by Croix, J. H.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Amelia
I slapped my leather work gloves against my jeans, knocking the dirt loose, and glanced to Lucy who stood beside me, hands on hips as we surveyed our work.
“Are you sure that weird corner window they want isn’t going to be a nightmare?” Lucy asked, turning to face me. She had dirt streaked on one cheek, her blonde hair was tumbling loose from its ponytail, and she looked as weary as I felt.
We’d pushed hard today and finished the framing for the home on this project. With Cade’s absence an ever-present ache in my heart, so strong it was visceral, I’d thrown myself into work. I looked up to the corner Lucy was referencing. The owners wanted a corner window that was sort of a bay window times two. It wasn’t common and involved some extra angles, but I wasn’t concerned.
“Nah. We already did the hard part today,” I replied with a shrug.
Lucy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and it was a pain in the ass.”
“Right, so we’re done now.”
Lucy glanced to her watch and back to me. “Damn. It’s almost nine o’clock. You’re a workaholic with Cade gone. It’s a good thing I have no social life.”
I laughed and turned to walk toward our work truck. “You have a social life. You just act like you don’t.”
Lucy walked alongside me. “Not really. My social life consists of hanging out with you and maybe a few others. Hanging out with you has taken a serious hit since your lover boy moved back. I never thought I’d say Earl was great, but you and him didn’t do much together. You and Cade are glued to each other,” Lucy grumbled good-naturedly.
I tossed my gloves in the back of the truck and took the toolbox Lucy handed me from where it had been sitting on the ground. I leaned my hips against the truck and eyed Lucy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to seem like I was blowing you off.”
Lucy’s eyes softened. “Hey girl, just teasing. I’m happy for you. Cade obviously adores you. It’s just an adjustment for me. Even though you weren’t single, you kinda were with Earl. Now I have to get used to my bestie actually having a life.”
I felt my cheeks heat and was relieved for the wispy light of the late evening. “I guess it’s been so good to have Cade home that I kinda shut everything else out. My mom stopped by last night and said something along the same lines. Even when he’s back from the fire, let’s make sure we have girls’ night at least once a week. But before that, let’s plan to finish work at a halfway decent hour tomorrow and grab some dinner and drinks at Wildlands.”
Lucy flashed a grin and stepped close to throw her arms around me for a quick hug. When she stepped back, her eyes were warm. “I really was just teasing, you know?”
“I know, but still. Even if it’s awesome to have Cade back and things seem to be going great with us, I can’t let him take over my life.” I paused and eyed Lucy. “Plus, are you ever even going to think about dating? Man, woman, fish, bear? Anyone?”
Lucy burst out laughing and swatted me on the arm. “It just never seems worth the trouble. You know the bears, the fish and the women aren’t my thing. But then men aren’t really either. I think I’m too me.”
I snorted. “You’re too you? What the hell does that mean?”
Lucy crossed her arms and shrugged. I could feel her defensiveness. Lucy might have become my closest friend over the last few years, but Lucy definitely had stuff she preferred not to talk about, most particularly relationships. I knew enough about her to piece together that something had gone sideways at some point before she moved to Willow Brook in high school, but Lucy never spoke of it and was an expert at friendly evasion.
Maybe it was because I’d just had my own major jolt of awareness when I almost married a man I didn’t love and who didn’t love me. Maybe it was because it seemed like now was an okay time to push a little, but I did. I looked over at Lucy when Lucy looked away and pressed her. “Seriously, Lucy. I could care less if you told me you wanted to be single for the rest of your life, or if you said you were an alien who couldn’t consider mating with a human, but that’s not it. You’re so awesome and funny and even though you dress like a man, you are fucking gorgeous and don’t even try to argue with me on that. Something happened and you don’t have to tell me about it, but maybe think about what it means to let something rule your life like that. I get it because I did. It may not seem like much, but I fell apart after everything blew up with Cade. I let that rule too many choices I made and almost made a huge mistake because of it. I don’t know what it is that makes it so you try to act like no one is ever worth it when it comes to romance. Maybe they’re not, but let it be because that’s what you really want not just because you’re scared.”
Lucy went still while I spoke, so still I started to worry I’d miscalculated. “Hey, look…”
Lucy shook her head sharply, her blue eyes blazing bright in the dusky light. “It’s okay. I’d say something about like this to you if the situation were reversed. I’ve been beating myself up for not being more pushy with you about Earl. I probably would’ve if I’d seen you and Cade together the first go-round.”
Objectively, I knew Lucy was a petite person, but I tended to forget because Lucy carried herself with such a sense of forcefulness. She came across as strong, confident, and independent, and she was all of those things. But right now, she looked diminished. Her small shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath.
Lucy looked away and then back again. “Someday I might talk about it more, but let’s just say high school sucked for me. When we moved here, it was amazing because no one knew me and pretty much left me alone and that was so much better.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stepped to Lucy and pulled her into a hug, trying to impart the same kind of strength I felt when Lucy hugged me. When I drew back, Lucy’s expression had regained some of its zest. She chewed on the inside of her cheek and eyed me. “You driving?”
“Yup.” I tugged the keys out of my pocket and hopped in the truck.
