by Louise Bay
How was it possible to miss someone you’d known your whole life, and had left just hours earlier? I felt his absence physically, as if a part of me were missing when he wasn’t with me.
I texted him. Thank you for the flowers. I’m looking forward to tonight.
I got a reply straight away. I miss you. I can’t wait to see you.
My skin hummed and my grin spread.
“Someone’s a lucky man.” I glanced up to find Richard looking between me and the flowers. My face fell.
“I . . .” How did I respond to that?
He rested his hand on my shoulder. “I mean it. He’s a lucky guy. You don’t need to explain.”
I exhaled. “I’m sorry,” I said. I couldn’t offer any platitudes. Couldn’t say it wasn’t serious. I was as serious about Luke as I’d ever been about anything.
“Don’t be. You’re amazing. Of course you have suitors left and right. I’m surprised I was allowed to be one of them, even if it was for a short time.”
My heart ached at his words. He was such a generous man, and in so many ways it would have been so much easier if I could have fallen for him.
“Well, I happen to know that you have them queueing around the block. And rightly so,” I said.
He brushed a strand of my hair away from my face and smiled, but didn’t reply. My phone buzzing in my pocket interrupted the moment. “I’ll see you around,” he said, and then he was gone.
“Hi, Haven,” I answered. It was unusual for her to call in the middle of the day. My mind flicked to her growing bump. I hoped nothing was wrong.
“I’m sorting out Christmas. We need a plan. You’re not going to Hong Kong?”
She was right; I wasn’t going to see my parents. There was little chance I’d get enough time off work to fly out there, and anyway, last time I’d been my mother spent the whole time accusing my dad of cheating on her. He’d denied it, but they’d done nothing but row. It had been exhausting and anything but merry. “Nope.”
“So I thought it would be easier to eat out rather than do it all ourselves. I found a great place in Mayfair. I’ve booked us in for dinner tonight to test it out.”
“I can’t go tonight. Can’t you take Jake?”
“No, he has some investor thing, and anyway, I want to go with you.”
“Well, I’m busy.” I raced through the possible lies I could tell her that might satisfy her that I couldn’t cancel when she asked me the inevitable.
“Why can’t you come?”
“I have a thing.” Could I get away with being vague? I didn’t want to lie to her.
“A thing? What sort of thing? What’s going on?”
“Nothing, just a business school thing. Like a mixer.” I cringed as I spoke.
“Before you’ve even got in? That’s a bit cruel if you don’t get accepted, isn’t it? They’re dangling what might have been in front of you.”
My stomach churned, but I just wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say about Luke and me. I wanted to be on more solid footing before we told her, before we told anyone. Haven’s opinion mattered to both of us, and if she wasn’t going to offer her blessing, I needed to feel comfortable enough with Luke and me to give her time to change her mind—to win her over. Of course, what I really wanted to do was separate the part of her that was Luke’s sister and tell my best friend that I’d found the love of my life. As much as I was afraid I couldn’t handle her disapproval, I still wanted to share my excitement. I knew that the best friend bit of Haven would be nothing but delighted that Luke and I had found a way to be together.
“I don’t know. I just have to go.”
“Suit yourself. Go meet with new, fun, interesting, childless people. I don’t care.” Haven’s tone was melodramatic, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I can go tomorrow night. How about that?” As I was saying the words, I realized that it obviously meant that I couldn’t see Luke if I was out with Haven, and although I didn’t want us to be too much too soon, I wasn’t sure how I would handle a whole day without seeing him.
“Okay, I’ll rebook. Jake might make tomorrow. Shall I ask Luke and Beth?”
“I don’t mind.” I tried to sound casual, but I was conflicted. I would get to see Luke, but Beth was one of the most perceptive people I knew. I wasn’t sure Luke and I wouldn’t give away where we were in our relationship. I was having a hard enough time hiding it at work.
