Daddy Lessons

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Alfred got to his feet, his expression pleading. “When you first took Natasha away, we thought we would never see her again. Carla got desperate and overreacted and I apologize for that. She would apologize as well, but she’s too proud. We know Natasha is your daughter and we know you love her. All we want is some time with her. A visit now and again.”

  “So you don’t want custody of her.”

  “No. Never.”

  That wasn’t how Dan had read the situation, but Alfred’s sincerity kindled the tiniest spark of hope in his heart.

  “When you say now and again, what were you thinking of?” Dan asked.

  “A couple of weeks in the summer. Maybe part of the Christmas break or Easter break. We’d like to come down a couple of times a year.” Alfred held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “We’re open to whatever you want to give us. We have so much love to give her. Please, just give us something.”

  As Alfred pleaded, Dan’s shoulders lowered, the tension easing out of his neck. Hailey was right, Dan thought. And she was also right in saying Natasha could not have too much love in her life. It was obvious the Andersons cared for Natasha with the same intensity his own parents did. “I think we can come to some type of agreement,” he said.

  Alfred blew out a sigh. “Thank you for that, Dan. That’s all we want. That’s all we ever wanted.”

  Then the bedroom door opened again and Carla walked into the room, smoothing down the wrinkles in her shirt. “She’s full of stories, that girl,” Carla said as she settled into a chair. Her lips tightened as she looked at her husband, then at Dan. “I missed her. I missed her more than you can know.”

  “Dan and I discussed this already,” Alfred said. “We’ll be able to see her from time to time.”

  Carla gave a tight nod then leaned back in the chair, one manicured hand slipping over her face. Then she turned to Dan. “I had quite the chat with Natasha. She talks a lot about this Hailey girl.” Carla tilted her head to one side in question.

  “Hailey. Is she the girl who was injured at the ski hill?” Alfred added.

  Dan nodded, trying not to think about the terror that had clawed at him when he had seen the blood on Hailey’s face. How that same terror made him blow up at her. He knew he had overreacted but who could blame him after what had happened all those years ago?

  He pushed those thoughts aside. He had been struggling to move on for the past seven years. The past was over. He had enough to deal with in the present.

  “Hailey is Natasha’s tutor,” Dan said, “And yes, Natasha is quite fond of her.”

  “And you?” Alfred asked.

  His question dove into Dan’s heart. He was more than fond of Hailey, but how could he say this to Lydia’s parents?

  And were he and Hailey still “dating”? After leaving her with her questions ringing in his ears? With his own pain coming back to haunt him?

  “I don’t know if I should be talking about Hailey to the parents of my ex-wife.”

  Alfred glanced at Carla, who lifted her shoulder in a light shrug, as if telling him to go ahead.

  Alfred cleared his throat, then leaned forward. “We want to talk to you about that.”

  Guilt clutched at Dan again. “I know how our relationship started wasn’t ideal—”

  “That’s not what we want to talk to you about,” Alfred interrupted. “Lydia was the kind of girl who always went her own way, did whatever she wanted. I’m fairly sure whatever happened between you two wasn’t one-sided.”

  Dan could only stare, dumbfounded, even more confused. “What are you trying to say?”

  Alfred folded his hands over his chest, his intertwined fingers tapping on his silk tie. “We know how difficult things must have been with you and Lydia. She was our daughter and we loved her but—” Alfred’s voice broke and he glanced toward Carla as if asking her to help him out.

  Carla then leaned forward, her hands resting on her knees. “Since Lydia was a child, she followed her own path. Did her own thing and many of the things she did were either to spite us or to show us she didn’t care what we thought. I spent hours worrying about her—where she would end up and whom she would end up with. When she met you, well, we thought her life had taken a turn for the better. We thought she had finally come to a good place.” Carla cleared her throat, lifting one hand and letting it fall. “While we weren’t thrilled about how your situation began, we realized that mistakes get made.” Her words were meant to reassure, but they also drew up Dan’s old guilt over his and Lydia’s lapse in judgment.

  “I’m so sorry about that,” he said.

  Carla waved off his apology. “Goodness knows I’m not in any position to stand in judgment of you. I know my own behavior through all of this has not been stellar. But all of that faded away when we saw what a calming influence you were in her life. We were so thankful you married her.”

  Dan felt as if the center of his world shifted on its axis. He had felt nothing but shame about his marriage and the subsequent breakdown, and now his in-laws were telling him how happy they were he married Lydia?

  Carla then twined her fingers around each other, lowering her head, and shot him a pleading glance. “When you got divorced, we lost something precious and we also lost some of the hopes we had for Lydia. We had hoped you two would get together again, but over time we knew that wasn’t happening. However, we thought you believed what Lydia might have said about us. She disliked us so much and fought with us so much we thought she would have influenced your opinion of us as well. So when Lydia died, we thought you would take Natasha away from us permanently. That’s why I said… Made the threats I did.”

  Dan heard the fear and sorrow in her voice and, as his gaze held hers, he saw the glint of tears.

