a beauty out, my boy.”

  “Only the best for me, right Papa?”

  I blush at his confession, and I answer back, “Grazie, bell’uomo.”

  “Oh my, Luca, she speak Italian. See boy, she called your papa handsome.” He leans in to hug me, and at first I’m a taken back, but I easily return the gesture to this sweet, sweet man.

  “Not really, Mr. Ferro, just a few things I know from work related things, and a small course in college, but thank you for the ‘beautiful girl’ comment.”

  “No ‘Mr. Ferro’, please call me Lucky. You taking care of my beautiful boy here?” He takes Luca’s face, crushes it with both hands, and kisses his cheek. “Come now, dinner is almost ready. Your sister and brother should be here any minute.

  “Oh, Mr. Ferro, I mean Lucky, this is for you.” I hand him the bottle of wine, and his jaw drops.

  “Oh, Leighton, my favorite. Grazie, my dear. You pour some for us, Luca get glasses out of the cabinet.” He does so, and Lucky goes back to cooking dinner. The table is set with a white linen cloth that displays embossed flowers, Ivory china, and tiny drinking glasses.

  Luca pulls out my chair for me to sit, once I’m down, he whispers in my ear, “He loves you already, baby. Not like there was any doubt in my mind.” He winks at me and goes to help his father in the kitchen.

  “Let me help too, Luca.” Lucky turns and shakes his finger at me.

  “You no help me, young lady. I do this, you are my guest, relax and drink.”

  I do just that, but I watch them and their affluent movements around the kitchen. They are a team, working off of one another, never faltering, always with fluidity. It’s amazing. I see every once in a while Lucky reach up to cup Luca’s face and grin. He loves his boy, and so do I.

  I hear two people arguing and I see Adrianna storm in with Fab on her heels. She throws down her purse on a bench nearby and huffs.

  “Papa, you better do something about that son of yours. He is going out with that sex robot, Tina tonight. She’s a grade A ho. Papa, tell him to keep away from her.” Fab comes in behind her.

  “Papa, tell her to stop calling every girl I go out with a ho. Tina is a nice girl. She’s a dancer like her.” He thumbs over to where Adrianna is standing.

  “The only dancing that HO is doing is with her top off down at Rascal’s Strip Club in Dewey.”

  “Oh, you bit-” Fab gets into Adrianna’s face. She’s taller than him by about five inches, but he looks like he’s not about to back down.

  “Knock it off, both of you, and don’t you curse in front of Papa or Leighton. Mind your manners.”

  “Adrianna, Fabrizio, we have a guest. Be good for Papa, ok. You are not five and six anymore. Act right.”

  They turn and apologize to me, and take their seats. Luca and Lucky bring over massive plates of food to the table, and begin to pass the dishes around family style. When everyone’s plates are full, Luca grabs my hand and so does Fab, who is sitting next to me.

  “Luca, you say grace tonight.” He nods to Lucky.

  “Bless us, oh Lord, for this beautiful food, this drink, for this beautiful family, our beautiful guest, and please, oh Lord, continue to bless us and watch over us every day, amen.”

  An ‘amen’ is heard from everyone in unison.

  We all dig in, stuffing our faces with pasta, fried eggplant parmesan, meatballs, and a few things I have never heard of or tried.

  I sit back and listen to Lucky tell stories of the kids growing up, how he knew Luca had a gift of the game from an early age, how Adrianna was the same with her dancing, and how Fab was still trying to find his way. When dinner was done, Adrianna and I start to clear the dishes. Lucky hobbles over to what looks like a secret stash of liquor, and pulls out a bottle of clear liquid.

  “You want Grappa, my boy?”

  “Grazie, but no, I’ll have a shot of Limoncello. Leighton, you want some.” I’ve never had it, but I’ll give it a shot.

  “Sure.” I call over my shoulder as I wash dishes.

  Lucky gets up and walks over to an old record player that’s attached to the stereo he was using earlier. He takes out a vinyl record from a sleeve and places it on the turntable. When he put the needle on it, I hear it skip and crackle from age, but then sweet music with a voice as smooth as velvet comes out of the speakers. Lucky closes his eyes and starts to
sway to the music. He sings along with the record, and I can’t help but to watch his enjoyment. He holds out his hands for me to join him.

  “Papa, no, she doesn’t dance.”

  “I don’t know how, Lucky.” I feel embarrassed that I don’t know how.

