Burn For Me: Into The Fire Series

by Croix, J. H.

  “Summer in Alaska only counts when the sun’s out. Otherwise, it’s not summer,” Lucy replied firmly before taking a gulp of her coffee.

  Lucy’s wide blue eyes coasted over me, her gaze assessing. “Okay, what’s up?” she asked sharply.

  “Huh?” I returned reflexively. I knew Lucy could sense I wasn’t doing too great, but I felt ridiculous about the whole thing, so I was hoping to avoid a conversation.

  Lucy’s wide eyes narrowed and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Don’t even try it. You’ve been cranky as hell for the last few days and all quiet. I know you miss Cade, but something else is going on.”

  I took a sip of my coffee, savoring the warmth of it, along with the warmth of the café. The chill that had settled in my bones from working in the rain started to ease. I took a breath and let it out with a long sigh. “I’m freaking out because I ran into Shannon at the grocery store the other night and somehow she knew Cade was gone and told me I should wonder what that meant. I can’t fall apart like I did before. I know I shouldn’t trust her, but it’s like sand in my shoe. I can’t shake the feeling of worrying maybe I missed something. How the hell does she know anything about his schedule?”

  Lucy’s lips flattened into a tight line. With a sharp shake of her head and a look of disgust, she replied, “Shannon is a bitch. Plain and simple.” Lucy paused to take another swallow of her coffee, her gaze softening as she looked across the table. “It’s not exactly hard to find out one of the hotshot crews is out of town. I don’t know what Shannon’s deal is, but I’m guessing she’s just pissy because Cade told her to get the hell out of the way twice now. I barely knew her in high school, but she was the kind of girl who was used to having guys fawn over her. My guess is it probably always bothered her a little that Cade never even noticed her. You’d have to be blind not to notice he’s seriously hot. Even worse, he’s always had that whole ‘don’t give a damn’ vibe,” she said with air quotes.

  My confusion must’ve shown on my face because Lucy sighed elaborately before continuing. “You don’t notice because he gives a damn about you. That’s what I mean. Back in high school when most guys are so horny they can hardly keep it in their pants for any pretty girl, Cade wasn’t like that. He was all distant. Then you two were together and no one could shut up about how perfect you were together. I don’t know why Shannon pulled her move the first time around, but I’d say it was simple jealousy. She wasn’t used to a guy not noticing her and it bothered her. She’d just been dumped, so that made it worse. Problem now is she’s got nothing to lose. She knows she won’t be able to have Cade, so why not rattle your cage? She probably feels stupid about what she did and came back thinking she’d try again, but come to find out you and Cade are still in love. It’s totally romantic—the whole second chance love thing.” Lucy feigned a swoony look.

  I stared back at Lucy, not even laughing at her being silly, because I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea Shannon would’ve been jealous. I mean, in hindsight, I guess it should’ve been obvious. But Shannon was plain gorgeous and had most guys drooling after her back then. I didn’t want to be worried. I really didn’t. I just hated how it all felt, even if it was Shannon yanking a chain I didn’t even know I had.

  Janet arrived at our table right then, saving me from trying to formulate a response. She glanced between us. “What’s up?”

  “Shannon got Amelia all freaked out by acting like it means something she happened to know Cade was out of town. Please help me remind her Shannon is a total bitch and just playing games because she’s got nothing better to do,” Lucy said flatly.

  Janet rested a hand on her hip, her eyes narrowing. “That girl is just trying to rile you up because that’s how she is. She was used to all the guys fawning over her and as long as she had one, she didn’t care. Act wore thin because it always does for girls like her. You two stayed friends because you’d known her since she was little. She moved away, did the whole college thing and realized being a little fish in a big pond wasn’t much fun. As for why she might know Cade was out of town? You’re being stupid. It’s not hard to figure out when the whole crew is gone.”

  “I’m not…”

  Janet fixed me with a sharp stare, her look silencing me. “You are being stupid. I’ll cut you a little slack because Cade hasn’t been home long and you two are just figuring things out, but for God’s sake, don’t let something this dumb get in the way.”