  Hailey was right, he thought again.

  His heart stumbled over the thought of her. She was right about Carla and Alfred.

  And maybe she was right about a few other things.

  He pulled his attention back to what Alfred was now saying, fighting his own desire to call Hailey.

  “We do want you to know we are so thankful for the bit of stability you brought to Lydia’s life.” Alfred leaned forward, pleating his tie. “Though we didn’t see a lot of our daughter, we were fully aware of how hard you tried to make the relationship work. You were probably the best thing that ever happened to her. And we also saw what a wonderful father you were to Natasha. How hard you worked to take care of her.” Alfred shot a quick glance toward Carla. “And again, I’m sorry for the antagonistic attitude we showed you. Please understand how desperately afraid we were that we would never see Natasha again. We overreacted and we know that now.”

  “I would never take her away,” Dan said, still trying to absorb what Carla and Alfred had told him about Lydia. What they had given him with their encouraging words. Did they really think he was the best thing that happened to their daughter? “But I was afraid too. I didn’t want to lose Natasha. Because she’s one of the biggest blessings in my life.”

  Because his other blessing was Hailey.

  The thought of her sent a shaft of pain plunging deep in his soul. He wanted to call her. He didn’t dare call her.

  “I’m glad we could clear this up,” Carla said, resting her hands on her knees, leaning toward him. “I know we put you through a lot and I don’t blame you if you can’t forgive us, but I’d like to ask anyway.”

  Dan pushed his own worries aside as he held her earnest gaze. Felt her pain.

  And the anger and fear he had felt around the Andersons faded away in the face of her sorrow.

  “As a Christian I know I’ve been given forgiveness for so much more. How could I not forgive you?”

  Carla sat back in her chair, her smile bemused. “Lydia said that about you. That you were
a man of faith.”

  “Not as much as I know I should be,” Dan said, feeling a flush of regret for the times he held God at arm’s length. “And I feel like I’m kind of stumbling along. But I know where my hope is and I know that, as I said, I’ve been forgiven for my own sins.”

  “Well, I know we haven’t made things easy for you,” Carla said. “So I thank you for your forgiveness.”

  Dan held her gaze, surprised at the release he felt at her words. The release of the burden of his anger. He couldn’t help but feel amazed at how things had changed in the past few minutes. How the atmosphere had shifted from antagonistic to understanding.

  But what was more surprising was how easy granting forgiveness became when the truth surfaced. When the Andersons had admitted some of their own wrongdoings.

  As those last words settled in his mind he felt a jolt of shock. He hadn’t struggled with forgiving the Andersons when they had asked. Not when he saw their own struggle with the consequences of their decisions. Forgiveness had been easy to allow when the truth was on the table.

  Could Hailey feel the same if he told her everything?

  Could his parents?

  Dan shot a glance at the clock and got up from his chair. “Please excuse me, I’d like to go tuck my daughter in.” And then he had a few phone calls to make.

  As Dan walked toward Natasha’s room, his step felt lighter, his heart less heavy. He thought of Hailey and he sent up a prayer.

  Show me what to do, Lord. Please give me a chance to fix things between us.

  He waited a moment, hoping for some miraculous answer or maybe even to hear his phone ring, with Hailey on the other end, laughing and telling him she forgave him for leaving her behind at the ski hill.

  But nothing.

  Natasha lay in bed, beaming at him. “I’m so happy to see Gramma and Grandpa Anderson,” she said, weaving her fingers together. “I missed them.”

  “And they missed you, punkin,” Dan said, sitting on the edge of the bed, relief easing the stress in his shoulders. This part of his life, at least, was working the way it should. The Andersons weren’t his enemy. Not anymore.

  “Can you sing me our song?”

  Our song. The one Hailey meant for our children. Dan faced a surge of fear and desolation. What if she never wanted to talk to him again? What if she was going to take that job and leave immediately?

  He pushed his questions aside. He couldn’t deal with them right now. He had asked God to show him what to do. For now, he had to leave the rest in God’s hands.

  Dan sat down beside his daughter, pulling her close. He drew in a slow breath, then sang the song, surrounded by memories of earlier times. More innocent times.

  As he sang, Natasha’s eyelids grew heavy, sleep finally claiming her. He held her a moment longer, inhaling the little-girl smell of her freshly washed hair, the brand new flannel nightgown Carla had brought along for her.

  But as he laid his little girl down onto the bed Alfred and Carla’s words resonated through his head.

  You were the best thing that had happened to Lydia.

  Could that really be? Could the relationship that was ignited and instigated by his guilt over Austin really have become a blessing? Could an association that had rung the death knell on Hailey’s love for him—could God have used it for good?

  He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to reorient himself. For so long he had seen his relationship with Lydia as a failure, and it had become a reason to stay away from Hailey.

  But he’d had it wrong. He’d taken on something he shouldn’t have. He’d let false guilt stand in the way of his love for Hailey and in the meantime he’d hurt her and betrayed her again.

