Breath on the Wind

by Catherine Johnson

  She was going to go for the fastening of her jeans next, but Chiz reached forward, looking almost dreamlike, and undid the front fastening of her bra. Released from the tension of the material, Andy’s breasts sprang free. She couldn’t help her small groan of relief. There was no feeling like removing her bra. It was possibly the second best feeling next to orgasm, maybe it ranked above orgasm, well, maybe before Chiz.

  Chiz cupped her breasts in his palms, rubbing his thumbs with their rough skin over and over her nipples. Andy instinctively arched her back, pushing her flesh further into his hands. Andy watched Chiz through half-lidded eyes, but he wasn’t looking at her, he was watching his hands on her. The expression of intense concentration on his face was as erotic as it was disturbing.

  While Chiz was entranced with her flesh, Andy unfastened her jeans, and his. That seemed to bring him back to some awareness. As Chiz pushed his jeans down his hips and stepped out of them, Andy wriggled out of her own. She climbed onto the bed, and moved to the middle of it, lying on her back. The bed was soft. As much as she liked being bent over the kitchen counter, she was taking precautions, and the more soft surfaces around her, the better.

  Chiz joined her on the bed, crawling up and over her. Andy was prepared for him to disregard foreplay, he didn’t seem to be in an overly attentive frame of mind, but he surprised her. He held himself over her on one forearm, and dropped his head to her breast as his fingers trailed up the inside of her thigh. At the same time that he took her nipple into his mouth and began to suck, alternating with small nips at the tender flesh, his fingers slipped between her folds.

  Andy was taken aback by the gentleness and control that he was showing her, so much more than she had expected, given his mood. She relaxed, and gave herself over to the sensations, allowing the pleasure to build, undampened by caution.

  When Chiz settled into the cradle of her thighs and slid into her, filling her with his cock, Andy tried to wrap herself around him. She crossed her ankles at the small of his back, and slid her hands further around his shoulders, so that she could pull herself up, almost off the bed, to get as close as possible.

  Chiz stopped moving for a moment, and leaned up. Without speaking, he ran his palms from Andy’s shoulders, disentangling her arms from around him, as he pushed them out and up. He continued, applying a light pressure as he smoothed his palms to her wrists, until her arms were over her head, and he could catch both of her wrists in one of his, much larger, hands. He’d done it so slowly and sensually that Andy didn’t even realize that she’d been caught until it was too late.

  Before she could switch her mind back from pleasure to full awareness, Chiz caught her hip in his free hand to steady her, and then he really began to move. This was the fucking that she’d been expecting when he’d walked through her door. He was thrusting hard and deep, and picking up speed every time he plunged into her.

  He wasn’t hurting her, not in any of the bad ways, but her alarm bells were ringing now, almost loud enough to give her a migraine. He let go of her wrists, which shocked her a little, but she didn’t waste the opportunity to push at his chest, to try and move him, to get him to roll over so that she would be on top. But Chiz had a far greater mass than she, and he apparently did not want to be moved.

  Chiz’s eyes were blank. He didn’t seem to be seeing her underneath him. That lack of recognition triggered Andy to swap to an entirely different way of thinking. Her mind was no longer thinking about the sensation of Chiz’s body in hers, of the slide and thrust. Now, she was only going through the motions of the act, her full awareness on the actions of the man leaning over her.

  She was too alert to fully experience the potential pleasure in the movement of their bodies. That was dangerous in itself. She’d been in situations where that change in attitude had been noticeable, and had resulted in anger, but it was better that she be ready for the whiplash moods. She would try to ride it out, let him finish, and then… well, who the fuck knew what she was going to do then.

  Chiz began to slide his hand up her chest towards her neck. Andy tried to will herself to relax, and to give him the benefit of the doubt. But when he spread his fingers and thumb to catch her throat in his grip, and began to squeeze and press, she gave up all pretence and began to wholeheartedly try to dislodge Chiz off her, out of her.

  Chiz’s eyes were still blank. He hadn’t registered at all that she was no longer on board. Andy started thrashing, as much as she could with a heavy, muscular man pinning her to the bed. “Chiz? No! I don’t want that.”

  She scratched at his back and hit at his wounded arm, hoping that pain would bring him back to their reality, but he kept squeezing. As her own vision began to grow fuzzy, Andy saw the light spark in Chiz’s eyes, but not in the way that awareness was returning. It was like watching a possession take place, like he was being filled up with another person, another kind of spirit. Andy chanted a mantra in her head to keep breathing, to not panic. If she began to hyperventilate, she would pass out more quickly.

  “Chiz! No. Stop. Please.”

  The words were choked out between gasps. She needed to make him stop. She knew, for an absolute certainty, that he did not want to hurt her, only that he needed to hurt something, and she’d allowed herself to be that thing.

  “Chiz. Don’t. I love you.”