  Lucky shakes his head.

  “Nonsense. Please, I teach you. Come.” I sigh and put down the dish I was washing. I’m reluctant, but in no way shape or form, can I say no to this charming man. I walk over to Lucky. He takes my one hand in his, and the other he places on his shoulder; his free hand is placed on my hip.

  “Now you follow my feet. We going to step to the left, then to the right, and sway a little too.”

  I do as I’m told and instantly step on his toe.

  “Oh, God, Lucky, I’m so sorry.”

  “No, no problem. We keep going.”

  We step to the left, then to the right, my hips become a little looser, and I’m feeling comfortable with my feet this time. Lucky is guiding me, freeing myself from my fear. I look over at Luca who has a look on his face that’s hard to read. His eyes are glazed over, and he keeps rubbing his face with his hands, covering his mouth, then sitting back into his chair. I wink at him, but nothing back.

  “Lucky,” I ask.” Who is this singing?”

  “Ah, this is Jerry Vale. He an old Italian boy. I love-a his voice. It’s called ‘Till There Was You’. This was me and my Mia’s song.”

  “You must miss her.”

  “Every day, bella, every day. But I have three pieces of her in this room.” He looks around at his children adoringly. “You have the heart of one of them, my dear,” he says as he presses his cheek to mine and whispers in my ear. “My Luca is crazy about you. You crazy about him too, I can tell, a father knows his boy. He is special, my Luca, an old romantic like his papa.”

  “You taught him well, and I think your pretty special yourself.” I can feel his face turn up in a smile. He kisses my cheek. Luca stands up and makes his way over to us as I dance and spin around Lucky Ferro’s kitchen.

  “Ok, that’s enough old man, hands off my girl. I’m going to take her for a spin around this floor myself.”

  Lucky breaks away from me, and Luca steps in. He takes my hands and places them exactly where Lucky had. He does the same with his, but his cheek goes directly to the side of mine. We sway with less foot movement than Lucky and me. The song resonates throughout the kitchen. Luca sings along to Jerry Vale in my ear, and I’m lost. I’m a goner just from the sound of his voice. He sings to me like a thousand violins strumming through my head, and I close my eyes, listen to his soft tone as it vibrates inside me, my heart, my mind, my body. I am in such love with this man. There are no words left to describe what my heart feels. Love is the only one I can think of at this moment.

  When the song ends, Luca reaches up to cup my face with his strong hands, and I’m expecting a kiss to finish me off, instead he pecks the tip of my nose with his lips. He pulls away and looks at me.

  “This is just another fear you have overcome with me, sweetheart, no more thunder, no more breaking toes. Just you and me.”

  After our dance debut, we eat a delicious dessert, and have espresso.

  Our time has ended here at Lucky’s house and we all walk to the door for our goodbyes. Lucky engulfs me in a hug.

  “You promise me you will come back and see me, you hear? You make sure my boy brings you back, we dance more, ok?”

  “Ok, Lucky. Thank you so much for the beautiful evening, and for the best dance lesson anyone has ever had.” I kiss his cheek, and Luca kisses Adrianna, Fab, and his dad goodbye. We walk to the car, and Luca holds the door open for me as I climb in. We drive home in silence. Not because I don’t want to talk to him but because there are so many words to say, so much to tell, so much love to profess, but I’m scared. I think about how I have conquered two fears of mine while being with Luca these past six weeks. Maybe I need to conquer this last one.

  We pull into the lot behind the quad. He shuts off the car, and sits there. I go to open the door but he stills my hand.

  “Wait.”

  “What? What’s wrong? You are so quiet. Is everything ok?” I’m a little frightened by his tone and the way he’s acting, is this it, is he ending this?

  “No, nothing’s wrong. Everything is almost perfect. Except for one thing.” I turn my body more towards him, my stomach feels funny, and I swallow hard, perspiration follows as I brace myself for the worst. He takes both my hands in his and brings them up to kiss my fingers.

  “Leighton, I’m in love with you.”

  Bingo!

  “What did you say?” I still can’t comprehend what he just said. This is all too unreal.

  “I said I’m in love with you. You’re all I have ever wanted, and nothing I expected. I love you more than my next breath, more than I can ever say, and I feel it in my heart, in my mind, in my soul. I don’t think I know any other words to describe how I feel. Just know you are loved, by me, now. You own my heart.”