  My shoulders slumped, and I traced a circle around my coffee mug. “Okay, okay. Maybe I’m being ridiculous,” I muttered. Intellectually, I believed everything Janet said. It was my stupid heart that needed more reassurance, specifically in-the-flesh Cade reassurance.

  Janet squeezed my shoulder just as her name was called. “What’ll it be?” she asked quickly.

  We ordered sandwiches before Janet hurried off to the kitchen. I leaned back and eyed Lucy with a rueful smile. “I don’t know why it’s so easy for Shannon to get to me.”

  Lucy shrugged. “Because you love Cade, and it really hurt when things fell apart before. I also think you deciding to call off everything with Earl plays into it.”

  “How?” I asked. Sad to say, once I’d talked to Earl after he’d returned to Willow Brook, I had really and truly moved on from even thinking about him. When I did, I felt sadness tinged with regret for the time we’d wasted, but I didn’t miss him.

  Lucy continued, “Well, you finally came to your senses about what Earl was to you. No matter how you look at it, that was a big deal. I mean, you were within minutes of marrying the guy. To have that happen and then Cade show back up—coincidentally as far as you two are concerned—well, it would stir some shit up. You decided you didn’t want to accept something lukewarm and then scorching hot shows up. You got burned once big time with Cade. It wouldn’t have hurt so bad if you hadn’t loved him like you did and still do. I’m guessing you’re gun-shy. Most people would be. You’ll have to get through that with time, but whatever you do, stop letting Shannon pull her bullshit.”

  I considered Lucy’s point and knew immediately she was right on target. I hadn’t considered how the reasons behind my choice to break things off with Earl played into it, but it made sense. When Cade was physically here, I was so overcome with the intensity of being with him again, it shoved my doubts and fears far to the back of my mind and heart. With him gone, I missed him so acutely, it reminded me of how I felt after it all fell apart before—a hole in my heart where the pang of emptiness echoed. Adding to the depth of missing him was how everything felt so intense and raw now. I’d loved him before, but the way I felt now eclipsed that love completely. My heart felt full to bursting when he was here, but with him gone, I missed him so much it made me half-crazy. I needed to find some steadiness in the midst of the tumult. Only Cade could do this to me—grab me by the heart, body and soul so hard I felt tossed like a kite in the wind by my emotions.

  I stared over at Lucy and took a slow breath. “You’re right.”

  Lucy’s eyebrows flew up. “I’m right?”

  I sighed and took a sip of coffee. “Yes. That’s what I said.”

  Lucy grinned. “Wow, I don’t get that very often.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I tell you you’re right when you’re right.”

  Lucy giggled. “Love ya, hon, but you’re stubborn. Just yesterday you wouldn’t admit it when I was right about what a fucking nightmare that stupid corner window was gonna be.”

  I threw my head back with a laugh. “Okay, fine. Sometimes I can be stubborn.”

  Lucy laughed just as our food arrived. Janet was flying by and slipped our plates in front of us, calling over her shoulder as she spun away, “Need anything else, girls?”

  We waved her off and dug into our food. I left a while later, the rain still falling heavily. I drove home and walked into my quiet cabin, Cade’s absence an echoing ache in my heart. I’d managed to cobble together a little sense, but it didn’t change how much I wanted him
home.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Cade

  I hooked my hand on the edge of the plane’s roof and ducked into the plane. I’d been at the main camp with my crew for two days, bad weather fogging us in. The weather was great because the rain was a godsend at tamping down the massive fire. Flights had been limited to only those necessary, so we were antsy to get out now. A small break in the rain opened up just enough clearing for a few flights this morning. Fred, the very pilot who’d flown me out here, happened to be our pilot this afternoon.

  Fred caught my eyes and flashed a grin. “Get in fast guys,” he called. “Looks like we’ve got a small window here.”