  Those were all the words she had to give. She had no breath for more, but miraculously his grip lightened. She took a deep, fulfilling breath, and this time when Andy shoved, Chiz moved. He slipped out of her, but she barely felt that loss, she didn’t care about it. The break in connection seemed to shatter the spell that Chiz was under. For an instant, he looked utterly horror-stuck. He rolled off her completely.

  Andy paid no more mind to him for a moment. She curled onto her side, into a ball, and concentrated on her breathing, trying to get blood and oxygen back to where they were most needed in her body. Her mind was a riot of memories, fear and relief. So many times she hadn’t been able to call a halt. So many times the situation had gone from bad, to worse, to nightmarishly fucking awful, but not this time. This time she’d been able to stop it.

  The sound of a sob had her turning back around. Chiz was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, his back to her, his feet on the floor. She unfurled herself, and crawled across the bed to investigate the strange sound. Chiz had his elbows propped on his knees, and was crying into his hands.

  As terrified as she had just been, her heart broke for him.

  “Baby? You okay?”

  “You’re askin’ me?” He looked up, and laid his tear-dampened palm against the side of her face. He allowed it to slide slowly down, until it was lying benignly against her neck. She tried not to flinch, and felt that she succeeded. “Why’re you askin’ me? I tried to hurt you.”

  “That wasn’t you, baby. I know it wasn’t. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “It was me. You’re not stupid, so don’t act like it. It was me. I’m dangerous. I’m dangerous to you. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Andy settled on her knees and wrapped her arms around him, being careful not to press against the bandage, which was showing some red now. Bold color had seeped into the pristine white.

  “I know. I won’t forget it. But let’s talk. What happened? What do you need? Because we either figure out how to stop this from happening again, or we need to end what we’ve got going here.”

  Chiz had stopped crying now, but his tears were still wet tracks on his cheeks. He leaned into her embrace.

  “I don’t wanna stop. I don’t wanna lose you.”

  “Me, either. So talk to me.”

  “I lose control. You shouldn’t… I’m fucked up. All fucked up. I’ll go.

  Chiz tried to push up off the bed, but Andy gripped him more tightly. “No. Stay. Tell me how I can help.”

  “You don’t understand, doll. I’ve killed people.”

  “Well, I didn’t think you were off delivering Girl Scout cookies today.” She released her ho
ld, only enough to trace her fingertips over the bandage on his arm.

  “No. You really don’t understand. I’ve killed women - doin’ what I was about to do to you. When my head gets all full like this, I don’t have control. It’s happened more than once.”

  This time when he tried to get up, Andy relinquished her hold and let him go. She sat back on the bed as he stood. The memory of the night that she’d agreed to the breath play was tainted now, by more than the memory of his leaving her. “Who?” She asked.

  “What do you mean?” Chiz’s desolate expression made a little room for confusion.

  “Who? Who’ve you killed? Do you drive around and pick stray women up like a fucking serial killer?”

  He flinched at that, and so he fucking should, Andy thought.

  “No. It’s hookers. It’s always hookers.”

  Andy stayed, kneeling by her pillows, watching this man in front of her, a self-confessed murderer of women. The man that she loved, that she’d followed, in the blind faith that tying her life to his was the right decision.

  “That stops. If you’re with me, you’re with me. No more. No more hookers, and no more breath play.”

  Chiz came back to sit on the bed, but he left space between them. That was no bad thing at the moment. “I don’t want anyone else. That’s why I came back to you.”

  Andy wasn’t convinced that the explanation was the compliment it might have been meant as. “Then we need to figure out what we do, when you get that urge.”

  Chiz looked lost. It was the only way she could describe his expression, such a mixture of confusion and sadness. “You should be runnin’ from me, doll. Why ain’t you runnin’?”

  “Not to split hairs, baby, but this is my place. I’m not leaving.”

  Chiz’s lips twitched into what might have been about to start to be a smile. “I don’t wanna havta leave.”

  “So, neither of us is leaving. If we’re going to be together, we have to find a way around this, a way to make it work. I won’t take that from you. I won’t let you hurt me.”

  “I don’t want you to.” He drew in a deep breath, and let it out in a weighty sigh. “It’s just… my head, gets so busy. When there’s waitin’, and I know the action’s gonna start jumpin’ any minute, but I have to wait. I’m not good at thinkin’. I don’t know how to handle it, the pressure, the weight in my head.”

  Andy was beginning to think that she knew how to handle the situation. The territory was familiar. “I have an idea. Do you trust me?”

  Chiz reached over and cupped her cheek. This time, when he touched her, she didn’t have to think about not flinching. “More than you know, doll.”

  Andy shuffled off the bed, and went to the top drawer of her dresser. She’d done some shopping the day before in anticipation of his return, but hadn’t formulated her plans much beyond having the items ready and available for use.

  “Will you wear these?” She held out a pair of handcuffs, a copy of the pair she’d taken to the motel room on the night he’d let her dominate him.

  Chiz didn’t hesitate in his answer. “Yes. Anythin’ for you to feel safe, doll.”