  I try and fight back tears, but it’s a losing battle. They begin to flow down my cheeks, pooling wetness comes into my sight, and I have never felt so strongly about anything in my life. I say the words I’ve wanted to say to him for years.

  “I love you too, Luca, with my whole heart, with all that I know I am.” He lets out a sigh and reaches over and grabs me. He holds me tightly in his arms, and I wrap mine around him. I feel his tears on my face, I listen to his breathing hitch, and I pull away to look at his face.

  “Oh, God, why are you crying, baby?” He wipes his tears with his hands.

  “I just… I’ve never been in love before. I never thought it would happen to me, that I would find someone like you. You are my light in the dark, Leighton, my reason for waking up every day. The fact that you love me back amazes me. I was lost until I found you.”

  “Me too, I never knew what love felt like. It was like I was going through the motions, never really knowing what it was, just feeling things I thought were real, but the way I love you is real. You own my heart too.”

  He starts to chuckle and we both wipe each other’s faces because we look like two blubbering idiots.

  “Let’s go inside. I just need to be with you, near you, Leighton.”

  “Ok.”

  We get out of the car and make our way to his house. We head to bed, clothes removed, but there’s no sex, no fucking, no making love. We just hold each other, the warmth invades our skin, the contact is soothing, hanging onto each other’s bodies, encountering the love we have for one another. This is the real thing. After all those men, all the times my heart was left on the side of the road due to confusion, all the tears, I finally know what love is. I finally found it, and in all my days I never expected it to be Luca who really showed me.

  Last night was by far the best night of my life. I’m pretty sure my dreams have come true. Luca loves me, he truly loves me. I’ve never felt loved before. I’ve felt wanted but because of my body, but not because of my mind or soul. Luca is the mirror image of me. When I see him, study him, I can see myself. The things we have in common, the way we laugh, when we talk about our childhoods, the mishaps life has brought us. I’m starting to believe it when he talks about stars being aligned, how things happen for a reason.

  I wanted to tell Luca my secret last night no matter what the consequences were going to be. My mind wonders whether or not he would have accepted the truth and still wanted to be with me and still love me. I would like to think that his love was strong enough to accept it. I wouldn’t expect him to be happy that I was the girl who wrote the letters and based my books on them, but would he be ok with it because he loves me.

  This morning I’m meeting Katherine and I’m a little nervous. The new book launched and the sales have been phenomenal. There’s quite a buzz about this one because my characters finally get together after years of discovering their love for one another.

  Ironic, isn’t it?

  I pull u
p to the Beachside Grill, my favorite breakfast place in Ocean City. I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. They make the best banana pancakes in Maryland.

  I walk in and find Katherine already seated, sorting through a stack of papers in front of her, sipping on a coffee. She looks up at me and scowls. I can already tell she is going to give me hell for not wanting to reveal my identity as Brianna Maxwell.

  “Hi Katherine.” I give her an air kiss on both cheeks and signal for the waitress to come to our table. I order a cup of coffee and the banana pancakes.

  “So even though I have missed you madly, my dear, I need to cut to the chase. I made the trip down here because I’m your friend, and I really do love you. This charade can be no more.” Katherine speaks sternly to me, and she never has taken this tone before so I know she means business.

  “I know you have your reasons, but it’s gone too far and the retailers, bloggers, and reviews are demanding to know who you are. They are not buying the stock photo image thing. You have to reveal yourself or your sales are going to plummet. Look at these figures of sales for the past four books.” She points out my sales and earnings from the last few years, then turns and shows me the projections from this book. They are lower, much lower than anticipated.

  “It’s disappointing and that I’m basing on not the earnings per say Leighton, it’s all the hard work you put into it. I’m going to ask you something but do not feel obligated to tell me. For your own good I need to know why you want to keep your identity all to yourself. It can’t be as critical as you think, but I feel it is going to directly affect your future as a writer. Your readers depend on you and trust you. They are starting to feel cheated, and they are losing that personal connection with you. They love you and respect you, Leighton, don’t let something like this ruin your career.”

  Her sincerity makes me want to tell her everything but I know if I tell her I’ll fall apart. I need to tell her somewhere other than right here in this booth at my favorite breakfast place where people are walking by every two seconds wishing me a good morning.

  “Fine. But not here. Follow me to the bathroom. I have to tell you somewhere in private.” She nods and trails me towards the back of the restaurant.