  We hustled into the small plane, this one larger than the two-seater that Fred had flown to get me here with enough seating for six people. The rest of the crew had taken off in another plane minutes ago. I leaned back in my seat and watched the ground roll underneath us as Fred lifted off. The plane leveled and bounced slightly on a gust of wind once we were airborne.

  I looked below to see the blackened landscape and smoke rising here and there from the sections of the fire still smoldering under the rain. I hoped the rain would keep at it for another few days. It might be enough to help extinguish the fire completely. I heard Fred speaking into his headset, Fred’s brow furrowing at whatever he heard. Another gust of wind bumped the small plane. It was like being in a clothes dryer. These little planes, even a larger one such as this, were so lightweight, they bounced about in the gusts of wind.

  Fred carried on, his eyes trained on the horizon. As we flew, the fog that had cleared earlier started to thicken again. Within minutes, I knew we were as good as flying blind in this. Amelia came roaring into my thoughts. In the few days at the main camp, I’d been beyond frustrated with the spotty cell reception. Correction—with the zero cell reception. Every so often, I’d get a signal and try to text or call and nothing ever went through. All I’d done was spin in circles worrying about whatever she was worrying about and feeling helpless because I couldn’t talk to her.

  Right now, I missed her so hard it hurt. I just wanted to make it to Fairbanks. At least there, I could find my way to Willow Brook no matter the weather. The plane rattled against another strong gust of wind.

  Fred spoke into his headset again and then glanced to me. “I’ve got my coordinates to get us there, but that’s it. Hoping for the best,” he said curtly.

  I nodded because there wasn’t much else to say. I glanced around the plane behind me. Without a word passing amongst us, it was obvious every single one of my crew knew this was a shitty situation. I faced forward again and took a slow breath. I faced danger so frequently in the backcountry when I was fighting fires. Yet, that was work I knew, so I didn’t experience anxiety or fear because I had my skills and knowledge to fall back on to get me through dicey situations. This though sent a curl of dread through me. We were flying blind over mountains and rivers and not much other than wilderness even where the ground was flat. If anything went wrong, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it.

  I kept looking out the window, as if there were anything to see other than thick, gray fog and rain. The small plane cabin felt heavy with tension, every single man in here well aware of how dicey the situation was. I glanced to Fred. “Any idea how much longer we have?”

  “Just under a half hour, but I’m not rushing,” Fred replied, his words terse.

  I looked back out the window, yet again realizing how utterly pointless that was. Another gust of wind sent the plane rocking, and there was an abrupt thump to the right side of the plane. The plane spun sideways. Fred swore and tried to right it. Last thing I remembered was a deafening crack.

  * * *

  Sharp pain shot through my shoulder. I slowly opened my eyes, biting back a groan from the pain. After a beat, I recalled where I was. The plane had crashed. I rolled my head to the side and saw Fred trying to ease his leg out from an odd angle. Okay, so Fred was alive. Check one for thank fucking God. I ignored the pain shooting through my shoulder as I turned in my seat. Everyone but Jesse Franklin had their eyes open. I caught Levi’s eyes where he sat beside Jesse. “He okay?” I asked.

  Levi, looking as half out of it as I felt, stared blankly for a moment and then turned to Jesse, reaching to check his pulse. Blood ran down Jesse’s forehead in a trickle. Levi looked back to me. “Pulse is strong.”

  I scanned my gaze around. Now that we were on the ground, there was something other than fog to see, although the fog was still thick and I could only see maybe a quarter mile in any direction. We’d landed in a tangle of spruce trees. By the grace of God, nature, or blind luck, we were past the burned part of the forest, so we had the benefit of wide spruce boughs to ease our crash. A glance to my right, I saw the plane’s wing broken and figured that must’ve been the cracking sound I’d heard.

  I looked to Fred. “You okay?”

  Fred glanced up from where he was maneuvering his calf free from a crushed corner of the plane’s nose. “Leg hurts like hell, but I’m alive.” He muttered a curse when he finally got his leg out. The denim had blood soaking through it. I started to move and swore at another bolt of pain in my shoulder. I finally tried to see what the problem was and discovered the roof above me had crushed against my shoulder. I couldn’t see it, but could feel the warmth of blood seeping and surmised the torn aluminum of the plane’s shell had cut into my shoulder.