“But you’re okay with Luke? It seemed fine yesterday. He was less grumpy than he’s been in a while.” I could tell she was about to ask for a status update about whether or not I was ready to pursue things with Luke, which I didn’t want to get into. Still, I couldn’t help but grin at the thought she’d noticed his mood had improved yesterday.
“Yeah, everything’s good. Invite him. Seeing him and Beth is always great.”
“We haven’t talked about it for a while. He seems to be over the Emma thing. You know, what with participating in the triathlon and things. Do you think that maybe you’re ready to explore things with him?”
Apparently, Haven wasn’t easily dissuaded from asking me difficult questions. I thought I’d gotten away with it. I should have known better. It would have been the perfect moment to tell her that I was more than ready. But my need to be on more solid ground with Luke stopped me. I just didn’t want to create expectations in anyone, myself included. I needed time. “Haven.”
“Okay, I’ll invite them then. Are you expecting to hear about whether or not you got in to business school today? Maybe they’ll announce it at the mixer. Oh my God, that’s why you’re invited. They’re going to tell you that you got in. This is so exciting. Tomorrow can be a celebration. Oh, this is amazing—”
“I’m going to have to get back to work, Haven.” Her excitement, her every word, increased my guilt. I was lying to my best friend about what I was doing tonight—about Luke and me. I never lied to Haven. She was my family. I just couldn’t tell her, not yet.
Twenty-Five
Luke
I wiped my palms on my trousers. I was actually nervous. Nervous to go to dinner with a woman I’d known my whole life, and had now seen naked on numerous occasions. It was ridiculous. But I wanted tonight to go well. She wanted to date, and I wanted to do whatever made her happy. She needed to be sure of my feelings. I suspected she thought that part of what brought us together was the sex. And she wasn’t wrong. She was the best sex I’d ever had. Every curve of her body, flick of her hips, drag of her tongue drove me crazy, and the way her words were a little dirty and her sounds a little filthy made me want to keep her naked for the rest of our lives. But it wasn’t just about the physical stuff, and I hoped that dating would help her see that. I wanted Ashleigh Franklin, the whole woman. The woman who made me laugh, who I could talk with for hours, and the woman who made me want to kill any man who had come before me. I even wanted the part of her that cared so much what my sister thought, but wanted me anyway.
I wanted all of her, forever.
One of her neighbors let me into her building. I rapped on the door, clutching flowers in my other hand. She opened the door with a smile, and instantly, I relaxed. That mouth of hers had magical powers in so many ways. Just looking at it soothed me. I had nothing to be nervous about. It was just Ashleigh, the girl I’d grown up with, the woman I couldn’t be without.
“Hey, handsome,” she said. “You’re right on time.”
This was our first official date, so there was no way I was going to be late.
“And you look super smart. You said casual, right?” She gestured for me to follow her inside. I did as she asked, handing her the flowers before she turned around. Should I have tried to kiss her? I wasn’t sure what the etiquette was tonight.
“These are beautiful. You shouldn’t have. I have those gorgeous peonies that you sent earlier, and the flowers from yesterday.”
Maybe flowers three times in three days was too much, but I wanted her to know how special she was. I’d neve
r bought things for girls before, so I’d struggled to think what would be appropriate. I’d bought Christmas and birthday gifts for Emma, but she’d always told me what she wanted and I just went and got it. With Ashleigh, I’d bought her flowers because I liked the thought of her smile when she got them. “I wanted to. These don’t smell as good as you, either, but they look nice enough. You, on the other hand, look stunning.”
“How can you say ‘nice enough’? They’re beautiful. You really shouldn’t have.”
I wondered if she couldn’t take compliments in general, or whether it was that she just ignored the ones that came from me. She’d have to get used to it.
I followed her into her kitchen, where she unwrapped the lilies and set about cutting off the ends and arranging them in a vase. I stood in the doorway watching her as she decided which flowers to place where in her arrangement. She did a double take when she caught me.