In short order, we were in the back parking lot behind the office. Lucy waved as she climbed into her car and drove away. I checked to make sure I’d locked up and headed out in my car, aiming straight for the grocery store. In the short time Cade had been away, I’d slid right back to my old habits of eating mostly takeout and quick dinners. With Cade around, we both liked to cook, but without him here, I wasn’t much interested.
Before heading home, I stopped by the grocery store. I was meandering through, laughing at myself as I shopped because I kept wanting to buy items for meals I wanted to make with Cade, yet I didn’t even know when he’d be home. I was dawdling in the produce section when I felt someone stop beside me. I glanced over to see Shannon standing there. A fierce flash of anger jolted me. On its heels was a spinning, falling feeling where everything felt off kilter, and I was hot and cold inside. I hated the fact Shannon had any effect on me, but she did.
Shannon’s long dark hair was drawn away from her face with a bright blue headband, which matched her eyes. She rested a hand on her hip and eyed me. “Hello,” she finally said.
I stared at her, trying to beat back the sick feeling churning in my stomach and wondering what the hell to say. Shannon had once been my friend, or so I’d believed. We’d both grown up in Willow Brook and been close in middle school and high school. We’d gone to college in different areas, so we’d grown apart, but I had never worried about Shannon trying to make a move on Cade back then. As I stood there, considering what to say, I realized I didn’t owe Shannon a damn thing. There was that and the fact I could hardly stand to see her. I didn’t like it, but those old seeds of doubt she’d planted inside about me and about Cade were still there. Cade and I were too fresh, too new again for me to feel solid yet. It was also terrifying to think about allowing myself to trust in us again because I had before. Completely. After a moment, I turned and started to walk away.
I stopped abruptly when I felt Shannon’s hand curl around my arm. I gave it a rough shake
and spun back. “Don’t.”
Shannon shook her head, her cheeks bright and her eyes angry. “Grow up, Amelia. Are you going to pretend like I don’t exist forever?”
My mouth fell open. I snapped it shut. “Shannon, you manufactured the whole fucking thing with Cade before. All of it was you and all of it was a lie. I guess you can feel proud because it worked, but not anymore. Leave me alone, and leave Cade alone.”
Shannon shook her head in disgust, something shifting subtly in her eyes. “Tell yourself whatever story you want. Cade’s gone again, isn’t he?”
I forced my expression to stay calm, but instantly my thoughts were spinning. How did Shannon know anything about where Cade was?
Shannon drummed her fingertips on the cart handle, a sneer curling her lips. “I’m sure you’re wondering how I might know anything about Cade’s schedule. Why don’t you keep on wondering?”
I didn’t dare let Shannon dictate this encounter. Fury knotting in my chest, I forced myself to stay calm. Without a word, I turned and walked away. I wanted to run, but I didn’t. I measured my steps on the way to the checkout register.
I managed to get through that without losing my shit and walked quickly out to the parking lot. I set the groceries on the passenger seat and climbed into the car. My phone chirped, and I slipped it out of my pocket to see Cade’s name flash on the screen. Tapping the banner, his text opened up.
Hey babe, got some cell reception when we flew over just now. Won’t be back for three more days at least. Miss you.
That did it. I should’ve been happy he texted. Instead, all the ugliness and doubt I thought I’d cast aside were spinning in a tight circle in my mind. Seeing Shannon made me feel physically ill. Everything was all tangled up, and I just wanted to go home and forget about it all. My heart was pounding in a frantic, shallow beat and my breath was short. I couldn’t love someone the way I loved Cade and fall apart like this. I kept trying to tell myself Shannon was just playing games.
I was so fraught, I never replied to Cade’s text.
Chapter Thirty
Cade
The heat of the fire gusted across us with the wind. We were working rapidly to finish clearing the firebreak we’d created by the river. I’d pushed past the brink of exhaustion and kept at it, brutally cutting down small trees and brush. I knew the rest of the crew was as tired as I was. We’d been lucky for two days and nights with the fire moving in the opposite direction, but our luck had changed along with the wind. I hadn’t slept for over twenty-four hours at this point. Once the wind shifted late the evening before last, we’d been hard at work with breaks few and far between.
I was working so fast, I didn’t even notice I was about to collide with the edge of a bluff until I did. I paused and glanced up at the rocky face. We’d reached the end of the work we could do here and needed to fall back and hope for the best. I glanced back in the direction I’d been moving to see the flames flickering against the hazy sky in the distance. The sound of helicopter blades rumbled in the distance as one flew above, dropping fire retardant atop the flames.
As the remainder of the crew caught up with me, we checked in after I radioed the main base. “We’ll sit tight here until a helicopter can come out for pick up. Our break is holding where we started it miles away, so the plan is to rotate us out tonight if they can. We’ll spend the night at the main camp and fly home day after tomorrow,” I said, scanning the crew. Everyone’s faces were streaked with soot, dust and sweat.
Levi stood in the middle, one hand resting on his hip as he let his gear bag fall off his shoulders. “We clear to rest for a bit while we wait?” he asked.