  I used my free hand to reach above and push against the crushed roof. The broken section of aluminum gave way, and I eased my shoulder out. After a quick glance to ascertain I wasn’t bleeding profusely, I went into action. The rest of the crew was doing the same thing—everyone dealing with their own minor injuries as they gradually got out of the plane. The good part was the engine itself had stayed mostly untouched, so there was no worry about it catching fire. Jesse appeared to be in the worst shape and was still unconscious. Not for the first time, I was beyond relieved to have an entire crew of trained wilderness medics surrounding me. This might be my first plane crash, but I’d faced many mini medical crises when out in the field and had complete faith we could stabilize Jesse until help arrived.

  The other major concern was Fred. He’d sustained a nasty, deep gash running from his ankle to his knee. He was mobile, conscious and clearly in severe pain. Levi and Thad focused on stabilizing Jesse, while Jackson helped me get Fred settled in one of the plane’s seats and worked to clean up his wound. The rest of the crew hauled gear out of the plane.

  Fred was stubborn and insisted on being in charge of communication through the radio despite the fact he was gritting his teeth with every word. The dispatch in Fairbanks confirmed they would send a medical helicopter out once it was clear to fly. That left the weather as the only remaining concern. As good as the rain and cool weather were for the fire, this weather was prime for hypothermia. It was easy to worry about hypothermia in the dead of winter, but statistically speaking, far more people were subject to its risks in weather like this because it wasn’t considered as risky.

  Once I felt good that Fred’s bleeding was under control and Jesse was conscious, I immediately joined the guys getting the gear out, hoping I could find a few dry sleeping bags. I’d completely forgotten about my shoulder until Levi caught me by the arm and a jolt of pain shot through it.

  “Fuck, forgot all about that,” I muttered as I looked to Levi.

  “Figured you had,” Levi replied. “Let me take a look.”

  I hesitated, thinking I didn’t need to bother. Levi rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid, man. It’s cold and wet, and you need to get that bleeding stopped. It’s not bad, but your shirt’s wet. Under the best scenario, we’ve got a few hours.”

  I grumbled, but I wasn’t stupid, so I consented to Levi peeling my shirt out of the way to clean and bandage the wound on my shoulder. It wasn’t bad, but I could probably use a few stitches. For now, butterfly bandages held it together. Once we had Jesse and Fred squared away with some sleeping bags to k
eep them warm, we dug out some food while we waited.

  It was hours later that the rain let up and we heard the distinct sound of a helicopter approaching. Levi and I set off flares in the misty light and waited as the helicopter settled to the ground beyond the edge of the trees. Amelia was about all I could think about once I knew everyone was okay.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Amelia

  I walked quietly from my cabin out into the adjacent field, tossing cracked corn along the way once I got past the driveway. A flock of sandhill cranes frequented the field every summer. Several pairs nested here as well. I loved that they came back year after year and sweetened it for them by scattering cracked corn every few days. I reached the edge of the small pond and tossed what was left in my small bucket along the edge of the water. A few cranes lingered a short distance away. It was late evening with the sun resting low on the horizon above the trees. The air was chilly with the rain just now letting up. I paused by the pond and took a steadying breath. The air felt washed clean by the rain. Fireweed was starting to bloom towards one side of the field. In another few weeks, every open space nearby would be awash in fuchsia with the wild weed flowering in abundance over most of southcentral Alaska.

  The internal peace I’d worked so hard to cultivate after the turmoil when everything blew up before with Cade was difficult to find these days. I felt ridiculous at how easily Shannon had manipulated me again. All she’d done was imply it somehow meant something that she knew Cade was out of town. I didn’t like seeing this side of myself again—the side that had driven me to bolt the doors around my heart and mind to anything that might brush against Cade. I didn’t know how to balance loving him the way I did, being vulnerable, and also somehow retaining a sense of internal sanity.