“What?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing. I just like looking at you.” Every movement she made was so graceful, so unconsciously sexy.
She smiled shyly and tilted her head to one side. The air crackled around us, and she wet her lips. Jesus, just that simple act had my cock’s attention. I wanted to know what that glossy mouth would look like wrapped around my dick. I shifted, trying to get myself under control.
I cleared my throat. “I think we should go.”
Ashleigh’s smile turned wicked, but she nodded. I moved into the hallway to wait and to tell my cock to stand down. She appeared a minute later, and we headed into the freezing cold, bundling ourselves into a cab as soon as we found one.
“This is a mid-week date, right? So, I’ve not planned anything fancy. Just dinner.”
“I’m not expecting fancy. I just want to spend some time with you fully clothed and in public. I just don’t want to skip the good bit and go straight to me moaning about you leaving the toilet seat up, or cleaning the car on a Sunday. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. Any time I got to spend with her, no matter what we were doing, was all good with me. And the sooner we could tell Haven and Jake the better. Then we could be open about being together. Perhaps by the end of the evening I would have convinced her that we were ready to tell the world.
I laced my fingers through hers and squeezed. “It makes perfect sense. We never have to skip to that part, though. I know that’s what it was like with Emma and me, but Haven and Jake aren’t like that, and we don’t have to be either. We can always do the fun stuff. I want to always do the fun stuff with you.”
“Okay then. And we’re not going to Chiltern Firehouse, are we?”
“We’re not. You don’t like it there? Just so I know for future fun stuff.”
She glanced down at the pavement. “I just . . . I don’t like that it’s where you took Fiona. I know I told you that you should date and everything, but it doesn’t mean that . . .”
Was I an idiot for not going to Ashleigh sooner to tell her I was ready? “I’m sorry. It wasn’t serious, and we didn’t get naked. I guess I was just—”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Seriously.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’d quite happily murder Richard.”
She laughed. It was one of my favorite sounds. Only topped by the breathy noises she made when she had my dick in her or my tongue on her. I swept my thumb across her wrist and caught her shiver in response.
We arrived at the restaurant, an Italian place in Mayfair that had come recommended by a guy at work. I’d visited during my lunch hour just to see if it was a place Ashleigh would like.
“Murano?” Ashleigh asked.
“Yeah, is that okay?”
“It’s more than okay. I’ve always wanted to come here. I thought you said tonight was nothing fancy?”
I grinned. I’d chosen the right place.
“Mr. Daniels, nice to see you again,” the host said as we arrived.
I watched as Ashleigh’s face dropped. I could tell she thought I’d been here with another woman. I bent and whispered in her ear, “I came earlier today to check it out. I’ve not been before, and I wanted to make sure it was good enough.”
She turned toward me, wrapped her hands around my neck and pressed her mesmerizing lips against mine. “Thank you,” she said, pulling away.
“What for?” I wasn’t complaining about the kiss, but it had caught me off guard.
“Oh, you know. Just for being wonderful.”
My heart swelled at her words. It was incredible to me that this amazing, sexy, caring, funny and gentle woman could think I was wonderful. I wasn’t about to question it.
By the end of the evening, I was aching for her. Every minute I spent with her made me realize what a fool I’d been for all these years. She had been right in front of me, wanting me, and I’d never chosen to explore it.
Ashleigh
We stood outside my building, and he brushed my hair from my face. “Ashleigh, thank you for agreeing to come out with me tonight. I’ve had a great evening, and I’d really like to see you again. Are you free on Saturday, all day?”
Was he calling time on our date already? I wasn’t sure I was ready to be apart from him. “Thank you for a wonderful time, and I would love to see you again on Saturday.”
He nodded. “May I kiss you?”
My stomach flip-flopped. I slid my hand up his hard chest, taking a half step forward and closing the gap between us. “I would like that, yes.”