  “It’s not just about me feeling safe, baby, and it doesn’t have to be all the time. It’s about working out the noise in your head, so that we can both be safe, so that people around us are safe.”

  Chiz nodded. “You got anythin’ else in there?”

  “A few things.” Andy smirked. “Want to come and choose?”

  Chiz still couldn’t quite find a full smile, but he was looking brighter as he joined her by the dresser. He sifted around in the drawer. Andy was both surprised and not when he handed her the fabric blindfold and the rubber paddle. She’d bought similar items to the ones they’d already played with, thinking that familiarity would be best at first. But she was surprised that he was amenable to the paddle again. Although, maybe it did make some sense.

  Andy closed the drawer, and drew Chiz over to stand at the end of the bed. She dropped the toys in a pile on the comforter.

  “You’re going to have to bend down for me to get the blindfold on.”

  “You want me to kneel?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Okay. Chiz dipped his head, so that Andy could tie the fabric in place around his eyes, and then straightened.

  Andy brought his wrists around to his back and fastened the neoprene cuffs around them. This scene did not have the teasing spar of the first time that they had played it. Not yet. But Andy had an idea of how to get it back. She wanted to make this about more than just punishment.

  “Stay,” she instructed. Chiz smiled, and nodded.

  Andy hurried into the kitchen, collected the few items she needed, and brought them back into the bedroom. Chiz hadn’t moved. Without touching him, she knelt in front of him. She placed the two glasses that she’d brought in with her a little way away from his feet.

  He was completely soft now, his cock hanging limply in its nest of dark golden hair. Andy grinned to herself as she took it between her lips, taking care not to touch any other part of his body. Chiz jumped at the touch of her mouth, but didn’t pull away. When she looked up his body, she could see that he was smiling down at her from beneath the blindfold. She kept her hands in her lap as she sucked him, twirling her tongue around his shaft as it hardened. When he was solid once more, she released him from her mouth.

  Chiz was still smiling blindly down at her. Elmo picked a cube of ice out of one of the glasses. She popped into her mouth and sucked it, moving it around with her tongue until her lips were almost numb, before taking it back out. She kept hold of it between her thumb and fingertips as she sucked Chiz’s cock into the now cooled cavern of her mouth.

  “Doll, what the…?”

  Andy pulled back. “You will address me as Domina.”

  She dropped the ice cube back into the glass with its siblings, and took a mouthful of whiskey from the second glass. She swilled it around her mouth before she swallowed it. Then she took Chiz’s cock between her lips, which were now burning with the heat of the alcohol.

  “Jesus, shit, doll!” What’re you doin’?”

  “I won’t tell you again. You will address me as Domina, or you will be punished.”

  She repeated the process, the ice first, followed by the fire of the whiskey. She kept alternating the stimulation until Chiz’s hips bucked instinctively, and almost continuously, against the sensation.

  “Fuck, doll!”

  Andy moved the glasses well out of the way, and rolled to her feet. “Don’t say you weren’t warned. Turn and kneel.”

  She had to guide Chiz a little; he wasn’t quite steady on his feet as he turned. Once he was facing the bed, she pushed on his shoulder until he knelt. Then she put her flattened palm between his shoulder blades, and pushed until his chest was resting on the bed, and his backside was exposed. Andy got into position.

  “One.” She brought the paddle down on his ass. Chiz hissed and jerked, but did not speak.

  “Two.” She hit him again. She counted out five strokes in total. “Do you want more?”

  “Yes, Domina.”

  Andy delivered another five strokes, counting out loud for each one. By the time she’d finished, Chiz was grunting with each hit, and his ass was glowing a rosy red. Andy placed the paddle on the bed, and shuffled on her knees until she was directly behind Chiz. He jerked as she pressed her body against his tender skin.

  She reached for the glass of ice first, and lubricated her hand with one of the melting cubes, then she twined her arm around him, until she could grasp his cock in her cold, wet fist. He was still hard as rock, but she wasn’t ready to let him fuck her again yet. She pressed closer still, feeling the heat of his abused ass against her thighs. His cuffed hands dug into her stomach. She began to pump, and within barely ten stokes of her hand, Chiz was spurting come onto the floor, and yelling to the ceiling.

  Andy untied the blindfold, and used it to wipe away the last traces of semen from her
hand. She unfastened the cuffs, and then rolled to sit against the end of the bed. Freed from his restraints, Chiz twisted to sit next to her, nudging her to move over to make room for the mess that he’d made. She outright laughed when he cursed, and jerked as his ass made contact with the carpet.

  “How’s your head feeling?”

  “Quiet. My ass is screamin’, but my head is quiet.”

  “Thought it might be.” She snuggled into Chiz’s side. He wrapped his arm around her, and pulled her closer. “Next time that happens, don’t cut me off. Tell me, and we’ll deal with it. Give me the control. You only need to feel the release.” She paused. “And I’ve got some lotion you can put on your ass.”

  Chiz chuckled, then sobered. “I don’t deserve this, deserve you. Not after the things I’ve done.”