“Not much else to do,” I replied. “Fire’s still moving, but the wind seems to be slowing down and it’s not jumping the river, so here’s hoping the break holds.” I paused and looked past the river at the fire flickering in the distance. I looked back at the crew. “We kicked ass on this section. Sounds like the Fairbanks crew has done a bang up job of containing the corner closest to Chena. If the breaks hold, we might be able to tamp this fire down enough.”
I got some weary grins, although I knew damn well they were just as tired as I was, and I was on my last legs. Within a few minutes, we were scattered about the ground by the river, munching on protein bars and guzzling water. There wasn’t much conversation. I leaned against a boulder by the river, Amelia immediately strolling into my thoughts. I hadn’t thought about her much because I’d been focused entirely on the work of dealing with the fire, but the niggling worry I’d had meandered right back into my mind. She’d never replied to my text. I didn’t have reception worth a damn out here, but I would once I got up in the air. I’d have to wait until then to find out if she ever had.
I must’ve dozed off because I woke abruptly at the deafening sound of a helicopter coming down to land. I sat up quickly to see the helicopter settling to the ground a short distance away. The pilot climbed out and waved. I wasn’t the only one who’d fallen asleep. I circled the group, nudging a few guys with my boot, until they were all on their feet and carrying their heavy gear to the helicopter. The problem with rest when we were deep in the backcountry was that once you were out, it was hard to get back up to speed simply for the sheer exhaustion of the work we’d been doing.
The pilot flashed a grin at the sight of us and clapped me on the shoulder. “You guys are overdue to be pulled out. Damn hard few days with the wind.”
I nodded wearily. “We’d keep going, but it looks like we can pull back for now. How’s it looking overall?”
“Still burning hot in some areas, but the containment is working. Cut it down by a few thousand acres,” the pilot replied.
The pilot moved swiftly, tossing gear into the hold at the bottom of the helicopter. Inside of a few minutes, he’d herded us into the helicopter and readied for takeoff.
Conversation was out once the motor was whirring and the blades whacking through the air. Once we were airborne, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes with a sigh. I might be in peak physical condition because the job demanded it, but that didn’t mean I didn’t get sore and weary after two days and nights of working almost straight through.
Roughly an hour later, I heard the pilot speaking into his radio and lifted my head to see the lake where the main camp was set up. I fumbled in my backpack and found my phone. Once it powered up, it took a minute before it picked up reception. Another few seconds and a text banner flashed with Amelia’s name on it. Relief rolled through me. I clicked on the text.
Why does Shannon know your schedule?
That text had been sent a few hours after my last text to her, so I could only guess she’d been stewing over something. But what? What the fuck? There had been nothing, more than nothing with Shannon beyond the bullshit she manufactured by trying to crawl into bed with me when she knew Amelia would be walking in. I swore and stared out the window, my gut churning. No matter what I did, I wouldn’t be able to get back to Amelia for another day or two at the earliest.
I glanced down at my phone screen to see another text had come from her a few hours after the first.
I’m trying not to freak out, but I can’t figure out any reason why Shannon would know anything about where you were. I can’t handle this if it turns out there was more to the story than you told me.
I swore and ran a hand roughly through my hair. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had no idea what Shannon was up to, but I didn’t trust her. At all. She was a master manipulator. I hated that I was trapped on this helicopter and then at the mercy of the weather and the schedules of various pilots to get out of the main camp, back to Fairbanks, and then back to Anchorage where I could finally drive home.
I glanced around the helicopter to see all but Levi sound asleep. Levi was seated across from me, his eyes scanning the landscape. I gave myself a shake and looked out my window to see how the landscape looked. Flames flickered in various areas with wide swaths of burned trees and ground stretching as far as I could see. The rive
r we’d been working beside wove like a ribbon through the blackened landscape. As we flew over, there were other helicopters visible in the distance.
I glanced back to my phone and beat back the anger and frustration knotting inside. On the heels of a breath, I tapped my screen to reply. We’d blown apart before because of sheer stubbornness and both of us too hurt to reach past it. I’d be damned if I’d lose Amelia again.
I don’t know what Shannon told you or what you heard. There is NOTHING going on with Shannon and there NEVER was. I have no f’in idea what she said to you, but I can guess she said something. Please, please don’t listen to her. I should be home by day after tomorrow. If you get worried, remember I love you.
I hit send and held my phone loosely in my hand. I wished I were home because trying to have a conversation over text made me feel so damn helpless. I had so many feelings and I couldn’t pour them through a text. I wanted to hold her and impart everything through my hands and body. I took a breath and leaned my head back, whipping it up the moment my phone vibrated in my hand.
Failure to send.
Oh hell. I breathed through the tightness in my chest. This text better fucking send. I opened it up and hit send again.
A few seconds passed.
Failure to send.
Chapter Thirty-One
Amelia
I kicked the dirt off of my boots before pushing through the swinging door into the Firehouse Café. Lucy was right behind me with the distinctive thump of her boots hitting the edge of the threshold. The rain had thwarted our work schedule for the day, so we’d come here for a late lunch.
Once we ordered and were seated with hot coffees to warm our nearly numb hands, I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. “Damn. Summer’s nice, but when it rains, summer disappears.”