He cupped my face and dropped a kiss at the corner of my mouth. My lips parted as he traced his tongue across my bottom lip before dipping inside. His hands smoothed down my back, pressing my body against his, making me feel wanted and safe. He gasped as I trailed my fingers along the top of his belt. We’d already slept together, and I really wasn’t trying to put the genie back in the lamp. Would he stay if I asked? Before I got a chance to say anything, he broke our kiss and took a step back.
“You’re incredible, but I’m having a hard time staying in control.” The thought that I could do that to him still took a little getting used to. “I have an early start, so I’m going to go.”
I nodded, disappointment flooding my veins. He was set on leaving. He kissed me on the cheek and watched as I made my way into my building.
I felt wooed, cherished. And now I was lying in bed with an ache between my legs that only Luke had a cure for. Should I have invited him in? He hadn’t asked, hadn’t assumed, and I’d forgotten where we were with things. Did dating for him mean no sex? Now on my own, Luke was all I wanted, and he’d made it more than clear that he wanted me. What was I waiting for? I had a lot to lose, but even more to gain.
I threw on my coat and ran outside. It was late, and I lived some way from a main road where I could catch a passing cab. It took me about twenty minutes before I spotted a taxi with its light on, and when I scrambled in, I realized I didn’t know Luke’s flat number. I’d been there before, but only once. I spent the journey scrolling my messages, trying to find the text where he’d given me his address. Before I knew it, I was standing on my own outside Luke’s building, looking at the dissolving taillights of the cab. Jesus, I was an idiot. What was I doing here? Maybe he hadn’t pushed to come in because he didn’t want to. Maybe he was feeling unsure about our relationship as well. I started to pace, too panicked to continue my search through old texts. I shouldn’t have come. I should have trusted my initial instinct and let us marinate—let us both get used to the idea of being together. What was I thinking, being so presumptuous, assuming I was the only one holding back?
I missed him.
“Ashleigh.”
I jumped and spun to find Luke walking toward me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Uh . . . oh. Um. I don’t know.” Was he mad? “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. How long have you been here?” He checked his watch then looked at me. He pulled me into his arms. “Are you cold? I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
It registered that he’d only just made it home after dropping me off. Where had he been?
“No. I shouldn’t have come. I should go. I didn’t mean to push.” Jesus, I should have just stayed at home. We’d had a wonderful night, and I’d spoiled it by showing up uninvited.
“What do you mean ‘push’? Please don’t go anywhere,” he said into my hair as his arms tightened. “Tell me why you are here.”
I took a deep breath. “I missed you.” It was so good to be held by him. It felt so safe.
“You did?” He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s get you inside. You must be freezing. You shouldn’t be out on your own. It’s not safe, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.
“But if I’m pushing, you have to tell me.”
“Pushing me by being here? Ashleigh, I’m ready to run; I’m just waiting for you to catch up, baby.”
Everything he said made me feel better. Every moment I spent with him made me feel more certain of our future together.
“Am I crazy?” I asked as we headed inside.
“In general or for some particular reason? Because yes and maybe.”
I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.
“For missing you, for turning up here in the middle of the night. I think I’m crazy.”
“Well, if that makes you crazy, I like crazy. I thought you didn’t want me to stay, and I don’t want to push.” His brow was furrowed as if he were trying to piece together a puzzle.
“I know what I said, but I’ve changed my mind.” I glanced at the floor. “Dating should include sleepovers. What do you think?”
He stuck his keys in the lock and ushered me inside. “I think that maybe you’re beginning to catch up.”
He collapsed on the sofa and pulled me onto his lap. “I don’t want to waste another moment without you. I feel like a fool for not seeing what was under my nose for so long. Every night should be a sleepover as far as I’m concerned, but I know you have some doubts and you want to protect yourself. I get all that, and I want to go at your pace, but you never need to worry that you’re pushing. Everything else I want in life pales in comparison to how much I want you.”