  “Don’t walk away from me.” Her words echoed in his mind. Though he knew he had to go with the Andersons at that moment, at the same time he had left her. Had left her with questions he knew he didn’t dare answer.

  He covered his face with his hands, turning to the one source of strength and forgiveness that had always been in his life.

  Please, Lord, he prayed, I’ve prayed for forgiveness for Austin before. I’m asking for it again. Help me to feel it. Let me find a way to talk to Hailey. To explain. Let me find a way to let go of the guilt between us. And help her to understand.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Hailey dropped her knapsack on the floor and rolled her neck, easing the kink out of it. The first day of the school week had been long and tiring.

  And depressing.

  All morning she’d felt as if she was waiting. Every slam of the classroom door, every glimpse of a man’s figure, set her heart into high gear. But neither Dan nor Natasha had shown up and Hailey had resolutely forced herself not to go digging through her knapsack to find her cell phone to call him.

  She walked to the frosted window of her living room, pressing her heated forehead to the chilly glass. From here, if she angled her head just right, she could see the ski hill. And if she moved a foot to the right, she could catch a glimpse of the top lefthand corner of the brick building that housed Dan’s hardware store and apartment.

  She pushed herself away from the window and grabbed her knapsack. All morning she had resisted the urge to call Dan. She wasn’t chasing after him. Especially when he hadn’t called to talk to her either.

  Was it over between them?

  She wasn’t sure. She just knew what she had gone through the last time he had walked away from her and then not called. She wouldn’t allow that to happen again.

  With a toss of her head, she grabbed her knapsack. She was calling that lady back. Telling her she was taking the job. This time she would be the first to leave Hartley Creek.

  She walked into her bedroom, dropped her knapsack on the bed and, as she did, she saw her Bible lying on the bedside table. Last night she’d been too tired and too overwrought to read it. She reached for her knapsack to get her phone.

  Don’t call yet.

  So what do I do instead?

  Think about this. Pray about it.

  Easing out a sigh she picked up her Bible and, on impulse, turned to the passage the pastor had read in church yesterday morning. Before she’d gone to get Natasha. Before everything had fallen apart.

  She looked down at the Bible and started reading at verse 5 of Psalm 36. As she read, her hand clutched the necklace her Nana had given her, as if anchoring herself to the stories of the past while she dealt with the present.

  Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, Your justice like the great deep. You, Lord, preserve both people and animals. How priceless is Your unfailing love, O God!

  People take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

  Hailey rested her finger on the passage, reading and re-reading them. Your righteousness is like the highest mountain.

  She lowered her head, pressing her fingers against her eyes. “Please, Lord,” she whispered. “Help me to trust in Your faithfulness and Yours alone. Help me to know that Your righteousness and Your love are more secure and strong and powerful than the tallest mountains surrounding our valley. Help me to know that Your love is more secure than any man’s.”

  She felt a sob catch in her throat as she thought of Dan. She kept seeing him walk away from her, leaving her with echoes of Austin once again resounding between them.

  Left behind again.

  Those words had a nasty curl to their edges and part of her didn’t want to believe it. Yes, Dan probably had a good reason for leaving and she imagined that his controversy with the Andersons had much to do with the physical distance he had put between them.

  But he had left her in other ways as well. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t tried to connect.

  But neither have you.
A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

  The words resounded through her mind. She had separated herself from Dan as surely as he had separated himself from her. She didn’t go after him, or give him the benefit of the doubt.

  Yes, her father had left her when she was a child, and yes, Dan had left her once before.

  She clutched her necklace again, thinking back to her ancestor August. A man who had swallowed his own pride and made the trek back to the woman he loved. He had chosen love.

  Maybe she needed to make some move herself.

  With this resolve burning in her soul she took her backpack and upended it to get her phone.

  This time she was not idly sitting by and letting Dan set the conditions. She was not allowing the cord they had been weaving to be torn apart again. Before she called back to take that job, she was calling Dan to give him one more chance to make things right between them.

  But five minutes later, with every pocket searched and every item in her backpack sorted on her bed, she realized her phone was not here.

  She got up and checked her bed. Checked the floor. Then she remembered tucking her phone in the pocket of her coat after the school had called her to see if she could come sooner. She ran to her snowboarding jacket and shoved her hands in the pockets.

  Nothing.

  She leaned back against the door of her apartment, still clutching her jacket. Where could her phone be? How could she have lost it?

  She mentally retraced her steps from the time she’d put the phone in her pocket until she’d realized it was missing. And then realization dawned.

  When Deanna had run into her on the ski hill, her phone must have fallen out of the pocket of her jacket into the snow. But what were the odds of her finding it again?

  She didn’t care. She had to try. She needed to know if he’d been trying to call.

  She quickly changed into her snow pants, swapped her school shirt for a merino wool top, shrugged on her jacket, snagged her snowboard and headed out to the hill. Thankfully, her car was finally fixed so she had her own transportation.